But Not Actually - Blog Posts

yeah

I've said "I love you" to you many times.

Well, not really. I haven't said "I love you", the three little words that burn my heart every day. I have never looked you straight in the eyes and soul and pronounced "I love you".

However, I think (I hope) I have said it many times.

I even made a little list.

The Postcard

The Socks

The Music

Skittles

Every piece of my writing that is clearly about you

The Glances

The Smiles

The Late Night Conversations,

The Hugs

The Occasional Pet Name

Everything you said and/or did that has made my heart beat faster than ever

I want you to know that, in every one of those things, there is a hidden "I love you". Hidden because - why is it hidden, really? - because it's wrong, no, it's inappropriate, it's unmeasured (feelings are not wrong, they are inappropriate or unmeasured) that I feel like this. Because you don't like me back. Because you have a girlfriend. Because I don't want to put myself between the two of you. Because you asked me not to do that. Because you love her.

Because I'd rather have my heart broken to no repair than to even chip a piece of yours.

[Although I hope, pray, that one day you'll be able to look back and see all those little "I love you"'s littered on the memories.]