Bsd Dazai - Blog Posts

Can we just... post shi like this? Do I need to put a tw:nsfw? Tw:🔞? Proceed with caution?⚠️⚠️⚠️

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Se vienen cositas (antisocialism)

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When it comes to the animal kingdom, many species are very particular when it came to grooming. In dogs and cats, the one cleaning the other is the dominant animal. Knowing they’re the one in control and responsible for another is what drives them, a sense of pride in their leadership. In bunnies, the one being cleaned is the dominant bunny. Being pampered and cared for is a form of preening almost, being treated like a king because they got clean first. By cleaning the forehead and ears, they’re acknowledging the bunny’s dominance.

Hybrids are much like their animal parts in many ways, and the rules to grooming are no exception. Much like bunnies clean themselves frequently, their hybrids shower or bathe more often than the average person. It’s not unheard of for bunny hybrids to pout when they don’t get first dibs on showers, or for them to take too much joy in getting their hair done by someone else. Though, many partners and friends of bunnoids give in to their need for a hierarchy like this, that wasn’t always the case. Some hybrids rejected their needs as well, though most never lasted long.

It wasn’t uncommon for animal hybrids to need help with parts they couldn’t reach, and well… Osamu’s ears were long. They seemed too big for the sixteen year-old, whether they stood tall or laid back against his head. Honestly, for some unknown reason (that he didn’t want to unpack, ever) he hated anyone touching his ears. He wasn’t the kind of bunnoid to just let anyone touch his fur, not only was it hard to keep clean (not that he really did) it was just too sensitive. The leathery skin that made up his bunny ears was thin, one small nick and they would bleed more than honestly he ever thought any wound could. After years in the mafia, he had learned to not let anyone go near them.

His ears were like his bandages, though those were more respected. The personal choice of wearing bandages over most of his body was hardly ever questioned by his subordinates, but far too many stared at his ears. So he was a little self conscious about being a bunny hybrid, sue him! Perhaps the confusion stemmed from his signaling with them. Bunnies, and by extension bunnoids, emote with their ears and a few other behaviors. Though Osamu had suppressed those urges long ago, even when he was alone. Sure, it wasn’t the most healthy thing to do, but he didn’t really have a choice. That was until… Chuuya.

The ginger had come into his life like a whirlwind, changing everything before deciding he’d stay. It didn’t take long for Dazai to show more of himself to Chuuya than anyone had ever gotten before, except one thing… his habits. Even still, his hybrid instincts had been suppressed around the boy, even as almost everything else had been opened and exposed. He owed more to the shorty than he would ever put into words, and that was a weird feeling.

Even now, as he sat in Chuuya’s bathroom, getting ready to steal his friend’s shower. Small behaviors were something he felt himself slipping into around the boy, and he didn’t know how else to hide them. The whole ordeal with just embarrassing on more levels than one. His ears laid back against his head, his bandages wrapped neatly on the counter to be put back on once he was dry. The water would wash away his worries, he just needed time to clean himself and think.

As he showered, there was just something niggling the back of his brain. A hole in his heart, and not just his normal apathetic outlook either- something more that was missing. It was on the tip of his tongue, and yet Dazai couldn’t put words to what that vast emptiness needed to be filled. His hands methodically moved over his ears, combing at the wet fur in rhythmic swiping motions. Not being able to name his own feelings was growing more frustrating by the second. What else could he possibly need, and why was his brain not putting words to something that was meant to be simple?

After far too long- the hot water was running out, Chuuya was going to be pissed- he finally left the shower. Getting dressed should have been easy, drying himself off, getting the basics on (underwear, then bandages) then stealing Chuuya’s shirt and off he went for a sleep over! Except that’s… not what happened.

He tried- really he did! Except after his underwear and leg bandages being in place, he moved on to his chest and arm wraps. Dazai’s ears were pinned back against his head as he tried to concentrate on wrapping everything evenly. What he didn’t notice was his ears getting caught in the length of white fabric as he covered his chest, until a noise was made in the distance and his ear twitched. When his ear moved, so did all the bandages, some pulled too tight, others came loose and fell over the others and the whole thing fell apart. His poor ribs were being squished, and there was too much to pull away from his chest to change it.

Trying to fix the bandages just made everything that much worse! He tried to get his ears out, but that only pulled the wound bandages on his chest to pull tighter. Unwrapping what he had done left a mess of bandage on the floor, and tightening the wrap pulled at his ears. He was in a battle of trying to undo the bandages, making them too tight and tangling them on the floor in a panic to correct his mistake.

Long story short, he was now in the bathroom, with dripping wet hair, tangled in bandages. Threaded between his arms, chest and ears. Leave it to his ears to not make the matter easier either- the occasional twitches pulling everything and leaving him more tangled. What a mess… even moving his arms was neigh impossible. There was no choice- he’d have to do something he never wanted to do, in any circumstance…

“Chuuya!” There was no option but to call for him, even if shame burned through him. It wasn’t like Chuuya hadn’t seen him in more embarrassing situations before (that party does not count!). They were always talking about dumb things, and how Dazai had gotten caught in some traps for work (intentional and not).

The door burst open, bright red hair flashing in his vision as the boy looked at him. It was honestly a sight, seeing the big mighty demon prodigy in a pathetic heap on the floor wet and tangled in his own bandages. What was he going to do with Dazai? Was he pouting? Oh my god… Dazai was pouting, looking up at Chuuya with big round eyes, pleading for help as if he’d get it faster by trying to be cute.

Sitting on the floor of the bathroom, Chuuya slowly untangled the boy from all his bandages. Steadily, careful not to pull on any part of the already stable wrap- or the fur on the long bunny ears. Honestly, how did Osamu take care of those things? Still, their companionable silence (after Chuuya had laughed his ass off) was a sort of bonding silence, oddly enough. The methodical rhythmic motions lulled them both into a sort of pattern, undoing bandages, being careful not to pull on any fur.

“How do you deal with big ears like this?” Breaking the silence, Chuuya glanced up at his friend. Dazai had his eyes closed, his ears still as the quiet sounds of bandages filled the bathroom. How many times had he been asked that question? Did it even matter? Chuuya was asking for genuine reasons, not the sort of mocking he was so used to.

“What do you mean? I was born with them, so it’s not like I’ve ever been without them.” Why had he not thought of that? Chuuya felt dumb for asking, but that wasn’t exactly what he meant (it is but he refused to admit it). Scoffing and taking off the rest of the bandage that was tangled, he crossed his arms.

“You know what I mean dumbass! I don’t know any other hybrids-“

“One of Kouyou’s girls-“

“Doesn’t count!” No way in hell could he ever ask a girl about her hybrid stuff- especially not in front of Ane-San. That was like asking to be reprimanded and given another lesson in manners for hours, no thank you! Hearing Dazai giggle was enough, leave it to the most unserious boy alive to press him like that. “Come on Dazai, I don’t know anything about bunnoids- and that girl is a deer.”

Chuuya was right, hybrids were very different depending on what species they were mixed with- and at the very least, deers were also prey animals. Though, it was a big leap from a bunny… Osamu sighed, one of his ears slipping to the side. Avoiding the question was what he had been doing for months, his whole life with others but Chuuya had been wearing on him more. Of course he knew the answer, but it wasn’t like he was obligated to share them!

Tapping his foot on the floor, he tried to think of ways to at least get something for himself out of this. A bargain of sorts was always on the table, even if he had just used Chuuya’s shower, and shirt, and help untangling himself from the bandages…

Alright fine, no blackmail it is. He didn’t exactly have much left to ask for, not without Chuuya throwing gravity powered things at him. A lesson in Bunnoids for one ginger who had no clue what he was getting himself into! What a joy, Osamu would have so much fun messing with him!

“Alright fine! Basically it’s mostly the same as hair. Wash them, dry them, brush out the fur. Just like your ears, don’t let water get inside them.” Sure, that was just what he did, many bun-people changed what they did depending on their needs. Osamu had never needed any of the fancy oils for thin ears, or fur care products, it was just a waste of money. Though, Chuuya didn’t look too convinced.

“You sure?”

“They’re my ears, Chibi. Yes I’m sure.” What more could he be expecting? Dazai always stole Chuuya’s shower, and clearly there was no fancy ear oils, or fur conditioners in his bathroom. What more could he really have hidden?

“That just doesn’t feel right, but okay.” Sitting back, Chuuya picked up the towel, and dumped it over Dazai’s head. The damp cloth obscured his vision, leaving no way for him to guess what his fellow mafioso was going to do next.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“Your hair is still dripping wet.” The roughly annoyed voice of Chuuya answered back, though he didn’t get a moment to protest. Hands started moving the towel over his hair, and gently scrubbed at his ears.

Motions back and forth against the fur was nothing special, it was the exact same way he usually dried off himself. Yet, something in Osamu’s brain just went haywire at someone else doing it for him. Bunny-brain, that’s what he called it. The little voice in the back of his head that just felt so much pride at someone else washing him. It didn’t matter if Chuuya knew or not, by the one simple act of trying to dry his hair and ears he admitted that there was respect for Osamu being his superior.

Relaxing under Chuuya’s hands, he almost fell back into crossed legs. Before Dazai could fully give in to the little voice in the back of his head, the towel was pulled away. Finally, the other boy left the room so he could finish wrapping his bandages.

This time he didn’t get his ears caught in the tangles of spiraling fabric. Now in a loose T-shirt, Dazai left the bathroom to find his friend sitting on the bed, already changed to pajamas and relaxing with a movie playing in the background. Holding out a hair brush- it was Chuuya’s, of course- Dazai stood at the edge of the bed, just staring. With furrowed brows, the ginger glanced up at him.

“You want me to brush your hair? Why can’t you do it?” What a dumb question… (Dazai was not getting embarrassed, no way!).

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know about bunny hybrids if you brush out my hair and ears.” Osamu knew he had won when the shorter boy took the brush from his hands, even if there was some hesitance to it. Sitting down on the plush bed with his back turned to Chuuya, he let his ears relax. Once the brush hit the back of his head, his shoulders lost any tension they had been holding.

“So, what kind of things do bunny hybrids do?” Holding in his snarky response to Chuuya’s silly question was a test of willpower. He didn’t want the brushing to end early, that was the only reason he didn’t say it.

“Well, there’s plenty of small things. Ears are usually the biggest one, it’s a good sign of emotions.” Chuuya was gentle with the brush, it was shocking. Even when the boy was kind to him- like making him food, or letting him use the shower- it always felt like the first time experiencing it all over again. How they even went from fighting constantly to quiet moments like this was a mystery.

“Is it like a dog’s ears?” Of course, Chuuya wasn’t familiar with bunny behaviors, but a dog? Really? Dazai let out a small scoff at being compared to a dog, offended at such a question.

“I guess, most animals have a similar tell in the ears. Alert, relaxed, curious and agressive.” His ears twitched, causing a pause in the brush going over his damp hair. Tapping his foot on the bed, Osamu frowned, waiting for the brush to go back to soothing repetitive strokes against his head.

“Wait, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that.” Chuuya leaned forward, and as far as he recalled he couldn’t think of a single time outside of this apartment that Osamu had moved his ears other than sleeping. Was he… hiding those things?

“Being a mafioso is dangerous chibi, it’s helpful if people can’t read my ears.” It wasn’t dangerous for animal hybrids to hide those little things- it was just difficult. It was something similar to training yourself to not blush when embarrassed, hard but perhaps not impossible. What all could he really do if people were able to see what he was planning based on his ears alone?

“Still…” The brush pressed against his head again, slowly getting any tangle out of his hair with shocking gentleness. “What else? Surely there’s more to it than just your ears.” Osamu wanted to roll his eyes, even if Chuuya wouldn’t see it.

“All hybrids have behaviors from their animal counterpart. You just don’t know bunny behaviors, do you?” The brush pulled away again, asks he couldn’t help but look back. Chuuya’s small frown was funny, Dazai couldn’t get quite why he was upset.

“Do you want me to brush your hair or not?” Ah, he was snarky again. He couldn’t help his disposition, his little quips just came out naturally. Tapping his foot against the bed again, this time more loudly, Dazai huffed a little.

“Fine! I’ll explain things, just finish up.” As soon as he started explaining the various behaviors that carried over from bunnies, Chuuya began to brush out his ears, loose tufts of brown fur falling on to the bed.

“Wait, so you’re telling me-“ Chuuya cut himself off snickering, he couldn’t help it. Dazai was telling him things that just now started to make sense between his behavior and that of a bunny- and well, he couldn’t stop imagining Dazai as an actual bunny now. “That every time you’re tapping your foot like that… you’re throwing a bunny-sized tantrum?” Dazai gasped, his unbrushed ear twitching.

“I am not!”

“Yes you are! I bet you stomped so loudly throwing tantrums as a kid. Even now, I see you tap your foot all the time!” He couldn’t even deny it, Chuuya was right. That didn’t mean he was throwing a tantrum every time he did it! Bunnies thump for a few reasons, it just happened to be his first reaction to annoyance, thumping was just what he did.

“You try existing around the most annoying people alive and not doing something you’re hardwired to do.” Dazai knew all too well how quickly Chuuya turned to his gravity ability the second he got angry, even after shouting and arguing. Though luckily, it was less common around him, since his ability could just turn Chuuya’s off.

“I still think it’s a bunny-sized tantrum.” Swapping ears, the right one met with the brush. Dazai had to stop himself from thumping louder just to bother the short mafiosi, he knew just how to make the sound be as loud as possible. “You said purring too? I didn’t know bunnies could purr…”

“It’s not like a cat purr, but it’s still called purring.” One of these days, Osamu was going to decide that Chuuya knew too much. Though, these quiet late night moments were ones he’d cherish for a long time. What a crazy thought to have for a teenager, but it didn’t stop it from being true.

“What does it sound like if not rumbling?” What a silly question- to Dazai at least. Honestly, he had no idea why the sound was called purring when it was nothing like a cat’s.

“Almost like a chewing sound? At least in actual bunnies, it’s hard to explain in hybrids.”

Their night continued, the questions continuing until Chuuya knew everything he wanted about bunnoids- or at least all Dazai was going to share. The talking didn’t stop there, and the two kept talking until well into the early morning. Much to the frustration of both of them- as well as everyone around them- when they had to go to work the next morning. Dazai would wish a sleep deprived Chuuya on only his worst enemies, as much as he found it amusing himself.

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I will offms if this doesn't work istg

Ango: *filming*

Dazai:

Oda:

Dazai’s Past (Discussion)

TW again for talks of suicide and suicidal ideation

The fact that we know next to nothing about Dazai’s life before he was found by Mori after a suicide attempt apart from he was wandering the streets aimlessly by himself is a little unnerving.

Because Dazai was already really fucked up before joining the PM. He was already actively suicidal.

What, that was so horrific, made him chronically suicidal?

None of the other characters react this way even though all the shit they go through, apart from maybe Akutagawa. But even at that, Akutagawa isn’t chronically suicidal in the same way Dazai is. He has expressed a lack of will to live (like when he first met Dazai) but isn’t going out of his way to attempt to kill himself like Dazai does.

Chuuya is arguably one of the most tragic characters right now that we know of, and he also isn’t chronically suicidal like Dazai. And man has had it rough.

This isn’t to say that something inherently had to or did happen to Dazai to make him this way. Maybe it’s just something he’s unfortunate enough to just have and it doesn’t necessarily have an exact cause.

But then the quote:

“Anything I would never want to lose is always lost. It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There’s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering.”

This implies that something did happen.

So, what was it?

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I haven’t finished the LNs yet so take this with grace. And let me know of anything that might allude or contradict this.

This implies that there was a specific number of times he was supposed to get punched.

Very Kunikida-esque behaviour.

TW: extremely dark concept involving suicide

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Be warned

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Okay so

I seen someone say that Dazai is someday gonna be older than Oda ever was.

And some people were saying “what if he dies at the same age?”

But what if that’s why he’s so ‘happy’ now?

What if he has it planned to end that way?

People say when someone is set on taking their own life, having a well thought out plan to do so, that they seem happier and more relaxed having that plan in place, knowing their end is coming.

What if he’s becoming that ‘good man’ Oda told him to be, following in his footsteps, trying to be like Oda himself and then going out in a similar fashion, or at least after growing into Oda’s shoes, the same day.

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This is just a theory though. I don’t necessarily think that would fit with the story. I can’t see a way Dazai would end up alive at the end of the story though.

My novels have ARRIVED.

Their hair is the same shape btw

Update: I know it’s to indicate HOW they are speaking. Like the tone. Because it changes.

But primarily, Chuuya speaks more sharply and Dazai more emotionless and the monotone.

And I still think it’s cool.

Just reading Fifteen right now, and I love the way you can tell who’s talking by the shape of the speech bubbles.

And how they’re being said.

Chuuya’s are sharp and ridged.

Whereas, Dazai’s are monotonously the same soft, calm shape every time he talks.

Just reading Fifteen right now, and I love the way you can tell who’s talking by the shape of the speech bubbles.

And how they’re being said.

Chuuya’s are sharp and ridged.

Whereas, Dazai’s are monotonously the same soft, calm shape every time he talks.

YANKING. Is the correct word.

yall always wanna talk about dazai pulling chuuya up by his choker, but have we considered chuuya yanking dazai down by his bolo tie? because I think we should

It’s the male version of Kakegurui

They’re so cheeky

Thinking aloud here;

This isn’t me saying you shouldn’t ship soukoku (or literally any other ship) because idc do what you want. There’s nothing wrong with shipping.

But I think everyone should forget about the romantics and just acknowledge the bond characters like Dazai and Chuuya have, without boiling it down to romantic (or sexual) attraction to one another.

Just for yourself to think about.

Regardless of what anyone else’s opinion is.

I just find that aspect kind of beautiful in itself.

And I think more people should recognise that as well.

They’re so cheeky

This is the type of car I imagine Chuuya would drive

everyday I'm haunted by asagiri saying that there's a universe where chuuya left the mafia with dazai and they joined the ada together,,,,,,,,, chuuya would have left with him if he had asked,,,,,, I'm gonna puke,,,,, dazai who didn't ask bc after all chuuya's more loyal than anyone to those he loves and sees the mafia as his family the whole time not realizing that HE is a big part of that,,,,,,,,, chuuya thinking that dazai didn't even tell him he was leaving bc he didn't care about him,,,,,,,,,,,,, they make me sick

Might be stupid because Oda literally says that a man gave him a “very rare book”.

It’s obviously his story or something to do with him

What if “The Book” is Oda’s story? / Oda = God? (BSD Theory)

I’m rewatching the start of Season 2 and haven’t read the manga (yet, I’m working on it). But here’s just a random thought.

I’ll add my evidence later, ig.

I do remember Dazai laughing maniacally at Fyodor talking about God and then saying “you don’t actually know anything about God, do you?”

And before that, in the second season, a lot of people, including Dazai, hold Oda as one of the most powerful people they know, but we aren’t exactly shown why apart from him being virtuous (but that’s not why, because Dazai tries to talk him into and trick him into killing. Which also ties in with Dazai possibly being Satan/Judas because that’s also repeated a million times and y’know the devil tempts the good bla bla)

Theres a lot more I could add, I just need to gather my thoughts.

What if “The Book” is Oda’s story? / Oda = God? (BSD Theory)

I’m rewatching the start of Season 2 and haven’t read the manga (yet, I’m working on it). But here’s just a random thought.

I’ll add my evidence later, ig.

I do remember Dazai laughing maniacally at Fyodor talking about God and then saying “you don’t actually know anything about God, do you?”

And before that, in the second season, a lot of people, including Dazai, hold Oda as one of the most powerful people they know, but we aren’t exactly shown why apart from him being virtuous (but that’s not why, because Dazai tries to talk him into and trick him into killing. Which also ties in with Dazai possibly being Satan/Judas because that’s also repeated a million times and y’know the devil tempts the good bla bla)

Theres a lot more I could add, I just need to gather my thoughts.

Sorry if I missed some details, it's early, but...

Just because Dazai didn't constantly beat up Akutagawa doesn't mean he didn't abuse him. Dazai was cruel to another child. Akutagawa was never good enough for Dazai, no matter what he did. This was all such a constant that Akutagawa's sole purpose in life became pleasing/getting some praise from Dazai. Do people not realize how sad that is? And then when Dazai resurfaces with Atsushi, actually praising him and treating him well....

It's the only logical explanation, imo, as to why Akutagawa had such a visceral initial reaction to Atsushi. It's why he hated so strongly. It's also the reason why he abused Kyouka.

This post is NOT justifying Akutagawa's actions, or anyone's really. I'm just saying. I say a screenshot where someone said Dazai didn't abuse Akutagawa, and it got me kinda ranting ngl.

.....what. just what. The. Fuck.

Chapter 122 is so...bruh.

#Spoiler!!! #chapter 121.5

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#Spoiler #spoiler

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At this point i feel like its the book thats talking to atsushi.

Cuz im confused, but this may be due to the tiger thats with him, and plus we all know that the tigers an entity attached with/to the book. So my guess is that the book itself is talking to atsushi..? But the thing is why is he (dazai in the above photo) saying that atsushi knows what its actually like inside the space/realm? Is it something that...like? part of atsushis conscious is er with the book? And thats why he knows what its like inside the realm and that exactly why he is the only exception too?

And the last line, ' thats what you do when you want to experience the past'., it is saying that atsushi has already done this or encounter this before or just saying that?

Is it connected with the hallucination or visions that comes to him? Because the line, 'feel strongly', like when atsushi is in panic mode or something that when the past comes in, and well the emotions that he feels during those times are when he feeling heavily down or something because we have seen in the train part too when he was under control of Qs ability dazai had to slap him to slap him to snapout of it, he was having heavy feelings and than headmaster(who is from the past) comes in to mock him? (i think forgor).

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well I don't know thats just my theory/opinion or whatever you call it.

Bsd 121 spoiler!

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(already warn ya)

Damn so like its just...im thinking what if ya'know what if atsushi having all this hallucinations or this imaginary visions was because byakko was actually talking to him?? I may be crazy but you know??? Like??? There is a possibility because she can't actually talk to him so instead she talks to him like this in the form of people he trust or in the case of the headmaster well its more like hes psychology damage fucked up a little bit you know? Or well since he(/the tiger) is the bookmark, as fyodor said, the book is like somehow talking to him?? Because you know its been mark in the middle page (like some theory out there that said 'the book' was actually the bsd book) and that since its been like monthly release its been pause?? And to pause is we need book marks! thats where the tiger or atsushi shows up! And idk its just shows him some pointer or some leads that heads to his desired(?) ending???

Or well could be his just hallucination. Idk i could be wrong(most probably)

Give me your opinions too!😭😭 what do you think this panel could mean?

(its just me posting for the First time and started yapping when im supposed to be asleep its 5 in the morning and sick! Yay me)

And i can't wait till next month. I have exams coming up!😭

I have the feeling that at the end of bungo stray dogs dazai will kill fyodor and afterwards kill himself so that fyodor doesn't come back

i hold your head deep in my arms // dazai & ango sickfic drabble

originally posted on 7th jun 2024

warning for non-graphic vomiting

read on ao3! / 928 words

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dazai is sixteen, slumped over the toilet in the cramped bathroom of bar lupin. the light above his head flickers in a seemingly random way; combined with how much whiskey he had, it makes for an unsettling, almost ethereal experience.

his throat and nose burn. he’s barely eaten today, but his stomach is keen on removing every last drop of alcohol until he’s shivering and barely able to hold himself up.

his body crumples against the bathroom wall as if his head were a massive paperweight, barely having the sense to wipe his mouth with a clammy hand.

he thinks he’ll just fall asleep here. the poor soul tasked with closing the bar will find him eventually. kick him out. then he’ll stumble home, alone.

at first he thinks he’s hallucinating when a warm hand presses into his upper back, too drunk to tell left from right.

“are you done?” comes a quiet, hesitant voice. ango, dazai registers. ango has seen him like this before, only once or twice, though. he later explained that oda thought ango to be more of a comforting presence, so he’d always send ango to check on dazai instead.

dazai shrugs, unmoving. his eyes are shut, his breaths coming in soft pants.

ango frowns. he opens his mouth to say something else when, of course, dazai gags again. ango’s arm darts out to redirect dazai’s head back over to the toilet, the rest of his body soon following suit.

he throws up again. and again.

ango’s whole arm wraps around dazai’s smaller body, mostly to hold him upright, but also for an attempt at comfort. he doesn’t say anything. his own body is starting to droop sideways, as holding someone else up while tipsy is far from easy. ango only turns his head away and waits.

soon, there’s a break in the retching, and ango glances over again. he finds dazai trembling now, white-knuckling the edges of the toilet, saliva dripping from his lips. ango’s heart nearly stops.

he looks so tiny.

his hand moves on some instinct, brushing dazai’s dark, unkempt hair out of his face. he can’t read dazai’s expression thanks to the bandage over his eye, but he can guess at it.

and then dazai heaves again.

ango clicks his tongue, maneuvers himself so he can better hold dazai, then stops as he hears something else. a high-pitched, quiet sound that ango could have easily mistaken for a rat. his chest twists again.

dazai is only dry-heaving now, but he still looks to be in pain with every movement. his trembling is only worsening. then, just as ango brings a hand to his back, he hears dazai murmuring. “no more...”

ango had vowed to stay silent, not wanting to upset a drunk higher-up, but his mouth moves before his brain can catch up.

“it’s alright,” he mumbles. the hand on dazai’s back rubs in tiny circles. “you’re almost done.”

“it hurts...” dazai trails off into another weak gag. it sounds like he can’t get a deep breath in.

ango’s stomach drops as dazai progressively becomes more pathetic. he’s seen him be ill, but he’s also seen him laugh it off afterwards before promptly heading home for the night. ango didn’t even think dazai had it in him to be so… pitiful. his heart genuinely twists at the sight.

“i… i know it hurts.” a rather stupid thing to say, ango thinks, but whatever. “try and breathe for a moment.”

it takes him a few tries, but dazai slowly starts to calm down. he can hardly pull his head out of the toilet before immediately sagging against ango with his entire weight.

it’s warm. dazai can’t help but loosely wrap his arms around ango’s waist, burying his face into his chest.

oddly enough, ango had never really thought about dazai’s age too much. he was a mafia member and friends with oda somehow, and that’s what mattered to him. he didn’t need to know any more than that.

yet now, with slow arms coming to hold dazai’s shivering, thin, cold body, ango truly understands. this is a child.

“i’m here,” ango murmurs, holding dazai against him. he wants to warm him up at least a little bit before they leave.

—

dazai’s memory of this is fuzzy in the first place, but he can really hardly remember what happened afterwards. he thinks ango took him home that night, unsatisfied with letting him wander back to his shipping container alone.

the one thing he does remember is how it felt to share a bed with ango. the way dazai curled up against ango’s chest, ango’s warm, soothing hand in his hair. how warm dazai felt.

now, dazai is twenty-two. his phone buzzes for the fifth time in ten minutes; he knows it’s kunikida. he’s late for work.

dazai pulls his head out of the toilet bowl, leaning back against the wall with shaky limbs. his stomach is screaming at him.

in his delirium, he mistakes atsushi’s number for kunikida’s and punches out a short message, then tosses his phone aside.

he can’t walk. he knows he’ll throw up again, so he might as well stay in the bathroom. it isn’t like he’s planning to do anything else today.

he blinks wearily, eyes heavy with exhaustion as he stares at the tile. and just as he shuts his eyes, he hears that low, gentle voice.

it’s alright.

dazai smiles a little. he grabs a towel from the floor, wraps himself in it and curls up on the tile. he’s warm from fever.

i’m here.

LMAO DAZAI JUST STARTS FREAKING THE GUCK OUT

chuuya "i won't elaborate" nakahara