I Dont Know What It Is Anymore Its Day 14 And Its Still The Same Im Losing It

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either

and what i really want is more deformed characters who are GOOD instead of this awful pattern of the deformed characters being evil.

anyways i am currently working on multiple such characters.

Really wish I saw more art of deformed characters. More diversity in bodies. I feel like people are scared to draw us because they’re worried they’ll do it wrong or something. But 1. wrong and trying is better than nothing, and 2. you can always ask somebody for input. There are always people who are willing to answer your questions, you just have to find them. My asks are always open and I know a to of other people who are like that, too.

i really want to reapproach the way i see success.

i think ive slowly been doing it for a few years now, but theres definitely more i can do.

i always think of it in the grand life goal kind of way.

but it doesnt need to be that..

and for me, i really wanna see if i can find things in my day-to-day life that are, a success.

did i put myself out of my comfort zone that day trying something new?

did i take a deep breath and calm my thoughts before getting frustrated at somebody?

did i show care to myself even when i felt unworthy of life?

did i do anything where if i was reading a book about me. would i be proud of the bee on that page?

because the answer is probably yes most days. but im not treating myself as if thats the case.

im so harsh to myself and i know this. i give grace to others where i would never for myself.

i just want to treat myself gently.

so cheers to small successes, the steps forward even when theres also steps backward..

and to not just treating others the way we want to be treated, but treating ourselves that way too.

maddening that the media refuses to call nazi salutes what they are. HOW ARE WE HERE RIGHT NOW. fucks sake.

Terrarium Life collection~

I painted these way back during the pandemic (hence the hoard of toilet paper and Switch that I wish I had, but they were all sold out) No pandemic now but the chimney smoke from all the neighbors have made the air unbreathable and I'm stuck inside again 😭 cuddling my dog, drinking tea

tending to my fish tank and my plants

I know I'm shouting into the void with this one but like. Genuinely so many low support needs people dont understand what it's like having even medium support needs. Like I am entirely dependent on other people for many of my needs. I can not see a doctor without someone else scheduling the appointment, taking me there and doing a large amount of the communication for me.

If my caretaker had not been accepting of me being trans and invested hundreds of hours into psych appointments and taking me to my endocrinologist and doing all the paperwork involved with my name change and literally taking a week off work to stay with me in the hospital for surgery etc i would have just like. Never transitioned. My ability to transition was entirely dependent on a singular person and that's what a lot of other parts of my life are like as well. and that's fucking terrifying and a great way to be neglected and abused in ways that are horribly hard to get away from.

I dont drive, I dont work, I struggle to leave the house at all, I dont fucking communicate with people majority of the time. The things that are hard for you? I probably can not do them to begin with. No one in my family lives even close to a comparable life to me. None of my irl friends do. I'm incredibly isolated.

And then I go online and see people rant about how easy MSN and HSN people have it because we just get everything we need and how because people can tell we are disabled everything is so easy because none of you even manage to listen to us talk about the neglect and abuse and trauma we face/d. I see people angry at their (more) disabled siblings for getting care they need to survive instead of mad at society for creating a system where its incredibly hard for families to take care of both a higher support needs child and another child.

And I see people who live completely independent lives who work and drive and make their own doctors appointments and grocery shop and travel by themselves call themselves MSN (I could go on a rant about how that's also often the fault of LSN influencers for not leaving a lot of room in their own community for legitimate struggle but that's for another day).

I just want my needs met. I want to be able to decide where I live. I want choice in my care. I want to be able to have community with those like me. I want others to realize I exist and leave the words i have to describe my existence alone. I want others to listen to what I have to say about what my life is like.

IVE BEEN SAYING THIS SINCE I WAS A KID 😭

update i went to the beach that day it was fate

i miss the beach so much

you guys made luigi mangione trend for days and I need to see the same energy for brianna boston. she is a 43 year old mother of three who ended a phone call with blue cross blue shield (after being denied a claim) “delay deny depose, you people are next” and is now being held under a 100,000$ bond and could face FIFTEEN years of prison if charged. she has no weapons, her record is clean, and yet she is being held behind bars. they are afraid of the public and are trying to subdue. do not let them!!!! be outraged that our freedom of speech is being threatened!!!!! deny defend depose! free brianna boston!