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Gentle
I lay on his chest breathing heavily and cry into his shirt, he rests his arm on my back keeping me close. Gently moving his fingers over my side. His lips gently kiss my shoulder as I sob and shake. He kisses my head rubbing my side and back gently whispering sweet words that made me cry more not out of sadness but out of pity. I don’t deserve this. I never deserved this. He brings me closer and rubs my wet cheeks as he kisses my forehead, he holds me as if I’m young again. My mind drifts to memories I wish I never had. I sit in a corner of a somewhat empty room crying alone as my world falls apart, I was so little and alone. He pulls me from my thoughts holding me tighter, I feel his chest and arms shake. I feel the wet drops on my head,it’s as if he can feel my pain as if he went into my mind too. As if he sat next to me and cried. He chokes out a sob while I continue to cry into his chest. My sob become more pained. I’m hurting him, I’m hurting him. I grip his shirt and mumble his name begging him to not cry, this pain is my own, they hurt me not him. He saved me. The nights I laid in bed wishing hoping for my death, the dark hole that I laid in. He reach in pulling me out, I still hate myself and life but he makes it all bare able. To feel his body shake as if he’s in pain scares me, i look up at him to see his beautiful eyes glossy, his brows rest downwards and his forehead wrinkles slightly as his sobs rack his body, he speaks lowly. Telling me that he wanted to save me and take this pain away, his grip became desperate as if letting me go would end his life or I would fade away, he was scared. I told him I wanted to die, i told him I’m in pain constantly, i told him I feel dead inside, I’m not me. Theses words broke him to his core, he rubs his fingers through my hair pulling me closer begging me to hang on and that he would help. I feel my head start to pound as he keeps me close,he cries more not caring about how he sounds or looks. This beautiful man sits before me letting the pain for his beloved flood out. He wanted to scream. He loved me and only me.He places soft kisses on my head and face, he moves to my lip kissing me in a way that couldn’t be Described as hunger or lust or passion. It was a kiss of promise, he was my angel sent from heaven, he was meant to be in my life, he was willing to die just to make sure i woke up the next morning. just to make sure i didn’t look in the mirror and hate myself. Just to make sure i didn’t think of constant death. He pulls away breathing lightly, his tears hit my cheeks running down them chasing my own, even tho his eyes were slightly red and his cheeks were slight red, he still gave me a smile. The very smile that made me think maybe life wasn’t so pointless, maybe I do deserve love or a friend. He’s soft gentle hands rub my cheekbones taking my tears with them. His eyes look into my soul, no words or writing could explain the look in his eyes. It wasn’t possessive or desire or need. It was a plead or promise. He had this power to speak without even opening his mouth, he was true to his words even if the words weren’t on his tongue or fell from his lips. His actions were so loud like when he bring me a flower or gazes at me. He is selfless and beautiful no other person could describe him in a way I could, no scientific facts or author or song writer. Not even ancient Scholars could predict or summon a man like him. I rest my forehead on his closing my eyes but hold him tight as if he would slip away. He leans back resting me on his chest as he gently rubs my back. He whispers a sweet “I love you” before I’m consumed by sleep.