I Feel Like My Life At The Moment Is Consumed By A General Longing For Something That A Cannot Place

just did my last exam so i will ….. never see her again

unless i go in next week to return books so i can speak to her

what do i SAY tho she’s not here all summer and i’m too nervous too ask for her number

the doom in our blood comes back.

- sophocles, antigone, trans. seamus heaney

30/03

j recommended me a movie to watch called room in rome ?? and she was like oh it’s 18+ be careful and i replied IM 18 IM LEGAL so…. embarrassed 🫠🫠

but i looked this movie up and it’s literally just . lesbian sex WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

re downloaded the app and thankfully no reply

but

what if i get in trouble or she hates me or won’t speak to me anymore ???

i already don’t know what to do because i am officially out of school. it’ll only be a few weeks before we lose our school email addresses , i have no reason to be in school anymore and to top it off she’ll be away all summer . it’s pretty common here to come back at christmas time after you have started uni to say hi to teachers , but i can’t wait that long . 7 years can’t be reduced to this .

and it hurts so so so much because no matter how strong my feelings are it won’t change anything for her and there is nothing i can do to change that and the email was . stupid . but here we are

my friends and i went out the other night and i got drunk and emailed her 😭😭😭😭😭so embarrassed i just deleted the whole email app

it wasn’t even bad , but i have to go in and give books back now so going to be very awkward. also mildly afraid she’ll hate me ??

j was driving out of school today as i was leaving because we had a short day and it was so sunny she was driving with the top down of her car . i love this woman

I don’t think I’ll ever forget you. But when I think of you, I won’t be remembering you as love, because you were far from it. I’ll remember you as my biggest heartbreak. You were a maybe. An almost. You were my dream that came to life, but for it to last was too good to be true. And to this day, I don’t think there’s anything more tragic that’s happened to me.

c / maybe one day you’ll become less of a core memory

sometimes i just pull up to j’s room in a free period and start talking … she said i can come talk to her anytime but usually i come in with a question or something to start the conversation about - recently it’s been university applications but i’ve finished applying now so i literally don’t know what to say to her now to start a conversation. i feel like it’s too weird to come in and start talking about something not school related - advice pls !!!!

she doesn’t even have kids but j is such a MILF

ok so i watched it and it’s just lesbian porn tbh help….?

30/03

j recommended me a movie to watch called room in rome ?? and she was like oh it’s 18+ be careful and i replied IM 18 IM LEGAL so…. embarrassed 🫠🫠

but i looked this movie up and it’s literally just . lesbian sex WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

i am going to see her today i will find a way. manifest with me pls i miss her too much