Sure,I Guess In Their World Sarina Wiegman Does Not Exist…

she was my best friend and that was the worst part

far too many of my Spotify playlists are about her. And yet I feel like they all still don’t convey how I feel 😔

“you can have my back any day” “i lost him” “you saved him” “there’s no one in this world i trust with my son more than you” “i kind of lost it when i told him” “you were there for him when i couldn’t be” “no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. that is what i want for him” “because, evan. you act like you’re expendable but you’re wrong” “do more” “you don’t want him to end up like me” “you didn’t end up like you” god he sees him. he sees him and he loves him just. something about eddie knowing buck better than anyone else, being there for his lows and his highs and the good and the bad and still loving him so much it’s a part of him is making me light headed.

I’ve known death since the minute I was born, and though the fact is somewhat dark; I think of death as an old friend. He provides a comfort to those I have loved so dearly that living could no longer give them. I choose to think of death as a positive thing, rather than something to be feared. It is inevitable, and one day I will meet him too.

allistic people will never understand how consuming a hyper-fixation can be, whether you like it or not.

grief is a funny thing. It hits you at the most unexpected of times. its soul shattering and steals your breath in an instance.

season 8 we’ll finally get the answer 🙏

“what’s going on with buckley and diaz” a question we’ve been trying to answer for six seasons

the last few weeks I’ve been waiting for a call that’s never coming. for my phone screen to light up with a message that the logical part of me knows is never going to arrive.

I’ve spent 2 years grieving and coming to terms with my grandmother’s death. as every occasion passes, I’ve struggled with the fact that I’ll never hear her voice again.

my grandfather, bless him, was like a cat with 9 lives. he probably should’ve died in a freak accident 20 years ago, but he always made it through. I always thought out of the two of them, he’d be the first to go, as dark as it sounds logically, it seemed like the way it would be. he was riddled with health problems and his luck for escaping death surely had to catch up to him, so although it seems vulgar to think that he’d be the first to go, logistically it made sense. but he wasn’t.

he survived so much, that a part of me thought he’d always be there, because he always made it through. two years since my grans death, and he made sure that we knew how much they both loved us. he called every occasion and sent messages to check up on us, making up for two people. he was good like that, a bit of a hippie and believed in the funniest things, but he was fun to talk to. I miss our chats.

two days after his death, in the midst of a panic attack, I hastily scrolled through my phone, desperate to find anything with their voices, just to know that I could hear them. that I had this part of them I could keep. I didn’t even finish the voice notes when I eventually found them later that day. I screamed and I cried and I sobbed ugly begging for it to be some sort of sick prank from the universe. I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with it. To think of them in the past tense is something I’ve yet to grasp.

grief has been embedded in my soul since I was born, and it’s never left.

I want them back. It’s not fair. I don’t deserve to know pain this deep and grief this vast at such a young age.

It keeps me up most nights how I never got to say goodbye. did they know I loved them? did they know how much they meant to me? I hope they do, they did. I don’t think I’ll ever know peace or the comfort they gave me.

I fear I might not recover from that episode. “I’m your first but I won’t be your last”?!?!?

BUCKTOMMY BONES?!! (We fucking cheered)

MADNEY PREGNANT

THE LAST SCENE WITH BUCK AND EDDIE?!?

we’re so fucking back baby

PLEASE DEAR GOD GET HIS ASS

Prayer circle for Gerrard to have a deadly bee allergy.

🐝 🐝 🐝

🐝 🙏🏻 🐝

🐝 🐝

🐝