Meanspo?

I feel dirty and I don't feel real

Like it seriously feels like being fat is blocking me from actually living and being someone

I know that sounds silly but I can't take myself serious like this

And I don't know who I am if I'm not skinny

the way I keep eating like a pig like wow goddamn bro do you even want to be skinny

someone called me "the lady with the ukulele" today.

Not a lady and you can hardly call a fucking cello a ukulele

May have been a joke, but....

Lady? Ugh

I just made myself tea that's supposed to be peach vanilla... Tastes like bathtub water honestly

It's good though

I haven't weighed myself in at least a week now I think, which is crazy considering I usually get super obsessed with it and sometimes do it multiple times a day, but for one I'm too scared what the scale may say and then if I actually want to see my progress I need to look for actual physical changes and don't rely on the number of the scale?

I guess I'll try it out for a bit, except for yesterday I was in a deficit ever day that week and I'll just try not to weigh myself for a while and hopefully get a pleasant surprise when I do

To me it kind of feels like I won't truly live until I'm skinny. That right now, there is still a wall I need to cross until I'm "on the other side" or something, when my life can finally begin.

big plans this easter (getting drunk‼️)

Why eat food, anyway, when I can have Monster?

If alcohol bad then why so tasty? Why it make me happy :(

The not-eating after my class was cooking went well yesterday, the teacher was so busy, she didn't even pay attention to me

Now that but four more times to go still 🥲