Bl Series - Blog Posts

The way they said "I love you"

Pat: "When I have a lover, I always let my lover win" Pran: "I've always wanted to cook a favorite dish for someone I like"

Daon learned how to say no.

Taekyung learned how to have friends.

Shinwoo learned how to be more expressive with his feelings.

But not a single one of them learned how to throw a surprise party.

Taekyung's neurodivergance is actually central to the story that Light On Me is telling. If he weren't different, if he didn't miss social cues or misunderstand people's reactions, he wouldn't be pursuing this friendship with Shinwoo. If he didn't have a single-minded focus that nothing could shake, he wouldn't insist on their friendship. None of this would happen if Taekyung understood social cues or the way other people think. His different way of thinking drives the entire story, all his relationships and all the ways he's helping the people around him. The same things that kept him isolated are now winning over the people he's coming to care for and that's beautiful.

I just cannot get over how BAD Yu Zhen is at romantic communication.

It's definitely related to his trauma.

But he just... he's absolutely terrified of putting words to his feelings.

There have been at least two direct occurrences of him using his knowledge of exactly how soft and caring Shi Lei is to manipulate him into giving him affection.

We've seen him ease into affectionate looks and initiate touches and clutch Shi Lei tight to him because he craves that contact so deeply.

But he never uses words.

He steps into the coffee shop after taking a deep breath and still only manages to point at Shi Lei.

Shi Lei asks for time to himself and Yu Zhen panics so hard he fakes an allergic reaction just to bring Shi Lei back to his side.

He cannot bear the thought of their separation but also cannot face the peril of putting words to feelings, of saying what he feels.

His pride, his fear, his control, his past... everything is catching up and crashing down around him.

Shi Lei can only do so much if Yu Zhen won't tell him anything. And he'll really only do so much without the words he wants, without the confirmation of their relationship.

Three more episodes and the pain has begun and I don't think will be going away any time soon. Each young man sleeping in their own room next episode... ooof.

Ever tried to break your own rules only to get walked in on by someone that you're keeping from their own happiness with your rules?

Oh no, it's natural consequences!

If the show doesn't end with these two proposing to each other at the same time with handmade rings and soft, fluffy music in the background...

I don't know, but I can't believe they flirted this hard in front of everyone else's salads ring making.

How to take care of your tsundere: a guide by a traumatized but confident gay man

And the follow up: How to take care of your traumatized confident gay by a reluctant tsundere.

oxygen the series: episode 13

non-sexual intimacy is my kink and this drama is the king of it. 

i’ve never seen a drama where the main couple gets together so early and there is ZERO relationship drama.  it’s all external conflict that they face head-on as a unit. communication + respect + patience + small touches to show they are precious to you…soooo good.

just skip through the hetero bullshit (didn’t watch any of it after ep 2 lol) and this is a very rare gem of a show. it has a soft, sentimental tone overall (except for big bunny energy kao/ball!) because the two main characters are both more reserved and quiet and when they were delivering the cheesiest of lines coming from any other character it is SO in-character for them felt. 

Close Friends the series (another Thai hope for new stories in BL) ideas

What is up with these mini series Y destiny, Close Friends where they have a short storyline for certain known pairings and leave me devastated that they didn’t make it into a full 12 episode or more series? Why are we stuck with the engineering, university repetitive motives when we’ve had outlines and ideas right in front of us for how to make new groundbreaking Thai stories in this genre??? Unique, Romantic, Fun and great potential to explore new dynamics and characters. Please Close friends choose a series to make into one full series. Anyway here’s how I’d do them starting from my most favorite and desperate want for a full tv series plot, to the ones I can’t be fussed about. 

1.   KimCop

Are you kidding me? We could have had a celebrity/fanboy trope this whole time from Thailand? Why haven’t we gotten yet this idea?  Man this needs to be a series, this needs to  be fleshed out and give me a full storyline. Like have a spoiled/ arrogant celebrity who wants to go undercover away from his label (feeling bored/frustrated with the environment he’s in and sneaking away when he finally gets out) and meets his number one fan boy who works as cafe barista (cafe shop au damn it)  who he knows because he’s been having secret conversations with him through a VR app that he monitors for research on how to create more. Let him pretend he doesn’t know said fanboy but find a way to spend more time with him, let said fan boy not be okay with his attitude and arrogance on the surface but be confused about the other version of himself he speaks to in VR, let us have this. It would be so good, between secret identities, contract living/cafe shop au tropes, we could have something that can be great, with longing, misunderstandings, having the fan boy pretend he’s not affected by the celebrity (due to annoyance by his spoiled persona) when we and the celebrity both know he’s different when he’s speaking to his VR version. Just so much to play with, with this.  We need this storyline as a narrative like this is closest to the kinda risks Korea BLS do with their plotlines for BLs and with Thai we know the episodes would be allowed to be longer and properly played out. Plus KimCop are fantastic; they’re made for this, they need the directing, the stellar budget and production but I want this now. Damn you Close friends for laying this  in front of me!!! 

2. Mii2

Please can I get a coming of age series for this perfection? A coming of age that ends happily and show cases these two’s journey to being together through their pen pal relationship. Can we get self discovery, exploration, acceptance and more. Can we get finding your purpose, your struggles in highschool to fit in, to have friends, to be socially accepted. Can we get that with these two who clearly live opposite lives and find solace in each other. I want my BL answer me 1997/1984 Kdrama!! Like you can have it all! Give it to me 😭 let me learn about Thai history during these times. Let me watch this soft friends to lovers premise  Please? I’m begging? From the aesthetic, the time period, the wholesome characters and the potential with this plot, we can have a great unique Thai Bl series that’s still about highschool but show cases a different era. With inside jokes about that time period, with references, and opportunities for nostalgia for certain Thai folks, it’s a win win to me and it’d be BL! 

3. JaaFirst

You heard it here I want them because of their chemistry. I couldn’t help feeling so teased and upset that this wasn’t a supernatural thing about a cat who turns human or something (we’ve had mangas based on this, lol even Mew Mew power has a play on this with the main het couple at a time, common) like I would have wanted this synopsis with these two a magical race of people who are able to turn into animals, one of them who loses his memory/ has to find something that will help his race in a certain time frame  and finds himself having to stay stuck with Ja’s character who he falls for because he watches and learns about him as a cat. Maybe he stays in his cat form to discover why he was found in Ja’s place with no memory, trying to discover about himself, But there’s times where his human form can roam around depending on certain world building rules. Meanwhile Ja is a cute cat owner who’s  unaware. But something is bothering him, it’s making him spiral, he is intrigued by a boy he keeps bumping into at odds times around his area but he can’t find the boy anywhere, and each time they meet he’s a bit standoffish and refusing to let Ja get to know him or help him, he can’t find the boy unless he appears at a certain time and place. And he spends time pining trying to find and get this person not knowing he’s living right next to him moping about his circumstance about not being able to stay human all the time, Like a play on Little mermaid or kdramas like My girlfriend is a gumiho you know these dramas with supernatural beings who have to stay in a contract situation with someone with a time limit (a month/100 days normally) to stay together and get to his goal.  Like weird animal supernatural trope but it could work 😭 One it’d be supernatural so unique to this genre, it’d explore a requited but they don’t know trope with a lot of barriers and misunderstandings :( Like damn it why can’t we be having all this Thailand.

4. MaxNat  😭

A Karate Kid reboot but with BL 😭 Yes you heard me, between watching Nat fall for the sport and prove to whoever he needs to that he can be a champion due to the help of his headstrong tutor who takes him in, like we’ve got another plot, we’ve got another theme to explore, a new world of learning about the world of Karate competitions, and training to be a champion. Character dynamics that can be fleshed out to have another sports based BL series but this time Thai like yess 😭 let’s stew and stay longer in this I don’t want to do this energy with Nat’s character probably being forced to do the sport because he has no choice, to impress someone, to get revenge on  a rival who hurt him but slowly realizing that karate is his talent and what he loves to do authentically. A fish out of water experience, as he falls for his strict gruff, cold, and robotic tutor who he learns more about as time goes about why Karate is his all😭 Like yes please…. Haters to lovers, going in with wrong intentions, learning about self worth and finding your purpose/self. Like a chosen one narrative let me have this!!! 

See what I mean when I say all these mini series just leave me sad, that Thai BL genre isn’t risky enough to do new things, all you have to do is branch out a bit, try and create stories without the need to get Bl adaptations all the time from novels with the same themes and tropes. Let’s get new themes we see in other countries, let’s have these actors be put to use more and given stories that aren’t just the same old same old. I dunno, watching Y destiny and Close friends, have made me sigh because if people actually put thought and effort into how to improve this genre, and make it more than just a money thing, we could have great stories for Thai BL that actually will shock us, and make us refall in love with the genre. Dunno if what I’m saying makes sense, I just want new stories from Thai BL (don’t get me wrong IPYTM and GMMTV are trying) but I sometimes get frustrated at this explosion of quantity of BL that never has quality, it’s either repetitive or just awful in terms of storytelling. Why? Please Thailand branch out a little, these two series have shown you new plots, and ideas you can play with and create something more interesting and better than the typical lazy plots. Let’s expand Thai BL more. That’s all. Do you guys have your own ideas on these storylines and how to make them into longer series. I didn’t mention the other two because I wasn’t as connected to their plot (Love TalayYoon though) but I really enjoyed Close friends, and I’m sad it’s over now. 

Ep 8 Ep 12

I just want to wait until we’re more ready.

OMG!! I just found your blog through a WBL fan sharing your post about WBL on Instagram, and I am SOOOOO happy to see that you noticed and appreciate the tutor and fighter couple from Why R U series too. If possible, please write an analysis about this couple, about any specific aspect you deem as most important or just generally, whatever you are okay with. I love reading your analysis and the insights it gives me, and I just finished binge reading all of your writings on my favorite bl (1)

Hi wow mindblown by this comment Thank you so much for letting me know that my stuff is being shared I really appreciate that and I am so grateful that you took time of your day to come speak to me. I adore Fighter and Tutor, like they’re my favourite couple ever. What happened when why r u was airing was I wasn’t yet analysing BLs at that time otherwise I would have been writing essays and essays about them. Because it’s been so long since I went back to watch them I’m going to let you see some of my drafts on how I would have broken their relationship into pieces and analysed. Because they are incredible and I really always feel sad when people see them as just like a se*ual couple when there’s more to them than that.  So I will let you see the first drafts and my ideas on them through this  ask and I hope that's okay for now. Maybe after my other shows I will like go back and rewatch them and start analysing more about them. If I do I’d probably do a youtube video about them because they’re so good. 

Here’s some of the analysis for them that I wrote: 

The theme for these two is  the struggle with internalised homophobia and self-acceptance. They both had this obstacle in themselves as they fell for each other and tried hard to avoid and run away from what they felt.  It’s been a long journey for them being into each other since the first time they met but not really realising what they felt.  Fighter did but he went into extreme panic mode and tried to run away immediately he felt that. So he tried to stay by Tutor’s side through the teasing and bullying because Tutor made him feel great and happy always but then with pressure from his father and the path he was meant to take to keep on being seen as successful, he thought his feelings for Tutor were useless and wrong. Plus he didn’t know if it was reciprocated so that caused even more fear for him which is why he just stayed with teasing and finally kater in thinking Tutor likes Hwa he chose to pull her away from him by taking her attention but also he chose to keep what they have as enemies/haters that way and avoid being near Tutor. This is why they end up hating each other a lot by the beginning of Why R U which is like 3 years later or something after he chose to stay with Hwa. 

Tutor didn’t understand fully why he got angry, jealous and annoyed, he had an inclination from the first year that Fighter liked men and he was actually hopeful about it because deep down he had feelings of wanting to also flirt with Fighter, wanting to stay with Fighter even when annoyed him and bullied him. He liked Fighter’s softness at times and he liked the way he felt even though he didn’t understand why he was so rifled and affected by Fighter’s presence when no one else has been able to do that to him before. But he became upset when Fighter chose to date Hwahwa because it was his automatic issue with IH that of course Fighter doesn’t like him but he likes girls, so he got jealous and sad and proceeded to also dislike Fighter because he had this effect on him whilst still trying to date his best friend who had feelings for Fighter.

They both have had unknowingly pent up feelings for each other, so once Fighter breaks the barrier by their first kiss, they both go into extreme panic and they both could no longer pretend any more with what they have. Which is why the first episodes they both keep struggling to keep their attraction with each other quiet because its been 3 years since they wanted each other that way. Fighter has so much pent up attraction and needs to give into his feelings that each time they have a chance to break that barrier it’s intense and crazy. Both have been longing, pining secretly for each other since the beginning of the show. What happens next is for Fighter he has to choose to finally accept that he cares a lot, a lot , a lot about Tutor, he finally starts to learn more about this person he loves and he starts to want to protect and keep Tutor happy and by his side. When it comes to finally choosing to let go of Hwa and choose to fight for Tutor and start knowing if he feels the same way. It’s a leap of faith he takes when he breaks up with Hwa. He realises he’s the one stopping his wishes from happening with Tutor because he keeps being in denial about what they are because he’s scared it’s only him that’s gay and has feelings for the other.

It’s only after tutor sister tells him that he’s holding back his feelings does he realise that it’s time to talk about their unstable relationship and Fighter at that moment had also come to terms with his break up with Hwa after making out with tutor revealed the truth, that’s why on the rooftop they do a test that ultimately breaks their walls down and choose to give in to their feelings no matter how scared they are about it being reciprocated. When Tutor looks away and loses the game it’s a symbol to Fighter that he’s also been the same as him from the start. Tutor looks away sadly thinking he’s the one who has the feelings but Fighter just loses it and lets him know its equal which is why I love that scene so much because for so long both of them because of IH has been avoiding thinking the other had the same feelings for them when they both from the start have felt love for a long time. And from then they go on a journey to learn about what this means, if it’s real feelings and not just attraction hence their beach vacation which is essentially them asking if they could love each other and be in a real relationship, and if they can take on their obstacles around them. The beach solidifies for them their feelings so they choose each other for life hence the earring and necklace. But it’s fast paced how they feel because it’s just confirmation, now Tutor starts to realise that Fighter is actually different than he thought he was and he falls so fast, he now realises how much he loves Fighter and how much Fighter made him want to fight for his happiness and life. Tutor has not had hope for happiness and ease in his life, because he’s always had to fight to survive on his own. So when Fighter shows up like a prince charming and constantly is connected to saving him time and time again, it’s exactly him realising there’s someone who does represent that hope that he’d be fine. Hence why the final obstacle is Tutor regressing and starting to think because of IH and society that he and Fighter are just a pipe dream.

They go back to face the world only for Fighters father to bring back all the fear, internalised homophobia and obstacles they had. Fighter panics and thinks he was right; the reason why he never told Tutor his feelings was because he was afraid the other would break his heart (was not gay, did not have feelings for him, would make fun of him etc) so when Tutor breaks up with him he loses his mind after trying hard to let go. When he sees that actually Tutor is taunting him and is still flirting with a guy, not him, he proceeds drunk and upset to try and get back moments from the beach scene/ past make out scenes to keep that spark alive but realises Tutor is not okay this time and he’s the one forcing it. He also acted out because with them the truth comes out each time they’re physical with other romantically. It’s a kiss that caused them to finally tell each other how they felt. That’s always been the way they break their walls down.

It’s what causes him to break down and finally reveal the truth he’s loved Tutor since he met him, he’s just been afraid of all that’s happening even if it’s happening he still wants to be with Tutor. Tutor however breaks his heart even more so he backs off. Tutor on the other hand is broken and mentally exhausted back to depression, back to having to fake being strong and deal with the futility of hope and joy in his life as he’s always been used to. He gets seen by Fighter and doesn’t have it on him to fight him away, so decides to stay in an idealistic fantasy, tells him to hold him and breaks his walls down again. Tutor is always having to fake being strong because it’s how he survives so whenever Fighter enters his world his vulnerability scares him, that’s why his sister gives him the image of a cactus. He’s tough and sharp or pretends to be with his demeanour but actually he’s just a boy who wants to be happy and be safe and survive. So when Fighter shows up at his weakest moments, as he struggles to deal with his mental exhaustion and heart break, he gives in  because again Fighter represents to him that hope. He starts to waver and want to stay in that lie for a long time with Fighter. Hence when he wakes up and Fighter is gone he thinks its all over and he finally breaks down completely.

Only when Fighter goes he breaks down in anguish truly thinking he lost him. Fighter finally comes out to his dad and fights his views, And we end up back at the beach, a place which represented authenticity and truth for them, it’s their truest realest self, but it also was their escapism. So Fighter coming there and letting Tutor know there’s no more obstacles in their way makes them both finally equally start a stable relationship with no more fear or care about anything. These twos relationship is full of tension and they both feel the chemistry, like magnets their bodies are drawn together, every scene they’re in, it’s their love language physical touch not bl fan service. They just naturally want to be in contact with each other and also their pent up feelings leads to them constantly wanting to sleep together because of hormones and well because they enjoy their se*ual life, nothing bad about that it’s realistic for couples to be that horny, that needy and that touchy.

It’s people who don’t get the context of internalised homophobia and what being in the closet is like for people with this anxiety and self hate caused by how they think society views them and treats them if out, those are the people who think there was no plot. Every dialogue these two had, their flashbacks and their acting (eyes, facial gestures, touches) showed why Fighter liked teasing Tor, why he dated Hwa but never paid her attention, why we had the beach scenes, why the break up escalated, why Tutor gave in when ill, why the non/dubious consent scene happened, why they get back together and why they told each other I love you forever immediately after they got together. Every single part adds up. It really is insane to me how people don’t see their real story to this day or see them as such a great storyline for BL. I would never get it.

falling in love is a rarity in this world. 

Color Rush- Crushes and Obstacles (Ep 5-6)

So I already analysed episode 5 of Color rush with the question focusing on the nature vs nurture of monos and probes. We basically have a show that keeps reminding us about the world and stigma of being a mono, the psychological regression, issues and lack of control that occurs once a  mono meets their fated probe. Because of this ideology, our main character finds himself being forced to make a choice of if he should embrace becoming a monster to keep his probe by his side or if he should be alone forever stuck in a depressive state, empty and lifeless. The issue with this way of thought is that apart from maybe the media showing him clues about how monos react when they meet their probes, there’s not enough evidence in my opinion that this is the only choice/way for a mono and probe to end up. Especially since our mono had seen a relationship where it was more or less successful before the mono maybe lost control once the probe died, that’s his mum and dad. So this analysis focuses more on that same question is it really the only ending for a mono and probe relationship; to end with chaos, and pain, and obsession, kidnaps, crimes etc., or is this just all a placebo effect that has been embedded into the minds of monos to be this way.

Monos and Their Probes

Let’s look at the details of episode 5 and 6. Yeonwoo and Yoohan’s relationship evolves as they both start to fall more and more for each other. For Yeonwoo, this is hard because he’s never known what that feels like, and his crush and attraction to Yeonwoo is even more enhanced in his mind because of the connection and link to Yoohan being his probe. But if we don’t focus on the fact that Yoohan and Yeonwoo are probes and monos and just see them as two high school boys who have feelings for each other who went on a date, went home after and chilled, their relationship becomes like every other normal relationship, no danger, no questions of obsession and addiction. Pause.

Devotion vs Obsession

When we have feelings for people we tend to become obsessed and addicted to their presence just a bit, it’s because of the serotonin, and dopamine released when we have a puppy love, a crush or even when we start to fall even more deeply for someone. It’s feelings of happiness, of euphoria, excitement, and more. So Yeonwoo and Yoohan just like every other couple are going through phases of these euphoric feelings, wanting to spend as much time with each other as possible, wanting to touch each other, wanting to stay together every single time. It’s what happens in a honeymoon phase of a relationship. You can’t let go of the other person. Now this doesn’t mean for us we want to go kidnap and commit crimes to keep our crush next to us, we may miss them, and want to keep talking to them but it doesn’t mean we’re insane, addicted or obsessed. Do you see my point?

I think Yeonwoo truly has exaggerated his feelings of a crush on Yoohan. He’s made it so much more worse than it has to be because he’s been fearmongered by the media into thinking just because he doesn’t want Yoohan to leave it means he’s turning into a monster when really he’s just liking and crushing on his new crush. He didn’t have to make the decision to go buy these kidnapping tools and to think of ways to make himself a monster, since that’s the only choice he believes he’s left with. No, he could have like every other normal person just missed him. So why is Yeonwoo letting himself go deeper into obsession and addiction and letting himself think he is a monster? In order to really look deeper to see if it’s truly the only end for a mono, or if it’s the environment that is making them this way; we have to analyse the psychological mindset of monos when they meet with their probes

Monos: The world of Lonliness and Depression 

The metaphor already for monos is lack; they lack color, lack brightness, lack vibrancy in their lives. They’ve been forced since birth to see the world in such a dark and oblique way. And as they find out about their condition, they are seen as monsters from the get-go, forced to be alone to avoid people in case they bump into their fated probes. The loneliness and the forced mindset of a mono to stay in this lifeless energy is really psychologically depressing and tiring. And it’s when they get a glimpse of hope, of companionship, love, colour, and more with their probes that Monos start to feel happy and joyful. Now it doesn’t have to be this way, Monos could end up feeling comfortable with their condition if they were just treated equally and right, but no they’re prejudiced, pushed away and bullied horribly once it’s discovered that this is what they are.

From a young age, monos are told that they are going to be monsters, they are going to hurt people, they are going to lose their minds one day. And this is just exacerbated in the media with fears and warnings of how monos interact with their probes. If from a young age, a mono is repeatedly told, this is who they are, then it forms a placebo belief and effect, and brainwash that this is the only way they can be. Mono’s don’t see any other way out, or a chance to be different because everyone feeds to them the same narrative of pain, despair and obsession. And it sucks. Look at how immediately Yeonwoo’s aunt reacts when she notices Yeonwoo and Yoohan have found each other, she immediately scolds him and tells him he has to move, so he doesn’t break and lose his sanity. She doesn’t give it the benefit of the doubt, or ask questions; she resorts immediately into trying to push them away from each other.

Now, this makes sense because she has lost her sister who was a mono who probably lost her mind once her probe died. And then went missing/ taken by maybe another mono (that’s what it seems Yeonwoo and his aunt believe happened). Because of this, there is a negative stigma with the aunt on how monos can behave, she has already lost so much because of monos, and so she doesn’t want Yeonwoo to be the same. The aunt is like everybody else in this world, whose first reaction to monos is to push away and to avoid, this world isolates and distances monos away from a chance to be happy, and live freely because of their condition.

The Psychological Implications of Being a Mono

The psychological implications of being a mono are so fascinating to me. It’s like a psychological disorder (despite it not being that way) are all psychopaths forced to hurt and become serial killers? Are all sociopaths meant to avoid people just because there’s a higher tendency that people could get hurt if it goes awry? No. Because just because you have a gene or a link to a family member that went crazy and started hurting people, it doesn’t mean you would make the same choice and do the same thing. Not everyone is the same just because they have the same disorder or mindset. And that’s the same for monos, monos don’t have to go crazy and hurt their probes. The separation from their probes obviously enhances anxiety and fear of going back into this lifeless, darkness that they finally found a way out of; this is what drives their actions. It’s just enhanced emotions and enhanced fears, but they don’t have to act on it, the people who do act on it are people who were weak or predisposed to other factors that make them want to be violent. Yeonwoo doesn’t have to plan ways to kidnap or take Yoohan when Yoohan would gladly stay by his side. He doesn’t have to be this broken or fearful of becoming a monster; he’s making these choices because he has a placebo mindset that this is who he should become. And it’s heartbreaking.

The thing is we see  Yoohan and Yeonwoo having a great time together, being happy and liking each others company without the color rush having to be the only focus of why they’re interacting. We do get to see Yeonwoo panic because of decolouring, and he enhances those emotions because of his already ingrained anxiety about what it means to want to keep Yoohan by his side. The way I see it, Yeonwoo has formed an anxiety about who he is because of how the world treats him and other monos, and because he has that issue with stress coupled with physical evidence that he’s losing colour, it drives him to think it’s a sign he’s becoming a monster. It’s not.

First of all, of course, he becomes worried and scared about losing colours, the decolouring effect is like going from a high to a low, when colour rush happens to monos it’s a euphoric effect, it doesn’t last, but like a drug it can lead to a crash and a hangover, so of course immediately Yoohan leaves Yeonwoo starts to crash and regress back into seeing the world as grey, and that makes his mindset also feel depressed coupled with the fact he does not want Yoohan to go because of his crush (not dependency). So Yeonwoo misunderstands his reactions when Yoohan leaves as him becoming addicted and obsessed with Yoohan with no point of return when really he’s just moody because his high is gone and he misses Yoo Han as a normal person does with their crush. So he’s talking himself into thinking the only explanation is his dependency on Yoohan for color and his obsession as a mono growing. And it’s sad, monos have been forced to feel this way, that they’re predatory, horrifying and cruel in their love when really they’ve just met the one, and they wish to be happy.

Society vs Monos

It’s his aunty who triggers this emotion, her conversation with him made him think there’s no other way out of becoming this monster because she put that fear that he may be forced to separate from Yoohan. And this is really where I think Monos become the versions they are shown (crazy, obsessed, crimes) in the news because not every mono and probe is going to be in love, not every probe may want to be with their monos, everyone has a different circumstance and that fear of losing colors, may drive a mono to doing things. However, I don’t think it’s natural for them to become so obsessed and so desperate to live with colors so much that they hunt down their probes and hurt others. That’s a specific few, ones that had those warped mindsets, or a more problematic background or a harsher philosophy. Not everyone becomes violent, some monos probably retreat from their probes and stay depressed, some fall in love with someone who isn’t a probe, there are so many different ways it could go, the thing is monos are only shown in one light, and that’s the people who chose to go far to keep their probes by their side through fear.

This self-hate and deprecation Yeonwoo has of who he is naturally reminds me so much of internalised homophobia, hating who you are naturally and thinking you’re wrong because of how society has made you see yourself. It’s the same feelings; the disgust, the anxiety, the repression etc. And we’ve already mentioned how monos and probes are probably metaphors of LGBTQ+ struggle, society making monos think it’s wrong to be with the people who love them and they love. This self-hate will make Yeonwoo feel he has no other option but to check himself into a hospital or institution or to (trigger warning)  end his life. And that’s just so messed up. I’ve seen many people question his mindset because from what we’re seeing his mother seems like she had a happy marriage with his father, shouldn’t she be proof that monos and probes can be healthy? But I think we’re forgetting that his father died, and from knowing how monos react to missing their probes, I’m guessing his mum couldn’t take it and also lost some of her sanity or she fell into depression and couldn’t get out of that. Also as mentioned, I think Yeonwoo thinks it’s a mono that kidnapped his mum, and so that also maybe gives him more resentment towards who he is, and again makes him think monos only end up committing crimes and hurt people they love.

But we need to know more about why he thinks this way and what other evidence they have about his mother’s missing case. Plus his mother has not been by his side for four years, and in those four years he’s been bullied, mistreated, have to move schools each time his condition is found out, so it’s been a long time of society again making him think he’s a monster, and without his mum there to help him see different, he just follows that mindset, unfortunately.

Yeonwoo and Yoohan; Just a crush

For Yeonwoo and Yoohan, their relationship is not just based on dependence, Yeonwoo thinks it’s the colours, and he does not understand it’s just feelings and him liking Yoohan since he first met him. Yeonwoo has had to push people away, and find excuses not to have friends, and Yoohan barged into his life without warning, both have been attracted and wanting each other from the start. Yeonwoo struggled with this information and rationalised it into thinking it’s because he wants the colour rush, but it isn’t that, it’s more than that, he just wants to be happy, in love and with Yoohan. Yoohan is the same as Yeonwoo, he’s also had to push people away, and alienate himself, and not care about the world or society because of his own condition, seeing Yeonwoo made him want to do more, he liked what Yeonwoo was to him, he liked having a crush on Yeonwoo, and so he also found himself wanting to stay with Yeonwoo for as long as he can. For a long time I’ve also been thinking he was just as obsessed and addicted to Yeonwoo like monos are to their probes, but no, he’s a teenage boy with a crush, and so is Yeonwoo. We also let the media and how society views mono make us feel worried and scared about these two’s relationship forming and whilst it was thrilling to think it could be more dangerous than it is, it’s really just two people falling in love with each other, and one psychologically scarred and brainwashed into thinking there’s something wrong with who he is naturally. And that’s just painful.

So yeah Color Rush; a look into psychological mindsets, nature vs nurture, the addictive feeling of what love is, and more, this show is so fun to watch and analyse and see how it’s going to turn out, but there are moments where it hurts and makes you think and question how society and media play a role in showing minorities, how they control the narrative about certain things and if that’s right. Fearmongering, prejudiced mindsets and more isn’t cool, but the world has always been led by these ignorant ideas without education and open mindsets, and it sucks. So watching color rush is an interesting metaphor and symbolism for the struggles some people have because of stigmas associated with conditions they have from birth, or just ideologies formed that isn’t necessarily true about who they are as a person, it only leads to self-hate, depression, anxiety, self-harm just to fit into society’s narrative and it sucks. Let’s hope Yoohan shows Yeonwoo he’s not a monster, and he’s okay being himself and loving Yoohan. he doesn’t have to hurt or go insane and do crimes because he’s a mono. He’ll be fine.  

COLOR RUSH EP 1 AND 2- OBSERVATIONS AND COMMENTS

Wow Wow Wow. The thrill and pleasure, I have just received from watching Color Rush episode 1 and 2, whilst learning about this new trope with the color verse world that I’ve never heard of before. It is intriguing to see a soulmate au done this way, it’s cute, you’re meant to be excited and soft when they meet, it’s meant to be happiness and love and longing. But what we get with the Korean Bl Color Rush is far from that, there’s angst, drama, fear and exhilaration from the idea that our couple might be a danger to each other instead of actually saving each other.

With hints to themes of losing control like madness and obsession and the psychological toll being a mono ( having neurological colour blindness and has dampened emotions). First of all, there are clues of books laid around like the one a side character was reading Macbeth. That’s a worrying hint to what this show is exploring. It’s going to show the frightening aspect of a mono’s dependence on their probe to see colour, the addicting, obsessive, hunger once they have a colour rush.

It’s dangerous especially with how Yeon Woo explains it, people have killed for this feeling, people have chosen to break the law, and people have died to prevent themselves from doing something awful to their probes. It’s beautiful to see Yeon Woo meet his person, but it’s scary to think that it’s going to cause him to spiral and lose himself even more. Something he’s trying so hard to avoid.  This connection whilst fated is not a glamorous one, it’s shockingly filled with angst and disturbances, but it’s brilliant, and it’s keeping me on my toes.

In episode 2, we see another hint to this dangerous connection forming the praying mantis;  how a female survives by eating the head of her male lover after they get together. It’s obviously another resemblance to our soulmate connection’s theme and reality. What do we do when we’re falling for a couple that may very well need to be separated for both to stay mentally sane and rational? We see the effects on Yeon Woo again, like hit after hit of a drug he’s started to demand and lose his temper because of his fear of losing the feeling when he sees colours because of Han.

It’s just brilliant, Korea has done it again they’ve chosen an ambitious plot, and they’ve taken BLs to a new level. The issue? This should be like every other Kdrama and have one-hour episodes and it breaks my heart that it’s 15 minutes and only 8 episodes. But for now, the 15 minutes don’t feel like a disadvantage. Still, I can’t help but moan about the fact that this could be one of the best deep, angsty, emotional bl dramas if given more time to shine and work on its plot. Then again, sometimes having long runtimes can make a show laggier and include extra scenes that aren’t needed. We’ll see how that turns out with this drama. With Korean Bls though, it’s been the latter; we want more minutes, we want more episodes, we want more of this because it’s terrific to see honestly.

It’s not just the unique soulmate AU, Color Rush seems to have. It has a plot hinting to the mystery about missing people, including our main character’s mum who’s been missing for quite a while. Also, she’s not the only one; many Monos are going missing. This is intriguing, who’s targeting these monos a probe bent on revenge? Another mono who’s gone crazy and wants everyone to be unhappy because they didn’t find their probe? What could it possibly be? Or did they all just run away because they knew they were being taken down into a darker hole because of their need to depend on their probe no matter how hard they try to prevent it? Are they being experimented on by some weird company?

I’m so interested and ready to see where this show takes us. I rarely write so much for the first episode of a drama, but this BL is already screaming meta, depth, love and angst that can be broken down and looked into. I’m so excited, and I cannot wait to go on this journey and watch this story get stronger and stronger. Thank you Korea for always choosing ambitious exciting and unique plots, this is why we need more Bls in Korea, we need this, we need to see this more, we need to know these storylines more, and we don’t want it to stop. Just get better and better each year. Color Rush is a fantastic beginning to 2021. And I can’t wait to see where it takes us.

The answer was as simple as that. Mork was incapable of threatening this friendship the more they spend time together.

The more they spend time together, the more fearful he was of his feelings, knowing well one wrong move would pull Pi several steps back that he took his time taking.

Especially after knowing how hard it was for the latter to trust people. They had a rough start all because he couldn't talk in truths. He still wasn't when he told Pi he was a friend every time looking at those round eyes and soft cheeks.

He couldn't put what they had at risk for something he wasn't sure about. 

And that was the reason precisely why he pushed every thought of leaning closer when they were only inches apart. Because no matter how close he wanted to lean in, he had to step away before things get out of hand.

Sometimes it felt so pointless, as if the possibility of them getting together was a fading light at the end of a tunnel.

Some mornings he woke up thinking all about those 'What If's' he couldn't answer himself. 

Other time there was a sudden urge to shove all his secrets inside a box and lock them away for good because at this point, being friends was way better than loosing Pi in any sort of way.

When he could feel Pi's warmth and wanted nothing but wrap his arms around the latter, forming a shield to hide him away from this cruel world.

Or the way his intrusive thoughs won over his self control on his weak days as his traitrous hands would make their way to fix that one strand of hair falling over Pi's forehead just right to poke him in the eyes.

They way his figures twitched to reach out and wipe the corner of his mouth when he messily ate something.

And these little feeling would erupt every time he saw Pi doing something as trivial as taking food to his table. Or simply sitting side by side studying. Or replying to his text. Talking about his shitty day.

To the point it would travel all through his body like crackling electricity, make his fingertips tingle until he had to remove himself from close proximity of Pi.

Keep his thoughts at bay, in the dark, whenever he felt words flowing inside his brain.

Swallowing bits of the acidic feeling when he would slip up and reveal the truth.

How could he so obvious and Pi be so oblivious.

..

A bit angsty.

A bit of slow burn

We all love these little guilty pleasures.

My Book-'Levitating Towards You' on Ao3, more refined and edited.

A bit angsty tags_

#One-sided enemies to friends to lovers

#Slow building romance

#Emotional hurt

#A bit depressing

#Dark thoughts happen at some point

#Feelings denial

#Triggering subjects

#Past traumas

#Unhealthy coping mechanism

#Mild mention of bullying

But it also has_

#Humor

#Satire

#Fluff

#Sarcasm

#Happy ending

#Healthy relationship building

#Enemies to Friends to Lovers

#Stupid cheesy flirting

#Eventual stupid but iconic confessions

#Developing feelings

#Mild sexual content

#Sloppy make out

#Drunk shenanigans and confessions

#Declaration of love

#Domestic shit happens out of nowhere

#We have side couples? Maybe

#Mentions of other Bl series in between as other characters make cameos!!!

#Everyone is gay- Yuppie!

My writing isn't the greatest but I try.

Please consider reading it.

I really need the motivation.

'Do we really know the truth behind someone's lies? Is it fair to lie to someone you care about because of your own fears?'

"Do we really know how to differentiate between Romantic and Platonic Love? Should we? Could we?"

'Is it alright to want someone who looks so far, out of reach?'

So many question. So many answers....

Ao3 account-Paint_the_sky_18

'Levitating Towards You' Ao3-Paint_the_sky_18

Can we ever be brave enough to risk it in case of Love?

..

A friend that anyone could have.

A friend Pi never thought would show him what it means to truly care for someone. And tell him that it's okay to make mistakes, most of them can be fixed. That kindness could lead to things that aren't horrible.

It was nice talking to someone about his day, text them at wee hours and not expect it to be ignored. Have just as much to text back. Who listens.

Having a friend was a nice feeling.

He, for the first time, trusted himself at his most vulnerable moment, which is conpletly hammered with intoxication and prone to do embarrassing things, to someone.

What more could he want?

That's what he though.

Until get let his intrusive thoughts win. Not like he was in any state to decide for himself.

It helps that there hasn’t been any awkwardness between the two of them.

Nothing was mentioned.

Mork haven’t brought up that night since, which Pi is glad for; he’d much rather settle into the easy rhythm of their friendship, carefully leaving certain things unsaid, than risk speaking up and tripping them into awkwardness.

But he can't breathe easier after confirming his suspicions. Doesn't make much of a difference now that he knows he has feelings for the senior.

Neither can he stop himself from being stiff and panicked when they get too close. It used to bother him, but now he shamefully craves for it. And hates it too.

Everything with Mork could go back to normal if only his heart stops skipping beats when they touched, heat rising up his neck feelings warm all over through the fabric.

If Mork noticed, he dodged it with silly excuses of summer heat and hpw he had something to do before scurrying away. He can't explain why his voice suddenly sounded so strangles.

By the time a few weeks have passed, Pi can almost pretend nothing happened at all.

Almost.

It’s just.

Sometimes, he can’t help the looks. Mostly at those lips.

He’ll be in the library, or at Mork's to crash on his couch for movie night, and every now and then Pi's eyes will catch on his face concentrating on the plot—and before he knows it, he’s staring.

Avidly.

Mork is always so close somehow even if here is a respectful distance and Pi sees his hands and arms and chest and remembers, remembers the way he was held.

The sturdy and first chest pressed against his back when he tripped, strong arms that dragged him when they pretended to skate on the marble floor.

Then it would land on those dreadful lips. And he could feel the drop of of sweat tickling at the back of his neck, rapid fastening of his breathing. The way his eyes felt like closing, and leaning in much closer, maybe climb on to his lap-

Okay.

Maybe he is a little hung up on it.

Mork seems like he forgot about it too. Or maybe he remember but doesn't want to emberass Pi by bringing it up. Make fun of his sloppy, non-existant kissing skills. Be disgusted.

But then what could he say when he was hiding cowardly under the pretence of forgetting in his drunk haze. He wasn't the confrontational kind of guy. It was pretty freaking obvious.

But that’s fine, because usually he blinks it away, and then a moment later he’s back to laughing at Mork's pick up lines or catching back into the movie; whatever else they happen to be doing at the time.

He was not treated differently like he expected the moment he remembered the night's event. Which conflicts if Pi should mention it or not. Will it make any difference. He hopes not if he decided to.

He’s used to boxing up his sudden attraction to Mork. That is nothing new, repressing his true feelings.

But he isn't that afraid, it's surprising. He isn't panicked by the reality of it, rather confronting it with Mork.

Or, well. It would all be fine—if it weren’t for the times he catches Mork looking back.

It drives him positively insane every time Mork stares back when he thinks Pi dose'nt notice. Pi wouldn't have been if only he wasn't hyper-aware of Mork's every move. Those lip bites almost feels intentional. As if he was deep in thoughts and his eyes seems to coincidentally fixated on Pi.

Sometimes Mork would meets his gaze when he catches him, refuses to look away for a charged moment even if they’re both doing something, his eyes dark and intense—

It’s the kind of look that makes him want to scream and run away. He barely holds back a gasp. It makes his inside twist in a not-so-bad way.

It’s the kind of look that makes him want to cross a lone friends shouldn't. Aren't they already lingering around the edges

He dose'nt understand if its better or worse. .

There’s no intent to either of their gazes, he’s pretty sure. They’re really just looking—it’s not like they’d do anything about it. But it’s enough to stir up the memories in his mind, to make him yearn for that phantom kiss, to make him dream of doing it again. Sober.

He wants to pull his hair out

It’s enough to make him insane.

But he’s handling it. Really. The looks, the lust, the longing—it’s all under control.

Until it isn’t.

Tiny snippets of what to expect.

Lol. 50 chpaters. 100k words or more.

Maybe try reading it?

Art by me from The Untamed Wangxian

I might post drawing on BL couple sketches and drawings.

...

(The above cover is designed my me, please do not re-post anywhere.)

I write multi-fandom One Shots and Single books on BL couples. Follow me on Wattpad to read and request.

Username-@JeonLalisa2323

Name is Sam🌈

...

I am on AO3 by the username-Paint_the_sky_18

Soo... we already knew that the KinnPorsche OST is a masterpiece but I just realised the details they put in. Because the literal English translation from the Thai lyrics are different from the English lyrics. And I kind of figured that the Thai ver. is Kinn’s POV and the English ver. is Porsche’s POV.

This is such a beautiful and fitting detail that makes me love it even more. (T-T)

So the new motto is be gay do crime?