YOUNG ROYALS 3.03

Would like to gently remind everyone that in less than a year Wille had to transfer schools against his will, got made fun of for the club fight on social media, got hazed in an incredibly traumatizing way, lost his brother, learned shit about his brother, been betrayed by someone he thought he could trust (because of his brother), fell in love, was outed very publicly, had a recording of him having sex leaked, was forced into the closet by his own mother, lost the boy he loved, came out to the entire world, had to take on a bigger role as the Crown Prince, never got time to grieve, continues to get manipulated by his mother and the court, is hounded by the press and just 17. And there’s probably more I could mention.

Yes, of fucking course he isn’t perfect. He also grew up in a super toxic environment where he didn’t learn shit about controlling his emotions or healthy communication. But he’s trying and willing to learn. I really don’t get why he’s being judged as harshly.

For everyone going through everything we're all going through right now...

here is a break from doom scrolling in the form of my cat teaching herself fetch. Enjoy.

What Simon can teach us about boundaries!

Been seeing a lot of Simon hate again lately (mostly on other apps but i’m sure its here too) and it's getting pretty frustrating and honestly a little bit troubling that people think so little of Simon and his needs.

Simon hate feels like some weird connection to the patriarchy/heteronormativity where some people have just decided that it is okay for one person's needs to be ignored in a relationship in order to satisfy the other. Lisa seemed to intentionally try and create a dynamic in their relationship where they see each other as equals. They may struggle to see each others perspectives at times but that is true for literally ANY RELATIONSHIP where two people come together from different walks of life. Both their needs matter and their journey in the relationship is to figure out how to honor the other persons needs while honoring themselves or see if that is even possible.

Sooo I wanted to share some lessons about boundaries that people could learn through Simon instead of talking sh!t about him !!!

1. Boundaries are about what we want and need in a relationship. Sometimes people want different things and thats ok!

People love to say that Simon forced Wilhelm to cone out. I even saw someone say that Simon was asking Wilhelm to "give up his family and the throne". No where does Simon ask him to do any of those things. Notice how Simon says "I don't want to be anyones secret"? This is not just about Wille. This is a boundary that he has for himself and the types of relationships that he wants to have. Everyone is allowed to have expectations or want a certain type of relationship. Saying you don’t want to be in a secret relationship is quite a reasonable request. It is also quite reasonable to say that you don't want to be in a public relationship. Sometimes in relationships, what two people need is incompatible at the time which is why it made sense for them to end things. That is the point- for both people to say what they need to feel comfortable and sometimes other people cannot meet your needs- you have to decide if that is a dealbreaker and for Simon at the time it was.

2. Boundaries ≠ manipulation

He tells Wilhelm he take as much time as he needs but you have to do it alone. That is a boundary it is NOT manipulation. He does not try to control Wilhelm or tell Wilhelm what to do. Saying a relationship wont work for you unless certain needs are met or that you dont want to do tons of emotional labor for another person is not manipulation. He is saying I am not okay with being a secret, I am not okay with having my trust broken, i’m not okay with being in a relationship where you say one thing and do another (Wilhelm made a promise he could not keep and even he has owned up to that to Nils). Simon is not saying YOU HAVE TO COME OUT RIGHT NOW OR ELSE. He is not playing mind games or trying to get Wilhelm to change his mind in order to be with him. He is willing to walk away to because he knows it is not possible at that point for Wille and him to get on the same page.

Boundaries have become part of social media language lately thanks to instagram therapists and the like but a lot of people have misconstrued the meaning. Some people call something a boundary when they are actually being controlling. However the purpose of a boundary is about what you yourself are comfortable with, not what other people can/cannot do. Ex: “i am okay with holding hands in public but otherwise I don’t feel comfortable with PDA” (healthy boundary). Vs “you can’t have guy friends because I get jealous” (unhealthy boundary). Boundaries are healthy and necessary for a relationship to be healthy- they are not the same as manipulation or trying to control someone else.

3. What is okay for you does not have to be okay for someone else. Everyone’s boundaries are different because we are all different people with different traumas, needs, experiences, relationships, and limits. I have seen people compare the Wilmon to Narlie where Charlie is okay with Nick wanting to keep things “secret”. Besides the fact that this is a completely different relationship and context, the fun thing about boundaries is that what is okay for you does not have to be okay for someone else! Just because you would have been willing to be Wilhelm’s secret if he asked does not mean that Simon has to. Just because Charlie was willing to to do that for Nick does not mean that Simon has to. Not to mention !!! Nick also acknowledged that is not not fair to Charlie and outside of not telling people they had a very loving smooth sailing relationship - people expect Simon to be like Charlie without acknowledging that Wilhelm is not giving the level of trust and security that Nick is. If you want to go there, I'm sure if Wille was acting like Nick being consistent not saying "i'm not like that", "delete my number" etc (regardless of the reason) then maybe Simon would have been more okay with it. This is not Wille hate bc i get it, but sometimes in empathizing with Wille people forget that Simon is a whole human with wants and needs. Simon needs to protect himself and his heart. We all do. Relationships should not require you to subject yourself to pain for someone else. It is healthy to have boundaries and know your needs and what you deserve. And at that point in time Wille could not give him that. Most people watching were quite proud of Simon for that so idk how the narrative got turned to him being selfish.

4. Boundaries can change

It is normal to reassess your boundaries, that does not make them any less valid. Clearly for Simon, once Wilhelm proved his trust more and and Simon reevaluated what he wanted, he decided that he was willing to be a secret if that meant having each other. If he never decided that, it still would have been totally valid. Also noting, there was no compromise/meet in the middle there in Simon deciding that he was willing to be a secret for Wille. It's just funny that Simon is getting the flack for not wanting to "compromise" or meet in the middle when in the end, Simon was willing to do exactly what Wille wanted and he gets ZERO credit from some people for that. Luckily Wilhelm sees what a sacrifice this is for Simon and does not leave Simon to sacrifice alone.

4. Boundaries protect the relationship, build trust and help relationships grow

If Simon had never stood his ground both in s1e6 and throughout s2 Wille would have continued they way he was going, they probably would have gotten in even more arguments and honestly i do not think Wille would have been forced to mature and consider Simons feelings in the way he eventually did. I know people resist Edvin calling Wille selfish but Simon has to constantly keep telling Wille “what about me? What about my family? Do you see how hard this is for me?” For some reason viewers are interpreting that as selfish ?? In a relationship you really should not have to be constantly reminding someone to consider you and your feelings.

Simon setting boundaries and saying what he wanted only made their relationship stronger even tho they had to take some time apart. Protecting yourself and wanting a healthy balanced relationship where your needs are considered as much as the other person’s is not selfish. And anyone who tells you that it is does not have your best intentions at heart. Simon is not saying his needs are MORE important than Wille’s he is saying that his needs matter TOO and are EQUALLY IMPORTANT to Wille’s. Which was the journey he needed to go on (as stated by his sister) and the journey that Wille needed to go on as well in order to create a healthy dynamic together.

So yeah i hope you all set some boundaries today or use this info to argue with simon antis 💖

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Disclaimer// I am not a therapist i just do workshops with teens about healthy relationships and it is a passion of mine.

@tvmicroscope's latest post on the blog, if you wanna read:

tvmicroscope.substack.com

What’s wrong about Pizza? – The ‘Pizza’ metaphor (example: “Young Royals”)

Why I'm sceptical of a pizza date...

But what about this scene below?

Pizza & Kebab on a Bjärstad walk with Wilhelm!

S3 ending is basically putting a bandaid on a gunshot. The entire 5 episodes were built to show how bad they are for each other. I mean yeah monarchy was a big part of it but Wilhelm's problems are his problems alone. It's not gonna go overnight just because he will abdicate, neither will the scrutiny on them. Wilhelm will still be privileged, out of touch, someone with anxiety, impulsive urges and anger issues. Taking away his title will mean nothing because now he will have to deal with the real world which he has no experience dealing with and no support or protection from the monarchy. Do you think he will cope well then and wont take it out of simon?

I feel like they wasted 5 episodes worth of time building plots with no payoff. They could have easily explored Wilmon's trouble and their eventual reconciliation in this time. Putting an abdication bandaid doesnt fix their problem.

We can be delulu but in the Wilmon universe, they don't last, they dont work out in the end because abdication doesn’t fix their problems, not really.

I'll just pretend the series ended in s2. Because S2's ending was actually perfect and that Wilmon may have a chance in the world.

Wille & Simon | YOUNG ROYALS season 3

Is it easier to empathise with Wille?

I have a LOT of empathy with Wille. His vast loneliness, his anxiety, and having less than stellar parents resonates deeply with me.

This post is NOT about empathising with Wille or not. It's about power, hierarchies and privilege, and what they do to our empathy and who we empathise with. The very themes of Young Royals itself.

We all live in hierarchical cultures. Privileges are unevenly distributed; some have more, most have less. Privilges are interesting because they shelter us from experiences, which in turn makes us less emphatic. We see it in August, Felice and Wille, all being blind to the realities of people outside their sheltered world of privilege. Right, "Simon would go to the police so he shouldn't know who posted revenge porn of him on the internet" Felice and Wille?

Prefering one character over another isn't wrong in itself of course!

On the other hand, to empathise with Wille while NOT noticing Simon's suffering, or disregarding it as less important indicates a certain amount of privilege. Not to mention not even recognizing Simon as a whole human being with his own needs and wants, but merely something Wille deserves, a reward for his suffering.

It's a mindset we've been brainwashed with through culture since the beginning of patriarchy (some 5-15K years ago). For gender reasons I was somewhat aware of it, but not explicitely until the #metoo movement of 2017. I've watched so many movies and series where the female characters is a reward for the hero.

It's what we're taught, so of course we normalise that one person can act like a reward or comfort for someone else's pain and suffering. Doesn't Wille deserve comfort when he's hurting? Don't I deserve comfort when I'm hurting?

The problem is the word DESERVE. When we feel like we deserve something from someone else, it's time to take a step back and check if the other person is okay with giving that comfort, and if we're offering comfort in return when needed. That was another lesson Wille had to learn. And he did! Very curious about season 3 and how well he learnt that lesson!

Living in Norway means on a global scale I have massive privilege. Yet on a local scale I barely have any privileges at all. It's impossible to ignore the class issue to cheer for the white boy, because my life is profoundly affected in a negative way by the very class systems that Young Royals is critical of.

To quote my fav indigenous Saemien/Sámi artist, actor, author, slam poet and activist Ella Marie Hætta Isaksen: "How do you endure, you ask? When the truth is that to live as a Sámi is a political act in itself. That just by breathing, I revolt."

It's impossible for me in any way, shape or form to empathise with Wille at the expense of Simon's emotions and integrity. I empathise with both; hierarchies hurt people in both ends of it. Wille is selfish for a long time, and though I empathise, I can't defend his behaviour. On the other hand, Simon had no one else to fight for him against the system of power and privilege so clearly rigged against him. It's the exact same system that is failing to protect disabled people from adverse health issues and social exclusion, perpetuates generational trauma and poverty, and continuing the massive ongoing cultural genocide of my own people in both Norway and Sweden.

Just like Simon, I lack the privileges required to shelter me from the realities of life at the bottom levels of the patriarchal hierarchy.

Emotional growth requires facing negative consequences for harmful behaviour. The older we are, the harsher the consequences need to be for us to learn. Look at August - on a path towards emotional growth, stopped dead in its tracks by the meeting with the queen. What he did was unforgivable imo, but I still hope he'll face the consequences required to learn and grow, because the alternative is so much worse for everyone else.

I much prefer emotionally immature boys to suffer the painful consequences of their actions, in order to mature into decent human beings - rather than being habitually coddled so that they never learn anything and continue perpetuating the patriarchy.

Wille wouldn't have learnt and grown unless Simon enforced his boundaries. The Wille who changed the speech wouldn't exist without having to face the painful consequences of his own actions, learning that other people's lives and emotions are just as important as his own.