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Thinking real hard about the “you, I'd rather you just stop existing” in Patchwork Staccato. Thinking about how Akutagawa having such strong feelings for Atsushi he knew were unrequited hurt him so much he would have preferred Atsushi to be dead (and by killing him himself nonetheless) rather than to keep living with that endless pain. Thinking about killing Atsushi being Akutagawa's insane coping mechanism, the only solution he could find to make that endless aching stop. Thinking about how killing Atsushi was a matter of survival for Akutagawa, because he couldn't keep living like that. Thinking about Akutagawa being unable to keep living with that pain: instinctively killing himself to save Atsushi, because if he could never, in practice, bring himself to kill Atsushi, his love would eventually end up killing him. And his love did kill him, the moment he died to save Atsushi.