for once , he appreciates the floor under his weight; legs stretched yet body unresponsive to whatever the mind attempts setting on … what , with shoulders hunched and arms laying low , his hands resting in the gap between his lower limbs. the only reason that neil is becoming aware of his limitations is when numbness begins to settle along with slight tremors that he can feel in his fingers.
the way that a thousands’ worth of exy racquet slipping through his grip during the recent drill several minutes ago is a tall tell.
‟ I’m trying. ❜ voice strained , holding back frustrations veiled in the exhaustion creeping in his system , and avoiding having another tiring same old arguments with kevin. of course there’s no time for neil to sit on his ass because the games aren’t going to win by themselves; but —— ‟ You don’t need to remind me about the nooses around our necks. ❜
it hurts … but nothing worse that he hasn’t survived before. the anger dissipates under the silent acceptance and grumbling under his breath , annoyed that as when he stands up , the redhead has to hold onto his knees for a while before straightening up. wincing slightly , frowning greatly at the disappointment he received when he moves his right shoulder in a circular motion. testing , testing.
‟ …Let’s go. ❜
his body was made of adrenaline.
exy was everything that moved kevin since he could remember, that feeling of overcoming the exhaustion was something he was used to. he long learned to ignore his body’s pleas to stop moving in favor of playing, practicing even further. that’s why he was one of the best exy players alive. that’s why he was the best exy player alive.
even then, with his racket down while he talked scolded to neil, kevin couldn’t stop moving. body screaming as he moved from one foot to another, small little jumps to keep his body going against it’s own will. kevin never knew when to stop. all he knew was exy and that didn’t change just because going back to the ravens weren’t a threat anymore.
he was still playing for his life, afterall … and so was neil, that’s why kevin pushed him.
accessing his friend’s exhaustion, kevin sighed, stepping back as the younger man followed his order and got up. — ❛ two more sets with this drill and we can call it a day ❜ — grimace twisted kevin’s features with discontent, but he knew better than to push to hard and end up with an hurt neil, out of the games for the rest of the season. that was a privilege they both didn’t have.
he changed the racket to his right hand, rolling his left shoulder and frown a little enraged by the fact that he still couldn’t over-work his dominant hand – that he was still afraid of doing it. but it was useful to have that little bit of surprise in the games, being able to hold the exy racket either way. — ❛ you’re fast and your shots are getting stronger each day, but you still lack precision. we need to work on that before the next game ❜ —
fingers flex as if playing symphony of aching knuckles and calloused palms, testing smaller tendons in between. left hand holds pressure down on affected right shoulder, thumb forcing abused muscle not to flare up in similar to what heat he feels all over ―― nerve wires under the pump, fire running through veins ...
𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘭.
‟ 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻. ❜ diced words for kevin’s convenience while neil picks up his racquet without bending too much; else, there is fear that he’ll just collapse there and then and be damned with the consequences. didn’t bother to look up to kevin as he shifts his attention to the hand-chosen equipment picked by the exy legend himself; more so the reason neil can’t really give up now. he did , after all , 𝘥𝘪𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘵.
now holding racquet with two hands, neil decides to shift the topic away from things they never really talk upon ... just like how he looked so much like death incarnate and how he smelled of it and kevin never noticed from the start until shit happened; and now, they’re here. ‟ 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵, 𝗜 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗲𝗱. 𝗔𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗺 ? ❜
𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐑𝐘, 𝐒𝐎 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐘 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐕𝐄. 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐑. we are the blood of the witches you thought were dead. we carry witchcraft in our bones whilst magic still sings inside our heads. when the witch hunters imprisoned out ancestors, when they tried to burn the magic away. someone should have warned them that magic cannot be tamed. because you cannot burn away what has always been aflame.
independent, highly selective, mutuals only original character. 𝑺𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑳𝑬𝑻𝑻 𝑳𝒀𝑺𝑺𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹, alias 𝑯𝑬𝑪𝑨𝑻𝑬 loved && adored by aria
░ ┊ @rexquondcm 。• ◞
𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓, staying in a single place for too long a luxury he no longer possesses ; as acquainted with the plated steel & polished glass of airport terminals as with the grime smeared tarmac of inner London. Nostalgia thick on his tongue, analogous to the taste of ash. ❛ Honestly ? I’m not sure nice is the word I would use. ❜ He glances up then, eyes dappled shades of cornflower. ❛ Perhaps taxing might be a more accurate description. ❜
accent reminiscent flashes back such visits to england, back when nathaniel has been taken by his mother to pay courtesy with her side of the family for a couple of times. weeks before they come back to baltimore until now, he can’t fully trust the memories of what he can’t entirely remember; so he might as well discard them. as far as he knows, he hasn’t officially met uncle stuart and that side of the family ... and he hopes not to.
‟ Ah, considering the long travel by connecting flights ... ❜ oliver would know after first class tickets doesn’t serve him anymore. the conversation is a polite one, as an alternative to what oliver usually does in forced silence —— scrape nails, dig within flesh, have to hear loops of voices he’d rather not entertain. talking helps distract from the pain, and helps find out something regarding the newcomer, who has given oliver relief since he’s not the one in the spotlight anymore. ‟ No wonder. How you can take everything in one stride ... despite the excessive noises and treatment. I suppose it’s not nice of an experience as well ... ? ❜
░ ┊ @scarfwere 。• ◞
a good friend. When did he last have one? Matt? He guessed, if he ever counted as one. A small tentative smile. A faint tilt of his head and he catches wind of the good breeze before it finds him. Him still unsure even when it comes.
Eventually, it breaks out into a grin. A small one. Not large enough that it takes all over his face but good enough to make a dent. He almost turns around to double check ; make sure his Father wasn’t around to ruin it. But a surreptitious glance over his shoulder confirms what he felt in the moment : relief.
“ so ── we’re still friends? “
people like him, his mother and he, don’t have friends. by definition, a ‘ friend ’ is one of her connections forging high-quality documents for them to pass through airports or one of those old ones who are now chasing them to the ends of the earth. stefan hears it coined a lot around as he gets by and wonders how easily the term draws such warm expression on isaac’s face. as if stefan wouldn’t be gone after a few months’ time and wouldn’t be forgotten ... just like the rest of his other selves.
‟ Can’t really stop you from doing whatever you want. ❜ the raven-haired boy shrugs, as indifference lace with a piss poor excuse that he can fall back onto, a reason why he allowed whatever this is to happen. at the end of the day, stefan will still be put down and with him, are memories of a mediocre, normal boy’s life. as much as stefan can already feel the ire of his mother once she finds out and when she does, the pounding within his chest covered by nonchalance overlapped the threat of her wrath and even if he doesn’t understand why isaac seemed cautious despite his insistence on keeping a connection with stefan, he doesn’t bother poking into it.
‟ Usually, everyone doesn’t see the point of entertaining new kids for far too long; they come and go and fade away within a week. What’s up with you ? You seem hell-bent into ... whatever you’re up to. ❜ if stefan also sports NATHANIEL’s similar bluntness and lack of effort to understand social cues, he also doesn’t bother thinking much about it.
Congratulations on the quote of the year, Madej.
perth is experiencing a once in a decade storm this sunday til tomorrow so i just slept since i still have upset stomach. anyway, time to write stuff here.
so, i’m required to work full time starting this week 19.04.2020 until i don’t know when and which is why i am clarifying that i am always of low & sporadic activity. as usual, replies and ask responses will be queued, and you can still dm me here though i’m more active at discord (just ask me). additionally, matt is active in wire @mattmrdck_ so come talk to him there in real time (if i’m not passing out lmao). thank you for being understanding and awesome in these difficult times.
𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗘 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗧𝗘𝗦𝗧. tagged by : @russianllterature tagging : @scarfwere / @hcathens / @hneul / @im-possiblelimits / @nancydrcw / @nosestealer
( 90% ) EGOISM — Excessive concern with one’s own pleasure or advantage at the expense of community well-being.
( 37% ) MACHIAVELLIANISM — Manipulativeness, callous affect, and a strategic, calculating orientation.
( 47% ) MORAL DISENGAGEMENT — A generalized cognitive orientation that differentiates one’s thinking towards unethical behavior.
( 0% ) NARCISSISM — An all-consuming drive towards ego-reinforcement and an egotistical interest in, or admiration of, one’s self.
( 30% ) ENTITLEMENT — A stable and pervasive sense that one deserves and is entitled to more than others.
( 27% ) PSYCHOPATHY — Deficits in affect and self-control (i.e. callousness and impulsivity), as well as a lack of remorse, antisocial behavior, and volatility.
( 33% ) SADISM — A tendency to humiliate others via cruel or demeaning behavior, or the propensity to intentionally inflict physical, sexual, or psychological pain on others in order to assert power or for pleasure and enjoyment.
( 0% ) SELF-INTEREST — The unprincipled pursuit of gains in socially valued domains, such as material goods, social status, recognition, achievement, and success.
( 37% ) SPITEFULNESS — A tendency to engage in behavior that would harm others but would also entail harm to oneself.
( 33% ) TOTAL DARK CORE — Your total Dark Core factor. Higher scores indicate a darker personality.
this makes NEIL JOSTEN 13.89% lighter than the average person.
one liners placed within canon timeline, or will vary depending from which verse your muse stands. ( no worries, we’ll work out the small details like verse info, etc. right after i dive in your dms or raid your askbox. )
* NO CAPS !!
“ i love yooooouuuu ! ” “ … say it back . don’t do me like this ” “ i am the backbone of your entire childhood ” “ on all levels except legal , i’m basically your mom / dad . ” “ what movie do you want on ? ” “ this is my shitty microwave meal . get your own . ” “ say ‘aaaahhhh . ’ ” “ you’re so cuuuuuute ! ” “ who’s the best boy / girl in the world ? you are ! ” “ where’s my kiss ? ” “ wow . don’t act like you’re too good for me in front of your little baby friends ” “ what do you want to watch ? or can i just slap on , like , any cartoon and you’ll be good ? ” “ i love your cap . you’re such a cool little dude , aren’t you ? ” “ say thank you . ” “ say please ! ” “ how am i literally the only good role model in your life ? how does that work out ? i’m a garbage fire train wreck doing her best . ” “ who taught you that word ?? ” “ don’t say that word !! ” “ [ name ] acts like i won’t throat kick her for teaching you swears , and it’s just really bold of her to assume i lack that capability . ” “ venting to a kid is great , because you have literally no memory span until you’re four . you’re like a diary that sometimes smiles and laughs and like , cleanses my whole soul while i bitch . ” “ what do you mean no ?? ” “ oh my god , you learned why . never ask me why , ____ . me and my three brain cells don’t have the answers you’re after . ” “ you’re my favourite little brat . ” “ you’re just baby … ”