diaryofanagingirl

Latest Posts by diaryofanagingirl

i want to take care of a butch lover so much. i want to kiss their arms when they're sore or tired and hold their hands in mine circling heart shapes on their palms. i want to hug their neck and hold their head safe and close to my chest to tuck them away from the noise of their day. i want to gently caress their nape and neck, calling them "darling" and "adored", listening to their worries and whispering back the most softest words. having them sleep on my body, while i keep the warmth of the blanket in check to cover them fully. make them something sweet as they prefer, smooch their lips the moment they're asking what i'm making for them. filling them with "i love you"s at the most random moments and finding incredibly aching to be departing from their closeness even for a moment. because i adore them so deeply. because i constantly want to remind them that they're everything to me.

🕯️🕯️🕯️i will have a butch boyfriend 🕯️🕯️🕯️

i hate when people are nonchalant even when i give them a way out. like im asking you, if you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to but they don’t take it. they’ll still reply with the most blandest shit and it’s not like i want much i just want to have a convo

this is what they texted me:

“You just are always so worried about so many things pertaining to talking to me & idk why you’re stressing yourself out so much”

for the last week i’ve been rereading it and like trying to understand how they know me more than my friends.

also the apps are so good for creating community and helping queer people but like at what cost?

i only have tiktok bc of edits and sending them to my friends but i genuinely miss when 2020/2021/22 when i deleted it and had a sense of freedom.

i’m already a very anxious person and an overthinker but lately it feels like everything is fuelling discourse and like they’re so minuscule and normal. it’s like people are fabricating so many fake things in order to fuck people up and the same thing with twitter.

believe it or not in those years that app was like a safer place and funny but ever since elon took over it feels like a deep pit of hell. the butchfemme discourse that goes on the there is another type of hell, mind you i don’t say shit there but it feels like everyone’s regurgitating the same shit to get likes and i hate it. im trying to ween myself off but with the way the world works, these apps seem to be an important part of our lives.

i only have tiktok bc of edits and sending them to my friends but i genuinely miss when 2020/2021/22 when i deleted it and had a sense of freedom.

i’m already a very anxious person and an overthinker but lately it feels like everything is fuelling discourse and like they’re so minuscule and normal. it’s like people are fabricating so many fake things in order to fuck people up and the same thing with twitter.

believe it or not in those years that app was like a safer place and funny but ever since elon took over it feels like a deep pit of hell. the butchfemme discourse that goes on the there is another type of hell, mind you i don’t say shit there but it feels like everyone’s regurgitating the same shit to get likes and i hate it. im trying to ween myself off but with the way the world works, these apps seem to be an important part of our lives.

vaguely nsfw asks

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

3. Are you a virgin?

4. Are you in a relationship?

5. Are you in love?

6. Are you single this year?

7. Can you commit to one person?

8. Describe your crush

9. Describe your perfect mate

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

11. Do you ever want to get married?

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

13. Do you get jealous easily?

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

15. Do you have any piercings?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Do you like kissing in public?

20. Do you shower every day?

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

43. How long was your longest relationship?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

47. How old are you?

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

55. Share a relationship story.

56. State 8 facts about your body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

70. What turns you on?

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

83. Who was your first kiss with?

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

everytime i listen to this song (3 times a day or more) i cry

sometimes i feel so detached from the femme identity just because of like certain elements of who i am.. like im really tall and i’m fat and like they’re not necessarily things i gaf about but it’s clear that it’s not the ideal type. like im fully ok with itv but idk something to ponder about

it’s such a beautiful song

being a horny slutty lesbian is one of life’s greatest pleasures

Marcy and Sarah, photography by Ricky Lee, "Driving Ms. Diesel", circa late 90's

Normal Girl - SZA (2017)

Even if I don't end up wifed up to a butch in the future, even if I become an elderly femme with an empty bed and an additional, never sat on chair by the dining table, I will still love butches with my whole heart.

All the same.

Help them, support them, amplify their voices in the community.

Perhaps bake them an apple pie and make them pierogi for dinner with some kompot to drink :']

I ♡ butches.

i want to be in love with a stud I WANT TO BE IN LOVE like all giddy and all.

visiting this place at night is dangerous for a sensitive femme like me melting past her panties reading all of the filthy things i'd adore to be done on me

Stone Butch Blues, Leslie Feinberg

i dream of my lesbian wedding often, i want it to be quiet and secret— just for us and the few people we like well enough to invite. butchfemme wedding can live in my mind for as long as it likes, because i’m not evicting it.

listening to i’m your man by leonard cohen and i want to be punished by them.. i feel like such a pervert wanting to be hurt during intimacy..

im not sure what’s wrong with me. like i was telling them that i don’t care that they talk to other people.. i dont know why im feeling this all encompassing need to be needed by them or by anyone and i feel like this is gonna ruin me in the future. but like i dont think my need to be hurt is really bad at least i hope not.

i was watching edits of secretary and like in the ideal world i find someone like mr grey, someone who can appreciate the erotic elements of butchfemme as well as respect and wouldn’t make me feel bad about the way i approach sex. because i can see my desperate nature in lee but the way mr grey is so disgusted by himself is ME.

i know i’m too much like i want them all for myself like for them not to talk to ANYONE i feel so fucked up. but if what i’m saying is weird im just hoping they are forward with me cause i keep on telling them how i feel weird that im jealous and they’re ok with it???

i relate to hannah horvath TOO much and probably lena dunham in general. i’ve been reading her memoir and like just way too many things are similar

please consider checking out my patreon if you can. it is $5, and you get access to around 75k words worth of work. i am having tons of issues with my old bank account i don't have access to and it is overdrawn. i don't have enough to cover the overdrawn amount along with upcoming bills and money for food and gas. i promise it is worth the money, there is so much on there that hasn't been posted for free yet. i am doing very bad mentally and this is something that is not helping in the slightest so please at least consider reblogging if you can't help.

kofi | patreon

pussy from a girl with a questionable online presence

i love being a little freak on tumblr nobody can stop me

tw: sh

everytime i’ve talked to someone and the doctors about my mental health they’ve just assumed im a teenage girl who’s going through it and like that it’s regular degular shit and there’s this underlying comment that ‘at least you’re not harming yourself’ WHEN I AM! like yes i am and the marks are visible and my mom literally mentioned how the scars couldn’t be scratches.. like i don’t know how them knowing would help but maybe acknowledging that im not lying when i say i dont want to live would be a start.

I AM INSANE