Your personal Tumblr journey starts here
A stranger cat calling MJ: Hey gorgeous. Want me to teach you something?
MJ: Sure. I’ve always wanted to know whether someone can die of constipation.
Stranger: Uhhh. What?
MJ: Will you die of constipation?
Stranger:
MJ: Cause you’re full of shit
Peter and Ned laughing: You killed him
You: *on the phone* Wong? I need your help! I-
Wong: is the Sanctum on fire?
You: …no?
Wong: then it’s not an emergency *hangs up*
Wanda: well? what did he say? what do we do about the portal to hell in the living room?
You: apparently it’s not an emergency
Stephen: *being strangled by a demon* HOW THE FUCK IS THIS NOT AN EMERGENCY??
*Phastos having a mental breakdown*
Phastos: What if I'm not even gay?
Phastos: What if I'm just faking my gayness.
Phastos: What if I'm not even interested in Men.
Phastos: What I-
Ben:*Breathes*
Phastos: Never mind.
Ajax: Kids did you buy eggs like I asked?
Sersi: Even better!
Ajax:...What did you do girls?
Sprite *holding up a chicken*: HERE!
Sersi: Her name is Lucy!
Mobius: Ugh, I can't believe were stuck in the same room.
Loki*the one who ate the key*: Yeah.. Sad, so sad.
*Sam talking with Sharon*
*Bucky walking in being hot*
Sam*staring*
Sharon: *laughing*
*Bucky now leaving*
Sam: Do I have daddy issues?
Sharon:*now laughing histercally*
Zemo*popping out from nowhere*:Did someone said Daddy?
Sharon*rolling her eyes*:Every single time
Kingo: Come on, dudes I never brag.
Druig: You once called your face the proof of god existence.
Kingo: I mean am I wrong?
Jack: Auntie can we play a snowball fight.
Thena: I've never been in a snowball fight before. I don't know the rules.
Jack: What?
Thena: Like is there a point system or is it to death?
Gilgamesh: Uhm...Phastos, can you come here a second?
Druig:I'm...wait for it...in...wait for it...love...wait for it...
*Sersi rolling her eyes while reading her magazine*
Druig: With...wait for it...a...wait for it...
*Sersi starting to loose her patience*
Druig: Certain... wait for it
Sersi *screaming a bit*: I know that you're in love with Makkari!
Druig: I don't love her ok?
*Sersi smashing the magazine to Druig*
Druig: Fine! I just miss her when she's not around, I think about her when I see something I know she would like, and I see her in slow motion...
Sersi: Please tell me you're hearing yourself.
Druig: Oh shit, I'm in love with her...
Ikaris: What I do is look a person up and down, and say "how you doing"
Kingo: Oh, please.
Ikaris: Hey, pretty how you doing?
*Kingo giggles like a teen girl*
*When Druig and Makkari started to date*
Kingo *signing*:So you know I had my older brother talk with Druig, we're I let things very clear.
Makkari *signing*:What is that?
Kingo*signing*:You know, the talk if he ever hurt you, I would hunt him down. And kick his ass.
*Makkari, Sersi and Thena laugh a lot*
Kingo*pissed signing*:What? What is the matter with everybody? I’m serious I would kick his ass.
*they continue to laugh*
Thena: Kingo, please my make up.
Sersi*signing*: He would kick his ass isn't it adorable.
Kingo*signing*: You're mean girls..
Ikaris: Druig, think you can answer questions without the usual level of sarcasm when I speak to you.
Druig:Ok, if you don't ask stupid questions, I wont answer with sarcasm.
Jack: Auntie Thena, I have problems with a boy.
Thena:" I can't hide his dead body" problems or " I like him" problems?
Jack: Uhm, I like him problems.
Thena: I got nothing on that, I could have helped with the other one thought, go ask your uncle Gligamesh.
Phastos: Jack, no.
Ikaris: I hate my last name.
Sersi:Uhm..why?
Ikaris: Because is not your last name.
Sersi:
Ikaris: ;)
Sersi: You know that we're married, and that we don't have last names, right?
Kingo: Why does she look like that?
Sprite*facedown on the floor*: Like what?
Kingo: Like you're dead.
Sprite: Because I'm dead.
Ajax*writing something in her notepad*: Ikaris made public his relationship with Sersie, making out with her in public.
Druig: I find attractive when Makkari.
Thena* a bit done with it*: When Makkari what?
Druig: Yes.
Thena*rolling her eyes*: Phastos and Kingo were right, I should stayed in earth, they said that you would do this. But NO I have this need to help everyone, so shit.
Druig: You didn't understand, right. She's perfect every single minute and does everything amazing.
Phastos: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how " hot" you are.
Druig: It not a joke, it never was. I'm legit a snack.
Phastos*deep breathe*
*Sersie crying*
Ikaris: What happened?! Are you ok?!
Sersie *cleaning her tears*:Oh don't worry it's just the onions.
Ikaris:WHAT THE FUCK DID THE ONIONS SAID! TELL ME RIGH NOW!
Sprite: I think I'm depressed.
Sersie: Well, pain makes you a better person and it helps you grow, we can go to a therap-
Sprite: It justs hurts...
Peter: Mr. Pool what sexuality are you?
Deadpool: Sexual.
Peter: what???
Deadpool: Sexual.
Nat:Y/n, peter. What is the the meaning of this ridiculous high pitch scream? I see no blood.
Karen: your stupid reckless little ones just hit my angel hunter in the face with a snowball
Hunter: *wines*
Nat: and your name is?
Karen: Karen
Nat: ah Y/n peter you have exactly one opportunity to tell me what happened to hunter
Y/n: simple peter and i had constructed bunckers on either side of field
Peter: and we blow air horn as to warn other children this was now hotspot and epic snowbattle was about to commence
Y/n: in heat of snow ball battle with peter and i hunter snuck passed our barriers and simply og hit by crossfire
Nat: simple explanation your child is incompetent
Karen: you little monsters. So your just rising future criminals
Nat: i think only crime here is naming your son hunter. Should be pylon or sitting duck
Karen: you know what
Nat: waht you going to do karen teres no managers out her
Bucky: I have tried to kill you multiple times and every single day i think about killing you. It's the only thing that brings me joy.
Sam: You want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.
Nat: pink " send a 'you up' text to the last person you hooked up with"
Wanda: oh this should be good
Nat: alright sent
Y/n: *phone dings* its just fury
Wanda: oh haha for a second I just thought, never mind
Nat: im going to make some drinks
Y/n: make mine a double
Peter: Green, "give this card to who ever you least want to fight"
Nat: give me card
Peter: ok....
Tony: Orange, "first to mess up loses a card; hangover helpers." uhhh gatorade
Bruce: a nice breakfast
Valkyrie: hangover? What is this?
Tony: you actually need to stop drinking to get a hangover valkyrie.
Valkyrie: that is lose, lose situation
Y/n: so if you were in this age group you are most likely to experience a serious violent crime: 10-12, 13-16, 18-21, 15-18
Loki: 10-12
Y/n: no its 18-21
Loki: clearly this is not based off my life
Y/n: yeah im not going to open that can of worms
Bonus :
Y/n: you next.
Nat: alright shoot
Y/n: men in this state statistically buy small sized protection: Pennsylvania, Kentucky,
Nat: Missisipi
Y/n: i didnt even-
Y/n: thats right
Nat: i knew it
Loki: now that is a can of worms i would like to open
Bucky and steve: *in a hot tub*
Perter & Shuri: Two bros chilling in a hot tube five feet apart cuz they're not gay!
Tony & T'achalla:...
[ Someone says something 15/18+ ]
Steve: The children are here.
Kate: I'm twenty-fucking-three.
Wanda: I'm russian.
Tony: Peter is from Queens.
Peter: I've got nothing to say abt that.
Harley: I'm much worse then all of you.
Wade: You're not counting me as a child anymore.
Clint: Why the hell we adopted them?
Kate: *blink blink*
Clint: Oh yeah, nevermind.
Bonus
Sam: I thought the hawk girl is like, twelve.
Bucky: How they all ended up here?
Natasha: Since when there's so many kids?
Drunk Tony: *Says something stupid*
Stephen: What were you drinking? Because next time you say something like this to me, I'd like bottle of whatever you had so I don't have to remember what you said.