Ch Almost Died Today But He Made It Through The Surgery. I’m So Glad He’s Still Alive.

I finally finished cutting off everyone who made me worse. All of them. Including D.

My growth and progress will only be stronger now. I can prove it

music makes life not feel like nails on a chalkboard

Taking time away is the only way for progress to be made at this point. My emotions are numbed for now but I know I’ll have a few breakdowns. That’s okay though. I have my brothers and I have my distant friends. This is the way I will grow. I don’t need to recover to progress with growth. The recovery can happen at the same time. I have lots of time, I don’t need to rush it.

As for my plans for school in the meantime, I think I’ll start hanging out with my classmates for once. There’s a few of them who interact with me on a normal basis.

I left some people waiting for me but I won’t rush to them. I need some time.

I will probably be posting some terrible stuff soon but I can almost guarantee I won’t act on any of my urges.

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO WHY NOW WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NOW "I love you, and Im so sorry these horrible things keep happening to you."

WHY D WHY

Don't keep me around because of guilt.

it was so good i had to respond

you're a real fuckin jirai boy, aren't you

What have I done?

This isn’t how I imagined it

I don’t blame you

Why are you blaming yourself?

It’s going to be okay.

You’re going to be okay

If you’re okay I’ll be okay

Everything is going to be okay

someone please send me asks or something ive had next to no interaction with anyone today including my mother.

the closest thing i had to a conversation today was being thanked for doing all the work on a group project, and the several times i apologized quietly as i ran away from someone while trying not to throw up out of guilt

thank god.

thanks, brothers for talking to me about life stuff.

I promise if things don't work out in the next few years I'll move home and we can rentshare. I'd rather rentshare with you then with D anyway!

my brothers are awesome. They don't support every one of my decisions but they know it's okay to make mistakes.

my brothers have been with me since i stopped simply surviving and actually started living, and i only have them to thank for that.

that said, I'm not leaving this city anytime soon. I have lots to do here still and I'm not leaving anyone behind on a bad note.

I'll never take the easy way out :)

At Walmart because my mom found me on my walk and brought me an iced coffee and talked me through all of my problems and reassured me and for once we had a conversation without any arguments.

Oh here’s a quote from her by the way

“You’re very gifted at building worlds and personalities”

She meant that because I’m a writer but she doesn’t know that’s my entire life story

At least I’m being myself now, not that that’s working