Harley: F*ck Flash, He’s Being A Dick, I’m Gonna Steal His Car.

Scott: Don't you just hate that situation when you're picking up your bags from the airport, and everyone's luggage is better than yours?

Peter: A worst-case scenario

Tony: Sorry can’t relate

Sam: That’s because you’re in the best-case scenario

Loki: Mental illnesses are like Pokémon cards.

Thor: In what way?

Loki: I collect them for fun.

Peter: If I die, please bury me either in a T-pose or the you know I had to do it pose.

A stranger cat calling MJ: Hey gorgeous. Want me to teach you something?

MJ: Sure. I’ve always wanted to know whether someone can die of constipation.

Stranger: Uhhh. What?

MJ: Will you die of constipation?

Stranger:

MJ: Cause you’re full of shit

Peter and Ned laughing: You killed him

Nah. I cut my own fringe blind and cut my fingernail in a pencil sharpener

reblog if u too have shaved off your eyebrows bc u were like 12 and deficient in impulse control

Alternatively

Loki (female): I like men how I like emotions

Thor:...how?

Loki: Buried

Thor: Pretty sure that’s called murder. It’s illegal

Loki: Only if they find the bodies

Loki (currently female): I like my men how I like my emotions

Thor: ...how?

Loki with a grin: Buried deep inside me

Thor: *sighs* I really should have seen that coming

Me responding to this post getting over a hundred notes despite being some bullshit I made on the bus:

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 1:

Tony:

Peter:

Bruce:

Natasha:

Clint:

Thor:

Steve:

Bucky:

Sam:

Loki:

Oof

Everyone needs to see this

Yo baby peter parkerr, how about a headcannon of peter saying ok boomer to Tony xD

•  Peter 100% uses “ok boomer” all the time. He uses it and Tony is genuinely confused.

peter: ok boomer.

tony:

•  Peter will use it both as a sarcastic response to being told to do something he doesn’t want, and as an enthusiastic response. He likes being a meme, but he also doesn’t hate Tony like we all hate (shitty) boomers.

tony: hey, kid, would you pass me that screwdriver over there—

peter, already sprinting to get the screwdriver: oK BOOMER!!! 🧡💕💝💝🧡💖❤️🧡💕

tony: what the actual fuck

•  You can FEEL the heart emojis when he gives an enthusiastic “ok boomer” That said, when he’s truly upset with Tony, he’ll give a snarky, “ok boomer.” It’s like… the difference between when you receive a text that has a period and one that has an exclamation point. Like “ok!” vs “ok.” It’s tangible.

tony: whAT DID I DO WRONG WHY IS HE MAD

•  Eventually, Tony picks up on the habit. He finds himself wanting to say, “ok boomer,” whenever Pepper gets on his case. Once or twice he gets super close to actually saying it.

tony: oh god it’s contagious

•  But then one day it’s Steve who says something annoying and he stands there like

steve: the way you’re behaving is childish. you need to start taking the team seriously. if you don’t step your game up, people are going to get hurt. are you seriously that self centered that you’re okay with that? clean up your act, tony.

tony, internally: oh god he was born in like the early 1900s he’s the closest thing to a boomer we have on the team oh my god I could utterly destroy him with a crisp “ok boomer” peter would be so proud oh god the opportunity is perfect I’m VIBRATING with excitement oh gOD

tony, monotone: ok boomer

tony, internally: THIS IS MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT

•  Peter stands in the background cheering, and the scene looks Iike