I Have An Idea, But I’m Unsure About It. I Pull Y’all Be Interested If I Made A System Centered Tik

Anyone else have a host that loves their source and consumes startling amounts of media of it until they’re pulled to the front?

No one?

Cool.

-Varian

I love that my freind is so accepting of our system that he almost likes one of my alters more than me. It’s increasingly funny how much Hunter and him vibe.

Now to introduce him to the overwhelmingly gay presence that is Angelo.

-Apollo

Well of course you don’t remember it, to you it was just another time you had to deal with your kid being annoying. To you it was just a short second when you couldn't be bothered to control your anger. To you it was just another inconvenience after an already long day.

But to me, the kid that you yelled at to stop crying because you had a headache, to me it was the first of many moments that taught me I was only an inconvenience. To me it was the shocking reality that I am only worth your affection if I'm easy to deal with.

I don't expect you to remember what to you was only another tired day. But you can trust that I won't forget the first thing you ever taught me.

This was a reply on a response to an ask. In the post I mentioned why I don’t want endogenic systems on my page. I’ve said it a few times but here’s it again for those who missed it or were asleep in the back of the classroom.

My experience with the Endo community hasn’t been totally terrible, but I have seen their bad side. A lot of other traumagenic systems have been targeted by the endo community because of their difference in opinions. This can come in many forms including attacking trauma only discord servers, targeting those with opposing view points, cyber bullying, and spreading hate and discourse.

People tend to feel attacked when their viewpoint is challenged, whether they’re being attacked or not. And people who are insecure in their identity or view point (as I believe many endos are) tend to lash out when they feel that way. I don’t want to say anyone is a bad person, I’m just pointing out patterns I have seen and heard of over and over. A lot of endos have resorted to hate and cyber bullying when they find those who don’t believe them.

Now this isn’t to say that the traumagenic community hasn’t also been hurtful. I’ve seen plenty of people attacking every endo or supporter they see based on their past experiences with a different endo or supporter.

Now here comes the really messy part. Even if endos aren’t purposely hurting those who aren’t in their community, they are actively spreading misinformation that can seriously damage the public view of systems. By making claims like “you can choose to be like this” or that it’s all fun and games warps the reality of the pain and trauma that is associated with dissociative disorders. And by spreading a false narrative it makes it harder for those struggling to be taken seriously.

Just to be clear I do not condone any kind of attacks or targeting of endos or their community. I am perfectly happy to coexist as long as they stay in their own lane.

Have a good day -Apollo/Elizabeth

I am so emotionally confused. I have a crush on this guy. One problem with that.

It’s the host’s boyfriend.

I’m not a confrontational person, so I’m not totally sure what to do. Apollo already knows. But isn’t sure what to do or if to bring it up. I want to bring it up to the hosts best friend, but at the same time I’m not super close to them…. Soooooo….. yeah.

-Varian

This is a reminder to you just as much as it is my self.

You are not expected to know everything about your system at any point, and no one else in your system should be either

It’s okay if no one really knows what’s happening, even if you have a gatekeeper who’s always on top of things, there will probably be times when even they aren’t sure.

It’s alright to not know everything about yourself or even how things should happen. It doesn’t invalidate you or your system.

For some reason up to this point I expected someone in my system to have an answer to any question I had. And then would get frustrated when they didn’t have one. I am just now realizing that it’s not realistic to expect any of them to understand what’s happening at any given point. Including me.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation, and neither do you. Maybe we need to get just a little bit more comfortable not understanding before we can work on understanding.

Thanks for reading, take care of yourself.

-Apollo/Hunter

Tw: suicide attempt-hospitalization-mental health

Continue at your own expense

So, we’ve been gone for a bit. Our depressive episode came to a head, and we downed a months worth of our antidepressants and ended up on a ventilator in the ICU. We were in the hospital for 6 days before getting transferred to a psych unit where we spent another 8 days.

Everything before the OD is incredibly blurry. All of our memories feel farther away than they are and we keep getting confused on what happened when, not too far from the norm but much worse than usual. That mixed with the chronic back pain from lying in bed for six days means we are far from recovered.

That being said, I want to thank those who have supported me thus far. Even though most of them will never see this, I want everyone to know that none of them have given up on me, and they have all gone above and beyond to help me in anyway they can. I am so beyond appreciative for those who have stood by me despite my stupid decision making.

One of the reasons I’m posting this is to have a timeline of when things happened to look back on, but also so I don’t forget how many people have helped me.

-Apollo

This is very true, though I would like to add that you don’t have to have DID for your symptoms to be valid. You can still feel things and have symptoms even if they don’t fit the diagnostic criteria. Does that mean you have DID? No. But you are still entitled to your emotions and feelings, especially if those feelings are a result of trauma.

Does anyone realize that the "everyone is valid" thing has actual diagnostic implications?

Yes, every case of DID will have differences from another. But all DID cases must meet diagnostic criteria in order to actually be DID. You can't say "everyone is valid" and "DID can look like anything" because really, it can't. At the end of the day, there are still diagnostic criteria that must be met. If anything goes and anything is valid and anything can be DID, then DID is nothing and we might as well not even classify it as a disorder at all.

Same thing as people who say that "everyone has a little bit of DID" or "everyone has parts". Yes, you act differently at work than you do at home. This does not mean that you have dissociated parts of a fragmented self, and if it did, then DID would be a redundant diagnosis and there would be no need to have it in the ICD or DSM if "everyone" had it.

Voice dysphoria is the literal worst. Like, it’s easy enough to avoid our reflection, but damn is it hard to avoid talking when most people don’t know American Sign Language.

Fuck this and me.

-Hunter

I’m out and masking so hard, even though we’re among friends who are aware I’m just not super comfortable.

And let me tell you, masking a British accent in an American environment is so not the best.

Especially when everyone keeps asking you if you’re okay cause a second ago the host was out having a panic attack.

This is my life at the moment.

-renfield