Dandelion - Blog Posts

Jaskier: *sitting in front of a camera* I tried to talk to Geralt and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail

I saw people in the comments complaining about Jaskier not being on the poster, so I fixed it :)

THE WITCHER: SEASON THREE Vol. 1 on June 29 | Vol. 2 on July 27

THEY GAVE JASKIER EYELINER

*Yennefer, Geralt, and Jaskier go to Aretuza for the first time*

Yennefer: This is my boyfriend Geralt, this is Geralt's boyfriend Jaskier

Triss: I'm sorry, what's the situation?

Yennefer: Geralt is gay, but he's straight for me but he's gay for Jaskier, and Jaskier is really gay for Geralt, and I hate Jaskier

Geralt: It's really not that complicated

Jaskier: No

Does anyone else think that Jaskier has absolute chihuahua energy? Like imagine:

Jaskier and Geralt find an inn, and inside Geralt is being harrassed by these men, and Geralts ignoring them, but Jaskier is just going OFF at these guys like

"How dare you speak to us you foul looking beast, he's done more for this town than you've ever" and he just goes on and on with all these mean insults and it gets to the point where Geralt has to escort him to his room so he doesn't get himself killed, I live for the fact that he will absolutely start fights he cannot finish, so Geralt teaches him how to fight, and explicitly tells Jaskier that he is only to use the knowledge Geralt gave him to get out of sticky situations, however now they just have a mean, and kind of terrifying bard that's willing to smash your face into a wall, and eventually everyone hears that the White Wolf has a body guard now, and everyone stops messing with them.

The Witcher characters as lyrics from The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace because it's currently my favorite song

I cannot be the only one who thinks of Jaskier as the most chaotic character they've ever loved, right? Man full on saw a man brooding in the corner, meaning to get railed, proceeded to invite himself on a bunch of different quests with said broody man, told broody man to protect him from lords that wanted him dead, got broody man a child surprise, found broody man once again, found a djinn, stole it from broody man, asked for a woman who didn't love him to love him again, and for all his enemies to die a horrible death, asked if he fucked a terrifying witch, meaning he would, hit on a fucking warrior woman who could easily snap him like a twig, went on a dragon hunt because broody man was going, and got dumped by broody man, and wrote the most epic break up song in history. That's only listing season one, don't even get me started on season two, I'm gonna start season two, gave Taylor Swift a run for her money with Burn Butcher Burn, helped elves get across the sea not caring what happened to him, helped Yennefer, got kidnapped, got saved by Yennefer, still cracking jokes even though he almost died, told a prison guard to go fuck himself, went to Kaer Morhen straight up started eating a bowl of god knows what in a Witcher lab, for all he could know could kill him, tried to give broody man a fancy rock, and instead almost died again, got captured again, and was fully prepared to fuck his clone?!?! I can't even believe he's an actual character, he's so fucking funny I can't