I’m Meathead

I fucking can't right now guys-

ichor.

belphegor x gn reader

angst

​“I don’t trust you anymore, Belphegor.” Weak and broken. Resigned. A voice too tired to pretend. A voice too small to be pretend.

​You are so, so tired. Belphie can see it in your eyes (the bags underneath speak—no, scream volumes. Agony and anguish weigh down on your shoulders like the weight of Lilith’s limp body on his all those millennia ago. He wishes he could save you, but how can he dare when he was the one to have put you in this position?) and there is grief violently ripping and tearing into his heart hearing you so drained and defeated. The spark known as you has diminished and extinguished and Sloth knows he has no one to blame but himself.

“I’m sorry.” You add. An afterthought. A sick sense of amusement finds its way into him, presenting itself in the metallic tang on his tongue and the taste of bile in his throat. How ironic, that you are the one to apologize, after everything he has put you through.

​How ironic, that after everything he put you through, his anger at you outweighs his shame.

​“Are you serious? It’s been months since I…since that happened. I thought we moved past that, or are you still that hung up on the past?” He spits his words out with a nonchalant yet scathing venom, the shame in him burning but still not as hot as the angered entitlement he feels. He…did that, sure. But have his brothers not threatened and attempted the same? Yet because of his success he is punished. (He refuses to acknowledge the difference between failure and success in this case. He doesn’t think he can bear it if he does.) Did his immediate regret mean nothing to you? Has he not done enough? He wants the normalcy you have with the rest of his brothers. He wants what you had with him, before he was freed from the attic. The thought that he may never get that refuels his annoyance and suddenly any regret he feels over his confrontation is burnt to a crisp in the flames of distress.

​“I never thought you would be that petty, Bug.” A term of endearment weaponized against you and you cannot understand why you ever thought you could learn to love him.

(The youngest has always gotten his way, you belatedly realize. He will never apologize, not when his sins have always been forgiven without a second thought. The sentiment is bitter in your throat.)

​You are silent for a moment, unsure what to say, and for a moment Belphegor thinks you may finally understand. He thinks you might have started to see it his way.

​But then you laugh. You laugh and it is jagged, and sharp, and vile. It is broken and crackly and filled with all the things you could never say to his face. Mockery and resentment cloud the room and the worst part is you can’t tell who it’s coming from. Sloth’s brattiness has always been his trademark, and yet you begin to realize it’s one of the many things you cannot stand about him.

​“I’m sorry, is being upset over you killing me that unreasonable?” (He flinches, and a sick sense of satisfaction fills you.) You are raw and hurting and regret clouds the both of you. Him for his audacity and you for ever thinking of forgiving the man standing before you. “I apologize, my lord, but usually, for mere fucking humans like me, we only die once.” Your smile is sharp and predatory, and for once, Belphie feels like he is the prey.

​“Being brought back to life doesn’t change the fact that I died because of you, Sloth. I still remember you killing me. I still remember seeing my dead body. (Your voice cracks and so does his heart.) Sort of a mindfuck if you can try and understand.” (He knows you doubt him and his empathy from your tone alone and that stings in a place he didn’t think he could be hurt in anymore.) You are hot and flaming and burning to a crisp and like a moth to a flame, Sloth keeps flying to his doom.

​“You aren’t a regular human though, are you? After all, you came back. It’s annoying to see you so quick to blame me when my brothers have basically done the same.” His voice is calm, but his head is anything but. Voices in his mind scream for him to go further; to bite and tear until there is nothing left of you, yet his heart and soul plead and beg for him to get on his knees and pray for forgiveness. But when has anything good been done when he listened to himself? The last time he did (“let her love, Belphegor.”) he made the biggest mistake of his life. (The arrow pierces from her chest out through her wings and he realizes with horror that he was the one chosen to be saved instead. He was the one who had caused Lilith to bleed gold until ichor turned to inky tar and Lucifer had given up his freedom to give her another life away from them all.) And Belphie realizes he is scared because he can’t lose another one. He can’t lose another member of his family. He can’t lose you.

​But Belphegor’s always been one to speak first and think later and his words cut deep when he says, “Then again, if it weren’t for Lilith, you wouldn’t even be here, would you? So do you really belong here, or are you just a placeholder for someone you can’t even begin to replace?”

​There is silence, and then there is a stare, and Belphie feels like he’s losing Lilith all over again with the way life leaves your eyes.

​“I think you should go, Belphie.” Your voice is dull and empty and Belphie wishes that he never spoke. He wishes you were still looking at him with hatred and resentment because he feels like he’s killed you again and his breath is picking up and oh, Father, what did he do?

​“Bug, I-“

​“Leave, Belphegor.” You stare at the wall behind him as your pact activates. When he shuts the door behind him you slowly stumble over to your bed and sit down.

​Sloth always knew how to break you in the worst of ways, and from opposite sides of a wall, you both break down from the knowledge of it.

long time no write 🥴

yeah so i lied i didn’t do any of the Drabble requests because i am but a lowly court jester too stupid to retain the ideas of others. i write simply on whims and hope that people do not hate the words I put down as much as I do.

comments and feedback are appreciated i hope ygs know anytime you wrote any sort of ‘review’ I screenshot it and put it in my special album

Being polyam is FR like "I'm not aro/ace but I believe in their beliefs"

Succumbing to the will of the snail as we speak

writing fanfiction is wild. i could make these two characters do anything. i could make them get married rn. the possibilities are endless

also a moment of silence for female characters who get a lot of shit but would be adored if they were male

can you believe that we have fanfiction. that we have websites dedicated to fanfiction. that there is a place that you can go and read tens, hundreds, thousands and thousands of pieces of writing that strangers have made. people who are not "writers". people who come home at the end of the day and have feelings and say, i am going to put that into words. i am going to share those words. short, long, sweet, sad, horny, funny, wonderful words. we are all just human and we all love to make and remake and share that with others. can you believe that.

when y/n says or does something that you would absolutely never do and you jump out your skin at the secondhand embarrassment.

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