Crack Theory - Blog Posts

utahime scar theories? they can be a silly or canon-adjacent as you want. ive heard some pretty based things but some of them make me giggle

what do you guys think happened

Cracktheories About the Vanessaverse

Last year, @strange-aeons released a YouTube video about what she calls the Vanessaverse: the seemingly half-intentional alternate reality in which Netflix's Vanessa Hudgens Christmas movies are set. It is a deeply hilarious and fascinating video and you should watch it, if for no other reason that this long post will not make much sense otherwise.

Because, you see, I've been crack-theorizing about the Vanessaverse, and what I've come up with feels sound enough to share, at least on Tumblr.

I have two separate cracktheories, so let's establish some terminology and some common elements, first.

The Vanessaverse differs from our own in that much of Eastern Europe is controlled by an incredibly powerful, reality-warping entity that I call the Eldritch Master of Secular Christmas, or EMOSC for short. Who or what this entity is, and what its purpose is, differs between cracktheories. I call EMOSC's domain the Christmas Realm.

The Christmas Realm extends across southeastern Europe and possibly parts of western Asia. Outside this area, EMOSC's power to warp reality is severely limited. This is why Scotland and the US are (relatively) similar to the way they are in the real world. Montenero is a special case, it seems: an independent country on the fringe of EMOSC's influence, highly analogous to real-life Montenegro, and the location of choice for diplomats from the Vatican, or the rest of the world, to interact with EMOSC.

Native subjects of the Christmas Realm, however, and those around them, may be influenced by EMOSC wherever they are. This is one explanation for why seemingly unaffiliated protagonists and other characters wind up experiencing effects and narratives that should only occur within the Christmas Realm (but that commonly occur in highly sentimental straight-to-video movies). It's possible that EMOSC is able to psychically influence people whose ancestors came from the Christmas Realm, and those close to them.

So much for commonality. Let's get into the individual cracktheories about what's actually going on in these narratives.

Cracktheory 1: The characters of the Gaffer and the Crone are both aspects of the Eldritch Master of Secular Christmas, which manipulates its subjects according to strange and inscrutable whims, mostly revolving around matchmaking and the concept of secularized Christmas. Within the Christmas Realm, it is considered taboo to speak of Them or Their powers. Instead, one should pretend that events are entirely ordinary. It's possible that the Gaffer and the Crone are able to alter people's perceptions, so that they don't notice any contradictions. The latter would explain how the Gaffer and the Crone are able to create bizarre secular-Christmas situations ouside the Christmas Realm.

This version of EMOSC is fairly benign, actually, at least as far as we know. It seems to be managing Its own affairs, for the most part, occasionally calling a child of former subjects home, but little more. It seems to just like to mash the action figures together and make everything Christmassy.

In this theory, the self-referential Netflix Christmas movies are "based on a true story" or actually dramatized documentaries of some kind, made for an audience interested in EMOSC, but they respectfully obey the Christmas Realm's taboo and pretend EMOSC doesn't exist.

Cracktheory 2: EMOSC is, in fact, Vanessa Hudgens: a vast polydimensional, chrono-dynamic entity that can manifest a possibly infinite number of avatars of itself into multiple timelines broadly similar to our own. This is a more malevolent EMOSC, obsessed with stage-managing complex, WandaVision-like scenarios for its avatars and whoever catches its attention. It is even able to manifest avatars outside the Christmas Realm, although sometimes they end up looking a little less like EMOSC's chosen appearance as a human. The power and selfishness this implies makes this version of EMOSC seem like an incredibly dangerous entity to cross.

In this theory, the Gaffer and the Crone are avatars of a far older and more benevolent polydimensional entity, that is trying to contain Vanessa Hudgens and limit the damage It can cause to the Multiverse. This entity can't face EMOSC direcly, and has to resort to subterfuge and redirection in order to keep itself safe while still mitigating EMOSC's machinations. It seems to only be able to manifest one avatar at a time, although understanding how these entities interact with linear time is difficult for baseline humans.

Also in this theory, the self-referential Netflix Christmas movies are produced directly by EMOSC Itself, in furtherance of Its goals. They may actually have some sort of esoteric effect on baseline humans, but are also useful in reinforcing core Vanessa Hudgens characteristics on avatars that may be diverging from EMOSC's consciousness. It's also highly likely that they are EMOSC's way of creating an audience for the scenarios It likes to act out.

What are YOUR theories about the Vanessaverse?

That whole argument over Mor’s drawing in the cabin is ridiculous! it’s obviously

Rhysand + Tamlin

Cassian + Helion

Azriel + Eris

As the three forms with wings and the three with long hair

🙄

This last part feels like it’s feeding to the npc jax theory a little but it could make a lot of sense

Ya know I had a crack theory a while back that

Pomni was Tessa

Mainly because of the fact that cyn said this to Tessa

And since we all know what happened there

I thought, hey wouldn’t it be funny if Tessa was stuck in some digital space as a sort of way for cyn to keep her promise?

But that would be crazy right

RIGHT?

Episode 3 has even more similarities between them

Both of the manors look very alike

The angel and cyn both got their heads chop off

The wings of the angel also seem tohave a similar shape to the wings of disassembly drones

Heck the way how Martha sounds similar to Louisa

Do I even need to say anything for this

Ya know I had a crack theory a while back that

Pomni was Tessa

Mainly because of the fact that cyn said this to Tessa

And since we all know what happened there

I thought, hey wouldn’t it be funny if Tessa was stuck in some digital space as a sort of way for cyn to keep her promise?

But that would be crazy right

RIGHT?

There weren’t many examples that I can find in episode 1 of the amazing digital circus of similarities

mainly because Tessa only shows up for one episode and pomni was mainly focused on finding an exit

While you could see that Tessa trying break out of her chains as similar way of pomni trying to find exit

there are a lot more in episode two

For example Pomni treats gummigoo like a real and not just an NPC

She doesn’t leave gummigoo alone to find a way to map and doesn’t make him feel any less real then herself

She even offered him a place at the circus

It’s Similar to how Tessa treats the worker drones in the manor

She treats them like real people not just mindless servants that replaceable when they get broken or step out of line

Ya know I had a crack theory a while back that

Pomni was Tessa

Mainly because of the fact that cyn said this to Tessa

And since we all know what happened there

I thought, hey wouldn’t it be funny if Tessa was stuck in some digital space as a sort of way for cyn to keep her promise?

But that would be crazy right

RIGHT?

Ya know I had a crack theory a while back that

Pomni was Tessa

Mainly because of the fact that cyn said this to Tessa

And since we all know what happened there

I thought, hey wouldn’t it be funny if Tessa was stuck in some digital space as a sort of way for cyn to keep her promise?

But that would be crazy right

RIGHT?

Bill cipher = cyn Elliot

Eldricth horror Beings from another dimension

Omnipotent and omnipresent

All seeing eyes motif

Gold coloration

Has had a friendship with an important character before betraying them

Has possessed multiple vessels including the main character

Has been beaten by the main character’s family member

Have transformed into a much larger more monstrous version of themselves

Has destroyed their homeworlds and has caused chaos on the earth

Has created multiple monsters to hunt down humans

Has used human beings for their own entertainment

Insane

If kris was the knight that means they can make a dark world out of moss

Wait a minute…

The theorist part of my brain: I’ve connected the dots

The rest of my brain: you didn’t connect sh!t

Theory brain: I’VE CONNECTED THEM!!!!

Random welcome home crack theory, but what if we’re home?

Since the show is called “Welcome home” and Wally is welcoming us as a new neighbor essentially. So what if we’re home in some way?

This has got me thinking. What about other universes?

Does Good Omens reset to become weirder when they start to question if angels and demons are to fight humanity at the end of days? Does Deltarune ultimately become Undertale or vice versa when all is said and done?

This is all I have rn.

I've had this (silly) theory about h2g2 for quite some time now (maybe 10 years). (And it also now includes a theory about Discworld and the Stanley Parable btw.)

So, we all know that 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything, and that the answer is not known in the universe. We also know that to obtain the answer a supercomputer had to be built and that it took millions of years to obtain that answer.

Now, at the start of the second book, it is mentionned the following:

'There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.'

Now, we can suppose that know both the question and the answer to life the universe and everything would be equivalent to discovering what the Universe is for and why it is here.

So, if as it is theorized, this has already happened, it could have happened more than one time. Maybe even 42 times? Leaving the question to be how many time the universe has exploded to become something weirder. Knowing that the universe only exists because it is meant to be something weirder than the previous universe, and had no other purpose or reason of existence than this.

Now, of course, this leaves a lot of unanswered questions. What happened to the first iteration of the universe? Why did it even exist? Was its reason for existence similar - that is that the universe was already meant to be destroyed - or was it completely different? Do one person needs to know both the question or the answer - would that perhaps be enough to drive someone to madness to the point it would destroy the universe ? - or does it simply needs to be know at some point in the universe? And also, how do we mesure weirdness? Is it something linear? Or does it varies randomly? As for someone living in a fantasy universe, with magic and gods, our universe would seems really strange and vice-versa.

And of course, with that theory, I've tried to find some other answers hidden in fictional universes, finding the hidden numbers that seems to give sense to the univers without having any other meaning.

For the discworld universe, the number that would make the most sense would be 8, as it is the number of magic, and also the number most present in the universe.

I've also considered DEATH to be the answer for Doctor Who, as there is a mini episode called 'death is the only answer', and while it would probably mostly refer to the concept of death, a string of letter can correspond to a number, if the counting system used is not decimal, and it would make sense for the result to come in the system used by the people looking for the answer.

When it comes to the Stanley Parable is where the second part of the theory gets interesting. There are two numbers in particular that have some sort of importance in the Stanley Parable: 427 and... 8. But 8 have already been attributed to the Discworld universe, so it can't be the one for the Stanley Parable right? Wrong. In the science of the Discworld, the wizzard end up creating a full universe, based only on science and not on magic: Earth (would that mean that the answer for our universe would be 8 as well? That's a possibility. Or perhaps it is another version of our world there.) So maybe the universe of the Stanley Parable had been created in the purpose of discovering of the meaning of their universe, as it was the case for Earth in the h2g2 universe. It would absolutely be something that the wizzard would have the power to do, leaving 8 being the answer, and one of the main numbers present in the tsp universe. But, if we want to go a bit further, maybe finding the answer was only one of the goals intended for the creation of this universe. Maybe the other goal was to create a simulation of the universe, starting from zero, to see how the universe reacts to the truth about it being known. And while it tries to calculate the answer for the Discworld universe, it alise runs a simulation, showing universes being created and replaced as their own truth is found out. And maybe in that case, in the tsp universe it already happened 427 times. Which leaves the final question of why the Discworld universe has not been destroyed yet at this point? Maybe they have managed to figure out the question before the answer, and run the simulation about what would happen if both were known and by seeing the result decided to never look up the answer. Maybe they still haven't checked the result at the moment this happens. Or maybe, it has. Maybe the Discworld universe is long gone, leaving behind just a simulation that just reached the iteration 427 and that will keep running for eternity.