Latest Posts by welivetodream - Page 5

TSH New Years headcanon (after the epilogue)

Richard's POV

By the time Camilla and I arrived at the balcony of his house; Francis as expected was already lounging on the sofa, with a glass of red wine in his hand and looking at the dark sky twinkling with stars.

He barely acknowledged us as we sat down opposite each other, Camilla put down the box of Macrons she had bought as a gift and I opened the bottle of champagne I had bought.

Without a glance he shook his now empty glass towards me and made me pour some for him first.

"Do you not feel cold? Shouldn't you at least put a sweater on?" Camilla asked him in a concerned tone

"I was trying to die from frost bite" Francis chuckled, "I was joking" he added to me when I raised an eyebrow.

"It's ten minutes till twelve" I looked at my watch "what plan do you have for new years?"

"I have stopped caring about plans since the time Henry ended up dying"

Camilla and I exchanged looks, her lips twitched and she avoided eye-contact with me. Perhaps she too felt the same emptiness Francis seemed to be feeling. After all before I met them, they already celebrated New Years together with the others. But this year too Charles, Henry and Bunny were gone.

"How is Charles?" I asked Camilla, not really expecting an answer

She shrugged "I have no idea. He sent back the Christmas card I sent him. But he did take the money I left it in"

"Of course he did" Barked Francis, he sat up straighter to look us in the eyes for the first time

"And Julian? Do you know where he is?" I asked Francis this time, ounce again not expecting any answer

"Who the fuck cares about him now? I don't. He is probably in some private college, trying to recreate another Greek tradegy"

"I heard he is doing a world tour" Camilla said "He is currently in the Caribbean"

"I hope he dies there" Francis said bitterly

After Julian ditched our side when we needed him, we had stopped caring about him like he did to us. I did keep up with his news, despite his deeds he was still quite fascinating to me.

"do you remember the first class you had with Julian?" Francis asked me

"yes, I do" I could never forget that first class, no matter what

"What was the question Julian asked at the end of the class?"

"And if beauty is terror" I said slowly remembering the exact words "then what is desire? We think we have many desires, but in fact we have only one. What is it?"

"To live," said Camilla

She was perched up on the sofa with a shawl covering her head; her nose and cheeks pink with cold.

"To live forever" corrected Francis "such an ironic thing for Bunny to say, isn't it?"

He then poured the three of us more champagne.

"Here's to the New Year" he said more brightly, raising a toast "To live forever"

"To live forever" repeated Camilla and I, as we clicked the glasses together, the fireworks started.

Another year went by and we remained stuck in the past. This year, we will move on. That was my new year's resolution.

(I wish I could write better 🫠. But here's to a new year "To live forever")

After Bunny's death: Richard decides to say his internal monologue aloud (this is not a passage from the book)

Richard: "The view of the red blood mixing in with the soil shows how one's sins taint the purity of life. Bunny falls to his death in the beautiful light of the dusk, as his friends are celebrating one day well spent, he lays in between rocks and the broken bottle of wine, to show the morbid display of the youth of today. What a great life he could have had if not to commit treason against the people who trusted him. And what irony is it that he is pushed to his death by the same people who he had spent hours beside as a friend. That is the biggest truth of life, for its unpredictability is what makes life far more terrifying than death itself. The soil has become red with Bunny's blood; the wind blows, snow has started to fall to bury the remains of one cheery, smiling boy. What a beautiful sight it is to see someone die in front of you, it shows how aesthetics remain even in death"

Camilla, Charles and Francis: What the fuck Richard? 😶😶😶

Henry: *gives an approving nod* that is exactly what I was thinking, you took words from my mouth.

(PS: Richard's unhinged monologues give me life every time I read TSH. Also I believe Richard and Henry have a spiritual connection)

Henry : Christmas lights?

Bunny: Check.

Richard : Thermos of hot cocoa?

Bunny: Check.

Charles : Santa suits?

Bunny: Check.

Francis : Shovel?

Bunny: Check.

Camilla: Alibi and bail money?

Bunny: Check - wait, WHAT?!

More Incorrect quotes (TSH edition)

Charles: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.

Bunny: I photosynthesize with this.

Bunny: Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend?

Henry: Generic excuse.

Bunny: I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face.

Henry: I can.

Richard: Hey, Francis, where are you going?

Francis: Well, it depends. When I die, probably hell.

Francis: But right now I’m going to Starbucks.

Charles, teaching Camilla to drive: Okay, you're driving, Bunny and Henry walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Camilla: Oh, definitely Bunny. I could never hurt Henry .

Charles, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

Henry: Richard, you'll be working with Francis and Camilla.

Richard: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Richard: ...Of people on a team.

Camilla: If I fall…

Charles: I’ll be there to catch you.

Francis: *looks at Richard* What if I fall?

Richard: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Bunny : *watches these two interactions*

Bunny, to Henry: And if I fall?

Henry: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

Me: Have care how to speak about them, Akutagawa, Chuuya and Dazai are my children

Someone: They killed 80 people in two days

Me: they're adopted

TSH Holiday season Headcanons (adjusted timeline):

Bunny dressed up as Santa and gave Francis, Henry, Charles and Camilla handcuffs (Richard wondered what exactly was it's purpose, kinky or metaphorical)

Camilla and Henry baked a Rum and Champagne flavoured cake

Richard dug snow for two hours in front of Dr. Roland's office and tricked him into getting 1k for it. (He then spent all of it in expensive gifts for the other four and Julian)

Francis watched old movies while drinking and smoking from dawn to dusk

Charles and Camilla made a snowman outside their house

Bunny and Henry had a fun (& angry) snowball fight

Camilla and Richard went to the Christmas market to buy goodies

Judy Poovey gave Richard a nice suit for the party and let him keep it (Judy! Bless her!)

Richard dropped by Francis's and had a lunch consisting of only drinking (and a Maraschino cherry or two)

Henry gave Richard his old books as a gift ("I am sorry I didn't have time to buy something better" "Henry....these are first edition copies! Isn't this enough?" "But it's second handed" "FIRST EDITION COPIES!")

Julian threw a big party for the class and invited his famous friends to it (Richard was wrecked when some Californians asked him about his dad's oil business)

Bunny kept asking Richard why his gifts were so "cheap". Henry and Francis were burning with rage

Henry doesn't like the holiday season but obliged to go to only Julian's party

Charles got wasted and slept in Julian's bathroom (you know how mad Henry would be at him for that)

Bunny took a lot of pictures of Charles in a bathtub wearing a Santa hat for their New Year's greeting crads

Francis and Camilla went home together to watch Christmas movies

Bunny and Richard carried Charles home (Henry was apologising to Julian, who thought passing out drunk is the holiday spirit)

Then all of the gang played charades together (Camilla won, Francis was second, Bunny and Richard were okay and Henry lost by a landslide. Charles was sleeping on the couch humming "Jingle bells")

Ps: Ranpoe is Enemies TO lovers since they are no longer fighting. Also Jouno and Tecchou don't count, since they are technically still on the same side despite fighting.

This is the Double Black generations~

Will they continue the legacy after Atsushi and Aku?

I was rewatching BSD season 1. I had forgotten how close Dazai and Atsushi were in the early seasons. (We need an emotional reunion)

Dazai: I have only known Atsushi for a day and a half. But if anything happened to him. I would kill everyone in this room and then myself 😄😃😀

Camilla Macaulay: the twist villain that never was.

(ps: this is just a headcanon and personal opinion, nothing serious!)

Out of all the characters in TSH, Camilla to me seemed the most enigmatic, more than even Henry Winter. There's something about her that I cannot understand. I couldn't trust her when I was reading TSH for the first time, I thought she was going to be the mastermind behind it all.

Why? Isn't Camilla the nicest of all of them? So was Charles, and look at what happened to him. The twins gave me the ick a lot of the times, especially during re-reads where I could see the early hints of the incest reveal and the abuse. It could have been completely believable, if Camilla, behind the scenes was the one causing the drama all along.

1. Richard's rose coloured lens: since the story is told from his point of view, it's understandable if he decided to leave some details, changed the story or was oblivious to some things he didn't want to remember or think about. He had the most bias for Camilla, she was his crush. And we often look at our crushes with rose tinted glasses and often hide their flaws and mistakes. Richard shows bias towards the Greek class even before he was in it and his infatuation with Camilla could be the reason why we don't get any bad details about her throughout the story.

2. Motives: while Bunny did get murdered for blackmailing and trying to betray the Greek class. Only Camilla had other motives to cause distress among the others. Particularly, Charles. We know he was extremely possessive with her and has caused her emotional and physical abuse (there's background info we get at times about the twins having broken objects in the house and other times where Charles is possessive of Camilla). I don't think she truly loves Henry, it's more that being with him gives her the protection and safety she needs. She has shown some kind of liking to Francis, they seem good friends and have kissed two times (I call it gay solidarity). She plays with Richard's heart a lot, kissing him when no one is looking and making him think he has a chance when he clearly doesn't. Camilla is overshadowed by the guys in her friend group; getting the "only girl treatment". Bunny is always trying to get under her nerves and is misogynistic towards her. Charles is controlling and abusive (her own brother). Henry is cold and sociopathic, as well as someone you can't trust ("I call it redistribution of matter"). Richard is a simp. Francis is there.

3. What could have happened: Camilla, tired of the way her life is tied to Charles, Henry and Richard and their feelings towards her forcing her into a corner with no choice of her own. As well as, mentally scared from the murder of the farmer, decides to end all of the misfortunes in her life. Instead of Henry making the plans, it's Camilla in this version of the story that decides to kill Bunny both to get rid of him from her life as well as to hide the first murder. But she does this from the shadows. And the person that discovers her plan is Francis, since they have a relatively good relationship, it's possible he wouldn't spill her plans and stay quiet. She gaslights Henry into believing he ended up killing Bunny (let's say he went through with the poisonous mushrooms but instead Camilla gave Bunny actual posion)

When Charles goes into his villain arc, Camilla uses Henry as a shield to keep him away. And in the final scene, instead of Henry shooting himself, Charles ends up shooting him and Camilla shoots Charles as an act of revenge. She then threatens Richard that if he says a word about this (both Bunny and Charles's murder) then he would die too, she does that to seal her secret; she knows Richard has a big mouth and might betray her and spares Francis, since he already knew and is trustable. Camilla cleans her fingerprints from the gun and puts it in Charles's hand in order to frame it as a murder-suicide. Camilla attends their funerals and gives an alibi in front of the police that her, Richard and Francis were in the country house during the murder-suicide and then testified that Charles and Henry were the ones who were involved in the two murders and were holding them hostage with that information, clearing the three of them from the murders. Then she finally leaves for a better life. (Maybe the epilogue would be about Francis telling Richard about Camilla's behind-the-scenes story, showcasing the aftermath and what they are doing in the present)

4. Character arc: making Camilla crucial to the plot and a twist villain would give so much to her character. Her mysterious nature, absence from the main plot and lack of impact at the start of the story could be explained by her secretly planning their downfalls and her escape. Instead of her being the object of affection for the three guys and being the typical "girl that ruins the friendships between guy friends", she is the hidden mastermind with her own motives, personality and story. She was the only one who didn't change in the second part. But in this version of the story, she is the one who drives it's entire narrative.

Let her be manipulative, a liar, a gaslighter. Let her show the wrath of female rage.

When the twins were introduced in white clothing, looking like angels. Maybe they were wolves in sheep's clothing. Both of the twins. Not just Charles but Camilla too. They were creepy, eerie, and strange. They hid their true personalities behind southern hospitality and beautiful features.

"Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it"

After all, the best characters are the grey ones.

There's no way Rat Man is dead right? He even went out spewing Jesus's line about resurrection.

But I DON'T want Nikolai to be the one who saved Fyodor at the last minute, let it be anyone else (let's say Agatha Christie). Nikolai saving Fyodor will take away all of the emotions of the climax. It was such a sad/heartbreaking moment for Nikolai that Dazai, who always had snide remarks, didn't make a joke about it (probably because he understands Nikolai and would feel the same way if Chuuya died).

If Fyodor survives and is ready for his next villain arc with Agatha, then let him be the one to reveal himself to Nikolai and recruit him....this time not as a pawn but as an ally/friend.

As the winter approaches I think back to the time Richard Papen tried to stay without a heater or proper roof at the hippie's house during the cold winter of Vermont.

If that isn't peak Californian behaviour, I don't know what is.

Also, the irony of Richard being saved by Henry WINTER is so funny.

Henry was so nice to him during this time because he was trying to indoctrinate Richard into their group further, before revealing the murder they all did and getting him in their side instead of Bunny's. Although my heart wants it to be a genuine friendship between the two. Richard was never truly friends with them, at the least not with Henry. He was used by Henry again and again, whether it be doing small chores, keeping secrets, trying to frame Richard with the poisonous mushrooms and so on.

Richard was fucked the moment he stumbled upon the twins, Bunny and Henry in the library.

How much do you think Richard lied about the story?

Because I think he was lying about a LOT of stuff. I do not trust words that come from this man. He is sus.

Since he is talking about the past, it could all be misunderstandings and blurry memories (he was high half of the time) Or it could be just lies.

My favourite headcanon is that Richard was writing a book about his college life. He is a bit delusional and grandiose so when he went to college, he expected to have this main character vibe going on. But his college life was as normal as any of ours and he was disappointed. So, he tried to live vicariously through a book, which he wrote as an "autobiography" (he literally starts the book with "this is a story of my follies"). Richard is telling us, the reader, "his" story. He is acknowledging it as a "real" story. But that too is a lie. Richard made it all up. All the characters were written by him.

That's why Camilla was portrayed as an angel, she is the heroine, his damsel in distress, love interest. Henry was the mythical Jay Gatsby to Richard's Nick Carraway. Henry was someone he could obsess over and idolise. Francis is the gay one, he is another 'kind of' love interest, he is always making passes at Richard, he is snarky and a bit grumpy, that's his entire character. Charles is the mean villain, he is abusing Camilla and committing incest, his existence makes all of them appear better than they are. Bunny was homophobic to a degree that didn't make any sense, he was in a fucking Greek class and was friends with all these people with major gay vibes, what did he expect? If Bunny was sympathetic, we wouldn't have accepted the murder so quickly. And Julian is Julian, he is so out of reach and ethereal; depicted as a type of teacher we would love to have, the story's John Keating.

Now when we come to the ending. The only one who gets to live a "normal" life and has any success (at least graduating college) was Richard. Yeah, Camilla turned him down and all but, he doesn't seem that mad about it (he admitted he loved Henry too, which gives major Nick Carraway vibes) He doesn't really face any consequences of what they all did (he is an accomplice to murder after all)

Camilla is traumatised, she is still in love with Henry and he fucking died in front of her. Her relationship with Charles is ruined and that would be traumatising as well.

Francis is forced to stay in the closet with no choice in the person he dates. And he almost dies of a suicide because of that. He is done with life.

Charles tried rehab but then ran away with a woman in her 30s that was married. His life is a complete mess and he has no contact with his old friends or sister.

Henry commited suicide and Bunny was murdered by his own friends.

Out of all these situations, Richard was the lucky one. He still has ties to Camilla and Francis and they still are kind of friends. He graduated and got a job. He dates one of the most popular girls at college and moves in with her for some time. He is doing something in his life.

In the end, Richard got the best of all of them. Maybe because that's just his real life. He doesn't have a crazy backstory. He doesn't have a huge personality. He doesn't have many connections to these characters. He gets the best ending. He is always the outsider. He is the narrator. He is a liar. He is a storyteller.

It's Richard's world, we are all just living in it.

(I know this theory is not at all true. Donna Tartt was not going for it to be like this. But I find the idea of Richard faking the entire book for his own entertainment and delusion, fascinating. And it's even plausible because of his personality)

Just imagine if TSH happened in the present day. The afterward would be just Richard going to his desk job with four hours of sleep and revealing he was writing an OC self-insert fanfiction about a modern Greek tragedy in AO3.

(okay, this turned out so funny. I get Richard, I want to escape from my boring life with writing too)

I was always really interested in literature since I was a kid. And one of the first things I tried to read was Crime and Punishment, but I got bored of it and gave it up after thirty pages. I didn't like it at all (same with a lot of books similar to that). I can't explain it but I just don't like a lot of classics, they may be well written but I don't vibe with them you know. I have decided to pick up Dostoevsky again and when my dad asked what to get me for my birthday, I told him to give me a hardcover of Crime and Punishment.

And now he thinks I am starting to like Classics, particularly Dostoevsky and he is really hyped about it.

How do I tell my dad that I am reading Dostoevsky's books to understand the backstory, ability and make predictions about an anemic rat from Bungou stray dogs.

(I am gonna read Crime and Punishment while listening to "Bernadette" by IAMX on the loop. The Fyolai nation weeps)

Every valentine's day Chuuya gets desperate, passionate love letters from someone whom he doesn't know. It's full of poetic lines and cryptic messages about how they are fated to be together and are soulmates. He wonders who this secret admirer is and decides to write back to them and ask them out on a date.

He goes to the restaurant they decide to meet at and takes a U-turn back to the receptionist and cancels his reservation when he sees Dazai sitting there waiting for him. Because Chuuya.exe has stopped working.

The summary of TSH:

Richard : Anyone d-

Camilla: Depressed?

Francis: Drained?

Charles : Dumb?

Henry: Disliked?

Richard : -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...?

Ps: I still cannot believe it all happened in one academic year

Anyone: *says something bad about Chuuya/Dazai/ other more popular characters*

Me: *sleeps* I don't care

Anyone: *says something bad about Atsushi*

Me: 😃🔫👊💣

Richard : What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Camilla: 'Prettiest Smile'

Francis: 'Nicest Personality'

Charles : 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Henry: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Bunny: *didn't make it to the end of the year*

Some quotes are changed to fit the number of words for the poll!

I don't remember more lines although there's no lack of gay quotes in this show (feel free to share your favourites)

Not Skk and sskk having TWO confession scenes.

Dazai, you make fun of Akutagawa but at least his confessions aren't getting rejected like yours.

"What's the worst can he do?"

"He shoots me"

"that's better than a verbal rejection"

"How can I ignore depression when it comes to hugs me when no one else did?"

~ Me, at midnight, while taking a shower.

BSD S5 is driving me insane~

I did not expect to cry because of Fyolai and FukuFuku

Why do they have to pair them up and then separate them?

Are we here to fulfil Asagiri's sadistic desires ? 😭

Does he even like us?

"This story is not for people who are good at living"

Bullshit

Then maybe you should think about your fanbase of mentally ill people on copium~

Just sayin'

(ps: at least Skk and sskk reunion happened)

Richard : There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Charles: Have everyone stand.

Camilla: Bring three more chairs!

Francis : The most important ones can sit down.

Bunny: Make them fight for the chairs!

Henry: Kill three.

Richard : Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Camilla: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.

Richard : Three of us saw it, Camilla. How do you explain that?

Camilla: *points at Francis* Sleep deprivation. *points at Charles* Paranoia. *points at Henry* Delusional personality disorder.

Sometimes I randomly remember Henry Winter didn't take the SATs for not being "aesthetically pleasing" and I wonder why I am studying in a field I am not interested in and wasting my life away; then it also hits me that Henry Winter was also rich as fuck and he can afford that.

Dark Academia is pretty in theory; it's too expensive for regular people. We can't go to exclusive colleges and do degrees in ancient languages and fine arts.

No wonder I read books to feed those desires I could never afford in real life.

Do people really think that skk hate eachother?

After the fight with Lovecraft, we have a scene where Dazai smiles at Chuuya; this is one of the only genuine smiles we ever get from Dazai. Most of the time he is playing up a facade and he is very hard to read but he always seems to smile more genuinely when he is around Chuuya, especially when Chuuya isn't looking at him.

What I think those two have are very complicated feelings that haven't changed since they were 15-18.

Skk never got to be friends, they were always partners, "Double Black", Port Mafia's prodigies. They didn't get the chance to just be kids and see the better sides of eachother, their relationship didn't grow organically over the years but became stunted at a time when both of them were only teenagers. Thrust in an environment where there's not much positivity, Skk were always at odds because of their clashing personalities and mutual dislike (and their similarities)

I don't think that dislike ever became hate. I think they did become closer as the years passed, but then of course Dazai left.

While saying Chuuya was sad when Dazai left is a way to show their care for eachother. I would say, Chuuya was REALLY angry when Dazai left (that's why he drank that expensive wine, it was out of spite). How can he leave? Does he have no loyalty to the PM? Does he have no loyalty to Chuuya? They were partners, he can't just leave without a word.

Dazai left without a word because he knew how mad Chuuya would be at him when he finds out, he knew if he thought about Chuuya there would be a part of him that wouldn't want to leave this partnership that they have had since three years. It was something that gave him excitement in this "worthless thing they call living" it was his will to live. He also didn't want the PM to think Chuuya was involved with him and helped him in leaving.

I do think Dazai leaving PM made Chuuya dislike him even more. Dazai was not only annoying, he was also disloyal.

But when it comes to Dazai, I don't think he hated Chuuya at all. His fondness for Chuuya is what makes him not want to like him. It's the same way Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor for being the only one who understands him. Dazai doesn't want to kill Chuuya, when he says "I have been thinking about ways to kill Chuuya since 7 years" it's a lie, a joke for him, a facade. He could have done that any time in 7 years but he chose not to. He knows when it comes to it, he can't kill Chuuya.

Chuuya would say he hates Dazai but goes out of his way to save him everytime. In Dead Apple, he risked his own life to save Dazai who could have been dead for all he knew. But he still took the chance, believing that Dazai would have a plan and that he would know that Chuuya is going to risk it. (Also I wholeheartedly believe Dazai has some fantasies about being rescued by Chuuya, that Mf totally does)

Their trust in eachother is so strong, that even when they are on the enemy side, they are able to work together, putting their differences apart. They have never had a "real" fight like Atsushi and Akutagawa, it's more of snide remarks and calling nicknames, like their teenage selves.

I don't think Chuuya is aware of these complicated feelings, he has manifested his dislike of Dazai's antics and personality to a point he had hidden his care for him. On the other hand, Dazai is very aware of these feelings, he knows he cares. So he fakes it, acting out as usual the idea that he hates Chuuya, because he knows loving and caring for someone does not end well for him (look at Oda). He doesn't want to lose another person he cares for.

In retrospect as memeable and funny those two "confession" scenes are in S5; it's the first time Dazai is not lying, he is acknowledging his care for Chuuya in a way it feels authentic and real to Fyodor, so they could trick him. It's their plan, yes, but the reason it feels real is because IT IS. No wonder Chuuya shot him so many times ("Dazai's being stupid again, making me feel things, embarrassing me in front of the enemy").

This isn't a shipping post, I do ship Skk, but their bond is so deep that you can look at it in a platonic way and very little would change.

Bunny: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Richard: Nope, absolutely not.

Camilla : I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Charles : I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Francis: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Henry: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

Bunny:....

Francis: Rules are made to be broken.

Henry: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Richard : Uh, piñatas.

Charles : Glow sticks.

Camilla: Karate boards.

Bunny: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Francis: Rules.

Henry:

Who wants to be the main character? I want to be the omniscient narrator of someone's story.

This is gonna be controversial 😅....... anyways~~~

I don't really like to use the word "queer". But for the purposes of the poll that would be used (I am not meaning to be offensive!)

I was really curious as to what people think about this since almost half of the posts I see are about the gay stuff in BSD (most of which are really good posts). The shipping is also mostly leaning towards m/m and w/w (and I am a multi-shippers)

So I wondered what the actual fuck is going on? What do you people think about it? I am not long enough here to form an opinion so I wouldn't state mine.

What is it that makes bsd so.......gay?

(I know about Rimlaine being an actual couple. Nikolai and Ranpo I heard are also gay. I know irl Dazai had a crush on a boy and other BSD authors having questionable sexualities. But this poll is ONLY about BSD anime, manga etc. And not concerning the real life authors)

(Also Q is referred to as they/them and are non-binary with no one knowing their gender. I am pretty sure Higuchi says something about that in Wan)

Headcanon (spoilers S5!!!): The reason we don't see Dazai being suicidal (I don't remember a single suicide joke in S5) anymore is because during his time in prison he had therapy sessions with Fyodor and started to change for better. That is why he says to Fyodor "You can't kill me" because he doesn't want to die anymore. It's Dazai showing his appreciation for the therapy sessions by killing Fyodor. What a wonderful friendship.