Mentally Ill - Blog Posts

filter: sh vape drink od starve rot

reminder that productivity doesnt equal worth because i am forgetting this at the moment

its hard to think about world issues when most of my world is just trying to deal with my health.

my world feels so complicated and big and demanding and exhausting.

and then trying to think about the 8 billion other people living lives.. many in countries where there are political wars or genocide or severe environmental damage etc.

its overwhelming.

disabled consistency prt. 2 prt. 1 here (u dont need to read it to understand this post)

what happens to consistency, to habits, when you have a dynamic disability?

i want us to understand the differences between having a consistent body and having an ever changing one. sometimes you could be so healthy you are working/studying, exercising a few times a week, socialising, and independently caring for yourself. but other times.. you’re bedbound? can’t even shower and brush your teeth twice a day? can’t keep up with texting your friends or social media? what habit is surviving that.

you work so hard to build habits and follow routines you and your doctors have set, and then you achieve it, but then it all gets taken away in a flare-up. you wonder what the point is. its a constant vicious cycle. even abled people know its hard to build habits. it takes time. and you might not have that time.

for abled people, theres no time limit on building a habit. they might have a goal in mind of when they want to achieve it, but theres no actual clock ticking in the background.

for me, and for other dynamically disabled people, we are on a time crunch. you may not be aware of it, but you are. it’s always a race to get things done while you can, build those habits and routines and get consistent and get your life together while you can. because even if you’re not thinking it, you are living on a countdown until your next flare-up. until the next crash, the next time you lose all your progress.

and that cycle, is exhausting. it’s like building a sandcastle right on the shore. you build it and you get to revel in it for a second. then it’s gone. there may be a little bump in the sand where your hard work had just stood, but essentially, you are starting from scratch. while the abled people are up the beach a few metres and their sand is perfectly wet and perfectly dry and the waves never reach it.

then those same people, tell you to just keep building. “eventually you’ll get there!” “keep trying!” “habits take time!” they say. but how? there will always be another wave.

understanding this difference in experience is so important if you want to understand why you can’t just tell a disabled person to form habits or be consistent and expect results.

i feel so disconnected from myself and my life, it kinda feels like im on autopilot or smth

life doesnt feel very real or tangible, it feels distant

lately if im not constantly occupying my brain i spiral.

my mind is exhausted from the constant stimulation but i dont know what else to do.

healthy coping looks different for everyone right, but i really wish it was easier to figure out what was right for me without all this trial and error stuff 😭

ive been avoiding my shower for months (been using literally any other shower) but i finally used it today and i didnt even cry so i think 2025 is going pretty good so far fingers crossed everybody manifest tysm

i find it interesting the overlap of c-ptsd symptoms with autistic traits.

i get asked all the time if im autistic. i even started questioning it myself just from how often this happened to me.

but while yes i have a lot of symptoms that are a part of many autistic peoples experiences, i wasnt always this way. i developed these symptoms throughout my childhood as i went through more and more trauma.

i remember when i wasnt sensitive to noise, light, etc. i remember when my social abilities were practically the same as my neurotypical peers. i remember when i never needed to carry stim toys everywhere i went. just to name a few.

anyways, i have so much in common with my autistic friends. while we arent the same, we get each other on a level that i havent found with many neurotypicals. ive also found that i often gravitate towards autistic people without meaning to.

i think its nice that we can find community where we didnt really expect it.

i really want to reapproach the way i see success.

i think ive slowly been doing it for a few years now, but theres definitely more i can do.

i always think of it in the grand life goal kind of way.

but it doesnt need to be that..

and for me, i really wanna see if i can find things in my day-to-day life that are, a success.

did i put myself out of my comfort zone that day trying something new?

did i take a deep breath and calm my thoughts before getting frustrated at somebody?

did i show care to myself even when i felt unworthy of life?

did i do anything where if i was reading a book about me. would i be proud of the bee on that page?

because the answer is probably yes most days. but im not treating myself as if thats the case.

im so harsh to myself and i know this. i give grace to others where i would never for myself.

i just want to treat myself gently.

so cheers to small successes, the steps forward even when theres also steps backward..

and to not just treating others the way we want to be treated, but treating ourselves that way too.

today i got triggered, and i took care of myself.

i made all the healthy choices, and then i felt better.

and for that im really proud of myself.

its okay to mourn.

its okay to mourn the childhood you could’ve had.

its okay to mourn the career you could’ve had.

its okay to mourn the children you could’ve had.

its okay to mourn the education you could’ve had.

its okay to mourn the friendships and social life you could’ve had.

its okay to mourn the hobbies you could’ve had.

its okay to mourn the travel you could’ve had.

its okay to mourn the life you could’ve had.

nobody gets to tell you that you need to cheer up.

alright lets get this out of the way.

school bathrooms should be unlocked during school ALWAYS

school children should be allowed to go to the bathroom ALWAYS

school children should NEVER have to ask to go to the bathroom, just tell the teacher that they need to go

schools should NEVER question a child on why they need the bathroom

schools should NEVER make jokes about how often a child uses the bathroom

schools should NEVER get angry at children for using the bathroom

NEVER should a teacher approach a child about their bathroom usage.

if there is a concern or problem with a childs use of the bathrooms, the school should speak to their parent or have a meeting involving the parents and the principle.

if there is misuse of the bathrooms, the school should speak to their parent or have a meeting involving the parents and the principle.

you never know what children could be dealing with, whether they have bladder issues, gi issues, mental health issues or other disabilities. some children may be using the bathroom to hide from bullies, or they may have addiction issues.

it doesnt matter. its shouldnt be the teachers job to police toilet usage. only when there is an issue should limits or supervision be put in place, AFTER meeting with their parents and potentially the student to figure out the reasons for such issues.

i know this is really controversial but im really sick of horror stories from kids like me who dealt with the shit that is school bathrooms

those depression tips actually work wtf 💔💔💔

i forget often

you’re alive