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Depressing Shit - Blog Posts
Something that needs to be talked about more is how you'll randomly get over a depressive episode because of the most minor things?? I know as soon as one minor inconvenience happens it'll come back but I'm at peace with that. Still baffled at how easy it is to be okay, even for a few days.
feeling dead and numb so I'm reading bad ending hanahaki fics to feel something
"I am always jealous. I am ALWAYS jealous. No matter how much I have. I am always wanting more. I can't be filled. I can't be enough. I can't get everything. I want more. I want more. And I have so much love, blessings, accomplishments, money, talent----more than I deserve for free and I still chase for more. I still scoff at other's happiness. I still wish for their failures. I pray for their downfall. I want to see them get beautifully destroyed, just because I don't want to see them succeed. I still want what they have even if in reality, I don't need it, I want it so they can't have it. I am so petty, so mean, so ill. No wonder no one likes me. I am filled with so much hate and despair and spite that I could never ever have enough"
~one of my unfinished novels. <3
TW: (un-diagnosed) hypersexual thoughts
the sick feeling when those thoughts come into my mind. but I'm not diagnosed, so for now I'm js h0rny, even though im demi-sexual and not h0rny
yk what. I have to force myself out of the derealization mindset. only bc I know I will actually lose my mind and do stuff that's not great js because I'll think it won't matter bc I'm not real and nothing is and I'll get sent to a mental hospital
OKAY. where do ppl in England who are younger than 16 get blades from?
me telling my mum a memory I have and it always ends up being negative, she js tells me to remember something happy. how am I meant to tell her I don't remember anything positive? maybe a few things. but not many