It’s Not On A Sheet Pan, But It Was Made By A Texan. Texas Sheet Cake So I Can Have A Taste Of Home.

It's been a rough two weeks. Today has been the first time I've felt any kind of peace and my mania has settled. I forget that handwriting things is such a treat for me. Though I dislike my hand writing, working slowly and jotting things down in a "pretty" way really gives me a sense of peace and accomplishment. Today I started writing recipes from websites I like down in a notebook. It'll work for now. I even got help.

I know I was going to separate all my FFXIV stuff to a side blog, but my husband and best friend are right (as usual) and know me. I go through phases of wanting to organize everything and then giving up and combining it all again because it becomes a hassle. I think I need to step back from social media for a while soon. I believe it's getting to me.

I think getting more hands on is definitely my goal for the next month. To do more instead of just peering at it from across the table.

in horror games, i always want to stop and look at what's chasing me because i love monster designs, but this usually means death

which is telling that i would not survive an attack irl

Stop living life as if you are on a timeline.

There is not set deadline for success and achievements.

It is okay to wander and take the scenic route.

Life is not a straight line.

I won't let him try the hummus I bought. In fact, I put him on the couch from my desk and this is how he's been for 5 minutes. Every once in a while, he'll turn and stare at me until I look at him, then quickly turn back around to put his back to me again if I do look his way.

This is all I can show from 2021, but I was nearly there.

Tonight, I let go.

Of all the pain, despair, misery, and images that haunt me on this date. I release them to the wind, to the rain, to the earth and let them become nothing but distant memories of my youth. I move forward holding the love, the warmth, and the joy that those years with you brought me. I will celebrate the life of all of those I hold dear. I will not dwell in death, but I will flourish in the gifts you all gave me.

This day has held me hostage for my entire life, but I felt you today. I felt you in that moment where the rain picked up and you cried with me. I felt your acknowledgement of me, my love, and my promise to surrender my grief. I stood lighter, the world felt brighter- my ears even popped, and I could hear more clearly!

I will carry forward the happiness we created.

some of y'all have never read 100 books in one summer to earn a personal pan pizza and it shows

I am starting to hate Discord.

It has so many pop ups and so many "features". Discord is over engineering itself. It's no longer a nice simple platform to chat with friends, but instead a constantly moving forum. I hate that I have to join a discord server to get information on something because that's where the information is stored instead of on a forum or just placed on the internet.

It's turning into what everyone hated Skype for. In fact, it's pretty much there.

So my husband talked me into playing LotRO and... wow. What a pretty game for it's age and it's so chill and relaxed. I rolled an Elf Loremaster and character creation was pretty fun. Kind of wish FFXIV had a few sliders...

Anyway, I think it'll be my slow down and just enjoy the vibe game. I mean, I'm only level 6 but... you know.

My meds have been adjusted, and this is day three on the new dose. I am not doing well. We don't know if my body is metabolizing them, so this is doubling the dose to see if it takes. I am dissociating and I feel stuck in a dream. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to cry.