ETIQUETTE

Wise things my sister has told me (friendship edition)

You hurt so much in friendships because you are more invested in it than they are or they care to be. Not everyone considers friendship to be such a precious and important relationship in their life and you need to be aware of that before you open your heart to people. 

When someone is being vulnerable with you, it says more about you than it does about them. It shows that you make them feel comfortable and like it’s a safe space and that you will not judge them or go around spreading rumours. They trust you. Because you are a trustworthy and emotionally mature person. 

You don’t need to have a huge showdown sort of confrontation with someone before deciding to distance yourself from them. You can decide that in your own head. Since you are neither ghosting them nor turning on them, you are not required to talk it out. You are simply toning down your affection towards them because now you see them for who they are. 

You need more people in your life who see you as an equal. And that can only happen when they are not so severely insecure. Insecurity comes out in two ways. One, where they put you down, are cocky and entitled and selfish. They think they are better than you. These are commonly recognized as narcissistic traits. But the second way is less known. It is when they are low on self-confidence and compare everything you do with what they do and then secretly try to copy that and never even acknowledge it. It is when they try to suck you dry, take everything they can from you to become ‘better’ and then pretend like you don’t exist. 

List of products and little tips that have made my skin (and my life) better🌸

(this turned out to be way longer than expected)

*the links show the brands i use but there are cheaper options you can find that work just as well

• tone with thayers witch hazel (rose petal)

• mix one part indian clay (bentonite clay) with two parts apple cider vinegar for the best face mask ever (your face will get a little reddish, but itll go away within 10-15 mins)

• always wear sunblock if you’re going out (even if its a rainy day)

• NEVER use products containing alcohol in your face

• rosehip oil and jojoba oil are really good for fading acne scars and getting rid of acne (they are cheaper dupes for ML miracle serum and Bahi cosmetics sunflower serum which are holy grail // if you do have the money to buy them, do so. but i prefer rosehip and jojoba which you can get at marshalls for like $6 each)

• at night, moisturize face and body with organic shea butter (i dont recommend using it for your face during daytime bc it’ll look too oily, but you do you)

• ^shea butter helps with the appearance of stretch marks (tbh i love my stretch marks, but if you want to fade them a little, mix a little bit of rosehip oil and shea and that should do the trick)

• stop consuming dairy products (once i did, my face cleared up completely.. diet/eating healthy has a huge impact on skin appearance)

• horsetail tea makes your hair look better

• i usually drink unsweetened tea two times a day. almost every tea helps with digestion in my opinion but matcha green tea is the best for digestion and weight loss. (my favorite is hibiscus tea but it has a unique taste so its not for everyone)

• if youre having trouble relaxing or sleeping, drink chamomile tea (again, i rarely add sugar or honey to my teas, but its an adquired taste)

• usually i dont eat before going to bed (at least 2 hours before)

• drink water (everybody says to drink water, but trust me, its the best tip)

• detox water is a god send if you dont like drinking plain water

• exercise 3-4 days a week at least (if you can’t/don’t want to do hardcore exercises just take a walk around the park. just dont be sedentary)

• i am not a breakfast person, so i usually make dairy free shakes (if you want the recipes comment or send me an ask)

• invest in a juicer and make your own natural juices (stop buying those pausterized shit juices that barely keep their nutrients / natural juices help with digestion)

• s t o p eating fast foods. just don’t.

• i exfoliate once a week, usually sundays, with a sugar/salt/coffee scrub depending on what my skin needs. the rest of the week i use a konjac sponge to cleanse my face

• try to change your deodorant to an aluminum free one (the one i used was discountinued.. when i find a good one ill link it here)

• buy a sleeping mask (idk why but i sleep better when i use it + i dont get eyebags)

• for hair mask i use olive oil or avocado oil (i rarely use it more than once every three weeks)

• dry feet? (at night, coat them with shea butter and put socks on) (i literally hate how disgusting it feels but its so worth it in the mornings)

• for hair growth people usually recommend biotin but for some reason everytime i take biotin pills i get really bad acne so id rather use castor oil on my scalp and eyebrows (many say to put it on your eyelashes and it probably works but i dont use it bc i dont want it to be that close to my eyeball but thats just me)

• always exfoliate before shaving your legs (i make my own scrub, again if you want the recipe just ask)

• i stopped drinking coffee (im not sure wether it had an impact on my skin, but i had a strong dependence and addiction to it so i just stopped)

• dont drink sodas or coke or sprite or whatever. stick to water and organic/natural juices.

• sometimes when i wash my hair, i add a serum before brushing it, and add perfume to my hairbrush before detangling. (i love doing this but my hair gets dry whenever i do. so i always do the serum but alternate the perfume thing)

• for the love of god. scrub your lips if you have them chapped and are going to use a matte lipstick. chapped lips + matte lipstick = repulsiveness at its finest

• i stay away from heating products. i rarely iron my hair more than two times a year. embrace your natural hair. or don’t. (its up to you, but if you do, do it bc YOU want to, not bc you think its what others will like)

• i always put on mascara. even if i dont use any more makeup. im a sucker for long eyelashes. (i use the lengthening mascara from 100% pure. i love love love it.)

• i always shower with hot water but i recently read that if you feel light headed after, its bc your blood pressure dropped. (idk i need to research, but showering with hot water relaxes the fuck out of me)

• sleep at least 8 hours

• i mentioned exercising before, but if you can, do so in the morning (i feel way more energized through out the day)

• eating healthier has helped with my menstrual cramps. honest to god, just eat cleaner, exercise and masturbate while on your period. (these are the only things that make me feel better on those days of the month)

• take nudes whenever youre feeling yourself. even if theyre just for you. (always boosts my self esteem)

• tea tree oil as a spot treatment (if you have sensitive skin dont use it)

•^ if you have smelly feet, combine tea tree oil with shea butter and coat your feet at night

• have a “me” day (have a diy spa, go out shopping, reread your favorite book, go to the beach… do something that makes you happy and relaxed at least twice a week)

• i always do a wall sit while i brush my teeth

• always floss. please.

• for teeth whitening i use baking soda but it makes my gums very sensitive (charcoal and the coconut oil pulling method didnt work for me, but everyones different so give it a try)

• throw out your scale

• you don’t have to keep your nails painted 24/7 but atleast keep them trimmed so that they look even and clean

• i have a boob routine and a butt routine (comment or ask if you want a separate post on them)

• eat a lot of fruit

• cut out toxic people (this ones for your emotional health. your emotional health is just as important as your physical one)

• have a pussy pouch (my pussy pouch is a bag with all my essentials for when im on my period, agaain if you want a separate post, let me know)

• if you have really bad acne, chance your pillow case every 2-3 days

• love yourself

~~~

let me know if y’all want a part 2 💗

What I've learned throughout my 20's

1. Don't tell your family everything. it will backfire.

2. Don't tell your closest friends everything. it will backfire.

3. Never tell anyone about how much you have in your account. that's only for you and the bank to know.

4. Work hard in silence.

5. Don't chase men. Chase your goals.

6. Don't be too kind. not everyone has your heart.

7. There will never be anyone like you.

8. Read as many books as you can. Knowledge is power.

9. Wear sunscreen every single day. your skin will thank you later on.

10. Prioritize solitude time. your soul needs it.

11. Try to eat at home more often, the food is surrounded by your own energy.

12. Don't wake up to your phone screen. What are you going to get out of that?

13. Just like binge eating, binge watching is also not healthy. Go live!

14. Water is your best friend.

15. Education will never leave you.

16. Say how you feel once. and only once. if you find yourself repeating the same things, they don't care.

17. Everyday is a special occasion, because you're alive.

18. You know yourself better than anyone ever will. So who cares about those who judge you, their opinions aren't paying you.

19. Abusive men don't change. they just change their tactics.

20. It's better to say no than to feel uncomfortable.

21. Social media is a commercial.

22. If you lost yourself, you will find a way back.

23. Listen to your inner child. She needs you and you need her.

24. Love who you are no matter what state you are in.

Source - exhalefierceness

Mindset

You can have anything you want if you’re willing to give up everything for it. If you honestly want to live lavish, be drenched in designer couture, go on exotic vacations, you can. If you want something badly enough, you can find a way to get it. It might be harder for you. You may have to get it a different way than other people, but you will to find a way to achieve what you want. You live the life you chose, even if it’s not the life you say you want. I apologize for being harsh but victimhood, making excuses, and pitying yourself will get you nowhere. I gave up my entire life to be able to live how I do now. My family doesn’t speak to me because of my choice to do better. Most of my friends, the same. I don’t care. I value money, material things, opulent experiences, and financial freedom higher than I value people who don’t care to see me happy or fulfilled. I have made sacrifices. I have given up once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. What haven’t made, is excuses. I don’t feel bad for myself. I don’t play the victim because quite frankly, no matter how you frame it, I’m not. On that note, you’re probably not either. I’m not discounting anyone’s trauma, but it’s not an excuse to let yourself fail and in return hate others who forced themselves to succeed. If you want to do something, go make it happen. Stop making excuses. Stop blaming your trauma. Stop blaming the situation you were born into. Stop saying you can’t, or it doesn’t work like that for you, or you’ll never be able to do that because it’s just not true. There are things in this world that you cannot control. But you do have complete control over the way in which you chose to live your life. Manifest it. Align yourself accordingly. And start doing the things you want to do. Start being the person you say you want to be. 

I wish, I wish with all my heart that I could carry home in my back like a turtle.

Atleast that will give me the reason to avoid human interaction.

in your 20’s find a balance between hustle & rest. you don’t need to have a love life or a soulmate figured out. go travel the world. battle your demons. set up a business, find people who value your heart & yours will attract. don’t live in the past, you have so much more to see

Life tips?

I’ll answer this question by echoing notes I’ve left for myself in my journal:

Eyes on the prize while you stop to smell the roses

You are loved, even when you don’t feel like it and even when those that love you don’t do it in the most efficient ways

Try not to take shit personally, everyone is just projecting

The success you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding

If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you

Outgrow feeling like you have to play small to protect peoples feelings

The pain of self-discipline is better than the pain of regret

If you allow a man to feed you he has the power to starve you—be independent and have your own income and assets

If God puts rice in your basket, there is no point in wishing for soup—instead of wallowing in self-pity, make the most of your situation and excel

Fashion is for your everyday life, not just for big occasions

Your brain changes more in your twenties than at any other time in your adult life—whatever it is that you want to change about yourself, now is the time to do it by building good habits

Speed is relatively unimportant, forward is forward

Low self-esteem often leads to adverse self-fulfilling prophecies; break the cycle and build a strong sense of self-worth

The people who reach the greatest heights are not always the strongest, nor the most intelligent; they are the most responsive to change

Some of these are truisms I’ve found on Tumblr, some are quotes from books I’ve read, some are wisdom I’ve received from the people in my life, and others are things I’ve realized from self-reflection. This probably wasn’t the most organized but I hope it was still helpful! ❣️