Latest Posts by twistybat - Page 4

Are you trapped on tumblr right now?

Is there something you planned to do before you got trapped in the endless tumblr scroll?

Are you yelling at yourself to get up and do the thing, but you can’t, because you’re trapped in the endless tumblr scroll?

Consider this your save point.

Put tumblr down, stand up, stretch, and go do the thing you planned to do. Future you will be incredibly grateful.

Little steps towards becoming a  more kind person - and feeling better about yourself!

Smile when you accidentally make eye contact with strangers.

If you think something positive about someone, tell them. Even if they’re a stranger. Even if you feel a bit silly. Tell that girl you love her dress. Tell that dude his tattoo is awesome. Tell your friend how funny she is. I promise you that they will appreciate hearing what you admire about them and there’s a good chance that you using those 5 seconds to give them a genuine compliment will make their entire day.

When you’re around new people, make an effort to go say hi. Go introduce yourself and ask them who they are and how they’re doing. Start a conversation if you feel like it. Who knows, maybe that girl your acquaintance brought to that party has the potential to become your new best friend - and you won’t know before you start talking to her.

If you see someone falling behind while walking in a group, stop and wait for them to catch up even if the others don’t.

If you see someone get interrupted in a conversation you’re a part of, wait for the new person to stop speaking and then look at the person who got interrupted and ask them what they were about to say. Let them know that you care to hear it.

If YOU accidentally interrupt someone, stop yourself and say “hey, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I thought you were done speaking - what were you about to say?”

If you see someone sitting/standing alone, go ask if you can join them - or invite them to come join you and the people you’re hanging out with.

If you’re in a group conversation and someone is trying to say something and no one is really noticing, look at them and let them know that even if everyone else are stuck in their own stuff right now, you’re there and you care to listen to what they’re trying to share.

Remember to tell the people you care about that you care about them. Send a text to that friend you haven’t seen in a while to let them know that you miss them. Tell your partner that you love them. Tell that new person you’re getting to know how cool you think they are. Call your mom to hear how she’s doing. Don’t be afraid to let the important people in your life know that they’re loved and cared about.

When someone is really passionate and knowledgeable about something, take advantage of it! Ask them some questions and make proper use of this opportunity to learn something new. Make sure to show the people in your life that you don’t think their passions are cringy or boring or dumb.

If something reminded you of someone, let them know. Send your friends songs or silly memes which somehow reminded you of them, and tag them in posts you think they’d enjoy. I promise that they’ll be excited to know that you think of them even when they aren’t around.

Remember to check up on people. Ask that friend you haven’t heard from in a while how they’re doing and what they’re up to. Ask the person who’s seeming unusually distant and sad whether they’re okay. Ask the stranger crying on the street whether there’s something you can do. You can’t force them to accept your help, but you can show them that you’re there and that you care and that alone will mean a lot to them.

Stop talking shit about people behind their backs (unless they’re really horrible people/abuses/predators, in which case warning people about them is necessary and valid!) If you have a serious issue with someone, either tell them directly so that you can work on resolving it or stop hanging out with them.

If you enjoy something someone created, make sure to let them know. Especially if they’re a small artist/creator. Leave kudos and a nice comment on that fanfiction you loved. Reblog/share that piece of art or that poem you really liked. And whenever you see something on your social media feed which you really enjoy, make sure to check out the OP and maybe give them a follow.

Every once in a while, take a couple minutes to tell some of the people you enjoy following on social media that you really enjoy their content or their personality or their art and why that is. It could easily make their day. (It’s okay to go on anon if you’re feeling shy!)

Remember to give compliments to people which aren’t about appearance. Tell your friends how much you love their humor or their passion or their honesty or their confidence. I know they’re probably hot too but make sure to remind them that they are much more than a pretty face.

If you notice that someone is struggling, offer your help and support if you can. Take the time to have that deep conversation with them about how they’re feeling and what’s going on in their life - and if they’re struggling with self care, maybe bring them a home cooked meal or offer to help them conquer the mountains of dishes in their kitchen/do their laundry/buy some groceries/clean their apartment a bit.

If you’re sitting with a group of people and you notice that someone is falling out of the conversation, ask them a question to make them feel like someone cares to hear their input.

Make a habit of asking people whether they’re fully comfortable with something before you do it. Some people don’t like hugs or other casual touching and some people don’t always have the energy to help you sort out your dating situation and some people are triggered by talk of certain topics. So make a habit of asking “is it okay if I hug you/vent to you/talk to you about x topic” before you start doing the thing in question.

If people aren’t hurting themselves or someone else, let them be. Even if you think they’re being weird. Even if you don’t get it. Unless they’re doing something which is actively causing harm to someone, don’t comment on, judge or criticize people for doing something unusual. Just let them be. They probably have their reasons.

Asexuality is real and valid.

Art by Liberal Jane

Happy pride! I know many horrible things are happening, but please remember that joy can be an act of rebellion. Shine your light, your colours. Show up as the authentic you whenever you feel safe to do so, and I hope one day that is everywhere at all times. You deserve to live a life that is authentic to you, and the thing is about authenticity is that it ripples out into the world and sometimes it reaches someone who needs it and makes them feel seen and understood, and maybe even makes them a little more brave and a little more hopeful. I wish you hope and I wish you joy! 🌸

I don’t want to date. I just want to magically end up in a long-term and emotionally-secure relationship with someone cute

😳💚

every tiktok expert: make short fun videos 9-15 seconds long

me: how about a 2-minute spoken word monolog about unlearning trauma responses?

in case no one told you, or in case you know but you need encouragement taking the next step: it’s never too late to unlearn a law that is now holding you back, it’s never too late to write a new law

Reblog if you genuinely support asexuals

It terrifies me that there’s so much raging passion in the lgbt+ community that insist on marginalizing asexuals and implying that asexuals don’t deserve to have safe spaces. There’s still so much acephobia so I just wanna know which blogs are genuinely supportive and a safe space for asexuals

Still bothered by the US cultural idea that men can only be non-romantically intimate with one another in war-like or competitive circumstances.

Support Your Local Library!

Here’s 3 easy ways to get started: 1.) Get a library card (it’s free and usually just requires proof of residency!) 2.) Attend your local library’s events and programming. 3.) Advocate for increased support and funding. 

Keep reading

You know... I had an experience about two months ago that I didn't talk about publicly, but I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately and I guess I'm finally able to put my unease into words.

So there's a podcast I'd been enjoying and right after I got caught up, they announced that they were planning on doing a live show. It's gonna be near me and on the day before my birthday and I thought -- hey, it's fate.

But... as many of you know, I'm disabled. For me, getting to a show like that has a lot of steps. One of those steps involved emailing the podcasters to ask about accessibility for the venue.

The response I got back was very quick and very brief. Essentially, it told me to contact the venue because they had no idea if it was accessible or not.

It was a bucket of cold water, and I had a hard time articulating at the time quite why it was so disheartening, but... I think I get it a little more now.

This is a podcast that has loudly spoken about inclusivity and diversity and all that jazz, but... I mean, it's easy to say that, isn't it? But just talking the talk without walking the walk isn't enough. That's like saying "sure, we will happily welcome you in our house -- if you can figure out how to unlock the door."

And friends, my lock-picking set is pretty good by this point. I've been scouting out locations for decades. I've had to research every goddamn classroom, field trip, and assigned bookstore that I've ever had in an academic setting. I've had to research every movie theater, theme park, and menu for every outing with friends or dates. I spend a long time painstakingly charting out accessible public transportation and potential places to sit down every time I leave the house.

Because when I was in college, my professors never made sure their lesson plans were accessible. (And I often had to argue with them to get the subpar accommodations I got.) Because my friends don't always know to get movie tickets for the accessible rows. Because my dates sometimes leave me on fucking read when I ask if we can go to a restaurant that doesn't keep its restrooms down a flight of stairs.

I had one professor who ever did research to see if I could do all the coursework she had planned, and who came up with alternate plans when she realized that I could not. Only one. It was a medical history and ethics class, and my professor sounded bewildered as she realized how difficult it is to plan your life when you're disabled.

This woman was straight-up one of the most thoughtful, philosophical, and ethical professors I've ever had, one who was incredibly devoted to diversity and inclusion -- and she'd never thought about it before, that the hospital archives she wanted us to visit were up a flight of stairs. That the medical museum full of disabled bodies she wanted us to visit only had a code-locked back entrance and an old freight elevator for their disabled guests who were still breathing.

And that's the crux of it, isn't it? It's easy to theoretically accept the existence of people who aren't like you. It's a lot harder to actively create a space in which they can exist by your side.

Because here's what I did before I contacted the podcasters. I googled the venue. I researched the neighborhood and contacted a friend who lives in the area to help me figure out if there were any accessible public transportation routes near there. (There aren't.) I planned for over an hour to figure out how close I could get before I had to shell out for an uber for the last leg of the trip.

Then I read through the venue's website. I looked through their main pages, through their FAQs to see if there was any mention of accessibility. No dice. I download their packet for clients and find out that, while the base building is accessible, the way that chairs/tables are set up for individual functions can make it inaccessible. So it's really up to who's hosting the show there.

So then and only then I contacted the podcasters. I asked if the floor plan was accessible. I asked if all the seats were accessible, or only some, and whether it was open seating or not. Would I need to show up early to get an accessible seat, or maybe make a reservation?

And... well, I got the one-sentence reply back that I described above. And that... god, it was really disheartening. I realized that they never even asked if their venues were accessible when they were booking the shows. I realized that they were unwilling to put in the work to learn the answers to questions that disabled attendees might have. I realized that they didn't care to find out if the building was accessible.

They didn't know and they didn't care. That, I think, is what took the wind out of my sails when they emailed me back. It's what made me decide that... yeah, I didn't really want to go through the trouble of finding an accessible route to the venue. I didn't want to have to pay an arm and a leg to hire a car to take me the last part of the journey. I didn't want to make myself frantic trying to figure out if I could do all that and still make the last train home.

If they didn't care, I guess I didn't either.

If they'd apologized and said that the only venue they could get was inaccessible, I actually would have understood. I know that small shows don't always get their pick of venues. I get it. I even would have understood if they'd been like "oh dang, I actually don't know -- but I'll find out."

But to be told that they didn't know and didn't intend to find out... oof. That one stung.

Because.... this is the thing. This is the thing. I may be good at it by now, but I'm so tired of picking locks. I'm tired of doing all the legwork because no one ever thinks to help me. I'm tired of feeling like an afterthought at best, or at worst utterly unwelcome.

If you truly want to be inclusive, you need to stop telling people that you're happy to have them -- if they can manage to unlock the door. You need to fucking open it yourself and welcome them in.

What brought all this back to me now, you may be asking? Well... I guess it's just what I was thinking to myself as I was tidying up my phone.

Today I'm deleting podcasts.

growing up as a cis girl the patriarchy told me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender” and i hated being a girl because it wasn’t my choice it was a prison and the trans community told me “you’re a girl because you say so, your view of yourself is the most important thing, if you change your mind that would be ok” and it made me proud to be a girl and feel empowered in my gender and i wasn’t trapped anymore and then terfs come along and tell me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender (but like in a woke way)” and they somehow expect me to be on their side?

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

alright for the millionth time I'm seeing yet another author I admire talk about how they literally can barely afford to live & yet there are people openly admitting to pirating their books so, like

i guess it needs to be said again

pirating books is not the same as pirating your favourite Disney movie or whatever. book piracy kills author's incomes and can genuinely ruin someone's career

Abusers don’t come with warning labels.  Abusers don’t hit you on the first date. They don’t write “I will humiliate and belittle you” on their Tinder profiles. They don’t wear “I break things to intimidate my partner” t-shirts. People don’t get trapped in damaging relationships because they saw an abuser coming from 20 yards away and decided “I’m going to date that person anyway”. That’s not how any of this works.  In the beginning, abusers can be some of the most thoughtful, attentive people you’ll ever meet. They’re obsessed with you; that’s what makes them so toxic and deadly as time goes on. Abusers buy you flowers. They remember your birthday. They remember to text you “good morning” and “good night”. They listen to your problems, confide in you and share silly inside jokes. They can keep that “loving, doting partner and best friend” mask in place for months or years if they have to.  So the first time they scream at you or hit you, you don’t see an abuser. You see your best friend, your confidante, the person who brought you soup when you were sick and always laughs at your stories about your nutty coworker. You tell yourself they just had a bad day. Maybe they were tired, sick, hungry, or under a lot of stress. You know them. You’ve made a life with them. And they’re so sorry and so ashamed of what they did. This isn’t who they are.  And so things go back to back to normal for a while. Wonderful, even. This is still one of the best relationships you’ve ever been in, even counting that one incident. You go back to date nights, cozy nights in and 5-hour-long conversations that feel effortless. And then it happens again.  And you still don’t see an abuser. You see the person who means the most to you in the whole world. You decide that maybe they’re just struggling. Maybe they have mental health issues. They’ve told you every horrible thing that’s ever happened to them as a child, and maybe it has something to do with that. But either way, they’re not an abuser. Not yet. They’re just a person who needs you more than ever.  Then things are good for a while. Then something bad happens. Then it’s good again. Then it’s bad. Good. Bad. Good. Bad. And every time it happens, it gets a little harder to get out. The time you’ve invested in the relationship goes up, and your self-esteem goes down. By the time you realize that, yes, the person you thought you knew is an Abuser with a capital A, you’re in deep. You’re a frog that stood in a pot of water so long it turned you into soup before you even noticed it was getting a little warm. But you didn’t ask for this. And you certainly didn’t know it was coming.  We have this image in our heads of what abusers must look like. We picture brawny men with low foreheads and stained white tank tops, screaming at their wives while they drink beer in front of the TV. We think they’re like wildlife, as if we could spot them with the help of a guidebook and know to stay far away from them. But they’re not. Abusers can be anyone. They can be female. They can be accomplished. They can be well-groomed. Queer. Politically far-left. Politically far-right. Artists. Athletic. Charitable. Intelligent. They can come from any walk of life, any spot on the gender spectrum, any religion, any background. It’s not the abused person’s fault for not spotting them - they can’t always be spotted. It’s the abuser’s fault for abusing. 

AWWW! 💓

s/o to the artists on tumblr that spend hours making art and only get three notes if theyre lucky. youre still awesome and your art is still fantastic

I hope the next months bring you the courage to do something you have been dreading to do, that you recover a bit, that you can feel less pain and more love, that you can find some solutions to your problems, and find new opportunities to grow and live a better life according to your own needs and desires. I hope you develop beautiful friendships and that the relationships you already have keep improving. I hope you get to try new things you have dreamed of. I hope you feel more safe and secure. I hope you feel more confident in your own abilities. I have hope. I will try. Please have hope. Please try.

Watch: Poet Porsha Olayiwola heartbreakingly reminds us all that black women’s lives matter too. 

so can we start hunting down white liberals now or what

there is no such thing as being "behind in life" but it's okay to recognise that you missed out on some things whilst you were busy surviving

Graffiti in Rockville, Maryland in memory of 23-year old Saudi trans woman Eden Knight.

Eden died after being forcibly detransitioned in Saudi Arabia, after being trafficked from the US by a security contractor named Michael Pocalyko.

Rest in peace Eden

Transphobes will not win

For anyone who believes abuse is normal, inevitable, necessary, good to 'toughen you up' or something you deserved:

There are children out there who were never asked to accept 'tough love' as love. They've been given affection, acknowledgment, gentleness, consideration and care. And they're healthy and happy for it. They're not struggling to feel worthy of having their needs fulfilled. They are not weak, and they do not struggle with feeling weak for having a human need.

There are children out there who have done and said things, much worse than you've said and done, who've been forgiven. Their parents, or caretakers, understood they were kids, and that their intentions were those of a child, and forgave them without punishment, understanding that children need to be safe before being convenient. These children did not end up doing worse things. They grew up knowing compassion and not being scared their actions might bring unimaginable consequences.

There are children raised with a concept of freedom, who could choose their actions without worrying about being inconvenient or punished. There are children whose choices are supported, whose achievements are celebrated, and their chosen life path is lit up by the care and resources their families help provide to them. They don't have to live in secret. They don't have to feel ashamed about what they want. They don't need to do it all alone. They don't life in fear of failure.

There are parents out there who understand their role is to make their child protected and healthy. There are parents who never even thought about hitting their kids. There are parents who will do anything to prevent their child going thru the horrors of violence, aggression, someone lashing out at them, threats or abuse. These children walk the world feeling safer, like they belong, their humanity and feelings protected from harm.

There is a whole world out there that believes no child has deserved any of this harm. Only some people do these things to kids, only some people try to convince kids that these are 'good' things, or deserved things. They are not.

You deserved safety, dignity and grace growing up too. You deserved more than the hollow 'tough love' which was merely an excuse for not giving you the care you deserved. You would have turned out just fine. Abuse wasn't necessary, it wasn't normal, and it didn't help you. And it was avoidable. Nobody ever had to do any of that to you.

Yeah!! What THEY said!!

i hope you buy things that bring you joy. i hope you wear clothes that make you feel good. i hope you decorate your home however you like. i hope you don’t wake up dreading going to work. i hope you meet people that make your heart sing. i hope you discover hobbies that fulfill you. i hope you go on fantastic adventures that give you unforgettable memories. i hope you do things just because you want to, and i hope you don’t feel like you have to justify your decisions to anybody. i hope you find happiness. i hope you cultivate a life you love.

Happiness Will Come To You.

Motivation Monday: I hope today treats you kindly 🐼

Neil Gaiman: I loved Terry’s craft. Terry became, somewhere in there, before the arrival of J. K. Rowling, the bestselling novelist in the UK.

Tim Ferriss: Tens of millions of copies.

Neil Gaiman: Millions upon millions of copies. This was before that. This was, you know, he’d just retired from the electricity board to become a full time writer.  I knew how good he was, and I’m like, “This is a fabulous apprenticeship.” So, even though I didn’t have the time, I said yes, and my life, when I look back on it, I’m just really glad that I was 27, 28 when I was doing this, because I couldn’t do it now, I mean, just physically and mentally couldn’t do it now, but I would write Sandman until midnight, I would write The Books of Magic from midnight until about 2:30, and I would write Good Omens from 2:30 until about 6 a.m., and then I would get up at one o’clock in the afternoon and my answering machine would have a little blinking light on it and I would press the button and the tape would rewind and then Terry Pratchett’s voice would come out of it and he’d go, “Get up, get up you bastard! I’ve just written a good bit!”

- Interview with Tim Ferris 2019

Some of the simplest, best, ftw advice ever.

Honestly, probably the best social tip I could ever give you guys is literally just ask. Need to make a doctor's appointment but don't know how? Call the doctor's office and ask. Don't know the meaning of what someone said? Ask them. Don't understand the instructions you were given? Ask them to repeat or clarify. This has literally never failed me, no one's gotten angry, no one's refused to answer.

Even in situations where you think it might not work, I once accidentally missed a deadline to accept a job offer, so I called and asked if they could reset it and they did. Just today I called a doctor and asked how to schedule an appointment, the lady told me how, and then I did it. Didn't know if someone was being sarcastic or not, so I asked and they told me. Just ask.

Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.