Incorrect Httyd - Blog Posts

Hiccup: I ran into Tuffnut in the kitchen at 1 AM last night and when I asked him what he was doing, he looked me dead in the eyes, said “these are my roaming hours,” and wandered off, strumming vaguely on his guitar.

Snotlout: “Struggle with depression” would seem to imply that I am bad at being depressed when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.

Snotlout: *Gasp*

Hiccup: wHAT?

Snotlout: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Hiccup: *inhales*

Fishlegs, in another room: Why can I hear screeching?

Tuffnut: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Hiccup, tired: Please, just say fuck.

HTTYD Character Headcannons

Ruffnut: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

HTTYD1 Astrid: I’m really glad “fight me” has replaced “sue me” in the common vernacular because I don’t have money, but I do have fists and I am always angry.

Gustav: How would you guys deal with a toxic friend?

Fishlegs: Tell them how you really feel.

Hiccup: Slowly distance yourself from them.

Astrid: Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose they have to stop being toxic or pay the price.

Gustuv, being handed a sword: … well heck.

Tuffnut: Can we get a birthday cake?

Hiccup: It’s not your birthday.

Tuffnut: The cake won’t know!

Hiccup: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism.

Astrid: How so?

Hiccup: It keeps you from screwing up for 8 hours.

*Dagur is cooking*

Fishlegs: Any chance that’s for me?

Dagur: It’s for Astrid and Hiccup. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.

Heather: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

Tuffnut: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

Hiccup: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Ruffnut: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Tuffnut: I personally was created in a lab.

Snotlout: I just straight up spawned lol.

Tuffnut: I think it’s time I get my life in order.

Hiccup, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

Fishlegs: I fell—

Snotlout: From heaven?

Fishlegs: No, I literally fell—

Snotlout: In love with me the moment you saw me?

Fishlegs: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Snotlout: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Ruffnut: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Hiccup: It isn’t smirking at anyone, you’re all just imagining it.

Tuffnut: Three of us saw it, Hiccup. How do you explain that?

Hiccup: *points at Astrid* Sleep deprivation.

Hiccup: *points at Fishlegs* Paranoia.

Hiccup: *points at Snotlout* Delusional personality disorder.

Hiccup: I CAN’T DO IT!

Dagur, laughing: Oh, brother, embrace it!

Hiccup: I CAN’T FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE.

Astrid: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Hiccup:

Hiccup: I appreciate it,

Hiccup: BUT LOOK WHAT WE’RE DEALING WITH-

Fishlegs: Hiccup-

Hiccup: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Heather: Hiccup, we gotta-

Hiccup: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Hiccup: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Hiccup: *motioning towards the twins laughing manically as they drop Snotlout into an active volcano* NOT FUCKING THIS.

Astrid, planning a mission: Everyone synchronise your watches.

Fishlegs: How do I do that?

Snotlout: I don’t have a watch.

Hiccup, on four minutes of sleep: Time is a social construct.

Viggo, about Snotlout: What’s wrong with him?

Hiccup: Everyone has a different theory.

Astrid: Hiccup, we need to talk.

Hiccup: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt.

Hiccup: I don’t have the energy for this.

Snotlout: For what?

Hiccup: *gestures vaguely*

Hiccup: Astrid, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Snotlout, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Hiccup: Did you kill that man?

Astrid: No, I attacked him with my axe.

Astrid: The grievous wound killed him.

Hiccup: SEMANTICS, ASTRID!

Hiccup: School doesn’t even test your intelligence, it tests your memory.

Fishlegs: It tested my patience.

Snotlout: It tested my ability to hold my pee.

Ruffnut: It tested my ability to keep calm and not slap a bitch.

Heather: What are the hardest things to say?

Astrid: I was wrong.

Hiccup: I need help.

Tuffnut: Worcestershire sauce!

Hiccup: I have dragon-like reflexes

Tuffnut: Prove it.

Hiccup: *sees dragon*

Hiccup: I like that dragon.

Snotlout: I’m bisexual and confused.

Snotlout: Not about being bisexual. I just never know what the fuck is going on.

Trigger Words…

(The worst things to say to the gang)

Astrid: “I’m putting my foot down!”

Snotlout: “Snot-hat…”

Hiccup: “Kill the dragons!”

Tuffnut: “Tears…”

Ruffnut: “You can’t do that, it’s crazy!”

Fishlegs: “Books are useless.”

(Thor Bonecrusher: activated)