The Adventures Of Merlin - Blog Posts

I don't think we as a fandom talk enough about how arthur actually desperately didn't want to be a prince

my favorite genre of merthur photos r the ones of them that look like paintings

Post- Magic reveal Merthur angst oneshot (as “We hug now” by Sydney Rose)

“I have a feeling you got everything you wanted.”

The smell of mold and dust chokes up the back of his throat, strewn over the floor of a musty, wooden shack he discovered while aimlessly walking in the middle of nowhere. Only 4 days ago, he had pushed the boat into the lake, watching it drift away as his mind was now.

His eyes burned with fiery tears, the tracks engraving into his skin with molten magic - the loss never to be forgotten, embedded into his cheeks. Merlin hiccuped for breaths whenever the full feeling in his nose returned. Oh how he prayed for Arthur’s return.

Even though his bleeding body had been returned to Avalon after being struck, Merlin somewhat knew he’d done good - even without lifting the ban on magic. Merlin knew he was a good king - having achieved and done much more than his predecessors ever did for the people of Camelot.

He had a feeling Arthur did what he could and he knew he would return when Albion’s need was greatest. At least he got the life he wanted as King, portrayed as a savior and a strong ruler - a glorious battle leading to his demise.

He lived a magnificent life.

“You’re not wasting time, stuck here like me.”

At least Arthur was frozen in time rather than being stuck on an earth that would keep turning whether Merlin moves on or not. He knew the world would go on without him. Without him.

How could he ever be part of an existence without Arthur? What would be the point in living? What would his purpose be? How could he have failed? What was there left to do? He was a nobody with no political power.

Why couldn’t they have taken Merlin instead? Arthur would be able to accomplish much more than Merlin ever could in the time he’d have to wait for his other half’s return. But it wasn’t like that.

He was stuck here - without hope, without meaning and without Arthur.

“You’re just thinking it’s a small thing that happened.”

Merlin revealing his magic was insignificant compared to Arthur’s death. If he had done it much sooner, yes - there was the risk of dying, but it was a risk he should’ve taken rather than left so late.

Merlin wasn’t sure if Arthur would have ordered his execution on the spot if hadn’t been in such a vulnerable position. He wasn’t sure if he would have burst out in a fit of rage and attacked him.

But he knew Arthur had been heart broken - the trust between them was a taut thread with a blade pressed against it. Nothing could ever compare to the feeling of relief when Arthur talked to him again - when Arthur let Merlin care for him again.

“Why are you doing this?” he said, voice slurring and thick with emotion. “Why are you still acting like a servant?”

But he had never been acting. Arthur was everything to him. He would move planets and destroy galaxies to see Arthur safe, or happy. He was born to serve Arthur and he’d stand by that until the world falls to nothing.

“The world ended when it happened to me.”

When he threw up the words “I have magic.”, hoarsely whispering “I only use it for you, Arthur.”, he feared for his life. He knew Arthur was weak and vulnerable and would have to rely on Merlin if he wanted to survive. But he knew if his King ordered his execution he’d comply.

All the years of living in fear - spent watching sorcerers fight for their families and die. All the years he lived in Camelot - spent chasing after destiny. All the years he stood by Arthur’s side - spent protecting him. It all felt worthless. His life and its purpose felt meaningless.

Uther had ordered Gaius’s execution after Gaius had been a trusted member in the council for decades. After Gaius had publicly turned against his own kind to stand by Uther’s side. Would Arthur do that to him even after showing and proving he had the utmost loyalty toward him?

Merlin knew for a fact that his fear of losing Arthur and being unable to serve him by his side overpowered the notion of dying.

“I have a feeling you got everything you wanted.”

Arthur was glad his last moments were spent with his best friend - a man he cares for and loves. He was glad it was by his side that his life left his body. He was glad he didn’t have to die alone.

He somewhat knew Merlin had never trusted him. He knew Merlin didn’t love him the way Arthur loved him because if he did why would he never tell Arthur about his magic. Did he really think Arthur would kill him? After all they’ve been through together?

Arthur understood Merlin did what he had to. He understood Merlin was the only person there was for him. He understood Merlin would never want to hate or hurt him. He understood magic was a part of Merlin that would never leave him and he’d accept him as he was.

Merlin was a good man. He’d done so much for Arthur and there was no way he could ever repay him - not now as the last words lingered in his last breath.

“Thank you.”

There was a small guilty feeling swirling in the back of his throat. Maybe Merlin was even happy that Arthur had died; there was no King to persecute him. That would be everything he wanted, right? To be free.

“You’re not wasting time, stuck here like me.”

Merlin was out there living while Arthur’s carcass had been left to rot on a brittle boat in the middle of a cursed lake. He would get to do things. He would get to see his family and his friends and Arthur would be stuck here - trapped in the visceral bounds of time; choking him.

“You’re just thinking it’s a small thing that happened.”

Arthur’s death must have meant nothing to Merlin. He was a powerful warlock - the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth and Arthur just felt like some lousy king who accomplished nothing. He saved nobody.

He had blindly followed along his father’s ruling and assisted in the persecution of so many all of his life - carpet cleaning an entire community and race of people. It was only in his last days that he realised just how wrong he was.

Arthur was really the useless one between the duo - between the two men who couldn’t be more opposite. This moment must be so insignificant to Merlin who would live forever. There was definitely more important battles he fought and more important people in his life.

People more important that he cared more for than Arthur. Arthur’s death was a blip of his life that he would forget as if it never happened.

“The world ended when it happened to me.”

He had felt the life being torn out of his lungs as death scraped its claws down his throat, piercing his last words in its sharp nails.

Everything he was meant nothing.

None of his life mattered because he had never been the king he should have been - a king who helped and freed people. He didn’t even get to help Merlin. And now he’d never be able to see him again, never be able to beg for forgiveness again, never be able to thank him again - never be able to voice how much he loves him.

He wasn’t sure if his world ended when blood stopped circulating around his body or when he stopped feeling Merlin by his side.

Headcannon - When Arthur was a kid he used to sneak into Uther’s room to steal shirts and wear them as nightwear.

He thought that a piece of clothing he wore to sleep, that smelled slightly like his father, is what a hug from Uther would feel like.

He never really found out if that was true because he had never experienced a real hug from the King.

Maybe, when he’s older and Arthur and Merlin are friends, but have obliviously feelings for each other, he steals Merlin’s neckerchief somehow. He doesn’t think or know to ask Merlin for a hug because he subconsciously thinks he’ll be rejected instantly.

So instead, he steals Merlin’s neckerchief and hides it under his pillow until night and while he’s sleeping he kind of just holds close it next to him.

What if over the years Merlin forgot Arthur’s face. He remembered his laugh the warmth of his touch but couldn’t quite remember how his prince looked. Arthur has returned and keeps trying to get Merlin’s attention. Merlin’s just confused why the really hot guy keeps hitting on him.

Friends

Merlin and Arthur