I Would Really Prefer If Everyone Spoke To Me Directly, Instead Of Over Or For Me.

I recently read about Tardigrades, also called water bears, they are micro-animals that survive things most organisms wouldn’t even make it through halfway.

When conditions get extreme; dehydration, radiation, freezing, heat etc. they enter a state called cryptobiosis. That means they shut down almost all biological functions. No metabolism, no movement.

In this state, they’re called tuns. They can stay like that for years.

Then when water is added, they pick up where they left off like it’s nothing.

They’ve survived space exposure, temperatures from just above absolute zero to over 150°C, and pressure levels that would crush submarines.

They’re not strong in the usual way. They’re just built for their environment.

Yes, I do have a comfort show.

It’s ‘Cosmos: A Personal Voyage’.

I think I might just re-watch it today, maybe it’ll temporarily help my brain calm down.

Nothing feels real anymore.

EVERBODY always lies to me and I am stuck feeling like an idiot because I care about honesty. Why does nobody ever mean what they say? What even is the point in saying anything then?.

Please Adam no matter what, do not go to Maryland.

There’s things there that you shouldn’t have to see, people you shouldn’t encounter.

Adam you’re a good soul. I knew a man just like you and he is slowly losing himself.

I wouldn’t want that happening to you.

-🐺

I’m not sure if I know you. You seem to know me, or maybe you don’t and are just acting weirdly without being prompted. I’m willing to consider either possibility.

I actually got a great job offer in Maryland! I haven’t told Beth about it yet. I’m not sure if she’d want to move there or if she’d consider staying together if I lived further from New York.

So, I might have to decline the offer anyway…, though I’ve often thought about moving out of the city since my dad passed away.

I will get overstimulated.

My skin starts to itch, and I feel restless. I become uneasy, and sometimes I just freeze.

If it’s daily, mundane stuff, I can usually calm myself down. But if it involves something fundamental in my routine or anything crucial, I tend to have panic attacks.

..I am missing somebody I’ve never met and a feeling I’ve never felt. Is that possible, Dr. Lecter ?

I feel irrational yearning somewhere deep inside me, all the while being surrounded by everything I could possibly ask for.

I feel a hunger I can’t articulate, and I can’t pinpoint if I am simply going mad or if I am missing some sort of intangible warning.

New feelings often occur, even as we gain experience. Variations on what was once familiar. Desire that ebbs and flows with the change in our lives.

A yearning for another's presence is not uncommon. While you have all of your needs met, you may feel you are lacking a companion.

Tell me. To what other experience can you compare your newfound infatuation?

If I didn't know better, I would say it's as if you are in love.

Beth and I are together again.

hi adam !! it’s abigail :)

any books on space you recommend?

My favorite book is Cosmos by Carl Sagan. But if you are just starting to read about space, I would recommend Welcome to the Universe: An Astrophysical Tour by Neil deGrasse Tyson, Michael A. Strauss, and J. Richard Gott. It is informative but easy to understand for somebody with no prior knowledge.

Since you seem to be interested in the concept of alternative realities, you might also really like The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene.

Let me know if you have any questions about the books. I have read all of them.

I thought of taking Beth to the planetarium sometime, but I’m not sure if she’d like it

Cygnus Loop

I cannot keep going like this. I will drive over to Beth and her family.

I have learned that people say they want me to be myself, but they rarely ever mean it.

They mean: be myself, but in a way that makes sense to them. Be myself, but not so much that they have to rethink anything. Be myself, but not in a way that makes them wonder if they even know me at all. In a way that won’t embarrass them. And now I’m the one hesitating, trying to figure out what I’m apparently not giving—something I wasn’t even aware was missing.

And I have to wonder if I’m the one getting it wrong.