Bsd Atsushi - Blog Posts

grey-haired twinkatron 3000 death scenes just hit different

i just realized.

like I SAID. always that one gray-haired twink with fuckass bangs who dies in front of you to irrevocably change the course of your life

everything about shin soukoku makes me sick

atsushi seeing akutagawa in a position so deeply relatable to him and seeing that glimmer of humanity behind the exterior of a fighter and actively sacrificing himself for that small hope. he who constantly believes in akutagawa's humanity despite the world that burns around them, he who gives him the chance while taking away his own-

atsushi seeing dazai through akutagawa's lens for the first time and the knowledge that akutagawa does not merely choose to be like this but that it's the only option ever left for it is so ... (sounds of crying)

their similar situations giving them an understanding such as that, in typical circumstances, only they could have for themselves, by witnessing akutagawa's past for himself

how does it feel to know someone like you do yourself? how does it feel to watch that suffering, understand it, see through it and yet still have hope for more? what kind of faith does it take to not only see that hope but throw yourself in the jaws of death for it?

nothing about them is casual and i love it but they have ripped my heart from its chest and im gonna cry need them to be alright and happy and together in a better timeline where everything is alright so bad im crying

i need to start sleeping more

fixed a few formatting issues on this one

Hello! May I request some pre-relationship/crush headcanons with Kunikida, Atsushi and (ADA) Dazai (all separate) with a reader from the port mafia? How would they realise they are in love? How would they handle it etc etc. I love love love crush headcanons with all my heart<33

heart to heart — crush hcs!!

author's note: i'm an idiot who wrote this fic almost exclusively in hours 2-4 am. my eyes are in pure suffering. an unhealthy amount of fiona apple and unreleased lana del rey songs went into writing this. idk how to write headcannons so this ended up kind of like a fic with bullet points lmao 

— KUNIKIDA

• Working with the Port Mafia is something he is (unfortunately) no longer a stranger to. Still, an extended mission was a bit too risky for his tastes. But everyone said that he was fine, so he should be, right? If only he knew what novel sort of trouble he would face once he took the job.

• For the mission, he was partnered with you. You must've been of a different unit, because he is sure he has never seen you in person before. Except for being mentioned in passing by Dazai in his inane conversations, there was little he knew of you.

• At first, he was skeptical. Not sure whether he could truly trust a person with your affiliations to not double cross him in some way. However, you proved yourself capable soon enough. You worked with decisive efficiency, and even with his rather ridiculously timed schedules, you seemed to have no trouble keeping up with him.

• Needless to say, you two got to know each other fairly well over the course of a month. By now, you were acquainted atleast a little of his likes and dislikes. The late night sessions to plan out the routes and inspect the case files over and over; your friendship sprawls over late cups of coffee, the impatient scratching of pen on paper, and the files scattered on the table while you both worked.

• This was still professional; he'd reason with himself. So what if he's had a few drinks with you once in a while? So what if you've been spending a little too much time at his home lately?

• Dazai’s endless teasing on the matter did not help. At all. As he grows more and more defensive, he wonders if he has grown a little too attached to his new partner.

• Kunikida isn't an idiot. Even he can see how much you've made an impression on his life. He simply isn't ready to admit that this could possibly be romantic in nature. After all, you fit none of the ideals he's decided for his supposed future partner. In some form of pointed irony, the pages of the notebook that carry said ideals are also filled with the random, little things he's noticed you need; chapstick, switchblades, pens— all for them to be ready when you inevitably reach for them.

• Nor can he help stealing a littlewhen said chapstick swipes so elegantly along your lips.

• Absolute gentleman, with or without a crush. Opens the car door for you on the other side, makes sure you have your seatbelt on, makes sure to watch your back while you both do field work. It’s just a nice thing to do, he reasons, but feels your touch like it was branded into his skin where your hand accidentally brushed on his elbow.

• The weeks that follow after after drawn out, confusing. As time goes on, he cannot help but read into your every action, taking note of all the little details that outline you as a person; from your tastes to little quirks. While you seem blissfully unconcerned, he could not help but feel the weight of the tension between your conversations. It is not these emotions that scare him, but their intensity. His hands tremble as they once again bandage your wounds from the day’s work, mouth dry as he looks at the gashes you think nothing of—and he wonders since when he started caring so much.

• Kunikida may be a man of his ideals, but he can be honest with himself when he needs to be. And whether he says it aloud or not, he’s already known the effect you have on him. He's known it for a long time.

• When he inevitably confesses to you, there is nothing special about it. It's another evening at his house discussing work, and when you both take a break from investigation, he brings it up to you. He isn't expecting the sentiment to be reciprocated. In fact, he is not sure he even wants that to happen. He says it to be honest. With himself and with you. You deserve to know. And perhaps if he said it out loud, the feelings would subside, even for a little while; with a definite answer, he’d have a reason to put out the growing ember.

• Nothing could've prepared him for the shock of learning that this troublesome feeling could possibly be mutual. And nothing could have prepared him for the coy kiss on his reddened cheek after.

— ATSUSHI

• someone help this poor guy

• no, he's really hopeless with it, but let me explain

• When he was asked to collaborate with the Port Mafia once more, he expected to be paired with Akutagawa once more. You were a pleasant change of pace. At first, he was only met with your suspicion; something that drove an initial rift between the two of you. You weren't sure whether you could truly trust this weretiger you've heard so much about to hold up his end of the deal, and neither could he rely on this complete stranger who regards him so frigidly. However, you both were indebted to your respective organisations—it had to be worked out.

• Your staunch independence, and the confident countenance that carried with it an understated superiority, no doubt the effect of years of experience; at first it irked him. It made him taste a little of the helplessness that trailed him like a shadow all those years ago. He attempted to chase away the feeling; biting back at your subtle digs at his skill and experience, trying to keep up with you as best as he could. You matched each other surprisingly well when you both were at your most competitive; the combination of your finesse and his strength was lethal in the most satisfying of ways.

• Over the weeks, you both get to know each other a little better. The small talks on the way to station were something that he was, despite knowing better, looking forward to. He always seemed more affected by your banter than you were by any retort he could possibly throw at you; and when the sly curve of your lip made him feel the strangest sensation of a sort of rush in his veins, he made no notice of it.

• After that morning, this strange feeling had been growing worse. Steadily through the days, but even so he could point out that the emotion that seemed to sit just beneath his chest was unfamiliar. Sometimes he had to force himself to look away from you just to get it to stop and actually be able to hear what you were saying over the erratic beat of his heart. It was blatantly obvious to everyone but him, and despite the constant teasing and prodding by Dazai on what’s got him so nervous, he still assumed it was merely admiration. Perhaps he was simply in awe of your abilities. For weren't you so impressive when you dispatch your targets so effortlessly, or when you execute such flawless plans with an ease in your mien that makes it look of so simple?

• But then that begs the question as to why he still stares in a daze when you're doing nothing, just catching your breath in the wall crack you had pulled him into to throw off the people chasing you both; his back hitting the wall and you the only separation between him and whoever was at your tails, stalking the alleyway outside. Breaths held, not making a sound; if you both got caught, this was over, and you both understood the stakes better than anyone. He definitely knew just what was waiting for the both of you out there, and that just made the situation far more frustrating, because then why is he so absorbed in how pretty your jelly-like gaze is, or how cool you looked back there when you silently felled that patrol guard? He feels like his brain has melted. Or atleast the still working part of it, because it's not even the first time you've had that effect on him.

• Your hand tentatively shifts, and for a moment he snaps out of the daze. There is abject fear in his eyes, because what the fuck are you doing when the both of you are one slip up away from messing up this mission you both worked so hard on? Yet your fingers, trembling with the rush of adrenaline and the fear of death, wipe the blood on his cheek, observing a rather deep cut inflicted by the serrated edge of a dagger. He could take a hit, but for some reason worry seemed to claw at your mind relentlessly until you could make sure he was okay.

• Perhaps he'd stopped functioning right there and then, because when the footsteps receded and the coast was finally clear, he could barely hear you say that it was safe to come out. Instead, his first move is to hold his heart and take a deep fucking breath. Not just to calm him down from being chased like that—for he's already been chased so many times—but to stop thinking about that brief, soft touch that reasonably, should not even affect him.

• At this point, he's kind of convinced he's going crazy. And like so many problems in his life, there's only one other person to hear it. Coincidentally also the worst person to go to for that kind of counsel.

• Dazai.

• Bastard laughed for fifteen whole minutes before explaining in broken wheezes what Atsushi was possibly afflicted with. Then immediately began sighing and bemoaning about having to help his coworker with silly love problems once he finally stopped cackling like a witch.

• After this… enlightening conversation, Atsushi promptly decides that he's never going to be able to look the man in the eye ever again.

• Now, he's got a whole slew of new problems going on. This mission, you, the fact that he just embarrassed himself in front of his coworker, and that he had no idea how to even face you after this realization.

• Naturally, he wants to avoid this situation. Atsushi doesn't even consider telling you. He wants to, so badly. His throat feels tight when you look at him so sharply, and he can't help but feel that if he sticks around you for too long, you'll look straight through him and somehow find out. But he has every reason to think this won't work out. Every reason why it won't work out. It wasn't the time for love, not even in the small moments of respite between the constant violence you two had to deal with.

• This distance he's been keeping from you…there is no doubt that you feel it too. He can see as much. The disappointment in your gaze when he keeps on pushing you away; it hurts. And he knows with the way your hands are curled in fists now that you're at your breaking point.

• But instead of the argument he thought this would inevitably lead to, you simply pull him into a corner. In the most sincere tone he's ever heard you speak in, you ask him if you did something wrong. Between your deliberate words, your hands on the collar of his shirt that hold him in place with nothing but gentle firmness, and the emotions that he tried so hard to stifle for the past few weeks; he confesses. Leaves nothing unspoken, even if he consciously knows that this is a bad idea. Knows he shouldn't hand you that kind of power over his heart.

• Yet he doesn't regret it a single bit when he feels your hands leave his shirt collar and wrap around his shoulders, your silent answer that kills the bitter uncertainty left in his heart and replaces it with relief.

— DAZAI

• Your history with the brunet was brief, but not something he has ever forgotten. He’s not quick to forget faces in any case, but yours remained in his memory still.

• You both worked together fairly often some three or four years back, the timeline is blurry in his mind now—in those days, your presence seemed like it would be a permanent fixture in his life. Something to count upon. Perhaps he had hoped for the fact, until an year after when he finally decided to leave this life in the dust, and you with it.

• At the time, Dazai had dismissed those feelings as puppy love; the sort of infatuation that comes with simply being of that age where every emotion feels so amplified in intensity. You were one of his first friends, it was only natural to want to cling on, wasn't it? Only with time it became easier to ignore the hold your presence had on him, his mind too consumed with the ongoing chaos in his life to think about that craving he had during initial weeks of your separation— thumb trembling over the call button.

• A few years after, seeing your face stirs nothing in Dazai. A feeble sense of regret is all that remains, and within a few seconds even that dies off. You've changed, definitely; rough-hewn edges from mafia life, knife-hand no longer trembling when it goes for the kill. Decisive, swift movements, a certain confidence in your words that comes from experience. How the glimmer that used to be in your eyes has long since been clouded over. In a way, it makes him feel closer to you, that your soul is being slowly chipped away, just like his.

• Initially, you regarded him like any other professional acquaintance. Not daring to breathe a word of the past, even when you wanted to demand an explanation out of him so desperately. Anything to make the memories of your shared past more bearable. You know better than to give into those whims. If only for the sake of your mission, the past had to be put aside. Between the both of you, there seemed to be a mutual, unspoken understanding for the need to let go. Your slates are cleaned, and you both once again end up in the same place you started; Yokohama’s shipping docks.

• Over the weeks, being around you feels easier. You both work well into the nights, but it's a little more bearable around your company. The banter is easy between the both of you. Lips curved into a cheshire grin at his antics, you always seemed to be more amused with his actions than annoyed.

• Even now when he decides that diving head first into the sea would've made for a perfectly delightful method of suicide, a knowing sigh leaves your lips, painstakingly pulling him out of the fishnets with a firm grip on his beige coatsleeve. Of course, the effort is in vain when you lose your footing and end up falling into the water with him too. Splash!

• Somehow, even when he's walking home, sopping wet in the winter breeze, he feels strangely warm as you chide him, observing how your lips twitch as if to hide a smile.

• It’s your fault, really. Perhaps if you both didn't fit together so well, if it wasn't so effortless to be around you, he might have avoided feeling the same way around you again. It's not lost upon Dazai, how comfortable he's getting with your presence, especially when he knows it's a temporary one. A fact that he is compelled to face again and again everytime you both end up in the field.

• The danger they were facing were still very much real. Despite how confident you seem to be in your ability, your tight shoulders and shaky breaths betray you in the heat of the moment. Through your hesitation to follow through his plans, you still trust him at his word. He can't help but wonder why.

• Your actions hold a certain carefulness—he doesn't want to call it care, for when it comes to you, he finds it hard to tell what you're thinking—that he doesn't understand. As you wrap the gauze around the wound on his arm from a bullet graze, fingers touching his skin with a kind of gentleness he's only ever known from you… Dazai wonders when you'll finally tell him what you're really after.

• The brief thought occurs to him, no doubt, that maybe you do these things simply because you want to. That perhaps you still care too much, like you did all those years ago. But he knows better than to count on something as fickle as the kindness of people’s hearts. He was never that naive.

• Even so, as the long days and even longer nights pass by, he can't help but once again start feeling as he used to in the distant past, only that this time he has no excuse for it.

• Dazai doesn't blush and his heart doesn't race when he sees you. Instead, it's something far more sickening and confusing. With you, it's easier to drop the delicate layers of pretense that seem to obscure his true thoughts and emotions like delicate gauze. There is a sort of ease of being around you, a sense of belonging. In the delicate moments of the late night hours with you, humanity doesn't simply feel like a cloth to wear to hide the rotten core within. You touch him like you know him, even when he knows that the blood staining his hands is far darker than yours.

• You don't even have an inkling of how he feels, and Dazai believes that it's for the best. He’ll tell you in the future, if he can grow to trust you. He wants to say it when he can be sure of it, in a more peaceful time. Even if he doesn't want you to slip through his fingers again like he did in the past, he wants to wait.

• But right now, all he can see is your bloodied fingertips trembling in the aftermath of the day’s chaos, barely having escaped with your lives. In the silent night, neither of you mention how he holds your hand silently on the walk home, bandaged fingers holding yours with deliberate care.

I love sskk. I love how, the more they learn about each other and begin to understand each other, the more of Rashoman Akutagawa shares with Atsushi.

Because in season two, after their conversation and after they validate each other, that's the first time Akutagawa wraps Rashoman around Atsushi, but it's not full. It's not complete. He doesn't trust him with such a vulnerability yet, to give him everything. So he wraps part of his coat around Atsushi in order to defeat Fitzgerald. Because they begin to have a partial understanding of each other.

During the cannibalism arc, once again they're able to talk a bit more, in a non stressed environment, and it's definitely the longest civil conversation they've ever had with each other. And once again, during the fight, when Atsushi explains a bit more to Akutagawa why he fights, only then does Akutagawa fully wrap Rashoman around Atsushi...but here's the thing. It was in a situation where if he didn't, they both would have died. Akutagawa was sinking into the ground, there was nothing else he could do, so it's not like he was that much more vulnerable—still a huge deal, but now compare it to the fight with Fukuchi.

As Atsushi had noted, they would need complete trust for a surprise attack Fukuchi to have worked. This time, they're already willing to work together, but there's still a level of distrust, more on Atsushi's level. Akutagawa too, as he points out that he can only give him Rashoman in the right moment, because he'll be left completely vulnerable without it, especially against such a difficult foe. And in the moment they're running towards each other, going to "kill each other" Atsushi doesn't understand what Akutagawa has to gain from this, doesn't understand why Akutagawa would think it would bring him recognition. And it's in that moment, when he realizes that Akutagawa doesn't think that, in that moment they're able to have complete trust in each other, and Akutagawa puts Rashoman on Atsushi in a situation that leaves him extremely vulnerable and open to enemy attack. Akutagawa had to have full trust in Atsushi, and Atsushi in Akutagawa. The trust that they realized they understood each other enough to not kill each other.

So I can only wonder what's going to happen now, now they've moved another step forward in their understanding of each other. God I love them so much.

WHY IS THIS SO CUTE ALDGLJDBGLA THE CUTENESS IS OVERWHELMING—

Also lol yeah neither Aku has any idea what's happening.

Bungo Stray Dogs characters with their Wan

tbh i think that scene is less about atsushi “learning the truth abt dazai” and much more about him finally being able to acknowledge how much of himself he sees in akutagawa without the mental block of his warped perception of dazai. and even then i don’t see this seriously impacting atsushi’s relationship with dazai like this is about his relationship with aku

What do you mean. What do you mean Akutagawa didn't know why Atsushi saved him. What do you mean Atsushi saw how Dazai treated Akutagawa, thus adding a new layer of understanding between them. What do you mean Akutagawa wanted to kill Atsushi for fear he would never be accepted "and then—" And then what, you fell in love??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DAZAI WAS THE DIRECTOR BECAUSE ATSUSHI TOO HAS TO ACCEPT HIS PAST—

Been a bit busy recently, but for those who want it, here's part two of the concept I had mentioned about the sskk interview. | Part One. It also ended up around 1.8k, so it's under the cut. Enjoy! Perhaps I'll do a part three if anyone wants it.

The next few days were much of the same for Atsushi. He'd come to work, be dragged off by Kunikida who would hand him a paper with all the questions they were going to ask and made him memorize each answer. Then eventually Dazai would arrive (a few hours late, as usual), and after sitting through Kunikida's lecture on tardiness and the importance of punctuality, and after Dazai would make a few comments that would only infuriate the detective more, his mentor would work on having him not sound like a cold machine when he spoke. Because apparently, he did not do well with memorization.

The training wouldn't have been so bad, really, if not for the fact that Kunikida and Dazai seemed to disagree about everything. Kunikida wanted him to appear formal as a true representative of the Agency, while Dazai thought he'd appeal to the audience more if he came across as some sort of Idol—relaxed manner, permanent smile, the works. Unfortunately, Atsushi was too nervous to truly do either, and every time he tried to implement one of his superior's advice and whenever he thought he might actually be starting to do a good job, the other would completely admonish him and tell him to the opposite.

And if Atsushi had to endure this for one more day, he may not have enough sanity left to even do the interview in the first place.

But somehow, by some miracle, he was actually improving. He had managed to find some sort of middle ground between the two philosophies—professional, but friendly enough to appear easygoing and relatable as he calmly told the interviewer (Kyouka, who had been roped into this) about his experience on the Moby Dick and defeating the American before the city was destroyed (the amended version that was arranged and agreed upon with the Port Mafia)

Of course, he couldn't help but feel he might lose all his progress when in front of an actual camera, but one problem at a time.

And speaking of problems...

It was time for his practices with Akutagawa.

With luck, the mafioso would kill him, and he could get out of doing the interview.

"C'mon, it'll be fine," Dazai assured him with a lazy grin. The two were on their way to the practice, which unfortunately had to be in Mafia territory. Atsushi protested against this, numerous times in fact, but it was beginning to dawn on him that no one actually had any consideration for what he wanted in this instance. Dazai had explained that their premises would be much more accommodating to the task, and there wasn't much else to say on the matter. Even Kunikida had voiced a mild objection, but being as there was some tentative form of truce, and that the organizations were attempting to work together for their mutual benefits, there wasn't any choice.

When they arrived at the agreed upon tower—the southern one, if Atsushi was correct, they were greeted by two grunts who escorted them to the fifteenth floor, where there was apparently an open space available for this. Dazai even chatted with one of them on the way up, casually asking about his wife and kids, and the man, for the most part, just seemed confused but answered honestly.

For some reason, it hadn't occurred to him that there would be someone else helping Akutagawa until they were led into a large, open area with a small stage setup, and aside from Akutagawa standing off to the side, there was a short mafioso with a black hat sitting cross-legged on a folding chair, his face scowling in irritation the moment he spotted Dazai. For what it's worth, the brunet's face twisted in revulsion when he spotted the man as well.

"Really?!" The ginger practically spat, standing up so quickly the chair knocked into the ground. "Of everyone who it could be, it had to be you?! Couldn't they get a literal trash can to do the job instead?! Not much of a difference, but at least one knows how to shut up."

Atsushi blinked at the harsh words aimed at his mentor. Dazai, however, merely upturned his nose like some kind of critic whose opinion was actually warranted.

"And they should have hired a hatrack to do yours—at least it has more uses than you. And how exactly do you expect to make Akutagawa camera ready when the only thing you would accomplish by appearing in public is to go from the Wanted list to Unwanted."

"Dazai..." Atsushi tried, ever the peacemaker.

"And all you're accomplishing is contaminating your student with your filth," Chuuya retorted. "You'll make the whole country reek of Mackerel."

"I take it back. Perhaps they should have gone with a dog—at least they're more loveable than you."

Chuuya scrunched up his nose. "You hate dogs."

"Exactly."

There was a pause before the executive's eyes widened, and he suddenly glowed red. "You bastard! I oughta punch you right in the—"

"Uh uh uh." Suddenly, Atsushi found himself being yanked in front of Dazai, to be used as a human shield. "You wouldn't want to mess up our one of our stars' faces, would you?" taunted his mentor with a maliciously sweet grin.

"I think you could," commented Akutagawa.

"Nobody asked you!" Atsushi snapped back.

Chuuya glanced between student and mentor and sighed exaggeratingly, dragging a gloved hand across his face. "Whatever, we've wasted enough time."

Since Atsushi apparently came across as very yankable, Chuuya suddenly reached out and grabbed Atsushi's arm, dragging him away from Dazai and towards Akutagawa.

"Uhm, Chuuya?" Atsushi began timidly. He tried to tug his arm out of the mafioso's grasp. It didn't work.

"Shut up," spat the executive, and Atsushi decided to do that. Not because he was scared of Chuuya who could crush him in an instant, but because it seemed like a very smart idea. Because Chuuya could crush him in an instant.

Akutagawa's eyes widened suddenly as his superior approached him, grabbed him with his free arm, and commenced dragging the two of them over to the stage while the Future Stars­™ stumbled along behind him. Atsushi caught Akutagawa's gaze. The latter rolled his eyes at him. The former stuck out his tongue in retaliation.

Chuuya marched onto the stage with them in tow, shoved Akutagawa into a chair that had been set up on the left, and then Atsushi into the other one a few feet to the right.

"Alright," he said, crossing his arms and staring down at the two of them like one might stare at five year olds who have been misbehaving. "We're starting. Now. I don't wanna hear any fighting between you two, got it?"

"Understood sir, sir, yes sir," Atsushi stammered under the piercing gaze. Akutagawa, who was likely more used to this treatment from the ginger, merely nodded, although he didn't appear all too happy about it.

"He's right, boys, you have to play nice." Dazai strolled onto the stage leisurely with his hands behind his back and and a grin. "Think we can keep the bickering to a minimum?"

"You guys are fighting more than we are," Atsushi pointed out dryly. Akutagawa made a sound akin to a stifled snort. Chuuya's eye twitched. Dazai's lips twitched. Neither man made any effort to deny it.

"Let's just try to get through this, can we do that?" Chuuya asked. He sounded really tired.

"Fine by me," Atsushi replied.

Akutagawa nodded. "There should be no problems as long as the Weretiger doesn't mess this up."

"Excuse me?" Atsushi exclaimed, turning to the man. "You think I'm going to mess this up?! Who came to kill who, remind me—"

"Yes, and I almost didn't have to, because you were ten seconds away from becoming a cripple. If I hadn't been there, you would have allowed the whole city to go up in flames."

"Well, you—"

"Enough!" Chuuya flicked Atsushi between the eyes, hard enough for his entire chair to fall backwards and send the boy sprawling to the floor. He then walked over to Akutagawa, who merely sighed in resignation as he too was sent to the floor.

"Next time either of you say anything that isn't rehearsed, I'm gonna kick each of your butts so hard, you're gonna do the interview and the rest of your lives standing, you got that?!" Chuuya growled as he glared down at the black and white heaps on the floor. Akutagawa had managed to land somewhat gracefully while said butt of Atsushi was sticking up in the air. At the threat, he quickly reigned it in and sat up rigidly.

"I didn't hear a response," said Chuuya, glowing red.

"Yes!"

"Understood." Accompanied by two coughs.

"Now now, Chuuya," Dazai laughed. He placed a hand on the ginger's shoulder, dispelling the red glow that surrounded him. "You shouldn't be so stressed all the time; at this rate, you really will get a bald patch before you're twenty-five."

Chuuya scowled and wheeled on the man. "Yeah, well at least someone's putting in any effort into this interview. They're your students that you grabbed off the streets, why don't you act like a responsible teacher for once?!"

"But that's no funnn," Dazai whined. "It's way more entertaining to watch this instead."

"Wait, how'd you know Dazai found me on the streets?" Atsushi asked.

Chuuya made a face. "Lucky guess."

"I pulled you from the streets, remember?" Dazai draped his arm over Chuuya and brought him close with a light grin. "I remember, you reeked the first time I met you—"

Dazai was on in his back in the space of a single blink. The stage beneath him was slightly cracked. Chuuya's fists were clenched.

"I'll have you know that I was perfectly clean, thank you very much!" he stated loudly, "unlike a certain slimy fish I could mention whose hair was a rats' nest and whose personal hygiene rivalled that of a monkey's."

Dazai looked up at him from the floor with a twinkle in his eye. "It's funny you say that when, last I checked, you were the one hanging around farm animals—"

Chuuya pounced on him before Dazai could even finish, slapping him and shouting while Dazai merely cackled wrestled back surprisingly well, throwing in a jab or two to keep it going. Chuuya eventually got the upper hand though, and he managed to strangle Dazai hard enough for the man to pass out, all while maintaining a blissful expression.

Two pairs of eyes followed the executive as he calmly rose from the ground and brushed off his vest like nothing happened. "Now that one nuisance has been taken care of, let's get on with it."

Atsushi glanced over at Akutagawa, who didn't seem perturbed in the least. Atsushi sighed.

And so, practice began.

I'm starting to think that Atsushi's real character arc is him slowly becoming more and more ok with murder.

i’m very biased but people acting like atsushi is somehow a bland or unimpressive mc will always be crazy to me because he’s just??? so fucking excellent. i will never get over the way he subverts the classic good guy protagonist trope. his morals being guided not by what society deems right and wrong but by what makes him feel like a good person, and even that can be overridden by his natural inclination to prioritize himself. and we see this from the first chapter. like. hi, my name is atsushi. i love chazuke. i’m going to attack and rob the next person i see, because i’m so hungry. i saved a man from drowning in the river, why isn’t he thanking me? i’ll join his heroic organization even though i don’t want to, because it’s the only way to keep a roof over my head. my two favorite people are ex-mafia members who’ve taken countless lives. my least favorite person is also a mafia member who’s taken countless lives, but it’s different because he’s an asshole to me and my friends. i need kyouka to stay safe, because i care about her, but also because she’s proof that i can help people and that i’m good. today i found out that i killed someone when i was younger, but what did he expect? he hurt me. he deserved it. the man who abused me in childhood died too. he was hit by a truck. it doesn’t matter what his intentions were, because he hurt me. he deserved it. why can’t i stop crying?

Genuinely don't know how this will turn out, but—

So you know what I just found out that suddenly makes things make more sense?

The legal age of adulthood in Japan was 20 until 2022. Which means that in 2012 or 2016, when the BSD manga and anime came out, respectively, 18 would still have been considered a minor.

Because one thing that always sort of confused me was the fact that Atsushi was 18, and yet they still kicked him out because of the tiger and not because he was the legal age of adulthood. Because he would have technically still been a minor. So the orphanage sucks, basically.

Anyways, that's a fun Today I Learned

Sometimes, I wonder if Atsushi ever thinks about what might have happened had he saved a McDonald's employee from drowning instead.

YES. It feels like so many people entirely miss the point of Dead Apple, saying "it's not that important but Dazai and Chuuya." Like, the entire point of the movie is the fact that the whole time, Atsushi doesn't want to kill anyone. He doesn't understand why they'd have to resolve to killing, and more importantly, his power wouldn't come back to him because he hasn't truly accepted it. And then, he learns that he did kill, as a matter of fact. He killed because of the power of the tiger. He killed because he wanted to survive, something which has always been a main point of Atsushi's character. And only after that does he become ok with his power and what it did for him, and only after that is he ok with killing Shibusawa. But noooooo, the entire movie is just about that one scene.

Half the fandom overlooking Atsushis lore for that one skk scene

(Atsushi lore repost because I know how to tag now)

*121 spoilers*

oh ok so we are actually going to acknowledge the Dazai phantom in the room I just thought we we'd let him chill and grant him residency didn't think we'd start to ask questions like why. Why has Atsushi been hallucinating a man this whole time.

It's such an underrated little detail that Atsushi, in fact, did not want to join the Agency, because he thought the job was too crazy and violent for him, and he firmly believed every single one of them was nuts (which he's not wrong). Dazai simply manipulated convinced him to join by pointing out the fact that Atsushi didn't really have money or friends. So he was stuck with the weirdos.

Like, he seriously just wants a paycheck and chazuke. Oh sure, he found a family in the ADA, but I'm sure he thinks he's the only sane one there.

Atsushi Trivia From the Guidebooks

"What color would you compare yourself to?" "White, because my hair is white and it's also the furthest color from Akutagawa."

Man, I love this kid so much

UGH I MISS THEM SO MUCH-

(Image if from one of the omakes, taking place when Atsushi was going up with Lucy and Kyouka to the sky casino)

"Akutagawa is Atsushi's foil" yeah but you know who else is?

Dazai.

Atsushi and Dazai are really good parallels in a way that doesn't ever get talked about. Atsushi saved Dazai from dying in the moment that he decided he was going to live. Everything Atsushi does, everything that drives him, is his utter desire to live. Sure, sometimes he may doubt his own right to do so, but to him, life is the most beautiful thing he wants to be worthy of.

Dazai, on the other hand, is driven by his desire to die. He searches for a way out, even if he never goes through with it. He doesn't see the value of life, not in him and not in most others.

That's one of the things that attracted Odasaku to him, and now Atsushi. Because as much as Dazai never valued life, he values people who value life. Chuuya, Odasaku, Atsushi, even Ango he chose to befriend when learning that he was writing the names of all the dead. That's why Atsushi is so precious—it's someone he could learn from, maybe to find his own will to live.

The boy who desires life while his mentor desires death. And their relationship is somehow one of the most wholesome in the whole series.

Love resurfacing to ask a stupid, inconsequential question but

You know that concept I was talking about? Well, since I've got a lot of work to do today, decided to write at least part one of it. This ended up being 1.8k....heh heh, so it's under the cut. Ehem.

When Atsushi arrived 20 minutes late to work, he expected to be scolded by Kunikida for his tardiness.

He did not expect the entire Agency to have their attention on him the moment he opened the door.

"Uhm. Hey?" he said, getting increasingly uncomfortable with the way everyone had their eyes on him. They couldn't all be mad at him for being late, right? He had asked Kyouka to tell them he'd be there in a few (it was still so strange that she was a full-fledged member of the Agency now), and it wasn't like this was a common occurrence. So why was everyone staring at him like they wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words?

"Heyyyyy Atsushi," Dazai started with a light, slightly mischievous grin. He approached the confused detective and wrapped a long arm around him. "How was your weekend?"

"It was good?" Atsushi only became more confused as he attempted to slip out of Dazai's iron grasp. It didn't work.

"Good, good," said Kunikida with an odd expression. "That's...that's good."

"Mhm." Atsushi now turned to Kyouka, who had left half an hour before him. Although her expression too was stoic, there was a small furrow to her brow. He looked at her, pleading both for an explanation and an escape from his mentor who still wouldn't let go of him. She averted her gaze.

"Ok, that's it." Atsushi wrestled out of Dazai's grip and turned to stare back at the Agency. "What's going on? Why are you all looking at me like that? I was only twenty minutes late—"

"This has nothing to do with being punctual," Kunikida interrupted. "Although, we will have that discussion later. You see, the thing is—"

"The news wants to do an interview with the people who are responsible for saving the city from the Moby Dick," Ranpo finished, clearly tired of everyone beating around the bush. The other detectives vaguely glared at him for going right out and saying it, but the brunet merely shrugged and went back to eating his donut. Atsushi's eyes widened and he grinned.

"Wait, that's amazing!" he said, glancing between the detectives, unsure why they all seemed so apprehensive. "It will be good for the Agency if we get our name out there, won't it?"

Kunikida nodded slowly.

"So then what's the problem? Are you not sure who should do the interview? I mean, Kunikida, wouldn't you probably—"

"Atsushi." The Weretiger turned to Dazai who had a serious expression on his face for once.

"Yeah...?"

"The news wants to do a live interview with the people responsible for stopping the Moby Dick. The exact people responsible for doing it."

Atsushi's eyes widened in horror. "You mean..."

"Yep!" Dazai grinned. "You were requested by name. As was Akutagawa."

"Aww no!" Atsushi buried his face in his hands. Suddenly, everyone's behavior made a lot more sense. "Well, that's nice. Tell them we refuse."

No one responded.

"Guys?" Atsushi looked up, making eye contact with each detective individually (except for Ranpo, whose eyes were shut like always). All of their faces were dead-serious. "We're saying no, right?"

"Actually, we already agreed," Tanizaki admitted quietly.

"What?!"

"Look." Dazai placed another arm around Atsushi's shoulders, but this time, the young detective was too distraught to even fight it. "We know that you probably don't want to do this—"

"What gave you that impression?" Atsushi bit back bitterly.

"But as you said, it will be good PR for the Agency if you do this interview. More recognition means more cases, and more cases means more money. And more money..." Dazai leaned in close to Atsushi's ear. "Means more raises. And you know who will be the first to get one if you do this, right?"

Atsushi bit his lip. He was well aware that Dazai was manipulating him, but he was also aware that Dazai was right. And the fact that everyone was letting Dazai do this meant they all felt the same.

Still...

"But with Akutagawa?" Since he didn't trust Dazai to be reasonable, Atsushi turned to plead with his eyes to the rest of the agents. His gaze first landed on Kunikida. "There's no way he'd want to do this interview. He'll try to murder me! Again!"

"The Port Mafia already agreed to work with us," Dazai informed Atsushi, his grin widening. Still, there was something about it that didn't meet his eyes.

Atsushi groaned. "But whyyyyyy..."

"Because it would be beneficial to them as well. Don't worry—I'm sure Akutagawa isn't thrilled with the idea of being in an interview with you either, but it's not like he's going to refuse a direct order. He won't like it, but he'll do it without killing you—probably."

"Well that's reassuring," muttered Atsushi. "And why do I feel like I'm in the exact same boat?"

Kunikida sighed. "No one's going to force you to do anything. If you really don't want to do the interview, we'll call the news station back and decline. But it would add to our PR, and it could drastically improve our clientele."

Atsushi frowned.

"Aaaaaaand you'll be the first to get a nice bonus," Dazai whispered into his ear.

"I guess, but—"

"You'd do it for the Agency, wouldn't you?"

Ugh. His mentor had him there, and they both knew it.

"Fine," Atsushi grumbled, feeling a headache coming on when everyone started celebrating. They all just wanted the money that might come from this interview, assuming he didn't botch things up. Could he do it? No, probably not. And Akutagawa would most likely murder him on camera when he least expected it. Yeah there'd be witnesses, but he was already a wanted criminal; it wouldn't change much.

"Perfect! Kunikida and I will be helping you prepare for the interview," Dazai told him, patting his shoulders.

Atsushi grimaced, his headache getting stronger. "Great..."

"There's also going to be joint practices with Akutagawa before the interview, so get ready for those. Also—"

"Joint practices??" Atsushi turned to stare at him in horror. "You never said anything about those."

"I just did! You really didn't think we'd have you two go on camera without having formally practiced how to sound like you actually don't hate each other, right?"

Atsushi didn't reply. Instead, he chose to sit down in his chair so that he could bang his head against his desk.

"That's the spirit! You two are going to be spending lots of time together! Isn't that fun?"

"Kill me now..." Atsushi groaned.

Dazai laughed. "Don't worry, it'll be fineeee."

"Ok, but none of you can blame me if this interview goes badly," said the Weretiger as he slowly picked his face up from the desk. "When is it, again?"

"Next Tuesday," Kunikida replied, notebook in hand. "So we have exactly eight days to get you prepared to be a representative of this Agency on live tv. As such, we are going to spend every moment we have preparing you—remember, if you mess up, we won't only not get more business, but we could also lose business as well."

"That's not ressauring!"

"It isn't supposed to be." Kunikida adjusted his glasses. "You need to be aware just how much is riding on this interview alone. So as much as you and that Mafia dog don't get along, you're going to act cordially and respectful like a true Agency member, got it?"

"Uh huh." Atsushi scowled. "Assuming he doesn't start anything."

"Good! Well, time waits for no one. Let's start." Dazai dragged over a chair while Atsushi lowered his head in his hands.

"This is going to be a complete disaster, isn't it." Still, there was nothing to do but to face the train wreck head on.

***

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Chuuya asked Mori again as the boss stared out the windows in his office.

"Of course. Akutagawa is a distinguished member of the Mafia, and I have no doubts that this interview will raise the Mafia's image in the eyes of the government."

"Maybe but..." Chuuya frowned. "Akutagawa is a great agent, but when it comes to social things, well..."

"You don't think he will be able to handle himself well in the interview, is that it?" Mori's eyes seemed to stare right through Chuuya's soul.

"I mean, no offense to him, boss, but he isn't exactly the most...personable member of the Mafia. Coupled with the fact that he's doing it with the Weretiger, a boy he hated so much as to defy orders to sneak onto the Moby Dick simply for the sake of murdering him, I don't know quite how well the whole thing will go if they're forced to be on live tv. Y'know?"

"I do." Mori smiled. "And that is why you're going to be prepping him for this interview."

"Hah????" Chuuya started. "But why—"

"Because he trusts you as an executive, and frankly, I don't think there's anyone else in the Mafia more suited to guiding Akutagawa in this manner." Mori's tone was light, but one thing was evident—this wasn't a request, it was an order.

Chuuya scowled. "And does Akutagawa know about this interview yet?"

Mori's grin broaded slightly. "I figured you could let him know. Until the interview, this takes precedence over any other mission or assignment. Just tell him it's an order from me. I'm sure he won't be happy about it, but he obviously can't refuse. I trust you'll be able to make him camera ready by next Tuesday?"

Chuuya grumbled something under his breath that likely wasn't polite to say in the boss' company. "We're going to have to start today then. It's going to take a few hours just to warm him up to the idea."

"Well, it's a good thing neither of you have any missions right now, so you can get plenty of practice. Courtesy of your boss, of course." Mori laughed. "Oh, and one more thing," he added when Chuuya had begun stalking towards the door. "You two will also have join practices with the Agency."

"What?!" Chuuya wheeled on Mori. "Joint practices?"

"Well, of course. Akutagawa and the Weretiger need to be able to sit in the same room on live television without one trying to kill the other, right? It would also help to get the story straight so that neither of them say anything that might be a little...incriminating."

"Fine, we'll do it." Chuuya's voice displayed utter defeat. "But just promise me one thing. Please promise me that the Mackerel won't be there. Please."

Mori glanced away. "I don't know who the Agency will ask to assist the Weretiger in preparing but..."

Chuuya sighed and rubbed his temples. "I already feel a headache coming on. Well, I'm off to go inform Akutagawa that he's gotta learn how to smile by next week." He turned his heel and stomped away, dreading the next eight days of his life. He wasn't in the mood for a long conversation, so Akutagawa was going to be ok with this, whether he wanted to or not. Once he entered the elevator, he sent the broody agent a quick text to meet him in one of the southern towers. After receiving a quick response, Chuuya had to laugh.

"Oh, this is going to be a train wreck," he mused, watching the skyline slowly sink. "A beautiful, terrible, train wreck."

Yeah so that's the concept - it's a little rushed, but if anyone actually wants a part two, perhaps I'll write it.

Concept: After the Guild arc, the news wants to do a live interview with the people directly responsible for stopping the Moby Dick from crashing and saving the city.

AKA. Atsushi and Akutagawa

It takes a bit of deliberation on both parts, but the Agency and Mafia eventually agree, because they feel it will be good PR.

They both get trained, as well as doing some join practices, for how to speak on live tv and not sound like they want to kill each other.

On the actual day of the interview, Atsushi and Akutagawa are there on screen, Dazai and Chuuya are behind the camera to guide their respective orphan's and get them to smile more (or in Akutagawa's case, look a little bit less like he wants to murder the camera), and Mori and Fukuzawa are there as the leaders of the organizations.

So. Three generations of skk under roof while the tv is live? What could possibly go wrong?

(hint the answer is everything)

I think we should take more time to appreciate the cruel irony in so many of the bsd backstories, because Asagiri has this way of writing that's not just "oh sad things happened to this character." They're twisted, each in their own special way.

Atsushi: His whole life, he was treated awfully because he had the tiger. And yet, that tiger is what helped him survive that treatment, it's a manifestation of that will to live he grew because of his abuse. It's the source of all his strength and all his pain. The director told him to only hate him, never to hate himself, and yet, all his life, he blamed only himself for his misfortune. The one lesson the director wasn't trying to teach him is what he learned.

Dazai: At the beginning of dark era, Odasaku has one of the healthiest wills to live. And he reaches out to save Dazai from his own darkness, but he can't. But at the end of dark era...it's flipped. Dazai is begging Odasaku to stay, he's reaching out to stop him, he's telling him to find some meaning in life, that things will get better. Mr. "life is meaningless" himself is trying to tell his friend that life has value because he doesn't want him to go. It's right after he told Odasaku how he knows he's destined to lose everything he desires, and then Oda leaves him because he's lost his will to live. And when he dies, he sees himself as a man who failed to become good, to give up killing, yet Dazai sees him as a success story that people can change.

Chuuya: Chuuya's friends betrayed him because they thought he was betraying them by joining the Mafia. And then Chuuya joined the Mafia in order to protect the friends who just betrayed him.

Yosano: She only wanted to save lives. All she wanted was to help people, to heal them, and yet it was that kindness that ended up turning against her. Because by helping them, she also became the source of all their problems and all their pain. She saved their lives so much that all they wanted was to die.

I could go on for longer, but then this post would be very, very long. There's just something about the cruel irony in each of the backstories that make them all feel so tragic.

SSKK in therapy together to work out their problems:

Akutagawa: I hate him because he has everything I want. I hate him because he never had to work for Dazai's approval, because he has friends, and he gets to live in the light, and all he cares about is his past. I hate him because I really hate me and all I ever wanted was validation and-

Atsushi: He cut off my leg I mean really, who does that-

We talk a lot about the cycle of abuse, but we need to discuss the savior chain more because, aside from being one of the most wholesome concepts in the entire series, it's also way more direct than the cycle of abuse and it's what breaks it.

Odasaku begins to save orphans because a man told him to write fanfiction and that led to him to stop killing. He told Dazai to become a good man because he knew for himself that yes, this is a more beautiful path, this makes life just a little bit more worth living.

Dazai saves Atsushi because he sees what Odasaku told him: a traumatized, helpless orphan. He saves him (at first) because of the promise he made to Odasaku, and the opportunity given to him on a silver platter to help out an orphan and give him a home (properly this time).

And on Atsushi's end, that means everything to him. The fact that for the first time in his life, he has someone who didn't give him up on him. That he now has a home, a place where he belongs.

And it's for that reason that he chooses to save Kyouka. He doesn't give up on her because Dazai never gave up on him. Because he feels empathy for her, and wants to bring her over to this new light he's discovered because someone was kind enough to show it him.

Dazai helps Atsushi because Odasaku helped show him the light.

And Odasaku told him to become good because a man once showed him the beauty of saving lives instead of taking them.

And it's this cycle that ends up breaking the cycle of abuse, this generation mistreatment of orphans because they see their own darkness inside of them. Instead, this cycle sees the light inside of others and it brings others to save another.

Like I said: a lil sass.

"Atsushi is a cinnamon roll ray of sunshine."

WRONG.

Atsushi is a little sass who would do anything he needs to in order to survive. He saved dazai (when he intended to rob him )and then was upset he wouldn't thank him.

He shoved over the trash can in the second episode and basically told dazai to khs.

He had knowledge of the future, a future where four million people were going to die, and deliberately used that knowledge just to mess with Dazai because he could.

He will call you out on your flaws and judge you for them. Sure he's nice and a people pleaser a lot of the time, but inside, he's a little judgy sass and we love him all the more for it.

Ok so my brain did a thing-

Concept: on a mission, Chuuya gets turned into a dog (you'll never guess which breed), and dog Chuuya immediately seeks out the Agency, specifically Dazai, so he can touch him and return him to normal. However, Dazai hates dogs and refuses to associate with him. Meanwhile, the Agency practically adopts him, Atsushi the most out of all of them, and eventually Chuuya just gets comfortable there, finally being taken care of instead of the other way around. He still trailed Dazai around the most, but he gave up and just started enjoying it. Until Atsushi finally convinces a very reluctant Dazai to pet him and it's just. Chuuya

People really don't take into account how much Atsushi suffered in that orphanage, or how much it affects his character. I mean, I hate his backstory that it had to happen to him, and he deserves all the hugs and sunshine in the world, but one thing I like is that it's not just a Tragic Backstory™ for the sake of being a Tragic Backstory™ like so many protagonists have. It's because of the abuse that he grew such a will to survive. He has to live because the world doesn't want him to, and yet at the same time, he still hates himself and feels he needs to earn the right to live, hence why he's so desperate to save people. It's not out of the goodness of his heart, though I believes it becomes more like that later on, at the beginning, it's just to earn the right to the life he so firmly desires. He's really not just a typical shonen protagonist with a sad orphan backstory because why not, but it really became a core part of who he is as a character.

Also, the next arc of bsd had better be reserved for every ada member giving Atsushi a hug and throwing him a birthday party because the way this arc is going and Fyodor like please just give him a break and let him eat chazuke please.

Tw child abuse

The earliest memory we have of Atsushi at the orphanage where his age is mentioned is 11 years old.

Atsushi doesn’t leave the orphanage until he’s 18. At minimum he’s been there for 7 years.

To put that into perspective that’s the same amount of time between Dazai and Chuuya meeting each as teenagers to reuniting in present day.

That’s a long arse time.

And we don’t even know the full extent of the the abuse Atsushi suffered.

Including but not limited too….

Having his foot nailed to the floor and then having to hold that position and “reflect on his actions.” (chapter 39.)

Kids cutting his hair as a prank (Omake 6. Yes that’s why it looks like that.)

Being subjected to a “point system” where other kids would get him in trouble to gain points (chapter 39. It’s also noted that losing points meant no food.)

Almost being killed twice as a child (chapter 35.)

Being burned to the bone (chapter 28. Atsushi compares his experience to Lucy’s who said she was burned by a hot poker. But we don’t know if that was the same thing used on him.)

Shibusawa torturing him for his ability (Dead Apple.)

Being locked in a cage for days (chapter 39. In this specific incident it was his 3rd day of imprisonment.)

Flashback of someone holding Atsushi’s head down in a bowl of water (chapter 35.)

Being held down and injected against his will, which both painful believed to be poison (chapter 39. Atsushi does later wonder if it was nutrients but it’s never confirmed.)

Having his ribs kicked to the point they broke (chapter 35.)

Not confirmed that the Headmaster ever shot Atsushi. But Atsushi believed the Headmaster bought the gun with him to punish him with it (chapter 39.)

Being told he’s nothing but a burden on the world and should vanish from the earth forever (chapter 1.)

Being kicked out the orphanage for causing wreckage with an ability they were purposely keeping from him that he had no control over (chapter 1.)

This poor boy. And who knows what else he went through in that place. And this was after being abused and then abandoned by his parents.

I need Atsushi and Chuuya to meet before bsd ends, because I just know they'd be besties.

Like, forgetting about all the deep thematic schtuff about them both being selfless and self-sacrificial, Chuuya would absolutely love the kid a) because he's strong and b) because he does not take Dazai's crud.

Like, Atsushi is by far the sassiest when it comes to Dazai, and with every comment calling him out, Chuuya would love Atsushi a little more. And also because he's Atsushi and anyone who doesn't love Atsushi deserves to be burnt at the stake just on principle.

I also think Atsushi would like Chuuya because he's very much not like Akutagawa. And, he'd be able to sniff the suffering in him in a second (as he does), and would befriend him in an instant. They would be the most chaotic duo ever and I will sell my soul for this to happen.