Notes From My Last Program With A Client 🤍

bellalovecoach ~ Instagram

Every “failure” is a lesson

We’re praised for our successes but we rarely see someone having a positive attitude towards failing. Quite early on we learn to fear failure, even though it’s a part of life. We will always fail at something. Sometimes we might fail at everything.

We have to accept failures and what’s more, we have to see them as learning opportunities. Our success teaches us very little and rarely so but mistakes always teach us something as long as you are willing to learn that lesson.

Next time you fail at something or do something wrong, don’t beat yourself up about it. That does nothing. Find the lesson, figure out what you did wrong and then promise yourself you won’t do it again. Then move on. There’s nothing else to do but move on.

See the failure as a learning opportunity even before you fail. Take more chances, use your opportunuties, because you either succeed or you learn. Things are far less scary when you gain something from either outcome.

Advice your mother should’ve given you.

Stick by your word and stand firm with your boundaries. Don’t allow people to poke, probe, and push your limits, boundaries, and no zones after you told them not to. Don’t be fooled, all people need is one warning to get the memo that something is off limits, but no one will respect a person who is all talk and no action. Put action behind your words, no one will take your words seriously if you don’t, empty threats get you nowhere. People only continue trying you when they know/think they can get away with it. Say it with me, first times a warning, second times a done deal. Don’t disrespect yourself by going against your boundaries and personal code. 

What if, and hear me out, people DO love you

Your coworker who loves when they get to work a shift with you, even if you don’t talk

Your cousin who’s relieved when they see you at family gatherings, who thinks you’re “the cool cousin” but hasn’t said anything out loud

Your classmate who thinks you have great taste, even if they’re too shy to speak up about it in class

Your childhood friends who remember you fondly

The waiter you tipped during a busy night

That person you complimented on the street

The little kid you waved to

The old woman you made small talk with

People love you, because you’re lovable. And you’re worthy of love. Even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes

(Self depreciating comments will be removed at best, bluntly and remorselessly told to shut the fuck up at worst. Fuck around. I dare you.)

notes to self *new information edition*

🌼 Human life is filled with its little miseries. The little irritations of human life. I don't know the exact translation, but Van Gogh, in his letters to his brother, kept saying 'misères de la vie humain'. And he said it as such a factual thing. Like 'oh, that's just the little miseries of our human life. What are yours lately?'

It left me so stunned. That sort of acceptance? It's golden. Currently my misères de la vie humain are job hunting and not thinking about how the world is increasingly becoming dystopic.

🌼 This desire for slow, mindful living, the rejection of a fast-paced hustle culture driven life where we glorify being burned out and busy all the time - it's not stupid. Read this passage by the writer Jeff Brown where he speaks about when we are not centered, it's easy to be manipulated and targeted by others including capitalism. To force yourself to align your goals with those of others. Because you don't know your authentic self. You don't know what you want.

But you have to focus on noticing everything - from your breath, to your body, to your inner self. And you have to centre yourself. He says it may be counter intuitive but actually the slower you move, the faster you will return home. And that just validated what I've known and felt all along.

🌼 Saw this reel on Instagram that revealed the best advice for overthinkers. It said, when you're overthinking: write. When you're underthinking: read. When you're confused: do both.

How has something so simple yet profound not found its way to me before? I hated the word overthinker because as a teenager everyone used that against me. But then one day this random girl from my class said it's not that you overthink, it's just that your standard level of thinking is already so high from the others that to them it's beyond their normal processing capacity. I wish she is doing well right now.

🌼 Hearing some hypocritical people talk about boundaries in their distorted victim blaming narrative, I realized that bro you need to communicate a boundary when you want to set it. Like if you've known someone for 10 years and suddenly you want to change something about your relationship and you decide to set a boundary that demands that change - then you can't just set it in your mind and not communicate it to the other person. And you certainly cannot get mad when they cross a boundary they didn't even know exists now suddenly.

People are increasingly misusing popular narratives surrounding mental health and well being to justify their shitty behaviour. And it's just fucked up.

🌼 To end on a lighter note, I just learned tonight how to say 'my hobby is reading' in Korean and it makes me very happy. I can finally understand sentence formation and structure better and am confident to carry on.

Getting myself together

If you want to be ATTRACTIVE you can be.

-Get up early. Set your alarm and stretch first thing. Then go make some tea.

-Get dressed, do light makeup & go for a walk (Always look your best even if it’s light makeup & your hair is in a ponytail).

-Work out. Even though you don’t want to! Do you think anybody wants to at first? No. How do they get results? Discipline.

-Check off a calendar to feel accomplished after u do these things every day (with a rest day in between. Even then, stay active just go easier—walk).

-Do a face mask 2X a week at the end of the day. Put teabags on eyes to reduce puffiness. Moisturize and use gua sha roller to massage face.

-Sleep to binaural beats music for deep sleep

If you want to be SMART you can be.

-Read portions of a book mindfully and try to retain that information.

-Try to finish 1 book every 2 weeks. The library is your friend.

-Do a crossword in the local newspaper

If you want to be STRONG you can be.

-STOP giving into your emotions & being at their mercy.

-Do you feel sad? Well cry it out, comfort yourself & then get right back to doing whatever you need to further your goals.

-Don’t be an open book. Even if you don’t feel well nobody on the outside needs to know. Don’t give away your secrets. Only ask for help from appropriate people.

If you want to be FRIENDLY & PERSONABLE you can be.

-What would you do if you were drunk/ not overthinking it?

-How others react to you is none of your business. Don’t let them determine your worth/ mood.

-Compliment strangers. Ask for directions. This can lead to small talk.

-Mirror people subtly. Add on to the conversation by asking questions. Wait until the other person is done speaking no matter how badly you want to get a word in.

-Get approached by always looking put together & nice. Even if you’re not, fool them on the outside.

you know how you can feel yourself starting to develop a crush on someone but it’s still very faint so you kind of feel like an old man standing on a hilltop, sniffing the air like ”ah yes… there might be a storm coming”

Do we actually like working or just receiving the money?

Hey babe what are some things that you think would be a good investment when improving your lifestyle?

- Healthy foods and kitchen essentials: I bought a huge NutriBullet kit on sale the other day for $99 and it was one of the best investments I’ve made. It incentivises me to make green smoothies in the morning with ingredients that make my skin clearer, energy better, etc. I recommend investing in obviously fruits and vegetables on the regular, but also things like vitamins, super greens powder, protein powder, white tea and green tea, a portable thermos to drink tea anywhere at any time (I have a cute one from Lululemon), rolled oats, bamboo straws, maca powder, raw cocoa, and then of course nutritious groceries. I like buying sourdough bread, avocado, lemon, feta cheese, eggs, chicken, jasmine rice and fruit regularly.

- invest in your HAIR. It’s worth spending several hundred dollars a year on an excellent cut and colour. If you can afford it, get regular blow dries, but I choose not to (I definitely will when budget allows for it comfortably). Please don’t dye your hair at home lol. Getting your hair done at a good salon makes it look expensive. Get a treatment too if you need one. Ultimately, the right investments in your hair should make it look more expensive, and make it more LOW maintenance on a daily basis. It’s also worth investing in an excellent hairbrush (I use the Aveda wooden paddle brush which was around $60 or so), and hair oil (Moroccanoil argan oil is the best I’ve found and used, it’s about $70-80 if I remember correctly, def worth it). These two products make your daily routine more seamless and effective and give you long term healthier, shinier hair.

- Gym or fitness membership: I pay $25 for a membership at a studio in the city which includes unlimited Pilates, barre, yoga and HIIT classes. I don’t enjoy traditional gym anymore so I found something that works for me, and is only 10 mins from my house. This is seriously a non negotiable, even if you have no fitness goals or aesthetic goals for your body, having a fitness routine adds an element of structure and wellbeing to your daily life. It enriches it with community, and improved health benefits. If you’re trying to lose weight or tone up, definitely a must. Keep searching until you find the perfect place, and secure that membership.

- An everyday tote bag: personally I don’t carry a handbag in my day to day life generally. An ordinary day in my life would include a balance of work, gym and university, so I need a lot of space in my bag for a change of clothes, makeup bag, books, laptop, hairbrush, food, water bottle, wallet etc. I carry the ‘Deluxe Gum Bag’ from Lorna Jane which is THE MOST AMAZING bag ever. It’s insanely sturdy and carries SO MUCH. It’s also super chic and stylish. This bag is literally my life lol, it’s been with me through thick and thin 😂 if I’m only going to work or uni or running errands, I’ll just carry a canvas tote bag, like my New Yorker tote. Something lightweight and chic. So, investing in the right everyday bag(s) is life changing.

- Makeup: I use the same 5 makeup products everyday. All high end and all very reliable/high quality. They’ve lasted me ages and definitely given me a bang for their buck. I recommend investing in a good tinted moisturiser (don’t recommend foundation), bronzer, powder, eyeliner, mascara, lipliner, eyeshadow palette and eyebrow pencil. My approach to makeup has been more ‘quality over quantity’. I probably buy a new piece of makeup once a year. When you buy high end products, you don’t need to replace them so frequently. I recently purged my collection and now only have a moderate amount of high end products I would realistically use. The brands I recommend are NARS, Laura Mercier, MAC, Charlotte Tilbury, Benefit, Too Faced, Chanel, Hourglass, Tarte, Dior and It Cosmetics.

- High quality bedding: when I moved into my new place I spent $600 on top notch bedding with zero qualms. Do NOT underestimate the importance of quality, linen or cotton bedding. I went to the Sheridan outlet and bought cotton quilt, bedsheets, towels, mattress protector, pillows and pillowcases, and quilt cover. Cotton bedding is breathable and soft on your skin, prevents nasty bedbugs and illnesses they transmit, and drastically improves your quality of sleep and life overall. Polyester cheap bedding will over time destroy your skin and leave you prone to bedbugs and difficult sleep! It was SUCH a good investment and now I sleep like a baby every night.

- Silk pillowcase: I purchased the Slip silk pillowcase and ever since I’ve seen improvements in my hair and skin. Both are smoother and softer. Other pillowcases can truly wreak havoc on your hair and cause wrinkles over time. Plus it feels so luxurious and incredible to wake up on silk every morning!

- Educational subscriptions: I’m subscribed to the New York Times, the New Yorker, and Medium. These add immense value to my daily life. On the bus or train I can open the app and educate myself endlessly on a huge variety of topics and disciplines. Buying the right subscriptions enriches your life with cultural and social awareness, a better vocabulary, a stronger ability to communicate with all types of people on a variety of topics, and exposure to eloquent, articulate verbal communication.

- Quality tech to enhance your learning: for me, this meant investing in AirPods to listen to podcasts all day long, anywhere I am. My Apple Watch also helps me keep track of my physical activity and amplify/monitor it on a daily basis. The right tech accessories can seriously level up your daily life and learning. I recommend investing in a Kindle, good headphones/AirPods, MacBook, Fitbit etc. having one or more of these staples helps make your learning more seamless, motivating and convenient.

Hope this list helps! There a probably a lot more (like quality shoes, books, hair extensions etc) but these are the essentials I think are worth the investment for maximised daily usefulness and value to my routine.