Analysis - Blog Posts

Nothing aggravates me more than the ‘Ask app not to track’ notification, because WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO ASK??? I’m not knocking gently on the door, pushing it open, and saying ‘ummmm… can you maybe not take all of my data and analytics and make me feel like less of a person and more of an opportunity for capitalism?…. no…? Okay, sorry for bothering you.’ NO! I want them to NOT TRACK ME.

I’m starting to think that the annoying English teacher was right when they say everything a writer chooses to use has a meaning. Like, it might not be a big meaning, but I have not written a single sentence yet that was not intended to have some kind of effect. Some of them stand alone, some of them contribute to a whole thing, like structural motifs, but…

I don’t know, everything has meaning, I guess.

I swear Lenore's the biggest personification of Katy Perry's Hot N Cold song I've ever seen WHEEEZES

This isn't going to be very nice to Lenore, and in general the "remembering in pieces" mechanic, so just don't click read more if you don't want to see me tear into it thanks.

Like I know we all love to call Annabel a manipulator, and she is, but THIS MOMENT is kind of egregious as fuck to me.

The audacity to call her a monster (AND mad) to her face and then comfort her when she reacts badly over it

The audacity to look at her like this:

and then immediately after do this:

Why is she even saying "I don't know what I'd do with myself" if she's not supposed to remember that they were close?

But then why would she be acting like this if she DOES remember that they're close???

The worst thing is that it's so obvious how Lenore cares for the Misfits but when it comes to Annabel it feels cheap? Like it doesn't feel like there's any connection there other than "I remember I'm supposed to love you but do I actually?" rather than there being any genuine emotions involved. (Is that the point???)

WHERE is the delusion? The "Annabel must have surely had a reason—"

WHERE is the trust?

WHERE is the loyalty? <- truly my biggest gripe because Annabel is so fucking devoted I cannot let it go, I can't LMAO

WHERE is her not actually being as mad as she SHOULD be despite all of her misgivings and thus making Duke and Pluto suspicious as all hell?

Lenore has never ONCE given Annabel the benefit of the doubt and I understand that in the beginning when she knew nothing, but now? NOW? After THIS

Clear realization?

At some point I have to think that the flashbacks we're shown are not things they remember in canon unless we're explicitly shown them waking up to it because THIS

does not make sense otherwise.

Lenore WHY are you not losing your mind here? After saying that you're done with Annabel's whole game?

Go crazy go feral???

Annabel gave you the same reasoning, Lenore. Why are you tolerating this from him? You were manhandling Annabel and inches away from pulling a gun on her but now Duke has Annabel by the throat and halfway past a balcony railing and you're just TALKING?

Lenore tell me. Tell MEEEE!

Is it because Annabel treats it like a "game"? She's being playfully and giggly rather than being serious and "there's no other way" like Duke, even though she said THIS

before.

That's the worst part, really. Annabel has been VERY transparent the ENTIRE time and yet Lenore gets mad over her doing exactly what she said she'll do.

Conclusion to my rant:

What do they remember, what do they NOT remember? I don't know!

Annabel is devoted to the depths of hell even to her own detriment but is that because she remembers or because she's just Like That™?

Lenore is full of doubts and perpetual suspicions, and is willing to call her a monster to her face, but at the same time she sprouts "I don't know what I'll do without you." and jumps off balconies. Is that because she remembers or because she's just Like That™?

What is going ON

It's been a week, give or take, right? So they remember, what? 5 days worth of memories? Unless they remember much, much more than just a singular happening a night?

It feels inconsistent at best and utterly pointless at worst.

Just show us the flashbacks as an outside thing, it didn't have to be organically connected to their Nevermore storyline,,,,OR have them remember everything only when they first go Specre

The master post of my Nevermore analysis

This post has links to all the extensive reviews I've written about Nevermore (webtoon) so it doesn't get lost in the depths of the internet. I'll update it as I write more and I'm going to try to maintain some degree of order in this mess.

Another detail: if you see that some of these reviews contradict each other or are not entirely consistent with each other, it is because I write them as the comic progresses, so it is very possible that one or more of them end up being outdated, but anyway I think it's worth keeping them.

An unnecessarily detailed analysis

These are practically vignette by vignette revisions of certain scenes or moments of the comic.

An incessantly detailed analysis of the (re)encounter between Annabel and "Leo"

An unnecessarily detailed analysis of the (re)encounter between Annabel and "Leo" (part II)

An unnecessarily detailed analysis of Lenore's face when she realizes how gay she is

Literary analysis

Reviews of Nevermore from the perspective of literary theory.

Nevermore is a gothic tragedy. Part I: Classical and Shakespearean Tragedy

Nevermore is a gothic tragedy. Part II: Supernatural Brides

Character Study

These are character analyses. Some of them could fit in the previous category, but I decided to leave them aside because they are much more specific.

Annabel Lee Whitlock: The Hypocrite, the Vampire and the Femme Fatale. A review of archetypes

Lenore Vandernatch: the rogue, the gothic heroine and the courtly knight. A review of archetypes

Montresor is the Bad Ending of White Raven

Montresor is the Bad Ending of White Raven II: Electric Bogaloo

Montresor (and Willtresor) is the Bad Ending of White Raven III: now it is personal

I think the Deans are fucking Lovecraftian gods

Nevermore themed cocktails

Fun fact: I'm a cocktail/mixology aficionado, here are some cocktail recipes based on Nevermore.

Note: the knowledge required for the preparation of mocktails is very different from the knowledge required for the preparation of cocktails. Therefore, while I may occasionally upload non-alcoholic versions of these cocktails, I may not always have the skills to make the transfer from one to the other.

Harlequin

Posh Besties

Stolen Moments

Stolen Moments (mocktail version)

The box of cookies (which has no cookies)

Here's basically whatever nonsense I've burned more time on than I should and don't want it to go to waste.

A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

Okay so this is gonna be a long, long ass post about Katherine Howard's 'arc' as expressed in All You Wanna Do, especially in response to some criticisms leveled against the pieces as glorifying or downplaying childhood sexual abuse (CSA).

The problem with the song is that it is in a genre not usually rife for analysis. It's so over the top that people assume there can't possibly be room for subtlety- they assume everything in the song must be be exactly as presented, because where is there room for nuance in a cheerful bubblegum pop song?

The problem is that there are so many things that generally speaking, only people who have a lot of familiarity with victims of CSA- whether because they themselves were victims (as I myself was) or because they know them- would have any chance of knowing. It flies over the heads of anyone who isn't in on these little "secrets." The people who haven't been there don't get it, and the ones who have... we know. And it is powerful.

So off the top of my head, here is a list of behaviors, patterns of thought, etc exhibited by Katherine Howard throughout the song that only someone familiar with CSA would pick up on:

1. Childishness. Of course some people simply have childish personalities, but there's a different kind of childishness (some) CSA victims display compared to others. It's a childishness interspersed with precociousness (and this is represented very well in Howard's dress). You know things you aren't supposed to know at your age- but you retain too much innocence, too much trust, too much of an outwardly cheerful attitude.

"Playtime's over" and "fairest of the fair" (a paraphrase of a line from a fairytale) as a motif throughout the song? The use of immature euphemisms, jokes, and slang words, like "birds and the bees me" for sex? The choice of pink as her color? The choice of bubblegum pop for her song genre? Yeah. It's all deliberate.

2. Downplaying the facts of the abuse. This is where the biggest misunderstanding of all comes from. People are angry that Howard is singing cheerfully about her abuse, that she never spells it out as such.

There's a reason for that. Many CSA victims don't realize for a long time- maybe even ever- that they were abused. When they do realize this, it tends to be met by downplaying, for any of a list of reasons too long to get into here. In Katherine's case, the most likely explanation based on her behavior is simple denial. She's putting on a happy front as she tries to process the facts of what happened to her. If you listen carefully, you can see the cracks start to appear at the end of the song, but much of this is lost if you listen only to the cast recording- it needs to be watched on stage for the full effect.

The choice of bubblegum pop (also to display her childishness, as noted above- because childishness and happiness/innocence are invariably conflated in media) for the song, the forced, awkward smiles on her face, the use of dirty jokes and double entendres to hide/obscure the facts (another coping mechanism widely used by CSA victims)...

She's downplaying it because she herself is barely able to understand what happened to her, and because the behavior started so early (and in such a "different time" as she notes) that it was formative and normalized for her. We are supposed to see what is happening to her and understand that this is wrong, because the piece relies on our understanding, as a modern society, that this is wrong- something she never would have been given. There were hundreds of factors that made it impossible for her to confront the facts of having been sexually abused. It's a very meta presentation.

3. Issues with attachment and conflation of sex with love. This is another one where explaining the why would require its own essay; suffice it to say that it is very, very common for those who have been sexually abused at a young age. Sometimes it's due to things the perpetrator said as a way to manipulate the victim into believing it was okay.

Katherine repeatedly takes comfort in the idea that even if she isn't okay with the sexual abuse, she feels loved. "Run your fingers through my hair// Tell me, I'm the fairest of the fair"- she is negotiating with herself, telling herself that the wounds to her dignity as a person are worth it as long as she gets the love and affection she is lacking.

She can't conceive of one without the other. If there's love without sex, that means she could have had it all along and been spared the pain. If there's sex without love, that means the men who hurt her didn't love her, which meant all of it happened for nothing. Either would be disastrous to the worldview she's set up as a coping mechanism. They cannot be unlinked.

4. The choreography. Okay, so this isn't her behavior specifically, but it was the only way to group all these things neatly together, and this is another case of the cast recording only telling part of Katherine's story.

Watch the other queens very, very carefully if you get tickets to the show or can find a bootleg, which I am sorry to say most definitely do not exist on YouTube. Searching "Six slime tutorial" is certainly not going to yield results, because no one would ever call a bootleg a "slime tutorial" to avoid getting flagged by the automatic anti-copyright infringement software on YouTube. If you watch this nonexistent video, you will find a progression of touch from the queens in the choreography that mirrors subtle changes in Katherine's body language.

The touches not only symbolizes her abuse, but her level of realization that what happened wasn't okay. Early on, she convinces herself the abuse was a loving relationship, a precocious first boyfriend; the touches are light, happy pats on her shoulder, and she accepts them with a smile. By the end of the song, as Thomas's betrayal sends her spiraling, she is nearly in tears. The other queens are increasingly persistent in touching her, and it's no longer just her shoulders; it's all over her arms, middle, and legs. She is visibly distressed, trying to shake them off to no avail, before she finally surrenders (and you can see the moment if you watch her face) and lets them do it.

The choreography, in short, is mirroring the story of her series of abuses. The "boil the frog" descent from okay to despair; the gradual dissolution of her concept of boundaries; her mounting horror at the realization that all along, she was nothing but an object to these men.

It's all deliberate and paints a much clearer picture than the song itself. It's also completely lost if you listen to the cast album only.

5. The reoccurring nature of the abuse. No one ever seems to have the heart to bring up one particularly depressing fact with childhood abuse victims- they're infinitely more likely to be abused again later. There's a lot of reasons for it; the shortest (albeit overly simplified) explanation is that there's a subconscious recognition of dynamics on the part of both perpetrator and victim that leads them to seek each other out, the perpetrator wanting an 'easy target' and the victim going along with what is already familiar to them. (This should NOT be mistaken as any kind of victim-blaming statement; this is not saying they have any complicity in their own subsequent abuses.)

Katherine Howard bounces from abusive relationship to abusive relationship because, quite simply, she doesn't know anything else. She doesn't know what a healthy and loving relationship looks like.

6. The internalization of victim-blaming narratives. Katherine has tons of little tells that she internalized a lot of blame. "I was 13, going on 30"- blaming her own precociousness for the abuse. "He invited me to be his little piece of ass...istant" said like a funny joke, but also... not a joke, because on some level she thinks that's all she is. Further, victims of abuse are also known to internalize phrases said to them by their attackers and repeat those verbally; while not confirmed, several of her lines seem like things she was told by the men who abused her at various times.

7. Trusting too much. Victims of CSA do... almost everything in extremes. Trust is one of them. There really isn't a lot of middle ground, there isn't a healthy amount of moderation. So, in the case of trust?

You either get a "trust no bitch, I wouldn't seek help if my toe fell off" type, or a "okay, he is wearing a costume made of literal red flags, but this time he's different, honest!" outlook. No in between.

"I think this time is different" is something CSA victims in the latter camp say a lot. If you don't start to detest everyone, you overcompensate by telling yourself everyone must be wonderful, no one else would ever, ever do what those guys did. And then they do... again.

"Why did I think he'd be different?" is what happens after one too many "I think this time is different"s.

8. The desperation for platonic companionship. This one, of course, isn't in any way exclusive to CSA victims, just like childishness or being too trusting. But in the greater picture of Katherine's characterization? Yeah.

She has so much to offer. She's intelligent, a fast learner, a great musician, funny, and (facade put on for the fake contest aside) quite sweet. She wants to be seen as a human being just once. But none of them ever do. She's only ever sex to these men, and only will be sex. And you can see the realization hit her as she sings about Thomas, leading to...

9. The realization. Some CSA victims have 'the realization' in bits and pieces. They learn this thing wasn't okay, and this thing wasn't either, and so on. Others get it all at once. Maybe it's spelled out to them, or maybe they've been lying to themselves that it was okay for so long that the cognitive dissonance collapses all at once.

Katherine had the latter. Suddenly, Thomas's actions- whatever they were- forced her to realize that everything had happened before was never okay.

Compare her first verse, "All you wanna do, baby //Is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me//Run your fingers through my hair//Tell me, I'm the fairest of the fair" with "All you wanna do, baby//Squeeze me, don't care if you don't please me//Bite my lip and pull my hair//As you tell me, I'm the fairest of the fair." She recognizes now that there was never any love or tenderness in the actions; rather than her hair being stroked, it's being pulled. She is forced to recognize the harm done to her.

And in the span of a verse, her entire demeanor changes. The choreography, as mentioned above, becomes more invasive and uncomfortable to watch, her body language becomes increasingly desperate, her voice starts to crack and sound desperate.

She gets angry. She's not trying to convince herself she was just a boy-crazy teenager anymore. She realizes what was done to her was wrong, it wasn't fair, and guess what? She has no one to get angry at because she's being beheaded for "promiscuity outside of wedlock" as she said in Ex-Wives.

That anger, by the way? Another very common reaction in traumatized folks of all kinds, including CSA victims.

10. Katherine's idea of a happy ending. Alright, so this one isn't from All You Wanna Do, but it's still important.

"Music man tried it on// And I was like "Bye!"// So I thought "Who needs him?// I can give it a try"// I learned everything// Now all I do is sing// And I'll do that until I die"

There are several things happening here. Firstly- while the other queens link their revisions of their lives to Henry directly, hers starts long before him, with Mannox ("music man"). She realizes how damaging this first instance of abuse was, how much it trapped her in a cycle she couldn't escape from. Henry was only the last in a disastrous domino effect.

Secondly, notice the wish expressed in those lines? "Who needs him// I can give it a try". She wishes she had had some self-esteem. Abusers are notorious for either exploiting victims with low self-esteem, or for deliberately inducing this, because someone who thinks lowly of themselves will often put up with much worse behaviors than others. Further, she's also expressing a wish for the agency she was denied all her childhood- which is another very common sentiment in adult CSA victims.

Thirdly, she's reclaiming her love of music. "Now all I do is sing// And I'll do that until I die." Notice how in All You Wanna Do, after Mannox, she never mentions anything about music as a hobby again? It's all work and 'boys' and her futile searches for platonic friendship. Mannox ruined her love of music, possibly by making it triggering for her. These lines are expressing her desire to take back the thing that brought her the most joy before the string of abusive men she faced. This is a huge step in the recovery process for victims of trauma; it's not universal by any means, but very common for some previously loved thing to be lost due to some kind of association with the trauma. Reclaiming it, finding joy in it again, is a huge part of recovery.

She finds a love of music again, a sense of pride and self-sufficiency, and a group of friends/support system who understand exactly what she's been through in the queens. Out of all the queens except Parr, she finds the companionship of the other queens most important for reclaiming what was taken from her by Henry.

--

Understanding Katherine Howard's abuse is essential, in my opinion, for understanding her arc as a character. And understanding that, in turn, is essential for understanding that Six was never an endorsement or downplaying of her trauma. The only "problem" (and in my opinion, it's not fair to call it a problem like it was a downside) was that it was subtle in a format where viewers don't expect subtlety.

If you have the right lens when you watch it, though, it isn't subtle at all. It jumps out at you. It's an infinitely different experience when you listen to All You Wanna Do as "a fan of Six" versus "a CSA survivor seeing your own story reflected on the stage."

Apologies for the length of this analysis, but having seen some people insist that All You Wanna Do was Moss/Marlow trying to "have their cake and eat it too" with regards to sexual abuse, among other things, I felt compelled to jump in and explain exactly why that is a horribly off-base interpretation. If you look at her story from the perspective of a CSA survivor, everything makes sense, I think.

I hope I'm not part of the problem because I like to consider myself somewhere in between. I see your point and I agree but that's not going to stop me from being annoyed seeing Jimmy Junior treat Tina not that great. Heck, in "Burger War", an episode after he kissed Tina on her birthday he didn't even remember her name. They have been restaurant neighbors for how many years before the kiss and he doesn't have her name in his memory?! Credit where credit is due, he has shown there is hope for him. In "Bad Tina" he wasn't completely turned off by the idea of being the main love interest in Tina's "Buttloose" story which is nice because she really needed a win after the embarrassment she subjected herself to. In "Every Which Way but Goose" he helped save Bruce the Goose when the bird was stuck by a friendship bracelet caught in a nail when he didn't have to and while he had a sore butt. I know I wouldn't go anywhere near a goose, those are vicious, f u birds.

He went out of his way to give Tina a rose when he had no idea how to purchase a carnation from Tina during the "Gene and Courtney Show" episode.

He sold his bike in "Gene it On" just so he could take Tina on a date "she" (Louise) wanted to go on.

I'm not counting the Sky Kiss from "Bob Actually" because it's hard to tell if it was selfless or not. It seems he wanted to do it more for the cool factor (especially since he implied he wanted Tina to wear a different outfit earlier in the episode in a passive way. Not the best look for him but it's not "spawn of satan" worthy obviously, just kind of mild jerky. To be fair, Tina is always wearing a skirt so maybe he wanted her in pants for the sky kiss for her sake but we'll never know what he meant by that.) In the Bob's Burgers movie he (allegedly! Like with death in fiction, if they didn't show it, it didn't happen./hj XD) found Tina's barretecklace not knowing what it was but knew it looked like something she usually wore and decided to give it to her. That was enough for Tina to see romance wasn't dead and she was okay with the romance real Jimmy Jr. could do even if it may not be like fantasy Jimmy Jr. That's all the selfless acts that I remember him doing for Tina and only for her that didn't benefit him in anyway (aside from more kisses from Tina). Feel free to add any other selfless acts Jimmy Jr has done in the past that didn't benefit him in some way (aside from Tina's affection) What his major issues that I feel people have a problem with stems from 4 factors. 1. He's self absorbed 2. He can't take constructive criticism at all. 3. He's quick to bail on Tina when things get too weird, intense, or hard. 4. He is hot and cold with Tina a lot.

However, even with these flaws, he's hardly the spawn of satan because of them. In fact, in the words of Miss Labonz, I only really wanted to "punch that kid" for what he did in two episodes. 1. "Presto Tina-o" 2. "V for Valentine-detta"

The rest of the time I feel he's not that bad or was justified because Tina has her problems too. She can also be selfish, have misplaced confidence issues, can be creepy, near predatory, and not know when to tone it down with her intense emotions. However, I hate the first episode so much for how both JJ and Zeke treated Tina (though JJ is worse). Jimmy Junior wasn't taking his magic act seriously at all and it was clear he only wanted to do a magic-themed dance routine over an actual magic act. That's not bad in it of itself, but at least be upfront about just wanting to do a magician-themed dance and not an actual magic act. Tina tried to steer him to actually perform tricks in his magic show but Jimmy Junior could not even take the slightest bit of advice from her because he couldn't stand the thought of someone who had only been doing magic for a day trying to help/possibly know more than him when he was 8 days ahead. Then later he and Zeke laugh at her for being mad, low-key bullying her for showing angry emotions (at least that's how it felt for me anyway but I might be biased).

His inability to not take criticism persists even in season 13, but this was his worst showcase of it. Though, even with that, I understand why this is the case. He already feels at home that he's constantly criticized for who he is by his dad. So he refuses to listen to any criticism from his friends because it feels like a personal attack on him, even if it's with the best intentions. His friends are his safe space, so if even his friends have issues with him, no matter how minor, where else can he feel safe? The second episode, good gosh what was Jimmy Junior thinking with this one?! That's something more his dad would pull, not him! I know he's a dumb teenage boy but what he did in that episode was downright malicious (no wonder Linda later changed her mind about Jimmy Jr. from her opinion of him in season 1 and told Tina she wasn't sure about him in "One of the Boyz 4 Now" XD). Not only did he play with Tina, but he dragged Becky down with Tina as well. Good thing Tina helped a girl out in the end after JJ abruptly dumped her. Becky should be part of Tina's new friend group with Susmita and Dillon lol) Though to defend JJ, I feel the way he treated Tina was what he learned subconsciously from his dad. Even though he tells his dad he's his own person, he still falls into similar pitfalls because that's all he's been taught at home. So I feel once he realizes how much he's taking after his dad when he's older he's going to be disgusted with himself and try to be better. So in short, he's been a stinker a few times but there's still hope for him and I'm sure he'll turn out fine if we ever get a real flash-forward episode. While I can't speak for every Zekina shipper, I think part of the overabundance of hatred JJ gets stems from insecurity. While it's been confirmed on Anidom's Twitter poll Zekina is the more popular ship (at least on Twitter), there's still uncertainty to it all. Being the more popular ship doesn't do a darn thing to make it end game (just ask the Zutara shippers from the ATLA fandom). For example, LisaxNelson is the more popular ship in the Simpsons fandom but more often than not Milhouse is the one Lisa ends up with in flash-forward episodes. So even if Zekina is more popular we still very well could not be end game because the cast thinks JJxTina is funnier or is more in line with what Tina wants anyway. Why should Zeke get what he wants and not Tina after all? Why should Tina have to be the one to settle after all the work she's put in to make her fantasy a reality? So because of this possibility, some Zekina shippers might overcompensate by constantly pointing out every negative thing JJ has done and putting him down to make them feel better about their stance. Though, tearing down one ship just to build your own is never a good idea. It just shows your insecurity in your tastes when you bash a rival ship or a character in a rival ship. You don't need a ship to be canon to justify its existence. It's okay to like what you like whether it's endgame or not. If Zekina happens, great but don't pull a Ron the Death Eater on JJ to justify your ship. Jimmy Jr.'s worst crime is that he's a dumb teenage boy with a bad home life. He's not going to be the most well-adjusted, but at least he's not Tammy. He's just self-absorbed, criticism adverse, and an idiot kid that eats pistachios whole. He has a good heart deep down even if he has a lot to work on with himself like all teens do. He won't' be high in my top favorite Bob's Burgers characters but you can bet that he won't be the last either. Don't make JJ the bad guy and lose Zeke and Tina forever because he is clearly hopeless without them. XD

I love Zeke x Tina, but there's so much Jimmy Jr hate in the community. Like... guys, I get it, he can be a bit sour sometimes... but do you know why that is? He's a TEENAGE BOY, not only that, but his parents are divorced, his dad is very neglectful and puts him down, he looks down on his passion for dance and honesty just gives: "I am a toxic straight dad and when I see the slightest bit of creativity, it means pansy and you will be punished"; he's also said that he feels left out and lonely due to his little brothers being twins and being best friends. He's just a kid, a kid who likes to dance, leave him alone. In my head, in a world were Tina and Zeke end up together, Jimmy Jr would still be there, as the bff. The three of them can't be separated, are you kidding me????

Finally googled if anybody discussed the meaning of "Just What I needed"

So here's the link to what people think the song is about. https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/5845/ Basically, if you gender-flip the song, I think it fits Tina's relationship with Jimmy Jr. She has no idea why she likes him and he's not that healthy to be around but he's just "what she needed" anyway. It's a cynical, dark song about a toxic partner that the singer shouldn't be with but they are drawn to the partner anyway in short. So yeah, not the most positive song for Tina the poor girl. Though not sure if that was the intention on the part of the showrunners to signal that Jimmy Jr. is toxic or they just thought it was a good song for spin the bottle?

Honestly, I just want to see the Hormon-iums end credits be analyzed. More specifically how each boy of the 4 reacted to Tina kissing them. I mostly only care about Zeke and J Ju obviously. Jimmy Jr. and Tina are obviously more confident and have no hesitation because they kissed before. However, I just find it cute that before Zeke kissed Tina he tilted his head and raised his eyebrows as if to say "Are you sure you want to do this" or "you ready for this" (at least that's how I interpreted it). The point is, there was some hesitation before the moment. After it happened, Zeke was shocked and his eyes opened faster than Tina's did. Even though the end credits aren't canon, it's still interesting to see all the different ways the kissing was animated and it wasn't just a copy/paste kissing animation.

Hey there! Thank you very much for your patience! And thank you so much for this very interesting request and I agree with your analysis but let's take one step after the other.

As always this is very much just my opinion! My interpretation! My headcanons! (sorry for any mistakes).

First I want to take a look at the kiss with Darryl.

Because I think there is something interesting to take into account. I want to think Tina chose Darryl over Peter in this moment because they kissed before in "Can't buy me math".

I like to think they are still friends. We all know Tina loves kissing but many scenes make me wonder if to her it does not always has to be romantic. She just likes to kiss without the prospect of finding her one true love through it. Maybe it's all practice?

The first kiss is very quick, just a peck and means nothing. Darryl even wipes his lips while Tina is monologing.

And now let us look at the other kisses. I gif-ed them.

Nameless Boy #1: I feel like this boy knows what he is doing. They near each other without any hestiance, both having their eyes open at first. He realises that he is not closes enough, peeks and closes the distance. It's simple and short and there is no romantic intent or passion. Tina doesn't smile and it's just a short soft peck. Her eyebrows rise after the kiss but I guess it's suprise because he closes in rather fast and she is pushed back a bit. Let's get over with it XD

Nameless Boy #2: I wonder if that was his first kiss. He goes in with closed eyes. Makes me also wonder if Tina realised her mistake from before. She has her eyes open until she knows she is close enough and only at the end she closes her eyes. Again the kiss is a very soft short peck. What I really find remarkable is how he his eyes fly open. He looks so suprised. Not sure because it is over already or if it was better or worse than he thought? Also it does not feel romantic. Again it's short and Tina does not smile!

But I headcanon that since Louise coached her Tina is a really good kisser. She also had a lot of practice xD. Either way, if it was his first kiss... good for him :)

Zeke: As you said, there is this questioning look on Zekes face - tilt of his head down wards, raising of his eyebrows - before he moves in. Interesting is, that Tina moves at the exactly same time so the communication of her agreeing must has been somewhere we aren't able to see.

This is after the episode "The Oeder Games" in which Zeke told Tina the second time that he likes her. And this is also after the episode "Stand by Gene" in which Tina considers Zeke as a potential Love interest - even if only for a second.

I'm not sure if it just me but Tina seems to smile a bit more than with the others? I'm not 100% sure though. But what is happening is that this kiss takes a bit longer. Still quick but longer. It's also not one of them moving while the other waits, no the both move at the same time. They reach the middle at the same time and both have their eyes closed. They know where they have to move! And what I really love (like you mentioned!) is after they move away from each other Zeke looks so suprised like "first kiss with Tina!!!" and his eyes actually snap open because (I imagine) he wants to see her reaction. And Tinas reaction is amazing. Because her eyes OPEN SO SLOWLY?! She moves back, her mouth returns to it's normal position - maybe a slight smile - and then her eyes slowly open. Like she thinks that was better than she thought.

This is so different to the other two. It's also soft but different soft... holy shit.

Jimmy Jr.: Last one. Jimmy Jr. is the boy she had kissed most of the times at that point. They had been on-and-off in the last five seasons. Here too, both move in at the same time. They know what they do, they have done this before BUT the last gap is closed by Jimmy Jr. This kiss seems to be like the least soft. We also don't see the after-kiss. Right after this it cuts to black.

What is interesting is that there is also not going on much on Jimmy Jr.s face. His eyes drop at the beginning and I wonder if it's because he has to figure out how much he has to lean down so he can reach Tinas lips. Tinas eyebrows lower while she is leaning in but immediately raise up right before the kiss. She also seems to smile a bit? Compared to that JJs expression is sill very neutral and that is so in-character. He always seems so distant and there is never shown any reason why he likes Tina.

Maybe he likes to kiss Tina? She is probably is very good at it but in this case it's also just a game?

I'm honestly stumped about Jimmy Jr.

---

So, I hope you enjoyed that. As an (almost) last thought: I was very confused about you saying "the credits are not canon" and wondered where that came from? And then I realised that sometimes that might be true XD For example when they are just pixels. But stuff like this here I actually consider canon, as well as some of the the scenes when they are back in the restaurant. Maybe not the singing part but Tina kissing all the boys at the party? Yeah that seems like it can work. But in the end I guess it's up to us what we want to add to our (head-)canon.

---

Now to the very last thought. I looked up the song "Just what I needed" by The Cars

But the lyrics gave me nothing. So if anyone wants to do a deep dive into analysing the lyrics, be my guest!

Guys I swear I will post doodles soon but hear me out on this song idea/analysis like last time

Thanks, I Hate It by Simple Creatures but it's about Starscream 's and Megatron's relationship (not romantically unless you view it as such) from Starscream's pov.

"Am I good enough for you" portrays that no matter how he acts, loyal, disloyal, submissive or resistant Megatron will always seek the opposite or still view it and therefore him as disgusting making him the perfect punching bag simply for Megatron's very own amusement. In every universe, with the main ones with this problem being armada and prime, he gets treated as somebody with potential by Megatron yet he also denies Starscream that growth.

"I don't owe you anything" is something that Starscream himself would only think in his anger towards Megatron but may have only truly processed those words as true after the war (in the versions he survives for a bit after, such as him in the Windblade comics). This reflects how he -and every other abuse victim- doesn't and shouldn't offer their abuser anything no matter how much your life is centred and controlled by them, they don't deserve you.

"But I gave you everything" shows the fact that Starscream sometimes and maybe in the beginning of everything did try so hard to please Megatron. But he didn't need to do all of that as it only buried the hole he was getting swallowed by even larger and more difficult to escape from.

"Watch you pile it up and sing - Thanks I hate it" summarises Megatron's mentality and actions when it comes down to Starscream. Megatron will rarely accept something he gives and when he does praise is rarely given which may mirror any abusive relationship (I view it as an abusive adopted Father and their dysfunctional son that becomes even worse with the abuse - though see it however you want).

"No you're never satisfied" is Megatron's constant berating and thirst of Starscream's agony.

"Now you wanna run and hide" resembles how in the many times Megatron has been redeemed he has never apologised to the person he influenced and corrupted the most. The exception of this was Earthspark but even then Megatron was warning everyone how Starscream is worse than he ever was. He showed care for the other decepticons well being yet was inconsiderate of Starscream's. He's too scared to face the truth of his actions or view it as important to his path to peace, therefore hiding himself from his second in command as if everything will be dropped and sorted out.

The point is- Starscream should be accountable for his actions only if Megatron will be as well and if we brush everything he's done then we should do the same for Starscream. Yet Megatron should still face him either way if he truly is a "good guy". Starscream deserves that closure even though he thinks that killing and taking his place will ease everything it wouldn't.

Survivorship Bias

I have posted about survivorship bias and how it affects your career choices: how a Hollywood actor giving the classic “follow your dreams and never give up” line is bad advice and is pure survivorship bias at work.

When I read up on the wikipedia page, I encountered an interesting story:

During WWII the US  Air Force wanted to minimize bomber losses to enemy fire. The Center for Naval Analyses ran a research on where bombers tend to get hit with the explicit aim of enforcing the parts of the airframe that is most likely to receive incoming fire. This is what they came up with:

So, they said: the red dots are where bombers are most likely to be hit, so put some more armor on those parts to make the bombers more resilient. That looked like a logical conclusion, until Abraham Wald - a mathematician - started asking questions: 

- how did you obtain that data? - well, we looked at every bomber returning from a raid, marked the damages on the airframe on a sheet and collected the sheets from all allied air bases over months. What you see is the result of hundreds of those sheets. - and your conclusion? - well, the red dots are where the bombers were hit. So let’s enforce those parts because they are most exposed to enemy fire.  - no. the red dots are where a bomber can take a hit and return. The bombers that took a hit to the ailerons, the engines or the cockpit never made it home. That’s why they are absent in your data. The blank spots are exactly where you have to enforce the airframe, so those bombers can return.

This is survivorship bias. You only see a subset of the outcomes. The ones that made it far enough to be visible. Look out for absence of data. Sometimes they tell a story of their own.

BTW: You can see the result of this research today. This is the exact reason the A-10 has the pilot sitting in a titanium armor bathtub and has it’s engines placed high and shielded.

The GOAL is not to learn Power BI, the GOAL is to BECOME a Data Analyst.

But Power BI kicking my ass. Tf I need this for? 😐

Girl u are stubborn 🤣

everyone. i don't know how this just clicked for me.

this is langdon right now:

addict (in recovery, by season two at least)

loves his kid(s)

complicated relationship with other parent

you know who's going to notice this? MCKAY. mckay is going to notice this and when she looks at him, she'll see a 30-year-old cassie in his place. and they are going to have a heartfelt conversation about it. multiple even. walk with me.

What Agravaine and Dinadan have going on in Book 10 Chapter 25 of Malory is unparalleled— (the world's longest post oh my GOD it didn't look so long while I was writing it)

First off, consider that they are both: known for their witty rudeness, their poeticism and cutting jokes and quick tongues ¹, their perceived unknightly values ², their knowledge of the private business of their fellows (to the point of spying on them in secret) ³, and their conscious use of rumor and reputation to influence how others are seen⁴— only, Agravaine is censured for it, and Dinadan is universally beloved at court, except by Agravaine himself ⁵. The heel-turn that happens in Malory with Agravaine & Mordred being suddenly villains happens in one chapter while they’re interacting with Dinadan specifically. It highlights the extent to which your reputation— how the court perceives you— shapes reality for a knight. A knight is only as good as his reputation. The way people speak of a knight is the only reality about that knight… whether or not it’s true. The series of events here is wild imho. Subtler readings of Malory seem few and far between but listen.

The frame of context here needs to start a couple of chapters before, in Chapter 11— Dinadan is traveling with King Mark (reluctantly).

“Right as they stood thus talking together they saw come riding to them over a plain six knights of the court of King Arthur, well armed at all points. And there by their shields Sir Dinadan knew them well. The first was the good knight Sir Uwaine, the son of King Uriens, the second was the noble knight Sir Brandiles, the third was Ozana le Cure Hardy, the fourth was Uwaine les Aventurous, the fifth was Sir Agravaine, the sixth Sir Mordred, brother to Sir Gawaine. When Sir Dinadan had seen these six knights he thought in himself he would bring King Mark by some wile to joust with one of them.”

He pretends they’re enemies and charges toward them, lance out, so Mark will panic and flee, and then—

“So when Sir Dinadan saw King Mark was gone, he set the spear out of the rest, and threw his shield upon his back, and came, riding to the fellowship of the Table Round. And anon Sir Uwaine knew Sir Dinadan, and welcomed him, and so did all his fellowship.”

Absolutely no beef with Agravaine and Mordred here. In fact, as we roll into Chapter 12:

“Will ye do well? said Sir Dinadan: I have told the Cornish knight that here is Sir Launcelot, and the Cornish knight asked me what shield he bare. Truly, I told him that he bare the same shield that Sir Mordred beareth. Will ye do well? said Sir Mordred; I am hurt and may not well bear my shield nor harness, and therefore put my shield and my harness upon Sir Dagonet, and let him set upon the Cornish knight. That shall be done, said Sir Dagonet, by my faith. Then anon was Dagonet armed him in Mordred’s harness and his shield, and he was set on a great horse, and a spear in his hand. Now, said Dagonet, shew me the knight, and I trow I shall bear him down.”

(Mordred is half-dead for like 70% of Arthuriana, poor kid) So they’re friends! More or less, anyway. At the least, they have overlapping friend groups, and, knowing who his options are, Mordred is specifically the one Dinadan chooses to bring into the prank— he didn’t know Dagonet was around, and though he might have known Mordred was too injured to do it himself, the prank still relied on Mordred’s willingness to give up his arms to someone else for the express purpose of scaring King Mark shitless.

But by Chapter 25, though— their next appearance on the page— Dinadan wants nothing to do with them. This is, again, the wrestling heel turn wherein Agravaine and Mordred get the minor-key leitmotif etc, etc. They’re theoretically portrayed negatively here and hereafter, where before they were mostly… doing things like pranking King Mark. There’s a reason in the intervening chapters, but we’ll get to that. Here’s how the chapter opens:

“Now leave we of Sir Lamorak, and speak of Sir Gawaine's brethren, and specially of Sir Agravaine and Sir Mordred. As they rode on their adventures they met with a knight fleeing, sore wounded; and they asked him what tidings. Fair knights, said he, here cometh a knight after me that will slay me. With that came Sir Dinadan riding to them by adventure, but he would promise them no help. But Sir Agravaine and Sir Mordred promised him to rescue him.”

Now there’s an inauspicious start, if you want to say Agravaine and Mordred suck— a stranger, badly wounded, fleeing from someone who wants him dead, and Dinadan says it’s none of his business. The honorable, knightly task of protecting a wounded man asking for aid from a murderous pursuer is taken up by Agravaine and Mordred. Unfortunately for them, this is one of those Breuse Saunce Pité stories where he rides across the scene for no reason except to beat the ever-loving hell out of whatever knight of midrange skill happens to be center stage at the time, for no reason beyond devoted and passionate rat bastardry (Thomas Malory, a knight during the War of the Roses: “don’t you just hate it when that one guy shows up to just make everything suck in your entire province as much as possible with no higher motivation other than YORKISTS GO TO HELL? I know I do! Except when I am that guy, of course!” Thanks Tom.). So he yells his own name whilst obliterating Agravaine and Mordred with utterly unnecessary cruelty, to make sure they know who did it (gee, thanks).

Now, we don’t yet have any cause to think Dinadan and Agravaine & Mordred have had a major falling out— Dinadan has been previously established to not fight when the moon isn’t in the right lunar mansion to make him feel like it today, etc, and he’s abandoned people to handle things for him before without it stemming from ill will, but it does seem to take quite a bit to get him to concede to help— it seems like more than would usually be the case—

“And yet he rode over Agravaine five or six times. When Dinadan saw this, he must needs joust with him for shame.”

Agravaine is on the ground, being trampled over five or six times by a loudly gloating Breuse Saunce Pité, before Dinadan determines it will, in fact, reflect badly on him if he doesn’t do SOMETHING. He unseats Breuse successfully (“with pure strength” okay go off Dinadan. You could’ve lead with that tho.), who then grabs his horse again and skips town without pursuit. Breuse, as he leaves, is described as “a great destroyer of all good knights.” Paragraph end.

Now we get into the meat of this episode, starting with the immediate following sentence.

“Then rode Sir Dinadan unto Sir Mordred and unto Sir Agravaine. Sir knight, said they all, well have ye done, and well have ye revenged us, wherefore we pray you tell us your name. Fair sirs, ye ought to know my name, the which is called Sir Dinadan. When they understood that it was Dinadan they were more wroth than they were before, for they hated him out of measure because of Sir Lamorak. For Dinadan had such a custom that he loved all good knights that were valiant, and he hated all those that were destroyers of good knights. And there were none that hated Dinadan but those that ever were called murderers.”

At a glance, it scans as good sense. But then— why is it that Dinadan’s feelings about them aren’t mentioned, just theirs about him? It seems surprising that they hate him more than he hates them— and Breuse was JUST identified as meeting the precise description of what Dinadan hates, but Dinadan didn’t seem overenthused to act against him. And what’s up with the specific framing of “none that hated Dinadan but those that ever were called murderers”? Not ‘only murderers’? And, more importantly, didn’t this chapter start with “Now we leave of Sir Lamorak”??

Because, of course, Lamorak isn’t dead. He’s fine. The intervening chapters involved Gaheris’s killing of their mother in bed with Lamorak, Gaheris admitting that he and Gawain (specifically and exclusively— where was Agravaine, while we’re at it?) killed Pellinore to avenge their father, and telling Lamorak that it wouldn’t be right to kill him like this so just watch out but he’s not going to touch him right then but like watch out!! Gaheris has issues but that’s okay. Lamorak also threatened him right back with blood feuding, for his part, saying his own father’s death was as yet unavenged on the Orkney clan. (Never 4get that Malory’s Lamorak is offered a blood price by Arthur to mediate the feud and refuses it, saying he’s not done feuding yet. Play stupid games, my guy—)

But this leaves a big ol’ gap in the logic here. Agravaine and Mordred have never murdered anyone. Agravaine and Mordred have never destroyed any good knights. Why do they hate Dinadan so intensely on Lamorak’s account? They hated Lamorak the whole time, and Dinadan was clearly never on their side about it. Why does—

I would say again, “And there were none that hated Dinadan but those that ever were called murderers.” He’s known to be close only with good knights, and he’s befriended Lamorak. He’s known to hate people that act against good knights. And if you dislike him, it reflects badly on your reputation— maybe inherently (if you came into my house and said “hey I hate your cat” I would not like you ever, which is probably how Tristan at least feels) but this is also the guy who wrote that mean song about King Mark to ruin his reputation and humiliate him and had it taught to a bunch of people who were then sent out to perform it across Mark’s lands. With Arthur’s explicit approval, too— which makes it a political act of lowkey espionage, which is wild and very sexy of him (also one of the foundational elements of my ‘Geralt of Rivia is a purposeful adaptation Tristan’ rant but we don’t have time for that right now). He doesn’t have a reputation for gossip, but he’s very clearly not unaware of how influencing people’s reputations works. Everyone loves him, and anyone who hates him is publicly maligned in image as a murderer. Or do people only hate him if he’s maligned them that way? Is that something he does? It would explain why it doesn’t seem to apply to Agravaine and Mordred on a practical level, in spite of their explicit hatred of him.

But he was friends with them! Recently! And they haven’t killed anyone or been implicated in any deaths (Gaheris, as I mentioned, confessed that he and Gawain killed Pellinore to Lamorak, but Agravaine isn’t part of that, and Mordred was like 12 and per Malory in a fishing village in BFE presumably at the time). However— Gaheris certainly has. Lamorak has been telling everyone about Gaheris killing Morgause. Everyone is explicitly talking about it at court.

If Dinadan is prone to that sort of thing— leveraging his influence and significant skill with public opinion against those he thinks have done serious wrong— he’s likely been smearing Gaheris publicly in solidarity with Lamorak.

And, quite frankly, going after Agravaine and Mordred’s brother is the only thing that would make them madder than going after them.

But we left off mid-paragraph there, in fact:

“Then spake the hurt knight that Breuse Saunce Pité had chased, his name was Dalan, and said: If thou be Dinadan thou slewest my father. It may well be so, said Dinadan, but then it was in my defence and at his request. By my head, said Dalan, thou shalt die therefore, and therewith he dressed his spear and his shield. And to make the shorter tale, Sir Dinadan smote him down off his horse, that his neck was nigh broken. And in the same wise he smote Sir Mordred and Sir Agravaine. And after, in the quest of the Sangreal, cowardly and feloniously they slew Dinadan, the which was great damage, for he was a great bourder and a passing good knight.”

Holy shit. What the hell. For one thing that escalated extremely quickly. For another thing all three of these people are half-dead already Jesus Christ everyone chill. But also— The entire idea of Agravaine and Mordred being murderers ties into their blood feud to avenge their father. Malory doesn’t touch on Dinadan’s adjacency to it, but we know his brother Brunor (that Knight of the Hideously Cut Jacket, who I briefly imagine as David Byrne in a great helm whenever I think of him) for his sartorially-signified revenge quest— Dinadan’s father was murdered, which probably has something to do with his hatred of destroyers of good knights/murderers. So it’s wrongfully-slain fathers all the way down, and then this wounded knight— that Dinadan initially refused to aid in escaping being murdered by Breuse— suddenly interjects to accuse Dinadan himself of wrongfully slaying HIS father! We’ve never seen Dalan before and we never see him again, but I think this specific interjection can be read as doing some absolutely insane heavy-lifting for this scene.

It’s not uncommon in medieval writing for a sort of moral predestination to hang over everyone— saying that Agravaine and Mordred hate Dinadan, only murderers hate Dinadan, and then that they go on to murder Dinadan could all be viewed as a fulfillment of the middle statement— they ARE murderers, even if they hadn’t killed anyone yet, so the statement is true! Except for Dalan’s outburst. This guy was badly injured and fleeing from Breuse, knowing he wasn’t strong enough to face him. Dinadan unseated Breuse in front of Dalan, and the guy isn’t getting any less injured— and yet Dalan hates Dinadan so much and holds him so accountable for the same wrongdoing Dinadan himself hates that he challenges him anyway, in spite of being injured, in spite of Dinadan having defeated in a joust someone who had been strong enough to defeat Dalan in the first place. And avenging a wrongful death, as an act, isn’t inherently censured in Malory— Dinadan’s brother does so offscreen, but it’s acknowledged as a noble thing that he succeeds in his quest to avenge his father’s murder. If you challenge someone honestly, even being incorrect about your accusations towards them doesn’t make it dishonorable of you (that’s how half of these idiots make friends, after all). So whether or not he’s wrong in blaming Dinadan for it, he is HARDLY implied to be a murderer— which means that right in between ‘Only people who get called murderers hate Dinadan’ and ‘Agravaine and Mordred DO murder Dinadan later btw’— there’s a brief exchange that establishes that what the narration has presented as a fact— only people who are called murderers hate Dinadan— is NOT TRUE. Dalan hates Dinadan, and isn’t a murderer— in fact, he may think Dinadan is one. What’s been said about Agravaine and Mordred isn’t true— even if it becomes so, it didn’t have to. What does that mean for the rest of— well, the entire narrative? For one thing, we can to some degree tie this disproving back to the lead-in of Dinadan having this particular ‘custom’— it’s not an actual fact, it’s just something presented as fact, believed to be fact— something that affects the realities of a knight’s life and knighthood as if it were fact, even though it isn’t.

Whether or not you take it as authorial intention doesn’t really matter— Malory is SO interesting if you take your cue from this series of escalating sentence-by-sentence underminings (Dinadan won’t help a stranger but Agravaine & Mordred will— but they’re morally corrupt and he isn’t; Breuse is a renowned destroyer of good knights and was announcing his presence like a Pokémon— that’s the exact thing that Dinadan hates most which is the cause of his beef with Agravaine & Mordred, but he didn’t want to get involved in fighting the guy; everyone who hates Dinadan is a morally bad person— except this other guy who’s right here currently too). The narration is NOT objectively giving you the truth— the narration is giving you what is ACCEPTED AS TRUTH by the court, by society at large, what will be remembered, because a knight is only as good, only as strong, only as virtuous, only as accomplished, as the stories told of him— only guilty of the crimes people gossip on, but guilty of the ones believed, whether or not they’re true. The narrative is influenced by what is and isn’t known, by what’s hidden and revealed to the world. It makes for an incredibly fun and good reading of Malory throughout!

And there’s a lot of room to say, too, that it makes Agravaine and Dinadan insane narrative foils, because any which way you think to develop and expand on Agravaine’s motivations and desires in Malory, Dinadan is doing something similar to great affection, approval, and acclaim— where Agravaine receives disapproval, approbation, and… nothing else. Agravaine is “ever open-mouthed”, waiting “every night and day” to root out Lancelot’s secrets— when he succeeds, Arthur blames him after his death for what comes to pass, even though he was right and what he uncovered was true. It’s Dinadan’s “manner to be privy with all good knights”, so he reads Lancelot’s mail while he’s sleeping, and Lancelot is glad of it, and lets him help. Agravaine is manipulative, Dinadan has influence with his friends. Agravaine, who values his honor greatly, is dishonored for it as vengeful and jealous. Dinadan, who is careless of his own honor, never bruises it with anything he does. Agravaine is considered resentful and ungracious to others, Dinadan is a beloved jokester who harangues his friends with affectionate invective to cheer them up.ᵃ Dinadan is what Agravaine isn’t allowed to be— and yet he’s a version of it that Agravaine has no desire to be, someone who doesn’t fit in the knightly mold, who isn’t respected the way he wants to be respected, someone reliant on the aid and influence of friends, someone who laughs first at himself, at his own lack of honor. To be envied and yet also to be disdained, to Agravaine’s sensibilities, and to Dinadan’s there’s nothing that Agravaine would criticize he cares about.

And yet— they were friends, too. And what ruined that friendship may well have been the same desire that killed Agravaine in the end— the desire to see that a position of privilege at court didn’t protect a knight who’d done wrong from the truth being known, or from facing the repercussions of his guilt and shame— only it was Dinadan who was repeating the gossip, Dinadan exposing the wrong, and Dinadan died for it, too, just as much as Agravaine would later. And in both their cases, their claims were never fully proven, except in the acts of their own deaths.

But can you IMAGINE the incredible amount of dirt they must’ve dug up between the two of them, before they both got killed by their shared streak of weird, stubborn justice, one by the other’s hand? Can you imagine how utterly fatally they’d be capable of roasting you into a charcoal brick by their powers combined? Can you imagine how terminally nasty they’d be if they were fighting, and how annoying they’d be if they weren’t and they got in your business? What an insane combination, what a silhouette of deeper characterization in the negative space that isn’t addressed!!ᵇ It has so many potential implications for the narrative overall and their significance in it as arbiters of social thought and public opinion.

¹ ² ³ ⁴ ⁵

1.“no good qualities except his beauty, his chivalry, and his quick tongue”, as the Vulgate describes Agravaine (quotes that made my wife say out loud, “what else is there?!”), plus that one translator’s note about the idiomatic and metaphorical way he speaks— Dinadan is constantly described that way— “Right so came Dinadan, and mocked and japed with King Bagdemagus that all knights laughed at him, for he was a fine japer, and well loving all good knights.” etc etc. he’s a fucking bard who wrote the hardest diss track of all time (see footnote 4). Also sends his gay friend group™️ (Lancelot, Galehault, Dinadan, and Guinevere) into hysterics with his potshots at Lancelot and Galehault at a tournament dinner. More on that later.

2. Agravaine is known for being extremely jealous, petty, a bad sport and a gossip, dishonorable and vengeable— Dinadan ONLY fights when he feels like it… '

“And at the first recounter, said Sir Kay, he smote me down from my horse and hurt me passing sore; and when my fellow, Sir Dinadan, saw me smitten down and hurt he would not revenge me, but fled from me; and thus he departed.” (He’s literally present while Kay is saying this like 🤷‍♂️ ya)

“So on the morn Sir Dinadan rode unto the court of King Arthur; and by the way as he rode he saw where stood an errant knight, and made him ready for to joust. Not so, said Dinadan, for I have no will to joust. With me shall ye joust, said the knight, or that ye pass this way. Whether ask ye jousts, by love or by hate? The knight answered: Wit ye well I ask it for love, and not for hate. It may well be so, said Sir Dinadan, but ye proffer me hard love when ye will joust with me with a sharp spear. But, fair knight, said Sir Dinadan, sith ye will joust with me, meet with me in the court of King Arthur, and there shall I joust with you. Well, said the knight, sith ye will not joust with me, I pray you tell me your name. Sir knight, said he, my name is Sir Dinadan. Ah, said the knight, full well know I you for a good knight and a gentle, and wit you well I love you heartily. Then shall there be no jousts, said Dinadan, betwixt us.” (I just fucking love this exchange. He really said ‘is your challenge from love or from hate? Oh from LOVE? Wow okay well that’s some kinda love coming at me with a LANCE :(‘ like babygirl why are you a knight.)

Also openly refuses to fight or runs away from combat when traveling with Tristan, when traveling with Mark, when traveling alone (the chapter in question, at first) when traveling with Tristan again, etc, and never denies this

Hates when knights fight for women and thinks it’s stupid. “For such a foolish knight as ye are, said Sir Dinadan, I saw but late this day lying by a well, and he fared as he slept; and there he lay like a fool grinning, and would not speak, and his shield lay by him, and his horse stood by him; and well I wot he was a lover. Ah, fair sir, said Sir Tristram are ye not a lover? Mary, fie on that craft! said Sir Dinadan. That is evil said, said Sir Tristram, for a knight may never be of prowess but if he be a lover. It is well said, said Sir Dinadan; now tell me your name, sith ye be a lover, or else I shall do battle with you.” Tristan promptly tells Isolde about this later and she gives him endless shit for it.

His exchange with Isolde abt it is very funny. He’s a fruitcake. “Now I pray you, said La Beale Isoud, tell me will you fight for my love with three knights that do me great wrong? and insomuch as ye be a knight of King Arthur's I require you to do battle for me. Then Sir Dinadan said: I shall say you ye be as fair a lady as ever I saw any, and much fairer than is my lady Queen Guenever, but wit ye well at one word, I will not fight for you with three knights, Jesu defend me. Then Isoud laughed, and had good game at him.” Y’know that song in the Oliver Twist musical where they’re trying to teach Oliver the concept of chivalry? That never happened for Dinadan and now he’s like this.

Lies all the time for no reason? Presumably it’s for The Bit™️ most times bc he LOVES jokes and pranks. Tristan ropes him into lying to Palamedes uhh hang on let me count in my head. Four? At least four times.

Basically Dinadan took a knightly oath the way other people agree to Terms & Conditions. He knows this abt himself. (See footnote 5)

3. Okay we know about Agravaine but UH “And so privily she sent the letter unto Sir Launcelot. And when he wist the intent of the letter he was so wroth that he laid him down on his bed to sleep, whereof Sir Dinadan was ware, for it was his manner to be privy with all good knights. And as Sir Launcelot slept he stole the letter out of his hand, and read it word by word.” DINADAN WHAT THE HELL? Agravaine and Dinadan were out here bumping into each other surveilling Lancelot’s fuckjgn bedroom I GUESS no wonder Agravaine killed Dinadan later awkwarddd

4. Agravaine is “ever open-mouthed” repeating gossip and spreading rumors to put pressure on Lancelot and Guinevere at court before he resorts to telling his uncle; Dinadan is imho implied by this chapter to be part of the reason Agravaine’s reputation fully tanks (also a gossip) but there’s also the lay he writes to humiliate King Mark and teaches to people to perform throughout Cornwall to ruin him: “And when Dinadan understood all, he said: This is my counsel: set you right nought by these threats, for King Mark is so villainous, that by fair speech shall never man get of him. But ye shall see what I shall do; I will make a lay for him, and when it is made I shall make an harper to sing it afore him. So anon he went and made it, and taught it an harper that hight Eliot. And when he could it, he taught it to many harpers. And so by the will of Sir Launcelot, and of Arthur, the harpers went straight into Wales, and into Cornwall, to sing the lay that Sir Dinadan made by King Mark, the which was the worst lay that ever harper sang with harp or with any other instruments.” (“And when Sir Tristram heard it, he said: O Lord Jesu, that Dinadan can make wonderly well and ill, thereas it shall be.”So true man. What a track.)

Also Dinadan once manipulatively provokes, mocks, belittles, and sneers at Tristan to get him really angry, because he’s letting someone else win a tournament and running support, basically— so Dinadan takes it upon himself to talk incredibly mad shit at him until he gets angry enough to stop being helpful and start fighting properly.

5. This is the chapter where we start to hear about the extent of Agravaine’s censure for his perceived dishonorable traits. As for Dinadan:

“and all the court was glad of Sir Dinadan, for he was gentle, wise, and courteous, and a good knight.”

“Sir, said Dinadan, wherefore be ye angry? discover your heart to me: forsooth ye wot well I owe you good will, howbeit I am a poor knight and a servitor unto you and to all good knights. For though I be not of worship myself I love all those that be of worship. It is truth, said Sir Launcelot, ye are a trusty knight, and for great trust I will shew you my counsel.” <— also this is when Lancelot just woke up from his angry nap and Dinadan is just. There. Having read his private secret letter from the Queen. But it’s fine for some reason I fucking guess!! Idk!! Starfucker extraordinaire Sir “Personal Key to Lancelot’s Bedroom” “Doesn’t Fight His Own Battles But His Friends Will For Him <3” Dinadan like. Agravaine experiencing heretofore unknown levels of gay homophobia. And he’s right.

a. Even adaptations love to make Agravaine Experience Homophobia™️ but rarely Dinadan, who habitually “lies with”, and “makes great joy of” in their beds overnight, his personal ranking of the top three strongest knights of the Round Table at any given time (“at any given time” meaning that he promptly does that to Palamedes as he takes spot #3 when Lamorak kicks it— presumably the secret reason he dies on the Grail Quest is bc he needs to get dick on the reg from the strongest knights in the world to survive and Galahad categorically does not fuck. RIP to a legend), loudly disdains romantic relationships with women, and is pranked on the page by Galehault and Lancelot for being unmanly or effete and afraid of women— by being knocked off his horse on the tourney field by Lancelot in a dress, carried off into the woods, stripped to his underoos, tussled into a dress himself, and paraded through the tourney field and then the hall at dinner in it (Always Sunny title card Lancelot Commits a Hate Crime. Wildass anecdote. Bet a night out on the town with Tom Malory was a HOOT. Guinevere canonically laughs so hard at this she falls over.)

b. Anyway this is why they’re an insane and compelling ship also. I rest my case. This is actually also the introductory post to a piece of fanfiction I’ll put somewhere later in which I used a shortened ballade form taking inspiration and structure from The Flyting of Dunbar and Kennedie to write Agravaine and Dinadan having a flyting competition. Y’know, real normal shit.

I don’t think Till is dead, at least not narratively.

He is very much dead in canon imo. Even if he could theoretically survive the shots from Blink Gone, Wiege made a point in Mizi’s grief and her crying is a big indicator he’s probably not breathing anymore. I do see some people trying to rationalize why he’s not dead yet using real world sciences, but honestly it’s a reach. It unrealistic to expect works of art to portray real world science 100% accurately (as in we artists does do our research, but can’t research to the extent of such fans reverse engineering and selecting very niche things to prove something).

However, Till’s story has not reached any sort of climax or have a satisfactory ending yet. So far, Sua’s, Ivan’s and Hyuna’s stories can be tied up in a neat little bow, but Till’s is still lacking. So far there are 3 main points/stories we know about him, being his backstory (MamaTill (i forgot her name) and her love for him being a catalyst for his love of humanity/other things seeing as he’s the only other member of Alnst’s cast to have actual human blood family), his admiration for Mizi (being his inspiration for many things) and his complicated relationship with Ivan. I think it’s pretty clear their relationship is not unrequited and Till does consider him and Ivan somewhat close, but I interpret their relationship as being not very communicative and that leads to the tragedy of Ivan’s story. That being said, I don’t believe we’ve quite have a clear perspective of Till’s side on their relationship. Cure is very focused on Ivan’s perspective of things, and while Blink Gone does show some imagery of Ivan, it is more of his reaction to Ivan’s death rather than his relationship to Ivan and to Ivan himself. (I’m not gonna analyze their relationship and Cure and Black Sorrow many others have made threads about that)

How is Vivimeng going to continue his story? I have no idea. But my best guess is that Till is probably going to be given a solo song and/or an MV like the Mizisua one.

I find it fascinating how half of the cast needs the death of their respective duo/ship to be pushed to the next point of their stories lmao. In the same vein it’ll probably be a while before Luka’s or Mizi’s stories end. Mizi is now on her ‘discovering the corruption the world carries’ story after being protected for so long and Luka has his ‘Live with love’ story, either being a redemption arc or his story will end soon with his love, Hyuna.

COLOR RUSH EP 1 AND 2- OBSERVATIONS AND COMMENTS

Wow Wow Wow. The thrill and pleasure, I have just received from watching Color Rush episode 1 and 2, whilst learning about this new trope with the color verse world that I’ve never heard of before. It is intriguing to see a soulmate au done this way, it’s cute, you’re meant to be excited and soft when they meet, it’s meant to be happiness and love and longing. But what we get with the Korean Bl Color Rush is far from that, there’s angst, drama, fear and exhilaration from the idea that our couple might be a danger to each other instead of actually saving each other.

With hints to themes of losing control like madness and obsession and the psychological toll being a mono ( having neurological colour blindness and has dampened emotions). First of all, there are clues of books laid around like the one a side character was reading Macbeth. That’s a worrying hint to what this show is exploring. It’s going to show the frightening aspect of a mono’s dependence on their probe to see colour, the addicting, obsessive, hunger once they have a colour rush.

It’s dangerous especially with how Yeon Woo explains it, people have killed for this feeling, people have chosen to break the law, and people have died to prevent themselves from doing something awful to their probes. It’s beautiful to see Yeon Woo meet his person, but it’s scary to think that it’s going to cause him to spiral and lose himself even more. Something he’s trying so hard to avoid.  This connection whilst fated is not a glamorous one, it’s shockingly filled with angst and disturbances, but it’s brilliant, and it’s keeping me on my toes.

In episode 2, we see another hint to this dangerous connection forming the praying mantis;  how a female survives by eating the head of her male lover after they get together. It’s obviously another resemblance to our soulmate connection’s theme and reality. What do we do when we’re falling for a couple that may very well need to be separated for both to stay mentally sane and rational? We see the effects on Yeon Woo again, like hit after hit of a drug he’s started to demand and lose his temper because of his fear of losing the feeling when he sees colours because of Han.

It’s just brilliant, Korea has done it again they’ve chosen an ambitious plot, and they’ve taken BLs to a new level. The issue? This should be like every other Kdrama and have one-hour episodes and it breaks my heart that it’s 15 minutes and only 8 episodes. But for now, the 15 minutes don’t feel like a disadvantage. Still, I can’t help but moan about the fact that this could be one of the best deep, angsty, emotional bl dramas if given more time to shine and work on its plot. Then again, sometimes having long runtimes can make a show laggier and include extra scenes that aren’t needed. We’ll see how that turns out with this drama. With Korean Bls though, it’s been the latter; we want more minutes, we want more episodes, we want more of this because it’s terrific to see honestly.

It’s not just the unique soulmate AU, Color Rush seems to have. It has a plot hinting to the mystery about missing people, including our main character’s mum who’s been missing for quite a while. Also, she’s not the only one; many Monos are going missing. This is intriguing, who’s targeting these monos a probe bent on revenge? Another mono who’s gone crazy and wants everyone to be unhappy because they didn’t find their probe? What could it possibly be? Or did they all just run away because they knew they were being taken down into a darker hole because of their need to depend on their probe no matter how hard they try to prevent it? Are they being experimented on by some weird company?

I’m so interested and ready to see where this show takes us. I rarely write so much for the first episode of a drama, but this BL is already screaming meta, depth, love and angst that can be broken down and looked into. I’m so excited, and I cannot wait to go on this journey and watch this story get stronger and stronger. Thank you Korea for always choosing ambitious exciting and unique plots, this is why we need more Bls in Korea, we need this, we need to see this more, we need to know these storylines more, and we don’t want it to stop. Just get better and better each year. Color Rush is a fantastic beginning to 2021. And I can’t wait to see where it takes us.

Completed Chapter 3! My heart isn't ready for what's coming 💀

I am finding so many little details about Henry's personality!

Conclusion: bitch is crazy 😧

I hope I complete the re-read anyhow in June, cuz Pride Month y'all, this book is so gay 🌈

Read from page 90 to 112 ☠️

I wish I could read for longer but my habit is dying away~~~

There are so many details in this one book that it makes complete sense why Donna Tartt took a decade to write it

I can analyse it for a decade and still not understand everything and know every detail 😭😭😭😭

Finally started my TSH re-read after a lot of procrastination!

I read until page 90, I was also taking running notes and making small annotations so it took more time than usual

I didn't want to forget any details I wanted to highlight for when I start the essay

Here are some notes I made while reading (only about Henry)

I find Henry hilarious for some reason while the entire time I was making observations on him

He's so dumb in a smart way! 😭

My exams are going to be OVER tomorrow. Gonna finally start on the essays!

Since Henry won, "The Obsession With Morally Grey" will be done in a few weeks after the re-read!

Just felt like I haven't re-read TSH in a while. So I wondered if I could write a full blown essay (not really, more like a brief analysis) on the characters from TSH.

I might not even end up writing them but I would like to know which characters people are most interested in learning in-depth about.

There's so much to say about this story that no one can ever stop analysing it. If Donna took 10 years to complete it, there must be so much we can discuss about it!!!

I will try to write a detailed analysis when I have the time to re-read TSH (studying for exams, writing a book and reading "The Bell Jar" and "Pet Sematary" for the 1st time lol)

I hope this will inspire people to make more post abt TSH theories/analysis/thoughts (been tired with the regular mood boards and quotes)

(PS: "Looking Through The Male Gaze" for Camilla is about Richard's gaze, not Donna Tartt's)

Just felt like I haven't re-read TSH in a while. So I wondered if I could write a full blown essay (not really, more like a brief analysis) on the characters from TSH.

I might not even end up writing them but I would like to know which characters people are most interested in learning in-depth about.

There's so much to say about this story that no one can ever stop analysing it. If Donna took 10 years to complete it, there must be so much we can discuss about it!!!

I will try to write a detailed analysis when I have the time to re-read TSH (studying for exams, writing a book and reading "The Bell Jar" and "Pet Sematary" for the 1st time lol)

I hope this will inspire people to make more post abt TSH theories/analysis/thoughts (been tired with the regular mood boards and quotes)

(PS: "Looking Through The Male Gaze" for Camilla is about Richard's gaze, not Donna Tartt's)

Deacon would fall for sole first but would never actually admit it, I mean of course he would fall for sole, how could he not? They embody everything he stands for, they rose from the ground frozen and broken and still fought for him when he didn't think he deserved it

It would eat him up inside, the constant fear that something would happen to sole. The thought that if he was to tell them how he felt, it would be more real and easier to take away.

Sole would have to act first, and only after years of being around each other so that deacon could accept that nothing would be able to remove them from his life without a fight

"Hancock has no regrets about becoming a ghoul"??

It baffles me when some people think Hancock has zero regrets about becoming a ghoul. Absolutely none at all apparently. Like yeah, he plays it up when you first meet him before he's a companion, but let's be real he plays up pretty much everything in regards to the whole "sexy king of the zombies" image he projects.

It takes travelling with you away from Goodneighbor to give him some time to be introspective for him to finally realize that him becoming a ghoul was just another escape route from himself again. He's got several lines of dialogue that literally reiterate this. It's a key point of his character:

Hell, running from myself is what made me into… into a damn Ghoul.

Well, I mean, I didn't always look this good. The drug that did this to me, that made me a Ghoul, I knew what it was going to do.

I just couldn't stand looking at the bastard I saw in the mirror anymore.

The coward who'd let all those Ghouls from Diamond City die. Who was too scared to protect his fellow drifters from Vic and his boys.

If I took it, I'd never have to look at him again. I could put that all behind me. I'd be free. Didn't seem like a choice at all. Turns out it was just me running from somethin' else in my life.

I mean, after reaching max affinity with you, he realizes that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all (because he's finally got an honest friend he can be open with now). He now feels comfortable where he is - but to imply that he doesn't have at least the tiniest amount of regret? Heck, if you go onto romance him (or attempt to), he stops referring to himself as handsome and literally starts calling himself ugly, which naturally goes entirely against the image he projects:

Why don't we just agree to keep it friendly for now or till they find a cure for ugly? Heh.

You don't want to wake up to this mug every morning. Never wish that on anyone I cared for.

You sure you want to be stuck with this ugly mug?

(You could even say he implies it beforehand with another line of dialogue elsewhere in-game when he says "I'd be mad too if I was that ugly." But that's a stretch I guess.)

Combine that with the fact that 99% of ghouls don’t choose to become ghouls. Hancock did. But he didn't do it for a fun experience. He was already in a bad place when he became a ghoul. He didn't turn to be cool and edgy like he pretended he did when first getting to know him.

He lost his appearance, any connections to his old identity and old friends/people he might’ve been associated with (for better or worse), and in return gained hostility from bigots towards him for merely existing, from an overwhelming majority of the Commonwealth population that hates ghouls. There's the Institute and Brotherhood who want to kill anyone like him on top of that. Plenty of people out there who think he and other ghouls are monsters for just being alive.

Not only that, but something which adds onto this is the fact that he's a client of the Memory Den, and they're very selective with their customers. And what's the whole point of the Memory Den? Reliving past memories. Irma's terminal entry about Hancock, as well as the other two ghoul clients Kent and Daisy, all imply the memories they go back to relive are primarily from their human days. (The one on Hancock straight up says "if you thought he was handsome and dangerous now, you should've seen him before he turned ghoul.")

I genuinely refuse to believe that Hancock has never had any regret whatsoever about becoming a ghoul. The man who's spent a decent chunk of his life running from his own problems instead of confronting them, has NO regrets about taking a drug that alters his entire being and functionality on a biological level and will force him to outlive everyone he knows? This man is FULL of regrets!

In "Turnabout Sisters" of "Ace Attorney", there's a moment where Redd White punches Phoenix in the face as a "I can hit you for no reason and you can't do anything to me" thing, and then they both show up to court the next day.

And... look, maybe it was a really shitty punch, but I prefer to imagine that this did leave at least a serious bruise on Phoenix's face. The screen temporarily goes black, White is wearing a bunch of heavy rings on every finger of both hands, and White is a murderer and a blackmailer whose crimes are on the edge of coming to light. White has Phoenix arrested for the murder immediately afterwards, so Phoenix would not have had any opportunity to cover up the injury, leaving the entire court to see what should at least be some really ugly bruising.

Phoenix is having the worst time here, but Edgeworth must be GOING THROUGH IT. Because now he has to prosecute Phoenix Wright of all people for Mia Fey's murder, when he's already been an ass throughout this trial and he knows it, and everything about his key witnesses here is incredibly suspicious (especially if he is at all aware of just how influential and corrupt White is). I would love to be in Miles' head the moment he mentally matches Redd White's smug expression and gaudy rings to the ugly bruises across Phoenix's face.

Now THAT'S an "oh" moment. Not a romantic one, in my opinion, because it's too early. But definitely something that could have unconsciously or consciously flipped a "oh, this is the part where I tear you to pieces" switch regarding Redd White.

okay i know astarion can potentially drain the mc to the point of death if they allow him to drink from them... BUT the persuasion check they have to pass to convince astarion to stop is only 5.

yeah it's higher than say a 2 but i still think this number is CRAZY LOW for a vampiric spawn who has been starved for centuries and has subsisted solely on the blood of vermin ever since he was turned. like this was his FIRST drink of PEOPLE blood, and all mc has to do basically is ask him nicely to stop. sorry to the people who failed the check OBVIOUSLY and this isn't saying it's not fucked up that he killed some of y'all (or that i wouldn't be annoyed if i ever fail and he kills my mc lmao). i'm just saying.. it's a REALLY low number for someone who's been starved and abused for so long, and is driven out of their mind w/ painful cravings every second of the day.

honestly i feel like it speaks to the little crack in astarion's emotional armor, and the tiny kernel of goodness beneath it that cazador couldn't crush.

I’m a fierce believer and defender of Smooth Brain Astarion (affectionate).

I love that, if left to his own devices, he ends up dead in a ditch. I love that this pasty menace of an elf is a walking disaster. I love that his brain produces one coherent thought per day, only to have it backfire on him later on. I love that his first choice in freedom is to unapologetically be the worst version of himself. Because it makes sense. 

That’s what abuse and trauma do to your brain—they fuck with it. 

And in Astarion’s defence, the man didn’t have to use his brain for nearly 200 years—it’s probably the very thing that kept him as alive as he can be; to survive 200 years of pure shit. 

And what use is his brain when his days and nights are dictated by someone else for as long as he can remember? When he has no say in what clothes he wears. When he doesn’t get to choose what or when to eat. When his body and mind aren’t his own, distorted by torture and hunger and self-loathing, forced to obey his vampiric master. Why use his brain when his survival depends exclusively on his abuser’s whims? 

Astarion could’ve come up with the most brilliant plan possible to escape Cazador or save a mark from their doom, but he never stood a chance of succeeding—which doesn’t mean that he didn’t get punished for trying (or even thinking about it) anyway.

Existing under Cazador was a game he couldn’t win, so why bother playing? 

And it’s only by chance that Astarion’s autonomy is returned to him literally overnight. It’s only natural that he’s overwhelmed by his newfound freedom. How is he expected to make sound decisions when he can’t even recall a time when he could do and say as he pleased? 

Of course Astarion is a walking disaster when he finds himself on that beach after the Nautiloid crash—and he’s fully aware of that! That’s why it’s so crucial for him to get on the player’s/other companion’s good side.

He’s self-aware enough to be so insecure about himself that he would rather trust a stranger’s capabilities than his own. 

Being a catastrophe of a person is part of Astarion’s character journey. Not only does he have to reclaim his personhood, he has to learn how to depend on his own brain again and I think that's such a painfully beautiful, important message Baldur’s Gate 3 sends. 

Because healing isn’t pretty. Nor is it easy.

You’re not alright the moment you’re free of whatever horrors you had to live through—and that’s ok! There’s time and room for you to adjust. 

And the moment Astarion feels more or less safe within his new environment, when he’s fed and treated like a person worthy of respect and consideration, his insights, skills and perception are crucial assets to the group.

Astarion knows his art and literature, and although his little remarks are unhinged at times, he's genuinely witty. Even his objections are, considering the circumstances, absolutely legitimate.

Personally, I love seeing Smooth Brain Astarion become more and more secure in his judgement the more Tav/other companions trust and support him.

Astarion is smart, his brain’s just been stewed for nearly 200 years.

Thinking about this line from Cazador and what implies:

I keep thinking about how strange and new must have been for Astarion to finally be surrounded by people who actually listen to him and no one there to punish him for speaking up. 

How it must have felt for him to be able to freely joke around and find that Tav actually laughs at his jokes and even joins in the fun. How new it must have been to be able to express himself and have people who actually listen to him and don't treat him like he is a nuisance, but truly listen to what he has to say. 

I imagine a Tav who just listens, even when he is complaining and whining on purpose, they listen and maybe smile a bit between themselves because they've seen through him, and they never tell him to shut up, they let him vent, they listen to his stories about Cazador, they laugh with him at his jokes. 

No wonder he falls so hard for Tav or becomes very fond of them in a friendship route.

After 200 years where even the Gods didn't care to listen, he has found someone who sits down with him and hears him out.

When I say that "no one cares about/likes Astarion," you need to pay attention to storytelling and character development. It's part of Astarion's entire arc and EXTREMELY hard to miss.

He tells you several times that no one cares about him throughout the game, and because of his arc, he is right. He even has a rant about it after his siblings try to kidnap him in Act 3. No one is like Tav. No one gives a damn. Tav is the only one who remains at his side, going above and beyond for him, and is the only one making a change in his life. It could be why he's such a ride-or-die for them, no matter their decisions. This means that none of the other companions are all that interested in doing that for him. They are just there because Tav is there, not for him. Astarion only got as far as he did because Tav is the only one who cares. Without Tav, Astarion will die in a ditch, or worse.

Hell, the WHOLE REASON he's the way he is is because no one cares for him. He's spicy in the same way a feral cat is and will only warm up to people who actively make an effort to help him or he feels safe around. He doesn't like seeing Tav helping others because he didn't get help when he needed it. He hates hero types because of this. If someone cared about what happened to him, he most likely wouldn't be in the situation he's in now. Even if you like someone, you don't want bad things to happen to them. You can try to make an argument that the companions do care about him, but it's nowhere near enough for Astarion to take notice.

I would say not to hinge on gameplay to prove this, considering a lot of it is mechanics and how your companions will side with Tav no matter what they do minus a few situations, but there are hints of it here and there. No one gets angry if something happens to him or leaves to "go help him". It's "he was bound to be trouble," "he was useful, oh well," or "We have bigger things to worry about." Even then, there may be a "he will be missed" comment thrown in but nothing else. I'm not even sure if there's dialogue from the companions from his Act 3 kidnapping because even Astarion himself doesn't comment when you save him.

Warming up to him is not the same as caring about him. It just makes one more tolerable to be around and the only reason he's around them is they have a common goal. Gale was blunt about that after being told to blow up due to Mystra if you don't romance him (though that may have been softened due to one of the patches). These are just a random gaggle of people thrown together for a single purpose and if you don't make an effort to help them, they stay that way.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE seeing art of everyone in the camp chasing after Astarion to try to protect him from the sun, but it only reminds me that no one moved a muscle to go see if he was okay and just commented on it instead.

The Chapter 4 Essay Part 1: Kokichi Ouma

A metapost on my thoughts on Kokichi’s overall motivations and Gonta’s actions during ch4. Split into two parts. You can find the Gonta half here: (LINK)

I think the way Kokichi acts when he’s telling the truth says something crucial about his personality. When he’s telling the genuine truth, his expression becomes carefully neutral.

(post trial, chapter 1)

To me, it feels like he’s trying very hard to keep this face of neutrality. Normally, he’s able to expertly express any emotion that he wants to. In these moments, its almost like the emotion he’s feeling is so overpowering that he’s trying to repress it in order to maintain control over the face he presents to everyone else, but isn’t quite able to do so.

Kokichi is very careful about keeping people from seeing the parts of himself that he doesn’t choose to show. His villain persona and constant lying is part of this- He wants to keep people away from him. During the events of the killing game, he uses the distance that he creates in many ways. Part of it was that not having many close alliances allowed him to go off and do whatever he wanted during daily life. This let him explore the school and investigate the truth of the killing game without interruption or much attention. Lying also gave him distance between the game and himself. Pretending that the killing game was fun might’ve been his way to cope with everything that was happening. I think Kokichi is really damn good at separating himself from his emotions, lying to himself to do what he thinks needs to be done. This line from Chapter 1 is pretty telling…

(post trial, chapter 1)

This was also something he says himself to Kaito in the exisal hanger during chapter 5.

(post trial, chapter 5)

I’m inclined to believe everything that Kokichi says to Kaito in the exisal hanger. As Kiibo says when Kaito questions it, “I think his dying words may have been the honest truth.” Knowing he was about the die, and that he absolutely needed Kaito’s help to get his plan to break the killing game to work- to achieve his genuine, true goal- I don’t see any reason for him to lie.

This emotional distance extends past just the killing game. I think it's a key part of how he interacts with others around him.

Kokichi is an ultimate leader. I think he uses his talent throughout the game in an attempt to “lead” everyone from the shadows. He wanted to stop the killing game and escape with as many people as possible. However, his methods are very ends-justify-the-means. I believe that he did genuinely care about everyone at the ultimate academy, but in the detached way a distant king might care about his subjects. On the other hand, if he had to use or sacrifice a few as pawns for the greater good, that is what had to be done. It’s not like it didn’t emotionally affect him, but I think he was deliberately trying to keep his distance so that it would not impact him as much, and so that he could continue trying to tear the killing game apart with as many tools in his arsenal as possible.

(post trial, chapter 5)

With this core motivation in mind, this brings us to Chapter 4.

In my opinion, the Killing Game Busters was never a plan that was meant to succeed. From an in-game perspective, the idea that he was originally going to follow this mercy kill plan doesn’t make sense to me. Firstly, Kokichi already had suspicions that they were being watched as early as chapter 3.

(post trial, chapter 3)

…and he later confirms that he was fully convinced of this fact when Monokuma agreed to reuse the chapter 4 motive in the virtual world.

(post trial, chapter 5)

He knew that this killing game was for somebody else’s entertainment. I’ll go a bit into the secret of the outside world in a moment, but considering this, I don’t think he ever fully believed in it. Choosing to mercy kill everyone, in the name of a “truth” that was incompatible with what he had discovered… just doesn’t make sense to me.

Not to mention, from a narrative standpoint, I think the idea that he was completely for this mercy kill plan, decided to throw out the plan mid-trial, and then start an entirely different plan to end the killing game in chapter 5, isn’t very compelling. It weakens Kokichi’s overall character by making his motivation less cohesive and making him seem less organized over all, which I think is one of his strengths as a character. A Kokichi that is this fickle with what he’s trying to do would not have been able to write the script for chapter 5.

I think he always had different goals in mind with the Killing Game Busters. The first was something that is made very clear in chapter 5, but started here in chapter 4: He wanted to stop the killing to give himself room to break the game while minimizing deaths. The second was to further villainize himself, for all the reasons I talked about above, and some more I will get into in a little bit.

Seeing the secret of the outside world was undoubtably disturbing, regardless of whether he believed it or not; there is a noticeable shift in how Kokichi acts before and after he swipes that card key. Combined with discovering that Miu, someone he’d been working with closely, was planning on murdering him, I believe that seeing the destruction of the outside world pushed him towards more drastic measures than what he had been doing in previous chapters. He decided that in order for his plan in chapter 5 to work (which he had almost certainly already been planning at this point, considering how elaborate it was), he needed to make everyone question if pursuing the truth was the right thing to do at all.

After Miu’s body discovery, nobody was really worried about losing this class trial. Everyone had seen how Shuichi had guided them all to the truth and caught the blackened three times in a row, despite the unique difficulties in each case. They had full confidence in his abilities.

(investigation, chapter 4)

Shuichi is also not really doubting his abilities as a detective anymore. One of Shuichi’s core internal conflicts is his fear of the consequences of revealing the truth. Up to this point, it seems like he’s been moving past it. Especially after catching Korekiyo “Actual Serial Killer” Shinguji, who had no regrets or grey motivation for his killings. Shuichi’s morale, and subsequently everyone else’s, was at an all time high. (Of course, he was starting to feel a lot of pressure to solve these cases and save everyone on his own… but that’s another issue. ily Shuichi)

If Kokichi could take the wind out of Shuichi’s sails, really destroy the confidence he had built up so far, he could set up his impossible trial in chapter 5 to be more likely to work as intended. Everyone will be less motivated to try and figure out what happened if they are uncertain that finding the truth would actually result in anything good.

And I do believe he was trying to knock Shuichi off balance specifically. Damaging his confidence is one thing, but he was also deliberately trying to drive a wedge between him and Kaito. He antagonizes Kaito all chapter 4 investigation, including making up a nickname for Shuichi (“Shumai”) that directly riffs off Kaito’s closeness with Maki. He insists into the trial that he and Shuichi are partners now.

(class trial, chapter 4)

(Sidenote: Kokichi’s behaviour during trial 4 is genuinely really interesting to me. On top of the direct digs like this, he says a lot more subtle things to get under Kaito’s skin during trial 4 that I think are super neat to pay attention to.)

Theoretically, pushing Kaito away from Shuichi, combined with the powerlessness he’ll feel in the wake of the truth of both trial 4 and the outside world, could make him easier to convince to join Kokichi’s “side”. He even directly asks Shuichi to team up with him before leaving the virtual world:

(daily life, Chapter 4)

This leads me to believe that Shuichi was originally the one that Kokichi intended to use to build his impossible trial. I mean, if Shuichi was the one in the exisal hanger and presumed dead instead of Kaito, the chances of everyone else solving that mystery drops Significantly. Everyone else, aside from maybe Kiibo, was 100% convinced that Kokichi was the mastermind at that point. No one except Shuichi would’ve tried to dig as deep as he did, for better or for worse. I think this idea is supported by the note that Kokichi wrote next to Shuichi’s face on the whiteboard in his room (“trustworthy?”). He was clearly considering Shuichi as a person for one reason or another, and I believe this is it.

By condemning Gonta, who everyone else perceived as a kind soul who would never hurt anybody, someone who was struggling to understand what the virtual world even was with his amnesia, would be perceived by the others as kicking someone when they were down. Gonta has an absolutely miserable time through the accusations and wholly blames himself for how things turned out in the end. That, and Gonta’s actions were even well-intentioned. The secret of the outside world was apparently so horrible, Gonta thought it would be kinder to mercy kill everyone rather than force them to face it. This result would make everyone question if the truth was really as undoubtably good as they had come to think so far; Not only did Gonta suffer because they had to find the truth, but seeking the secret of the outside world would apparently also only lead to suffering. This would make them hesitate during Kokichi’s impossible trial.

(class trial, chapter 4)

As I said before, Kokichi’s second goal for trial 4 was villainizing himself even further. He says that this was a goal himself to Kaito in chapter 5.

(post trial, chapter 5)

Part of this villainization was just adding to the persona he had already created for himself and that I already talked about his motivations for before. The other part was what he says here. He specifically wanted everyone to think that he was the mastermind. This gave him leverage in two main ways. First, making himself appear to be the mastermind with an actual mastermind as hands off as Tsumugi genuinely gave him power over everyone else. He used this in chapter 5 to put a pause to the killings and give himself more room to enact his plan to break the killing game from the inside.

(daily life, chapter 5)

Although he then says “You guys can commit suicide together or kill each other… / Or, you can change your mind and stay here! You’re welcome to do that too!”, having experienced the secret of the outside world already, I think he’s pretty confident in what they will be feeling in this moment. No one is going to kill each other, and he knows that. He wants them to take that second option for the time being while he sets up his plot.

Making himself appear like the mastermind also benefited his impossible trial plan directly. Everyone would be much more likely to vote for someone they were convinced was the mastermind rather than one of their friends. No one would suspect that it was really him that was the victim.

“Using Gonta and making him into a murderer” was a significant part of how he villainized himself, but the way he treated Gonta during this whole experience was also a major factor. Starting as early as just after Miu was killed, he begins to be really aggressively mean to Gonta. He just straight up bullies him throughout the second half of the trial.

(daily life, chapter 4)

(class trial, chapter 4)

And then, after all this, he acts remorseful and sides himself with Gonta at the very end. It isn't genuine emotion like he felt before Kaede's execution, shown by his neutral expression. To me, this uncharacteristically open expression of grief feels like it was just set up to exacerbate the impact of his cruelty after Gonta’s execution. At this point, everybody’s little faith in Kokichi has been shaken significantly. With the shock of the trial, maybe you Could start to believe they were on the same side, as a team. Then, at the reveal of the extent of Kokichi’s manipulation, that is all ripped painfully away again.

(post trial, chapter 4)

(post trial, chapter 4)

Even if these parts of trial 4 make my stomach turn, I don’t want to imply that Kokichi is completely cold-hearted and unfeeling. Actually, I think there were multiple moments in chapter 4 that show him struggling to regulate his emotions and keep face around everyone else while he enacted this plan.

1: I don’t think Kokichi initially planned to make the reveal that Gonta was the killer as dramatic (or frankly, a bit traumatic) as it ended up being. He had been carrying himself a certain way during the first half of the trial, and I think Shuichi lying to his face in front of everyone about Kokichi’s own alibi dramatically changed his attitude. I mean, Shuichi lied (as he had done almost every trial and gotten 0 flack for) and Tsumugi even called him out on it, but everyone believed him over Kokichi anyways. So when Kokichi lies, it’s completely inexcusable, even though he’s been working tirelessly on his own trying to save everyone?* But when SHUICHI lies, and gets caught in it, people go along with him? They don’t doubt their trust in him for even a second? This double standard infuriated him. It’s at this point that he completely shifts in energy. If Shuichi, no, everyone, is going to disrespect him like this, he was going to make them suffer for it.

(class trial, chapter 4)

2: Kokichi only goes full villain after Kaito says “Kokichi, If you really cared for Gonta, explain yourself to everyone” in the post trial. I think that even though he was always going to paint himself as the villain, he was legitimately affected by the things that had just happened (Gonta’s death, Miu’s attempted murder, the secret of the outside world, even if he knew it wasn’t real) and what he’d just done. Even if he was trying hard not to be. The sudden shift he has from not saying anything to cackling about how little he cared about Gonta feels to me like he was kicking himself back into gear after trying to process some genuinely difficult emotions. 3: After Kokichi punches Kaito down, and everyone completely ignores him in favour of helping Kaito up, Shuichi says these iconic words to Kokichi: “Kaito always has us by his side, see? But no one wants to be around you. / You’re alone, Kokichi. And you always will be.” Kokichi responds like this:

(Post-trial, chapter 4)

There’s something about the way he cuts himself off, pauses, and then his mask falls. I think Shuichi’s words got to him more than he wanted them to. Honestly, Kokichi’s attitude towards cooperation, keeping everyone at arm’s length, and insisting (to himself) that he (as a leader) must fix the killing game completely on his own just seems so lonely to me. Even if he is intentionally trying to alienate himself and get everyone to hate him, being so viscerally cut into like this must have hurt. Especially from someone he was trying to work to get onto his side. It’s no wonder he quickly left after this moment.

This is what I think drove Kokichi in chapter 4. He’s a leader who wants to “lead” his classmates into safety, but he isn’t afraid to use underhanded, cruel tactics if he thinks it will get him ahead in the game for the greater good. He viscerally represses his emotions in order to keep himself going and keep everyone else away from him. He tried to destroy Shuichi’s confidence and drive a wedge between him and Kaito to get him on his side for his plan. He used and made Gonta into a murderer to villainize himself and discourage everyone else from seeking the truth.

Whenever I imagine Kokichi on his own, out of the spotlight of the Audience or the eyes of his castmates, he’s never as expressive as he is in the open. I think in reality, Kokichi is a pretty depressed and lonely person. His clownish personality isn’t entirely a facade, and outside of a killing game scenario, I think he would act pretty similarly to how he does in game. But I do think that he uses it as a mask for his true emotions. While I feel like the “evil villain” persona is a genuine part of Kokichi’s personality, outside of the killing game he probably doesn’t act on it as deeply as he does in-game. I also think Kokichi struggles with letting people become close to him, even without anything on the line. The killing game just caused him to lean into these aspects of his personality hard, and in potentially the worst ways.

*I feel like here it’s important to mention that personally, I still think the collateral damage he caused in his attempts to stop the killing game matters. A lot. I don’t think he should be excused for the things he did, even if he had good intentions. This makes him a really interesting, morally grey character, and I like that about him.

peeves me off a little when some people say "miu and kokichi could be such good friends, i wish they weren't so toxic in canon!"

.......but they are friends? not in the most obvious conventional way, but still. friends.

i mean, miu actually built his blueprints and vented to him before the events of chapter 4. not only that, but kokichi had faith in her skills as an inventor, genuinely listened to her vent (though he also may have realized she was planning to kill him at that time but y'know) and plays into her degrading kink (i say kink, because, well. it is. how are the words "finally someone called me a cum dumpster" supposed to be read as distress??) without really scaring her (note that being shouted at scares her, something he rarely does)

(also also. miu was heavily, heavily reluctant on killing him. and i doubt kokichi was feeling good about orchestrating her murder, too.)

they don't hate each other. they're just assholes who bond like assholes (who care about each other at least a little, but won't admit it)

You know, the thing about Taka's FTEs (now that I've had more time musing over them) is that - Taka relies entirely on the assumption that when Hope's Peak uses the word Talent, they mean something that someone is naturally good at without putting forth any effort. As a result, Taka assumes that the other Ultimates are naturally talented and smart and gifted like his grandfather was.

To an extent, with a couple of them, Taka's right. Leon is naturally gifted at baseball. I'd argue that Chihiro is naturally gifted at programming (at least from the discussions in his FTEs). And I think it's likely that Junko is naturally gifted at analysis (but put effort into Despair and Fashionista. Or, at least, chose Fashionista for whatever reason).

But Mondo? Put effort into being a Biker Gang Leader (especially after his brother Daiya died, because he had to be better and prove that he was a good leader despite causing Daiya's death).

Sayaka? She explicitly talks about all of the effort that went into becoming a Pop Sensation (and just how easily that can all slip away from her).

Sakura, too, talks about all of the effort that went into becoming the top Martial Artist, and while you can argue that Hifumi is naturally talented, he goes to great lengths in his FTEs to talk about the effort he's put into spreading the amazingness of fan creation with his school.

So like - Taka is very clearly biased against all of the other Ultimates and says as much, but if he got to know them, he'd find that a good chunk of them are a lot like he is - putting a lot of effort into something they love so that they can be good at it.

And it's ironic that he thinks Makoto is like him. Because Makoto's Ultimate Talent - Luck - is another sort of natural thing that requires no effort. He might be just like Taka in terms of schooling (and all of the others, outside of their Ultimate, are likely the same way), but as far as the function of his Talent...he's just like everyone that Taka by nature does not like. But because Taka likes him, he pretends it's something else.

Idk...it's just interesting to think about, I guess.

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room