Bsd Akutagawa - Blog Posts

Mom: are they lovers?

Me: that would be easier to explain

I feel very conflicted with my opinions on Dazai. He is not my favourite character, he never was. But I feel a weird sympathy for him at times when he is seen as a total villan?

He is not evil. I don't know how people mischaracterize Dazai as evil.

With the recent chapter 122, there are a lot of people who hate Dazai and want him to die for what he did to Akutagawa. For a second, I felt like that too. I can't see children being abused, not that anyone wants to see it, but I feel very emotional whenever I see hurt children. My first instinct was to hate Dazai too.

But Dazai isn't a responsible adult. Dazai himself was a 16 year old, trying to find meaning in life, guiding a 14 year old into the dark side. This isn't an older, experienced, manipulative man who knows what he is doing but a teenager who thinks he knows everything. Dazai himself ran away from home and was suicidal already at the age of 14, just the same lonely child as Akutagawa. But he found "meaning" in the Port Mafia, or at least trying to. When he gave his word to Akutagawa that he'll "certainly" find meaning in life, I don't think it's manipulation, Dazai himself believes in it. An adult putting you in a dangerous climate is very different than when your cousin tells you to smoke because "it's cool, dude"

I am NOT defending Dazai's abuse of Akutagawa, as I said before, I am not some Dazai superfan (which, Dazai being portrayed as completely innocent also irks me!). I want there to be balance in the conversation surrounding it.

Dazai AND Akutagawa were children, they were both trying to find reasons to live. They grew up in the Port Mafia. We have seen how cruel and unhinged Dazai can be during his time in the PM. We have seen Akutagawa, and his constant internal battle with good and evil. These two are not some heartless creatures, both of them are changing for the better. Dazai found proper guidance in Oda, and taking his words, he became a better mentor to Atsushi. Akutagawa was left in the PM alone, so he grew stone cold and ruthless until he saw the light again, because of Atsushi (in recent chapters his eyes are literally lighter)

Does Dazai feel bad for what he did to Akutagawa? No, at least not now or we don't know what he is feeling, I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. But he doesn't HAVE to feel bad. That's what morally grey characters are. If Dazai immediately repented for what he did, it won't be realistic or true to his personality. Yes, he is in the ADA, but he is NOT some great person just because he chose to leave PM, even he himself knows that! That's why he felt so shocked when Atsushi called him a good person. Dazai knows he is not a good person and that's why he doesn't repent for what he did to Akutagawa. We don't accept our mistakes easily, not when we thought of them as means to an end. Dazai truly believed what he did to Akutagawa was a pro and not a con. If he will change that perspective now, is more about his own character arc.

Akutagawa was just a kid, influenced by Dazai. He wanted to impress him, like we do to our parents. Like we fight tooth and nails to defend our parents mistakes and sometimes even abuse. He isn't ready to accept what Dazai did to him was wrong. But when he saw how Dazai treats Atsushi, I am pretty sure he felt like dying. Because imagine your parent treating their step children better than you, that's how I see Aku's jealousy to be like. Dazai was his mentor first, why is he praising and coddling this random guy who just came into his life? But Akutagawa doesn't hate Atsushi in particular, he hates the treatment he gets from Dazai. I think considering what's happening in recent chapters, just like how Atsushi overcame his conflicting feelings towards the headmaster, Akutagawa will do the same with Dazai.

Akutagawa carried the cycle of abuse, doing the same thing Dazai did to him to Kyouka, another 14 year old (she trained since she was even younger). But unlike Dazai, when Kyouka is finally free from PM, Akutagawa doesn't want her to come back to him, he stops abusing her, Dazai still is awful and manipulative with Akutagawa at times. He feels happy for Kyouka, because HE wanted someone to rescue him too. Of all the abused children, Akutagawa was the one who never got rescued. Akutagawa was abusive to Kyouka, it can't be erased because of his own tragic past, he also hit Higuchi and seem to answer everything with violence. This is why the cycle of abuse is so painful, Akutagawa was taught to be this way and he CHOSE to stay this way, until he made the bet to stop killing people with Atsushi. I don't think Akutagawa will ever go back to his own ways after this arc is over. You can't undo your past, you have to move on, keep walking, keep living and trying to do better next time.

I want Dazai to get some good old karma! I want him to face the consequences for what he did to Akutagawa. I want Atsushi to have conflicting feelings towards Dazai but I don't want him to hate Dazai. Atsushi understands people on a deeper level, he's going to try and change people no matter of their pasts. Akutagawa and Dazai aren't going to be on good terms ever, that can't happen. I want Dazai to stop treating Akutagawa like shit and I want Akutagawa to stop wanting validation from Dazai.

Now the final verdit from me, is Dazai evil? No. Is Dazai a good person? No. Can Dazai change? Yes. Did Atsushi have a huge impact on both Dazai and Akutagawa? Yes. Is Akutagawa already changing? Yes. Can Dazai be vile? Yes. Can Dazai be soft? Yes. Does Dazai deserve to die? No.

Morally grey characters cannot be good or evil. They are grey. Let them be grey. We shouldn't erase their bad sides and we can't act like they didn't do good. BOTH Dazai and Akutagawa are morally grey characters. They are just different types of grey. Akutagawa is speed running to the light and Dazai is stuck in the middle of the grey. People have the ability to change for the better or worse, no matter who they are.

Now let's be clear: Dazai and Akutagawa are not the same. Dazai is a much worse person than Akutagawa, what he did was not excusable considering he doesn't feel bad for what he did. That is why he cannot be a good person. Dazai isn't a victim of abuse like Akutagawa either, although I do believe he had enough problems already to screw his brain before he moved to PM, living in PM isn't exactly an environment to raise someone right, who is constantly called "the demon prodigy". He IS the demon prodigy.

No matter what Dazai did in the PM, I can't hold a child to the upmost standards. There's a reason why Juveniles have a seperate court. Juveniles shouldn't get death penalty. Dazai committed heinous crimes as a child. But he is NOT the only child who did this. Everyone in PM has committed several crimes. It's a fictional story after all. Because of that I can't HATE Dazai. I believe all children deserve to be saved, to be given a second chance. Dazai went to the ADA and started to use his dark sides for the good. I can't call him evil for his past, when he was a suicidal kid, mentally ill, having a god knows what tragic backstory. Yes Dazai was smarter than an average teenager, but if you have read "The Day I picked up Dazai", you know despite all that; he was just a kid.

A kid abusing another kid cannot be any less tragic. There is not one childhood loss. It's TWO childhoods lost.

(ps: I was scared to post this lol 😭😭😭😭)

My new headcanon is that neither Atsushi nor Akutagawa know how babies are made.

Yosano: and they were totally doing it!

Atsushi: doing what?

Yosano: the deed!

Akutagawa: murder?

Ranpo: they don't know

Yosano: you two want some sex ed classes?

Atsushi: excuse me? That sounds like a bad word!

Akutagawa: I am not coming to whatever that is, we are not children

Dazai, with shining eyes: you see when two people really loovvee---

Yosano and Ranpo: *restraining Dazai*

*spoilers for Chapter 122 BSD manga*

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Sskk are making me go crazzzzyyy ahhhh

Aku watching Atsushi "die" ahhhhhh. His "were-tiger" nickname feels way too gentle rt now

"why did you protect me?" Because you protected him, you fool. Let him protect you!!!! Akutagawa you deserve to be protected too 😭😭😭😭😭

I always felt like Dazai and Akutagawa are very similar. Both of them are constantly looking for reasons to live. It's so sad that this was the reason Aku joined the PM, just like Dazai did. To find a reason to live for.

Dazai just left without an explanation, leaving Akutagawa behind.

Aku's jealousy of Dazai getting a "new better boy" hits the heart. Seeing how Dazai's approval was his will to live.

The mirroring of both Aku and Atsushi having thoughts about Dazai at the same time!!!! And on one hand Aku is seeing the Dazai in the past and Atsushi is seeing him in the present. PM Dazai and ADA Dazai are both one in the same but they are very different in what type of mentors they are.

Atsushi knows now this wasn't Dazai, he has been hearing him in his head for a long time, and all this time it wasn't him???? 😭😭😭😭

"And then...and then" how about I cry???? 😭😭😭😭

Atsushi CHANGED Akutagawa's perspective on life. I love everything about this. I love the way Atsushi changes people's ideas about the world. He has done that to Dazai, Kyouka, Lucy and now Akutagawa.

We now know that when Atsushi and him fought together, ("let's do this together") Aku felt something. Maybe a want for support.

If they are not besties after all this ends, bickering with each other and working together then I don't know why this all happened. I want a sskk trying to be friends arc so bad rn 😭😭😭😭😭. Atsushi SAW Akutagawa's past, he knows his trauma, Aku already knew his. This is a perfect starting point for them to understand eachother.

Everytime I see them together, it drives me crazy at how layered their relationship is.

I want them to drink tea together. I want Aku to stop caring about Dazai's approval. I want Atsushi to believe in himself. I want them to be happy.

The new chapter turned me into a whole sskk shipper. I used to just like them. But now I am a whole airconditioner. I am so easy to please.

Sskk is one of the most emotional rivalries/ships I have ever seen. It is a relationship that actually hits the heart. Skk is iconic. Kyoukenji is cute. Fyolai is poetic. HiguGin is heartwarming. But sskk?

Sskk is deeper than all these dynamics. The more you get into it the more parallels you see, the more symbolism you see. The things they say to each other both stings at times and also makes you cry.

Akutagawa is both at his best and worst whenever he is around Atsushi. And the more the story goes on the less bitter he becomes.

Atsushi despises Akutagawa but he still works with him, because working with Akutagawa makes him more secure, feel as if someone's got his back.

"Don't worry, go you fool"

"That's why Dazai-san left you"

"Just the two of us?"

"Do we need more?"

Akutagawa and Atsushi support and help each other. They work as a team. Putting their differences apart

Because they are quite similar, looking for one thing; reassurance and praise

They have had difficult childhoods with no parental guidance and they grew up to be very different in terms of personality because of their unique circumstances.

All of these emotions. All of this pain in them. That keeps them separate but it also brings them together. Because that's the thing that they both understand. What's it like to have nothing. And they fight because they just want to be a part of something.

And maybe in one universe where Dazai never brought them together, they might be the best of friends like they were always supposed to.

It doesn't matter how their relationship is, soulmates will always find each other.

After all the only person Akutagawa has smiled at besides his sister-------is Atsushi

"if they are enemies, let them stay enemies. They are enemies in the canon 😡"

Me: No they are lovers, hope that helps ❤️❤️

SPARKBIRDS NEWEST SONG THE LIGHT THAT COMES THROUGH IS SO SSKK IN THE LATEST CHAPTER

AND ITS SOOO GOOD SPARKBIRD ILYSM

Concept:

This current arc keeps hitting me over the head with the reminder that Double Black got their name from a tragedy.

That the great destructive power that took down an organisation in one night was born from Chuuya’s grief.

Because it’s the night he lost his friends.

When he uses corruption he’s usually fairly emotionless. And yet here not even that could dispel his tears. It couldn’t hide his rage and his sorrow.

And all that’ll be remembered from that night is the power that was showcased.

And now we have their successors who have yet to earn that name.

A night where Atsushi has watched his friends turn to dust before his very eyes.

His rage, his fear and sorrow all bubbling to the surface and the tremendous power that both he and Akutugawa wield.

And it makes me wonder if this night full of tragedy with yield two polished diamonds

Cure

They were exhausted. They had had so many fights all one right after the other, and it was beginning to feel like there was no escape.

Atsushi and Akutagawa had been bickering the whole time, pushing blame onto the other, yelling out orders, and calling each other petty names that in the whole never really mattered. Atsushi could feel the tiger getting tired, he could feel it in the way he couldn’t move as fast, how his healing was slowing, how every single time he moved, he felt pain shoot through his body.

AKA Atsushi and Akutagawa are pushed to their limits as they fight with abilities they don't know

Prompt 2: Trust Issues Prompt 3: Set Up For Failure

I really don't think Akutagawa forgot who Atsushi was. When he said "Who the hell are you?" I think he was referring to how moments ago Atsushi yelled at him that it's no use. Akutagawas number one source of respect for Atsushi comes from that unyielding determination of his, to Akutagawa, it was his number one defining quality. It was what made Atsushi, Atsushi. Now he's seeing that same person yell at how it's no use while Akutagawa now has the capability to fight back, and Atsushi was groveling on the ground in front of Dostoyevsky moments ago. He doesn't feel like the Atsushi we all grew to know and love throughout this whole series. Akutagawa asking that question jot literally, but in the rhetorical "Where has the quality that made you, gone? Who are you without that blinding determination that fights even in futility?" Besides, when I see one of my friends go through a drastic change, I'll jokingly ask them "Well who are you?" to tease them that they changed a lot. So when I read that, I automatically went, "Oh, Akutagawa is seeing how much Atsushi has changed since he left, and that's just how he expressed it." I don't know, with Akutagawas personality, I don't think any effects of vampirism can erase the people around him, at least not entirely. Maybe it made him forget some of their nuances, but the person entirely? Well, I don't think he'd really be Akutagawa anymore. Besides, you can't tell me he'd forget Atsushi when their abilities fought on sight and when Akutagawa died for him. That's a bond no amount of weird ability shenanigans can destroy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATSUSHI

I just finished writing this fanfic for him! It's a little sskk fluff where the two meet up for Atsushis birthday and Akutagawa gets him a gift! Sadly it's a little bit rushed since I didn't find out about our resident cats birthday until last night, but I think it still turned out well?

Look At My Son

Atsushi: Dazai said he wants you to take me out.

Akutagawa: With pleasure. How would you like to die, weretiger?

Atsushi: On a date, you murderous asshole!

Lucy: Give it up. I have Tiger kitty’s heart.

Akutagawa: You may have his heart but I have the weretiger’s leg.

Atsushi: Oh come on! Again?!

Atsushi: Why did you cut my leg off!?

Akutagawa: Because you made me mad!

Atsushi: All I said was “Do you want ramen tonight?” And then you cut my leg off!

Akutagawa: I don’t want ramen I want pork buns!

Atsushi: Then tell me like a damn human being not some damn rabid animal! This is why you don’t have any friends!

Akutagawa: Have you thought about not being such a crybaby, weretiger?

Atsushi: Have you thought about not looking like an E-boy with a subscription to Victorian Hot Topic?

Chuuya: Alright Akutagawa. I’m going to teach you about dating.

Akutagawa: I’m not dating the weretiger!

Chuuya: Not with that attitude.

Chuuya: I just want to be held and loved.

Akutagawa: Didn’t you just punch Dazai after he hugged you?

Chuuya: I said I wanted to be loved, not assaulted.