If I Speak... - Blog Posts

⋞ 憂国のモリアーティ ⋟ : Sherlock Holmes

Happy Belated Birthday Erica! @qvalcuno

an important part about ogata's character is how much he actually loved his mother. for some reason it's a source of argument on certain spaces but i think the og work was clear enough: ogata never learned how to love, so his love is bound to hurt.

neglected as a kid as he was, his mother stopping talking to him at some point during his childhood and spending day and night submerged in her hallucinations and daydreaming of a man who would never come back for her, growing up in poverty and with no other contact than his elderly grandparents, ogata never truly learned how to display love, never even felt as though he received it.

so when he explained "...then one day i fed rat poison to her. i thought that if father truly loved her, he would at least come back to her funeral. but you never came." it's the logic of a kid who wants his mother to be happy, to at least meet the man she loved and so she can go back to her old self who used to sing lullabies to him.

in the end it didn't work.

fast forward years later and skipping the fact he killed his father, because that's a whole other topic, i think his dynamic with asirpa is another big example that he can't properly conceptualize love and often offers "affection" or shows that he "cares" in the same way a cat would bring dead birds or mice to your bed.

ogata shooting wilk is an example of it. wilk, a father whose intention was to send his young girl to lead a war and to her demise, ogata understood killing him as making a favor for her because he did kill his own father, and as he explains "i think patricide is taking a step forward into adulthood" in barato arc, his mind understand this killing as a blessing to her even though she doesn't see it that way.

and throughout the story ogata continously makes offerings like these, because it's logical, that's how it's always been for him, so why shouldn't it be that way for everyone else?

but it's during the bad omen arc - and when the images of the brother he shot during the siege in PA and the girl he's gradually growing fond of as a projection of his own dead brother - that he begins to realize "oh, maybe there IS something wrong with me after all" and he rejects the idea because it scares him, scares him more than anything that love has always existed and that his father could have loved him, could have loved his mother, he just chose not to. and that his mother could have also loved him and he couldn't see it. scares him that love had always been there but never for him.

it's easier to rule out the existence of a sentiment than to admit that he's never received it, that he remains unloved.

skin tight shirt