Weird Relationships - Blog Posts

So I am a lesbian who previously had intercourse with a male only once when in high school. It lasted about 5 seconds and was horrible. I am not poly, and usually avoid bisexual or pansexual identifying women. It isn't because I don't approve, but because I'd experienced bad things in the past.

I met a woman ten years my senior. She was attractive, confident, and basically everything I'd want, but she was not single. She was a bi woman married to a man with an open hall pass for women only. That meant she could sleep with or date women outside her marriage, but not men.

I was leery of the situation, but because she was attractive decided to just keep it casual and still pursue it for the sex until I possibly found someone to seriously date.

After a few months though I was completely hooked. I'd also met and befriended her husband and son. They were all wonderful and it started to feel like an extended family.

Because it had started to feel like something serious to all of us the woman came clean with a secret. Once or twice a month she and her husband would go and meet with men they found online that were traveling in the area and she'd have sex with them while her husband watched. I was appalled at this and after a fight we broke it off.

Less than a week later I went back because I missed and strangely her husband and child too. The extended family part had really taken a hold of me.

We all talked. It was mostly her husband's thing, but she really enjoyed it too. She had no long term friendships with these men. It was just sex and they considered it part of the intimacy between them as a couple rather than sexual sharing. It was hard to understand.

She was allowed to date women because they both agreed that he was enough for her as a man, but couldn't give her the things a woman could. That part I understood a little, but not completely.

She and I agreed to be exclusive as far as our part of the relationship went. We had been doing that already, but nothing had been agreed on before.

She called it womanly monogamy.

We went back to our friendship with benefits type relationship as usual, but now more as official girlfriends. Their secret was rarely discussed and almost always if it was I had brought it up. Curiosity killed the cat.

I'd been dating her exclusively for over a year when she asked me to have a threesome with her husband. Though I'm a lesbian and have no real interest in men I will admit I'd thought of it from time to time. A lot of discussion and I agreed. He was made aware of my lack of experience before hand and I was made aware that he was as much a voyer as hands on. I was scared and excited. More scared. The night it happened surprised me. It was a comfortable experience with my girlfriend leading the actions without even trying. I enjoyed it a lot, but also realized I was definitely a lesbian.

It was good though so we repeated it every few weeks for a while.

One evening my girlfriend asked me if I'd be interested in possibly being with her husband one on one. I wasn't. She somehow persuaded me to try. She would not be home. I was supposed to show up and offer the goods, and she was going to text him it was a surprise.

This is where the curveball comes in. We went to the bedroom and foreplay was more than my wildest hopes.

He however did not get an erection. He could not get an erection. Having never once been with a man unless you count my teen experience I blamed myself and thought I didn't have the proper skills or was doing something wrong.

He was not really worried about it and tried very hard to make sure I knew it was something with him and not me.

Later that night when my girlfriend got back we tell her the tale and I turn into a crying mess. I don't cry. This time I did.

She thought it was her fault because her husband had told her he wasn't into the idea months before and she'd decided to go with her own ideas anyways.

The situation was that this guy loved her so much that he had no interest in sexual activity or any other types of activities that didn't involve her. His watching her with other men and his watching her with me were similar to him. His interactions with me when she was there he said he loved, but it was something he was doing with her at the same time so it became an extension of his love making and sex with her. He couldn't be completely into it if she wasn't part of it.

Again I was confused and kind of understood at the same time.

I ended up being a part of their lives for over four years until his job required them to move to another country. I almost went with them. I loved her as much as I've loved anyone. He was family too. They all were family. I'd have married her if California allowed poly marriage even though I'm not poly.

Through it all she still had her hotel men meetings and I once even went to watch with him. Unlike him I did not like it and instead became angry and jelous.

He told me privately why he thought I got so angry a few days later. He said it was because I hadn't fully committed my heart to her. He said jealousy is normal and fine for some people, but it would be an easy warm jealousy and not an angry one if I was truly committed. She was his and he was hers until the end of life is something he said. Neither of them worried how the other one was thinking about them because they would always be together.

We did try the just him and I sex one more time because she said I should experience it at least once. That time she was there and with light touching and words of encouragement made it happen.

Afterwards both of us said it was fine and we would do it if she was getting from it something like he got from watching her with others. She didn't so we didn't repeat it. Neither of us wanted it.

I watched their relationship a lot after that. Her husband loved her. Like movies love. Jump in front of a speeding car to save her love. Save the planet from an asteroid love. I wanted that.

I guess when it was time they had to move I proved I didn't deserve it. I also showed he was right about my commitment. I wasn't willing to leave everything else for her.

I'm not sure she deserved that type of love either. She did everything he asked. She was a loving wife and they were maybe the only married couple that had been together more than 15 years I've ever met who I'd describe as actually happy. She loved me too. He loved only her. I'm not poly and after those years I know people can love more than one person. I don't think they can love more than one person like he loved her though.

I'll never be poly. I'll never be bisexual. It isn't me. I was born this way. They made me wish I was born more their way.

That is mine. No flames 🙉