Latest Posts by stresseddepressedlemonzestsblog - Page 5

I lost my best friend 3 years ago- not lost as in dead but lost as in we only text each other on our birthdays now. Movies and books don't tell you that a friendship dying is like the sinking of a ship, you try to get higher and higher and hold onto the rails and unanswered texts, the captain tries to steer it to safety and salvage pieces of two broken hearts until you're left with memories of what once was. We were friends for a decade and knew each other's diaries by heart, I still remember her phone number and the way she took her coffee. Seeing her in streets is like breathing in a scent you forgot you knew but it immediately takes you back to a summer in '07.

Movies and books also don't tell you that friendships don't just end after one fight or incident, it's like the rusting of a bridge, the slow decay of flesh and bones and secrets. It took weeks, months- until one day I woke up and I realized I hadn't thought of her in a while. And I wrote a poem that day and I titled it 'The dying of a best friend' and I put all my love for her in a tiny box with my half of the matching pendant of a dolphin we had and stored them in a corner of my heart under the heading Grief. Where else can one hide unspent love?

It's been 3 years since I lost my best friend, lost as in I still carry our secrets in a tiny box but we only text each other on our birthdays.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

AU where Kate and Erica had one, semi-anonymous, great night in college that’s nothing but a vague memory until, years later, Lena and Astrid have a chance run-in at a charity gala and start to realize why every relationship since has never seemed to work out

The best thing for me? How Andrew Garfield got a chance to redeem his character, a proper way to say goodbye, an ending that will make him proud and happy instead of sad and disappointed.

I can’t stop thinking about how his eyes were shining all the time. How his happiness radiated from him. How he got to be side by side with his hero (Tobey) and be spiderman with him! To get his ‘blessing’ (“you are amazing!”).

About his character: how he got his hope back, his colors back. Meeting the other Parkers was so important for all of them but him most of all. How saving MJ from the exact same accident he lost Gwen to was heartbreakingly healing. You could see it, Andrew nailed his acting here. The absolute pain he felt, the ‘I could’ve saved her too’ mixed with ‘at least I saved MJ, and this Peter won’t have to go through that’.

Andrew got a chance to make things right for himself, and he did it graciously. He gave all of himself and I am so absolutely proud and happy for him. For me, this was the best thing in a film full of great things. I just… you deserve it, Andrew and amazing!Peter. You both deserve it!

Lena: *speaking Irish*

Kara: I know, I know.

Alex: You speak Irish?

Kara: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Lena speaks.

this belongs to the Louvre, she was sculpted by gods

(tap for more quality)

A college au where Lena does the unthinkable: she forgets about her chemistry lab. Now Lena never misses a lab. She’s never even late to class. So when her lab partner calls her, asking where she is, her heart drops. She’d forgotten it’s Wednesday. How could she forget it’s Wednesday?

A glance at her watch tells her that she has approximately 10 minutes before she’s actually late, which is plenty of time to get two buildings over to the lab space.

The only minor snag is, well… lab dress code. Normally, that would never be an issue. She always keeps a spare pair of safety goggles in her bag, and she’d never deign to wear something like shorts or sandals to attend classes, like some of her peers.

But… some days, she’s just stayed up far too late studying. Some days, she’s barely staying upright by coffee and willpower alone, and she’s so tired that she couldn’t even be bothered to put her contacts in before classes. On those days, she’s willing to make a minor exception to her usually immaculate state of dress.

With her biomedical engineering midterm fast approaching, today happens to be one of those days. The skin tight leggings that she threw on before sleepily rushing out the door that morning mock her with the way that they cling. Honestly it’s not as if she planned to spill corrosives on herself, but she knows for a fact Dr. Kord wouldn’t allow her to walk through the door in such “lab inappropriate apparel.”

Ugh. At least, the tennis shoes she threw on are close-toed. She’ll figure something out.

And as she scurries through the chemistry halls towards the lab, that something presents itself.

She catches site of a blond girl in comfy looking NCU sweat pants heading into the restroom just around the corner from her destination. And really, she can’t believe she’s doing this, but her options are limited. So she looks the girl dead in the eye through the mirror and steels herself, as she firmly states, “I need your pants.”

“You… what?” her bewilderment is evident in her reflection.

“Your pants. I need them,” Lena repeats to the stranger, raising her chin, as if this isn’t the strangest request (read: demand) she’s ever made.

The blond turns around to face her, spluttering as she pulls at the straps of her backpack. She eyes the door behind Lena momentarily, before asking, “Why?”

Lena sighs, “Chemistry lab,” and glances down at her watch, a frown growing. “In two and a half minutes. And I… well…” She gestures down at her legs, sheepishly. “I forgot.”

Her eyes lock again with the blond’s and she momentarily forgets her fluster in realization that, behind dark-framed glasses, they’re a vibrant shade of blue. And determined, too.

Determined enough to usher Lena into a stall, and without a word, she heads into the adjacent one. A pair of sweats are flopped over the dividing wall for Lena to grab, and as she strips off her leggings to pull on the sweat pants, she notices the name ‘Danvers’ running down the thigh. It seems oddly familiar, but—

“So how long is this lab?” the girl in the next stall asks.

“Four hours.” The splutter from next door tells Lena that maybe this ‘Danvers’ didn’t necessarily think this through.

“Four hours?! Am I supposed to just… hang out here, pants-less, that whole time?”

And, oh, that finally breaks through Lena’s stress and embarrassment. “Of course not.” Laughing, she tosses her leggings over wall, and exits her stall to the sound of shuffling.

“Thanks for this, by the way,” Lena says as she digs for her goggles in her bag. “I really owe you.”

“It’s no problem,” the voice behind her says as the stall door swings open. “It may be one of the weirder things to happen to me, but definitely not the weirdest.”

Lena goes to laugh at that, but the sound dies in her throat and her mouth goes dry as she takes in the reflection of incredibly fit and well-muscled legs shifting under the tight material of her leggings. She has to swallow a deep breath and blink hard to recalibrate her mind.

But the girl immediately decimates the progress by twisting to get a view of her ass in the tight spandex, giving Lena a rather favorable view in the process.

“Don’t look too terrible, do they?” she asks with a grin.

“No.” Lena’s voice comes out strangled, and she looks away, clearing her throat before trying again. “No, definitely not.”

Looking for anywhere to place her eyes that isn’t on her savior’s well-defined (and now prominently-displayed) ass, Lena glances at her watch again.

Fuck.

“I should—“ Lena starts, gesturing to the door.

“Yeah,” the girl agrees, shuffling her feet and scratching at the back of her neck. And was that a faint blush Lena spied on her cheeks?

“I’ll, uh, get these back to—“

“No worries. Go, we’ll figure something—“

“—Yeah.”

They both pause, just gazing at each other for a moment, when Lena’s phone rings.

“Lena, where are you?!” a voice calls from the phone speaker.

Lena flashes the blond a last smile and a little wave, as she says, “I’m just around the corner, Jack. I’ll be right—“

She runs straight into her lab partner, who steadies her as she stumbles. “—there.”

“Thank god. You made it. I was worried I’d have to pair up with that moronic—“ Jack’s voice trailed off as he stared at her, mouth agape. “Are you… Why are you wearing Kara’s sweats?”

“Who?” Lena’s brows furrow.

“Kara. Kara Danvers. NCU’s star soccer player? She as in that game Sam dragged us to.” A smug grin spreads across Jack’s face. “I knew it! I knew you were lusting over her! You spent the whole time staring.”

Danvers. That’s why the name sounded familiar. And, now that she thought about it, the face too, though she hadn’t worn those glasses that hid half her face during the game.

“God, I can’t believe you’re sleeping with Kara Danvers. I can’t wait to tell Sam.” Jack sounded far too gleeful about the whole situation.

“We’re— I’m… I’m not— We’re not—“ Lena struggles to get any words out to explain the situation. But images of the blond… Kara… in her leggings spring to life in her mind, and Lena quickly realizes she wouldn’t be opposed to it being true.

“Lena. Darling. You got in her pants. Literally.” Jack smirks, and a blushing Lena just shoves him towards the door.

“Just get in the fucking lab.”

ONCE AGAIN LADIES AND GENTLEMEN KATIE MCGRATH IS THE TOP FEMALE TUMBLR CELEBRITY LETS HEAR IT FOR THE QUEEN

The Crain Kids + smiles

and Kara's gay awakening will be when they end up undercover at gala and Lena shows up in her suit.

What if we start this all over but this time Katie plays the nerdy friend who helps Kara from the beginning?

Bonus: and she usually looks like this.

It was a difficult day of filming because I love Brenda so much. And we sort of we started on the show together. And we sort of you know, we were there together the whole time. So filming that was not easy. And I was sort of almost afraid to watch it because I was like a bowl of snot. And most of that wasn’t acting, that was just me going (in a weepy voice) “Oh, Brenda it’s been five years!” And she’s just so elegant, and so amazing. And I’m like an Irish potato. Like, a mess everywhere. So hopefully it comes across. ~ Katie McGrath

It was interesting, because Katie [McGrath] was having a rough day, the day that we shot Brenda [Strong]’s death, but the second that they started rolling the cameras, Katie was just weeping. All these relationships are so loaded, and we’ve had such a great time building these dynamics that it was very easy to access all those feelings. ~ Jon Cryer

Kara shreds the steel door with her bare hands, brushing it away like a cobweb.

The blue of her eyes is shrouded in the dark red of tears and the raging inferno swelling inside her. Every line of her body is drawn tense and taught, ready to snap.

“Where is she?” she growls but the sound gets caught in the rumble of her chest, too low for human ears to understand. No words are necessary anyway. The sight of her is enough.

Lex’s lackeys scatter and the ones who aren’t fast enough find themselves downed and bleeding before they can blink.

In the end, Kara finds her in a back room, strapped to a table. She is pale and still, like a cadaver on a metal slab.

For the first time in three days Kara stops moving.

“Lena,” she breathes and it tastes like ice against her tongue.

-

She’s not dead.

Unconscious, dehydrated, unable to wake up, but not dead.

Kara holds onto that, the way she holds onto Lena’s hand while sitting sentry at her bedside.

Alex finds something on the back of her neck, like a microchip glowing green. When it’s passed to her, Kara looks down at it in the palm of her hand. It stings against her skin with traces of Kryptonite.

She ignores Alex’s protest and crushes it to dust.

-

When Lena opens her eyes an hour later, they are blank. She blinks once, twice, like she’s willing herself back into her body. Kara is on her feet in a flash.

“Lena? Lena, can you hear me?” is what she asks, but all she can think is please, please, please.

The sound of her voice shakes something in Lena and she’s sitting up a moment later, stiff and slow. Kara’s arms go around her shoulders, and Lena melts into her in a heartbeat.

“What happened? What’s wrong? Darling? Darling, you’re crying.”

Kara shudders out a sob.

She’s speaking Kryptonese.

-

It takes a few minutes for them to separate enough to look each other in the face. When they do, Lena gasps, trembling fingers raising to follow the curve of Kara’s cheek.

“Kara?” she asks, this time in English.

She looks like she’s seen a ghost, her face falling impossibly more ashen in the sterile med-bay lighting.

Kara presses her palm against Lena’s fingers, bringing their joined hands fully against her face.

“I’m sorry it took us so long,” Kara says quietly, and Lena’s brow furrows.

“Please, Kara,” her name sounds broken in Lena’s mouth. “Tell me what happened.”

Kara does. She tells her about her own kidnapping, about the traps Lex had set around the city, how it took them three days to find her in a bunker beneath a dark mountain.

She doesn’t tell her about the casualties. She doesn’t tell her about her own recklessness and rage.

“Three days,” Lena repeats with a shake of her head, dark hair shifting behind her like she’s sinking into darkness. “No, it. It was longer than that for me.”

“How long?”

Lena clenches her teeth together with a click and does not answer.

-

Alex examines her quickly and clinically, giving her a clean bill of health. She changes her IV with practiced hands.

It takes both of them to convince Kara to go take a shower and grab some food. Neither expect her to be gone for long.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex asks quietly, keeping her focus on the IV in a small act of mercy.

Lena draws a deep breath, fingers twisting against the scratchy med-bay sheets. She hasn’t said a word since Kara left, just stared into the middle distance lost in thought.

“Lex,” she says after a moment, his name falling heavily through the air. “He sent me somewhere, another reality perhaps or...”

“Or a simulation, maybe?” Alex offers. “Like Obsidian tech?”

Lena’s fingers curl into fists, and she turns her head away from Alex as if to hide tears.

“It was real,” she says harshly. “To me, it was so real.”

-

Kara is back in three minutes, hair damp and mouth stuffed with half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She sets the other half in front of Lena, who stares at it.

“You should eat something,” Kara urges. When Lena looks up at her there is so much intensity in her eyes that Kara stops chewing.

“Is this real?” she asks, voice so small even Kara struggles to hear it over the sound of her heart cracking in half. She swallows her bite past the lump in her throat, and places her left hand over Lena’s on the bed.

“It’s real. You’re real and I’m real.”

Lena stares at their joined hands for a long time, eyes roaming like she’s looking for an answer.

-

After Lena chokes down three bites of sandwich and an unspoken number of sobs, she falls into a deep sleep. Kara sits at her bedside and does not look away from her face.

Behind her Alex stands stone faced, arms crossed over her chest. For a long time the only sound in the room is Lena’s steady breathing.

“What are you thinking?” Alex asks, warning flashing through her tone like an alarm bell. Kara watches Lena’s eyelashes flutter, and straightens her spine.

“I’m going to kill Lex Luthor.”

-

It’s Kelly who gets Lena to open up.

She takes the chair that Kara reluctantly vacates and asks her to give them some privacy. It’s a long time before Kara huffs out a sigh and relents.

“I’ll be in the lab,” she tells Lena, waiting for her nod of understanding before disappearing through the door. It clicks closed quietly behind her.

Kelly sits patiently beside the bed, hands folded in her lap. She doesn’t look at Lena for long, instead taking in the blinking lights and medical equipment around them.

“This isn’t a very restful space, is it?” she asks after a moment. “Would you like someone to take you home?”

Lena breathes out harshly and licks her lips.

“There’s no going home anymore,” she says.

Kelly looks at her then, taking in the hollow of her eyes and the resigned frown on her lips.

“Lena,” she starts gently. “The place that you were sent to...did you have a life there? People you cared about?”

Green eyes turn to stare at the closed door Kara just exited through and she swallows thickly, jaw working in a tense grind.

“Yes.”

-

When Kelly returns to the tower common room it’s to find the Danvers sisters locked in a tense argument.

“—you can’t. Look what he did to Lena, Kara. We don’t know what he’s capable of. It’s too dangerous.”

“Exactly,” Kara snaps, gesturing wildly toward the med-bay. “Look what he did to Lena! He needs to pay! Who knows what kind of torture he inflicted on her in that place? How much she’s suffered?”

They stare each other down for a tense beat.

“I think she was happy,” Kelly says quietly after a moment, and two heads snap to look at her. “Wherever he sent her, whatever kind of life she had there. I think she was happy.”

Alex barely catches Kara when her knees give out, both of them toppling beneath her weight.

-

Kara spots Lex’s helicopter just as it’s leaving the bunker. She grips the rotating blades in her hands and squeezes until they crinkle like confetti.

She looks down through the window and locks eyes with Lex, who appears equal parts smug and afraid.

Kara snarls at him, spins once through the air and hurls the whole helicopter into the side of the mountain. When the inferno of twisted metal and rock finally hits the ground below she makes sure to check the wreckage.

He’s alive. Barely.

Kara cradles his broken body as she flies them back to the tower, and tries to let her fury die in the wreckage instead.

-

They move Lena from the tower before Kara arrives with Lex. She lets Kelly wrap her in an oversize sweater and guide her into the front seat of Nia’s car.

When they ask her where she wants to go she doesn’t have an answer. They end up at Kara’s loft.

“Is this okay?” Kelly asks after she’s settled Lena on the couch beneath Kara’s red throw blanket.

Lena nods, and she asks Kelly to stay. Nia turns the lights down low and kisses Lena’s forehead before leaving them alone. They sit in silence for a while, both exhausted from the events of the past few days.

“Kara said you spoke Kryptonese,” Kelly says quietly, breaking the silence. Lena stills for a moment and then nods, saying something softly that Kelly can’t understand.

“Did she teach you?”

“A version of her did.”

Kelly lobs the next question with enough grace that Lena doesn’t flinch.

“Did you love her?”

Lena looks down at the blanket over her lap and runs her hands over it, feeling the familiar material beneath her palms.

“I still do.”

“That Kara or this one?”

It’s a long time before Lena answers.

-

When Kara gets home, after double and triple checking that Lex couldn’t possibly escape the containment force fields they’ve rigged, Kelly and Lena are both asleep.

They’re curled together beneath her blanket, Lena’s head on Kelly’s shoulder with Kelly’s arm snug around her shoulders. Kara takes out her phone and snaps a picture before waking them.

Kelly excuses herself with a meaningful look that Kara doesn’t understand. When she turns her attention back to Lena, she’s looking up at her with an equally indecipherable expression.

“Will you take me to bed?” Lena asks, and a second later she’s cradled against Kara’s chest. She curls into that same position once they’re both tucked beneath the comforter.

Kara wraps her arms around her and holds on for dear life. The sun sets out the window and the light shifts from yellow to red to complete darkness. They lay snugly in each other’s arms, both feeling their first bit of true comfort since Lena first went missing.

Just as Kara is starting to drift off to sleep Lena speaks.

“I had a life there. It was, it was a lot longer than three days. It was years. It was a whole life. I had friends, a job... a wife,” she whispers into the darkness. Kara’s heart stutters in her chest, and Lena’s close enough that they both feel it.

“Do you miss her?”

“Yes.”

Kara sucks in a deep breath and let’s it out slowly, Lena’s hand that’s pressed against her chest rising and falling with the motion. After a moment Kara finds the courage to ask the question she really wants to ask.

“Did you miss me?”

Lena picks her head up just enough to look into her eyes, barely able to make out bright blue in the darkness. Her hand slides from Kara’s chest up her neck to cradle the edge of her jaw, thumb brushing the soft skin there tenderly.

“I didn’t need to.”

Why do you not like the Korrasami/Supercorp comparisons?

There's a handful of reasons, but the biggest would be the difference in culture/race and also the circumstances of the creation process of the two series.

I personally have had too many debates with people about Asami and other ATLA/TLOK characters being POC. Honestly it still baffles me that people believe that most of the characters are white and continue to believe this. This is also present in a handful of Asami/Lena comparisons and Korrasami/Supercorp comparisons. Obviously not all posts are like this, but a good amount are either explicitly or implicitly implying that Asami is a white woman. So often media will whitewash characters and the public will be vocal about a black person being whitewashed. But when an Asian character is whitewashed or racebent, there isn't as much vocal outcry. This can be seen in a handful of movie and series adaptations of Asian source material. So when people specifically compare the two characters and say that Katie McGrath would be the perfect Asami, I personally find it extremely problematic.

Another issue overall between the Korrasami = Supercorp idea is that people are often taking two women of color and plopping them down into an, honestly, stereotypical white world where there is a lack of POC and culture (I haven't watched past season 3 so this could have changed in some way). Korra and Asami break so many molds when it comes to POC stereotypes, that it's really difficult personally to see them compared to characters that come from the Supergirl Universe.

Finally the idea of "will supergirl writers have the guts to do this..." is so stomach turning. The Legend of Korra came out in 2012 and aired its last episode in 2014. In 2014 same sex marriage was not legal across the USA. It wasn't until midway through 2015 that it became legal. This means that the writing for Korrasami needed to be done in very specific ways to even be broadcasted through Nickelodeon. When it comes to Supergirl, there are no limitations like that, only the producers/executives and even the cast. So to even think that the Supergirl writers needed to "pull a Korrasami", the queerbaiting, and the problematic comments that some of the Supergirl cast have made in the past is honestly really disappointing and furthers my dislike of the two series, characters, and couple being compared.

Yes we can look at similarities of the characters' circumstances and personalities, but this is surface level. If we get down to the nitty gritty and really delve into the nuances of Korrasami = Supercorp, there are a lot of underlying issues.

So I was taught a lesson in how to get rid of a migraine in 30 seconds and omfg listen my migraines don’t go away ever but I was shown what part of my body to touch and like???????????????

It’s witchcraft????????? Like I would be burned at the stake if I lived in ye olde days knowing that information?????

What the fuck??????

All jokes aside, I think it's pretty incredible how they still have such hearteyes for each other after that many years

i think thats my favorite part of it all, how they genuinely seem to be crazy in love with eachother like some soulmate shit .. as cheesy as it sounds .. i just love love, ok? lol they give me hope

Hundred episodes later and it’s still cool seeing it. (2012 / 2019 / 2021)

Sometimes I think

"You'll be fine on your own."

And I know that's true.

Because that's all I've ever known.

But the thing is.

I don't want to just be "fine."

I want. Everything.

Is that really such a crime?

ix. super.

“What was that about?” her fiancée asks, coming in, and leaning down to press a kiss against her temple. Kara had just shown Clark and Lois out. Tonight had been their first dinner together after Kara’s proposal. The couple flew in for a rare visit to National City for a journalism conference.

Lena didn’t burn the lasagna, Kara hadn’t spilled the wine, and Lois made a total of just three jokes about them knocking up and getting hitched together. All in all Lena would call it a marvelous success.

“What was what about?” Lena turns face to Kara, catches her wrist and tugs. Kara lets herself get pulled, and crawls onto the couch. Fitting herself into the space between the arms Lena has up, holding her book. Lena’s changed into a soft sweater and leggings, Kara eagerly buries her nose into the fabric over her belly as she drapes herself over Lena.

“Oh, you know,” Kara murmurs, “that look Kal did. The look he gave you. As if he knew you or something.”

Before saying goodbye, Kal had given Lena this look. It was only brief, just after Lois had hugged Lena. But Kara had noticed it, had heard him whisper, “I’m happy for you, Lena. We’ve come a long way.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah?”

“Well…” Lena says, closing the book she’s started reading, in favor of cupping Kara’s face with both hands. “That’s because he did know me, Kara. He knew me.”

“What?”

“He was Lex’s best friend,” Lena explains, and she runs a hand up her hair. Her little habit that makes Kara tend to zone out completely to track the movement of pale fingers against dark hair.

“He was...my brother’s best friend,” Lena tells her again. Softer this time, her index finger tracing the slope of Kara’s nose, bringing her attention back into Lena’s story.

“Lex met him when they were in college. I was— I think? 6th grade? Or something like that.”

In her mind, Kara can see it; Kal from nowhere Kansas bumping into Lex Luthor, rich kid prodigy. She wonders how Lena met him. Was it over Thanksgiving dinner in the Luthor Manor? Was it during one of Lex’s rare visits to Lena in boarding school? Her brother arriving with his Maserati and a stranger in tow? What did Lena think when she first laid eyes on the man that would play the major part in his brother’s demise?

Kara wonders if the three of them ever knew what the future held in store.

“And then you know,” Lena breathes out. “He was just always around. Just always there. Driving around with Lex, eating in the living room. It’s disturbing how domestic all of that was, now that I think about it.”

Kara can’t help but agree. It was easy to imagine, sure, but kind of hard to believe. There would always be a loud dissonance between the boy Clark drove around in his truck to the man who would make all sorts of killing machines just to rid the planet of Kryptonians.

“I never knew you know? Everything was normal. I’d come home, and I’d get a call from my brother and his best friend. And sometimes they’d take me out bowling. Normal stuff you know?”

And yes, Kara does know. Because that was how everything tragedy begins wasn’t it? With everything going normal, until it doesn’t. Until she’s sealed in a pod with no home to go back to, until a brother goes insane, turns the sun red, and suddenly you’re all alone.

“Clark Kent is the person who stayed in his seat when my brother got a call in the middle of one of my chess tournaments,” Lena tells her. “Clark Kent ate ice cream with me after I had my first fight with Andrea. Clark was there the day before I left for college. He was one of the people who called to congratulate me on my graduation day, years later.”

“He was my brother’s best friend, you know?” Lena sighs out. “And for a moment, he was a brother to me, too.”

She tries to picture it all. She tries to imagine Kal and a young Lena Luthor sitting in an ice cream parlor somewhere in Metropolis. Kal, giving Lena a thumbs-up, and mouthin g ‘You’re doing great.’ whilst watching Lena exchange moves on the chessboard. Kal, letting a young Lena sleep on his shoulder after Lex had picked her up for spring break; Luthor Manor looming over them.

It wasn’t hard to picture. After all she’s seen every version of Lena Luthor there is; seen every stiff childhood family photo, every pretentious solo portrait Lillian insisted on, seen every shot James had taken, every magazine cover and of course, there were the selfies that only Kara would only be allowed to see ever.

Although, maybe, it wasn’t really about that.

Maybe it’s easy to imagine because Kara has spent a long time picturing Kal as the doting brother he never got to be with her. Because whilst Kal was out there living his life with the Luthors, Kara was on the other side of the world, trying hard to survive, to fit into this strange new world without anybody helping her.

Don’t get her wrong, she was happy that the important people in her life had each other somewhere along the timeline, once upon a time. During a period in their lives where they still haven’t known Kara, yet. She was glad they had each other then.

Still, Kara can’t help but feel a slight twinge of envy.

Because if Kal could play the role of the dorky, loving big brother to Lena, why couldn’t he have done it for Kara? Why was she the one left in the dust? But today wasn’t about Kara. They can talk about it some other time. She tunes in again just in time for Lena to say, “And then, a super came around. Superman happened. And Lex—”

She doesn’t need Lena to finish that.

“And then everything went to hell?”

“Yeah,” Lena whispers, “and then everything went to hell. I grew up. Clark stayed away. Superman won. Lex lost.”

“And then you met me?”

“And then I met you, yeah.” This time she can hear the smile in Lena’s voice, it makes Kara’s lips turn up a little too.

“I’m sorry he hurt you. That day, when we came to interview you.” Kara can still remember the none too subtle jabs Clark had said; can still remember that even then she already felt the inexplicable urge to protect this woman. Kara just knew, right away. Lena’s just as full of good as any Super out there, deserved just as good a chance the world had given to the two of them.

“I’ve forgiven him a long time ago, Kara. Lex damaged us both. And Clark was just trying to protect himself.”

“Still,” Kara says, “you deserved better than that. If he really cared for you at all, he would’ve checked on you, after what Lex had done. Instead, he assumed the worst.”

“Yeah, he shouldn’t have done that, I know. But that was a long time ago, darling. And we’ve both made amends.” Her finger traces the slope of Kara’s nose again, smooths out the crinkle that had formed.

“He’s family now,” Lena says slowly. “And families tend to be just a bit complicated, I’ve learned.”

Kara fully grins up at that, hearing Lena talk about her family— their family like that.

“Mm. You’re right. They are.”

Lena smiles at her, “I’m always right.”

Kara laughs, “Yeah, yeah you are. Can’t argue with that.”

She surges forward a bit to catch Lena’s lips in a soft kiss.

When they pull away, Kara’s eyes are sparkling.

“So…” she says, “wanna hear about how I used to change Superman’s diapers?”

Source: BuddyGator.com

🗣️ Louder for the people in the back

ii. secret.

Lena Luthor dies a villain.

Her death took out half the population in the vicinity. A blinding white light piercing through the National City skyline. A deafening boom heard 5 cities over. An explosion so great, even Supergirl was knocked dead.

And so, Lena Luthor dies a villain.

Alone and young. And so, so bitter. An accomplice and ally to Lex Luthor.

Some would even say she was a greater, far more cunning, far more terrifying force than Lex.

There were rumors that the woman had magic at the end of it all. That no one person could be capable of that much destruction without the help of something inhuman.

But well, rumors were all it can be, especially when all possible witnesses perished along with the Luthors.

******

Weeks later, Andrea Rojas holds a memorial event for Lena Luthor; protesters burn the venue to the ground.

Months later, Supergirl returns to the world. More radiant than ever. More alive than ever. Stronger. Better.

Years later, National City recovers fully from the whole catastrophe.

Supergirl is reported to most frequently be seen in the memorial square for the fallen victims. A dozen paparazzi pictures of the caped heroine quietly walking, sometimes whispering under breath.

Praying, somebody on a CatCo article comments. She’s always praying whenever we see her there.

****** The closet doors burst open and out steps Alex Danvers.

A colorful stream of expletives coming right along with her, “Fuckin’ fur coats, goddamn hangers, fucking hitting me in the face—”

“Took you long enough,” a familiar voice greets her, “where the hell have you been? And why are you so...dirty? If you track mud on my carpet I swear to God, Alex—”

“I was cleaning your grave, okay?” she snaps, setting down a bucket filled with various cleaning supplies, that Lena’s just now noticing, on said carpet.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex huffs about, crossing her arms, “You don’t have to make a big deal about it. I don’t want to do it again, it’s a bitch for my back pain. I was just pissed about the graffiti. You’d think people would have better manners than defacing the grave of a dead woman. If only they—”

“Thank you, Alex,” she cuts her off, a shy smile gracing her face. She really doesn’t want to hear about the rest of it. And if Alex doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, then no big deal shall be made.

“There’s coffee in the kitchen,” she says then, and Alex just nods, grabs her bucket of supplies again and turns to leave.

Although not before saying, “Remind me again why you let Kara win? With the portal?”

Lena just shrugs, dark hair escaping out of her messy bun at the movement.

“She said she’s always wanted to go to Narnia.”

Alex shakes her head, rolls her eyes, “Whipped.”

And well, that sounds about right.

******

There’s a documentary on Netflix about the Luthors. Lena’s face in black and white, on the preview banner, a big red X drawn over it.

Kara snaps the remote in half.

Lena reaches over the blanket, grabs her hand, flicks the TV off with only a swish of her fingers and a glitter of sparks.

“C’mere,” she says, tugging gently, till she has a lapful of Krytonian draped over her. Lena traces her fingers over the crinkle between Kara’s brow, smooths them out, thumb dragging across lips till it pulls to a soft smile.

“We know the truth,” she tells her, “and that’s enough.”

“It’s not fair.”

Nothing ever is.

******

“How’re the kids?” She asks, one hand whisking eggs, the other holding the bowl steady.

“Oh, you know, asking me a thousand silly questions a day. Driving Alex crazy. Never letting me sleep. They’re perfect, really,” Kelly says, and Lena hums in response. Before she catches Kelly popping a blueberry in her mouth, a crime punishable by Lena Luthor’s death stare.

“Those are for the muffins.” A foam covered whisk points dangerously to Kelly’s chest.

She raises both arms in surrender, palms opening, dropping the remaining three blueberries onto the counter.

“You know, I’ve seen you do it a thousand times, yet it still doesn’t fail to surprise me.”

Lena concludes she’s talking about the baking tray hovering in the air a feet away from them, greasing itself. Or maybe it’s the soup at the stove with a ladle stirring itself.

“What can I say,” Lena quips, smirking, “I’m magical like that.”

******

Andrea finds her on a Tuesday.

One minute Lena is reading quietly on her front porch, the next, there is an explosion of sound in her living room. She throws open her door, magical energy sizzling at her fingertips.

The sight that greets her stops her in her tracks. Acrata pinning Supergirl down, their coffee table destroyed. She sighs internally, she loved that coffee table. It was a wedding gift from Nia and Brainy.

“I knew it,” Andrea whispers, her grip slackens around the hero's throat. She stands up slowly, as if afraid that if she moved too fast Lena would disapper. She leaves Supergirl gasping on the floor; materializes in front of Lena in a cloud of black smoke.

“I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.” She sobs into Lena’s blouse, arms wrapped tightly around her. Lena embraces her on instinct, her eyes closing briefly, before opening up again to check on Kara dusting herself off.

“Andrea,” Lena croaks, “you can’t tell anyone.”

You can’t tell anyone I’m alive. You can’t tell anyone how I tricked Lex, how I saved Supergirl, how I saved National City.

“Nobody will know,” Andrea promises her.

******

There is a cottage by the woods that nobody else sees, where every Sunday a blonde woman rips apart pieces of wood with her bare hands, where a pale woman with even paler hands grows crops from the barren earth within seconds, where the closet hides cities instead of clothes, where a dead woman and a hero spend their lives in bliss.

******

It has been ten years, her hair is more gray than blonde now, her skin more wrinkled than smooth, her hearing though? Her hearing is still better than ever. And it has been ten years since she’s heard that tell-tale whoosh of a cape, it’s been a decade and still, the sound brings her the same thrill, the same adrenaline.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Supergirl? Or should I say, Superwoman, now?”

And oh-

She did not come alone.

Lena Luthor is set gently down on the balcony.

If Cat Grant wasn’t Cat Grant, she’s sure she would’ve already suffered a heart attack from the mere sight of a woman long dead standing breathing and alive in her home. She would’ve shrieked and demanded answers.

“I need a favor,” Kara tells her, stalking closer, hand on her hip. Cat would’ve laughed at that if this were some other time. No need to play the intimidating game with me, Kiera, she would’ve said.

“What is it?”

“I need you to break a story,” she tells her. “You, Cat. I want you, and nobody else to cover this.”

Cat raises her brow at that, she already has an inkling as to what the story might be about.

“A story hmm? This better be good, if I’m to come out of retirement for it.”

This time it’s Lena Luthor who speaks. Cat has been dying to hear what she has to say.

“It’ll be good," she promises her, "It’ll be better than good."

Kara crowds closer to Lena, then; wraps a protective arm on her waist. Cat watches frozen as Lena's index finger lights in flame. What a sight they make.

"You’ll be telling the entire world the last Luthor’s secret.”

i. happy.

"Are you happy?"

It's the first time somebody has asked her that ever since that day in the lake, before Lena's life was turned upside down.

Lex fixes the straps of her helmet, a finger booping her on the nose, her teeth chattering a bit in the cold morning air but she's grinning so wide at her brother and that's all the answer he needs.

"Hell yeah!" She yells with all her six-year old might, throwing herself into her brother's arms. Chuckling as he gathers her in his arms.

She hears the sound of horses blustering and trotting about, getting closer and closer. Excitement courses through her veins. The first time she arrived in the Luthor estate, Lex took her on a tour and all she ever wanted to do after that was wander the stables and talk to the horses. He promised her he'd take her riding once she was big enough to reach his waist.

That day has finally, blessedly come.

She woke up with Lex at the edge of her bed, holding a purple helmet, a glittering bow on top of it. His quiet 'Happy Birthday, Lena' getting drowned by high-pitched excited squeals.

Lex carries her across the field, his footsteps sloshing on the muddy ground. He settles her on the saddle gently, before hoisting himself up as well.

Happy, Lena thinks, is what it's like riding across the estate for the first time; Lex pressed behind her, his hands guiding Lena on the reins.

With him, Lena always knows just where to go.

******

“Are you happy?” Andrea breathes, her words almost getting lost in the strong Atlantic winds. Her arms wrapped around Lena’s waist, the glittering water below them threatening to overwhelm her with its vastness.

They were standing on the edge atop the deck of the ship. What better way to celebrate graduating senior high than jumping into your family’s ship and tracing the Titanic’s route?

“Yeah,” Lena murmurs, head tilting to the side, pressing her temple to Andrea’s jaw. “So very happy.”

Happy, she thinks, is the warmth pressing across her back, anchoring her amidst the overwhelming vastness of the unknown.

With her, Lena knows exactly just where she’s headed.

******

“Are you happy?”

This time, the words are staticky and far-away. Jack is in a different city, sleeping on a different bed.

And Lena is here, in this empty National City apartment, isolated and so far above the bustling neon life.

Is she happy?

What is happiness anyway?

She thought she knew.

“No,” Lena whispers into the dark, “I’m not.”

Jack sighs on the other end of the line. “Look, I know you don’t want to hear this, but…” he trails off, sighs deeply again, “you know you can always come back to me.”

“Jack-”

“Or, I can come to you.”

For the first time in her life, Lena doesn’t know where she’s going, where she’s going to end up. She can drop dead tomorrow on her way to L-Corp for all she knows, murdered in a parking lot, courtesy of Lex.

One thing she’s certain of though is that she will never go back—she cannot go back.

“I’ll be fine,” she says, “I’ll be fine, Jack. I promise.”

She’ll be fine, she just doesn’t know about happy though.

******

"Are you happy?"

She never knew those words can be spat out in such a vile manner. But well, she should've known better than visiting Lillian Luthor.

It was rhetorical, she knows.

She wanted to say, yes.

Yes, I'm very happy that you landed in this shithole never to come out. I'm very happy because the world is a better place for it.

But the tears streaming down her face as she gets into her car says otherwise.

******

"Are you happy?"

The question was one she expected. It was her 6th month into therapy, and well, she already knew this was coming. She always asks her this 17 minutes before the session ends.

"Very much so," Lena answers; brief and truthful.

"That's good," her therapist says, she looks up from her clipboard, eyes softening at Lena.

Maybe, it's because she's been slowly but surely pouring out her soul in the span of 26 consecutive Thursdays, that she finds herself speaking, "I'm happy. I- I never thought happiness could be like this."

Lena breathes in deep, swallows, wrings her hands together.

"B-but I'm learning. I- I deserve this. I deserve to be happy. My happiness is mine, and mine alone. I worked on it. Hard. And I- it-" she stutters, breathes again.

"It still isn't perfect you know? Some days it hurts," she says, her therapist nods at her solemnly, "a lot. It hurts a lot. I hurt a lot. But it doesn't mean I deserve to hurt."

Her voice comes out stronger this time, "I choose to be happy, because I deserve to be happy. It took me a long time to see that."

"But now?"

"But now, I know better."

******

"I'm happy."

"Oh yeah?" Kara says, smug. She's propped up on one elbow facing Lena. Her fingers running up and down pale skin. "Mm, you know, I guess I'd be happy too, after those three orgasms."

Lena gasps, smacks her on the arm. "That wasn't what I meant, and you know it. You're insufferable."

Kara just laughs, grabs her hand from swatting her again, and brings it to her lips—kisses the inside of her wrist softly.

"M'sorry. Sorry. What did you mean?"

Lena's heart calms, and warmth blooms from that one point of contact.

"I'm happy," Lena repeats, and for some reason there are tears in the corner of her eyes.

"So happy with you. We've come so far," Lena whispers, shuffling closer to Kara. The sheets rustling, till her skin touches skin, their faces a breadth apart.

"We did," Kara murmurs back, words tracing her lips, "I'm so proud of us."

"Me, too."

And this, Lena thinks, is what happy is supposed to feel like—home.

And this, Lena thinks, is where she was meant to end up in all along.

🚨 SUPERCORP ENDGAME ALERT 🚨

Their hugs then:

one arm over the other's shoulder, other arm over the ribs/waist

upper body a bit angled and shifted to the side, therefore the hug a little unbalanced and not so tight

best fiends' hug

Their hugs now:

Kara's arms around Lena's neck, Lena's arms around Kara's chest

bodies in perfect symmetry, naturally snuggle into each other tightly

girlfriends' hug

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk! 😊

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are simply toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren't inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us.

Daniell Koepke

Saskia being a whole mood