The Number Of Times I've Changed My Ringtone To Make It Peaceful Is Insane.

“The only thing we can bring with us to heaven, is other people.”

— something I heard at church today that hit my heart right where it needed to (via @lovechangeseverythang)

Every “failure” is a lesson

We’re praised for our successes but we rarely see someone having a positive attitude towards failing. Quite early on we learn to fear failure, even though it’s a part of life. We will always fail at something. Sometimes we might fail at everything.

We have to accept failures and what’s more, we have to see them as learning opportunities. Our success teaches us very little and rarely so but mistakes always teach us something as long as you are willing to learn that lesson.

Next time you fail at something or do something wrong, don’t beat yourself up about it. That does nothing. Find the lesson, figure out what you did wrong and then promise yourself you won’t do it again. Then move on. There’s nothing else to do but move on.

See the failure as a learning opportunity even before you fail. Take more chances, use your opportunuties, because you either succeed or you learn. Things are far less scary when you gain something from either outcome.

How do you stay motivated?

Motivation is a fickle bitch. Don’t expect motivation. You don’t stay motivated; you work through the periods of exhaustion and disinterest with relentless discipline and enjoy the moments of motivation when they come, ride the wave, and then struggle through the depths again.

(Habit, not motivation, should be your best friend. Routine, persistence, patience.)

Can you list some harsh truths that the general population (especially women) need to hear in order to improve? I feel like society likes to sugarcoat everything.

Family is a privilege, not a right. Men being allowed to cum inside is a priviledge and not a right.

Men can never DEMAND to women, they can only ask. If they demand, it's divorce time.

It is okay to marry richer/higher status. Marrying lower is just not a good idea for women. You need to always be upgrading and upgrading. Never settle.

Also, at the same time, be reasonable in your standards. The higher your standards are, the smaller your pool will be and the higher caliber you have to be to distinguish yourself.

For dating hypergamously, practice is KEY. Date date date date date date and GET OUT THERE. Mr Perfect won't be impressed by your low-experience awkard nerd ass.

By gaining dating experience you also learn to recognize yourself the red flags.

The higher the salary the more likelier he's a psychopath. Read up on psychopathy and other Dark Triad traits so you're prepared to counteract. If you're not sure about some man, next. Better be safe and save your skin than be a victim.

Your boyfriend working at MacDonalds or smoking pot is not him being "cool" he's being lame. He drives a rusty noisy corolla? Nah. This ain't cute. Get it together.

If you feel you don't deserve dating high value men, get the fuck off the dating pool, recenter it all on you, take a 1yr break and work on your glowup. Read about buliding self confidence AND WORK IT.

Never have children before marriage. Marriage is the legal protection of women. In case you separate outside of marriage he may be never required to help out financially with alimony. Marriage is protection for women.

Fuck the baby mama culture. See previous point. It just isn't cool, it's lame.

It is okay to prioritize career over men, and career first before founding a family. You MUST be seeking out for yourself FIRST before endangering yourself and putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

If you need to have a baby in order to keep a man, let him go. Bye.

The current dating market is heavily unfavorable towards women, as most men just don't know how to behave nicely. And this ain't our problem to solve in any way. Do not hesitate to be cutthroat. Red flag? Block, delete, forget and NEXT.

Fuck protecting men's feelings. Breakup when you don't wanna be anymore with him, say things honestly. They're already brutally honestamongst themselves, they can handle you being honest and asserting yourself.

Mantrums shouldn't make you comply, in ANY way. You need X, he doesn't wants, don't care, you need X or you gtfo.

You have to take accountability for your own actions on yourself and others, but do not blame yourself for EVERYTHING everyone does. That's what a PickMe does. If you got unhealthy body, this is not the fault of your mama if you're above 20. If you went broke, this is not the fault of everyone else if you went shopping excessively with that nice brand new CC card.

Being fat is not cute. Being skeleton thin is not cute. Get it together and strive towards actual wellbeing. Stop smoking cigarettes nobody might tell you but it makes you stink and gives off a bad impression. Same with excessive alcohol consumption.

Like said in the Teenager post, therapist stuff should stay at the therapist's office or your journal.

Live the lifestyle your salary allows you to live. You shouldn't be buying Prada shit on MacDonald's salary. If you want better stuff, strive to improve your salary. Going broke is just awful and not a nice personality trait.

Refuse to work too much you have zero life outside of work. That's exploitation and not being "hardworking". If you feel you can't ask that, read up about "boundaries". Currently, the market favors heavily employees so you have leverage for better. .

You should strive to be autonomous, you can't expect Mama or Friend to help you out everytime you're stuck. Prepare ahead, think of all possibilities ahead of time and ask for help when you're actually stuck. People get helping fatigue.

Do not just read about dating strategies or beauty stuff. Read up about news, science, culture and so on. Listen to podcasts, videos, read reference books, etc. There's a topic you wanna learn more about? Head to the librairy to get a good foundation.

To become a queen requires work, time involvement, energy, focus. You can't hope to become a queen just by scrolling on Tumblr and doing nothing else. Go workout, read, go out, etc. Have a life.

A Relationship Is Not a Wishlist.

Look, a romantic wishlist is a nice thought, but it’s also creepy and unfair. It’s setting up an impossible monstrosity of expectations and you’ll be disappointed for no other reason than you played yourself.

I don’t mean lowering your standards. I mean setting real ones, for actual people who exist. For people who are just people and not a customized Frankenstein creature.

The person you’ll end up with is going to be their own person with their own hopes, dreams, goals, anxieties, and weird little habits. They’re not a checklist trophy that will meet your every size or quota.

They’re going to be way different and in fact way more interesting than the stitched up hologram made from half-baked movie cliches and choir-preaching memes.

Relationships are about compromise. Not compromising yourself, no. But about two weird people making it work. It’s a wild mix of chemistry, compatibility, non-negotiables, history and trauma, highs and lows, disagreements and pushback and feedback, augmenting goals, and lifelong change.

“Get you a guy/girl who” only works if you see yourself as a main character-savior-hero and you see others as a secondary prop to fulfill your romantic comedy narrative. In that case, you have other issues and you can wait.

And waiting in the meantime is a really good time for growth, for self-discovery, and for becoming the kind of person you never knew you were looking for. Singleness, really, isn’t waiting. It’s being.

— J.S.

Five general productivity tips

1. DO NOT DIVIDE YOUR ATTENTION:

Keep things straightforward. No multitasking. Don't lie to yourself that you can study English and do perfectly your job at the same time. Focus on each thing 100% then once it's done, move over to the next thing. Full, undistracted, fully devoted focus is going to give you so much more bang than divining your attention over 5 different things.

2. LESS IS MORE, AND DO NOT CHANGE WHAT WORKS.

You don't need 1747 apps for productivity. If your Google Calendar works for organization, no need to get two schedulebooks for your organization. You're bringing in clutter and chaos and distraction in something that needs to be kept SIMPLE. Do not try new productivity stuff when you're in a rush, about to finish for a deadline. Try new stuff when you're fully relaxed.

3. SCHEDULE TIME OFF AND ACTUAL WORK TIME.

Schedule your movie night, schedule your work shifts in your (online/paper) schedulebook. Planify your plan ahead and commit to yourself you're going through with it. Time off, sleep and down time are essential to be more productive, but at the same time, you HAVE to be productive to give meaning to your time off. Else it just becomes wasted idle time.

4. GIVE YOURSELF A DAILY GOAL.

Something attainable, absolutely DOABLE and a ACTION PLAN. It can be "I have the goal of reading 30 pages of this book, and I'll read this after my breakfast, then before bed." Accomplishing something easily doable daily gives you a boost of good mood and happiness which makes you more likely to desire accomplishing another goal, and another goal, and another goal and so on.

5. STOP READING ABOUT PRODUCTIVITY STUFF AND GO DO SOME STUFF.

That includes this very same post. You're probably reading this in need of direction, of "knowledge". But turns out you probably have some stuff and are procrastinating by reading productivity tips. Do yourself a favor, stop reading and go do some stuff for ONCE. 💎

Things You Don't Comment On:

- someone’s eating habits

- appearance issues that can’t be fixed there and then

- someone else’s “bad” decision if it can’t now be undone

- someone’s laugh or voice

- someone’s “unrealistic” dreams

- someone “not looking their best” in photos

- someone not wanting to do something and trying to subtly avoid it without making a fuss

- anything that you know will make someone self conscious or insecure unnecessarily

Queen of Studies 📚

A small guide to adopt that study queen mindset

Ditch all social media you can. No Instagram account to scroll up endlessly, not checking the Facebook feed, no mindless scrolling, etc. If you use a social media, curate what you read. Declutter the time wasters. Only keep the accounts that genuinely bring you good. Uninstall games and useless apps. You'll use them when you're on vacation. Now it's study time, from the beginning of the semester TO THE END. "But I use them to uncompress!!" Bullshit you can do something more productive like workouts or cleaning your room. It's not an essential need.

For food, focus on meal prep, get 4 Tupperware (or mason pots if you have) and prepare 4-6 meals (2-3 dinners, 2-3 suppers) that contain veggies, proteins, carbs, good stuff that feeds your body and brain. The breakfast is optional, I use my breakfast prepping routine to relax and ground myself before attacking my day. Doing 4 meals at a time is easy and not quite as daunting compared to the traditional 1-week meal prep, and it will stay fresh. You have more time to focus on what matters, you don't waste decision energy on meals and you're less likely to eat junk food.

Impose yourself a "no junkfood" rule in your room or house. You're less likely to spill and eat brain rotting stuff. If you receive sweets as a gift, stick them at the back of the freezer, and only take out ONE at a time. Drink plenty of water. More than you think you need. The body will declutter the excess for you. But never too little water. Prepare some precut veggies and have a stock of your favourite fruit on hand.

Get your sleep together. It helps with memorization and with sufficient sleep, nutrition and water, your brain can heal up and start memorizing efficiently the information you learn. Never neglect sleep. Never do late study sessions, instead planify better your study times.

Cut off people that bring you down. People that always bring you to parties and guilt trip if you don't wanna. They don't care that much about you. Cut off those that aren't serious in their studies, they don't realize the importance of studies and it's lifetime impact. If you can't cut them dry (block and move on), ghost them, don't reply their questions with a question back, be bland to them. A Queen only wants the best around her, and is ruthless in her judgement.

Once you start the semester, study every day, even if you have nothing to do that day (especially at the beginning of the semester). You can even get ahead in your studies and use the class as a refresher for what you did study. You'll feel more comfortable and have some questions prepared too! Figuring things out while it is being taught can be quite stressful. For laboratories, do several weekly hours of self-study, repeating the methods you learned. Use your teachers free hours anytime you have additional questions or need additional explanations, not only right before an exam. Take your time and speed up once you're comfortable. Learn to fail when it doesn't matters so you won't fail when it will matter.

Re-read your notes twice or thrice or four times, annotate them, summarize every paragraph. Write a "fake cheatsheet" that summarizes every step of the semester. Draw some conceptual schemes, make links between concepts. Do all the excercises, and redo the hardest ones before the exam. Do the pratice exams, check the past years exams if they're available. They'll give you an idea of your teacher's exam style.

Studying bit by bit instead of a big rush at the end will help you immensely assimilate correctly the information (less stress = better memorization, and repeated study = the memory is more precise and you have less memory losses).

Doing a cardio workout everyday increases your brain power. It can be a 30 min energetic walk outside, it can be a intensive cardio workout, it can be a 1 hour yoga session. Pair that with a good stretch routine (that back needs stretches sfter that long study session!) and a muscle workout too to tone up your muscles and keep you looking sharp. Excercise helps you relieve your stress, and feel more grounded, and feel more confident. More confidence also means there's less stress, better focus, and better social interactions. Make it a fundamental tool in your study artillery.

Combine several activities at the same time, you can watch movies while you workout instead of sleeping too late. You can study your biology while doing your cardio workout. Listen to audiobooks relevant to your domain while walking outside. Do your mask while you're doing your yoga routine. No wasted time, and no excuses.

“Can I tell you a secret? You don’t have to be in a relationship. I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men unless they’re having sex with someone. People aren’t lovable until they’re dating someone. But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who swear it’s forever - and yet the friendship is the one people ignore. I have heard so often “nobody loves me” out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your pets - they say, yes, okay, but it doesn’t count. Of course it counts, love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing - not even a date - out of you? It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning. The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together. Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better.”

— Single serving size // r.i.d

Do we actually like working or just receiving the money?