Make Me A Home Inside You Build Me A Room With A Lock And A Key That You Keep On A Chain Around Your

I am not a fly on your wall I am an angel with wings I watch you sleeping in your bed Together Then cover you in my feathers

I am not a ghost in your house I am a creature in the sky That can never fly away from you But devour I taste you in the darkest hour

The wings came bleeding out my back Carving open hardened scars The air returning to my lungs I am awake In slumber I am yours to take

Touch may not be necessary for me That warm, skin to skin connection Has never felt as vital as an emotional one

Until I find myself clawing at a stranger Until I am turning my head to the side Avoiding kisses, because that's too intimate And my body wasn't asking for intimacy

In all honesty, I don't even like being touched I avoid situations that involve closeness No need to hug anyone just for the hell of it

Until I wrap my arms around a lover Who's name I've mixed up with the last one's I never picture the ones I really crave Who's touches I am actually yearning for

Certainly I can live my life without touch I don't need it like I do good food or drink It does not sustain my soul like poetry does

Until I remember all the ways I've burned The way you struck your fingers like matches On my hands, on my lips, the entirety of me Inside our fire I have wanted and wanted

But that's really all distant memory now I think I'll slide touch up high on my bookshelf Somewhere between fantasy and memoir

I am sitting at the window The sun is out but it's chilly It's a lazy golden afternoon The neighbor's chickens Have escaped their coop again They're wandering down the street Stopping at bird feeders And pecking at the ground

It occurs to me after minutes Of simply observing the Peculiar way they move their heads That I have no thoughts in my own That I am completely mesmerized By mindlessly fleeing fowl It is a good day for watching And doing nothing else at all

The snow fell on the earth Drew its blanket over the ground It brought with it the cold bite And I felt it all around

Winter sang its song of sleep As it darkened the skies But who sings for those animals Who never reopen their eyes?

Frost colored my hands Despite the fire in my heart I mourned in my blues and blacks Watching the life depart

All lights are fireworks Since we made permanent July. Whether sunshine Or warm showers My rain, my sky, It's a permanent July.

In these darker days Bloom yellow roses I've grown for you In secret gardens. Still I can't explain just why Each new month is still July.

Your earth is warm, It melts my snow, My rocks and stones Make roads for you. Sit with me, watch all pass by, In our private, permanent July.

I am a wave The one you felt On the shore I crashed over you And became water Once more

You are the sand The earth That I long for When I am Out in the ocean With no oar

We are the gulls Look how far They soar Floating on the wind The whole sky To explore

We are all down to earth here Even the birds in the sky Especially the beetles and bees and flies All as one on our mystical sphere We are all down to earth here

We are all part of the dust If we piled it up, what would it be? Would we create a new being entirely? The magic of our world is hushed We are all part of the dust

My grief feels large and heavy I have cried into buckets And now I am carrying them Around like a punishment

I can't let go, I refuse to I am tied to these burdens Rope raw against my skin For now I need this anguish

And I need you, the source of it Because I am crying for you For the inevitable absence of you I feel it so strongly already

I do not care that When I speak passionately He smiles and his Eyes glaze over in confusion I do not care that He does not understand What I mean when I say The world inside me is glowing Or that the goldfinches Were singing to me in color

He is not meant to Understand my musings He is my rock on a crashing Shore that is always stormy My friend who sits By me and never asks for me To explain my layered words I care only that He is happy to share space And listen to me anyway

I think I misunderstood you Sandman, I apologize You were no devil but protector Throwing your sand in my eyes You kept me safe when I could not bear to be awake My Sandman, my savior I'm sorry, I never realized

When life got overwhelming You brought me a land of dreams A place to rest, to heal Created rejuvenating scenes You were no trickster Feeding me knock out mixtures I'm sorry for my behavior You've been a friend it seems