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Dazai Bsd - Blog Posts
I know Soukoku is an overrated ship. But the angst we can create with Dazai and Chuuya is such a specific flavor fucked up but painfully poetic that it’s hard not to at least find them interesting.
Like what about the Soukoku where Chuuya sees Dazai again after several years of separation, and he’s the same.
Chuuya sees Dazai, and sure, on the surface he seems like a changed man. Happier. Better. A person who fights for good.
But Chuuya knows Dazai, and he knows that Dazai is only pretending. He knows Dazai is trying so hard to be this other person. To be what Odasaku wanted. He’s gone and tried to change everything about himself but his name, yet no matter how desperate he is he cannot escape who he once was. Who he was in the Port Mafia. Who Mori trained him to be.
And Dazai knows Chuuya knows, but it’s such an easy comfort. His old habits are down right addictive, after all. Every moment spent with Chuuya, Dazai risks falling into who he used to be.
Neither of them want that, but the idea of the ever looming possibility that everything Dazai worked for could be ruined by the Chuuya’s mere existence and the act of Dazai loving him is so very compelling to me.
Been obsessed with Orca Dazai au by @yebyyhfushi
I'm literally in Vegas right now and the Dazai brain rot is still strong
A trick of the eyes
One shot
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Soukoku - Dazai x Chuuya
A/N: Check request status on Masterlist
TW: Dark imagery, art has gore, Dazai having hallucinations, not quite angst in terms of their relationship, just Dazai's typical mental problems, he does eat in the end, alludes to cannibalism, doesn't actually happen don't worry, art below the cut is a visual description and has gore, don't read while eating, especially if it's Ramen
A/N: This was another thing I had done for Whumptober lol and never posted. This was day 12: Cannibalism
Dazai stared down at the fresh bowl of ramen Chuuya had graciously decided to make for him after he, on a whim as he told Chuuya, broke into the luxurious penthouse far above the city of Yokohama. Dazai wasn’t hungry and he had a feeling his typical ‘problem’ would show face again.
It was a problem he didn’t tell anyone, not even Chuuya. While Chuuya likely had an idea of what Dazai’s problem with food was, there was simply no way he knew exactly what the problem was, and Dazai was determined to keep it that way.
Dazai looked away, resting his head in his right palm as he looked to his left.
Chuuya let out a growl, “You better fucking eat, you piece of shit.”
They both knew that Chuuya would never expect Dazai to eat all, let alone half of the bowl. Dazai also knew, though, that Chuuya would be mad if he didn’t touch any of it. Dazai had asked for Chuuya to make some after all. Well- actually, ‘asked’ is the wrong word, more like he pestered Chuuya until he did.
Dazai had actually wanted some, despite not being hungry. Chuuya’s cooking was rather good and was one of the few people’s cooking he could stomach to eat a decent amount of.
Now, however, Dazai was struggling to bring his eyes down to the bowl. He knew it was ramen, of course he did, but… ramen certainly isn’t what his eyes were seeing.
If Dazai looked down he’d be met with the sight of two eyes staring back up at him in a mess of intestines and blood.
Dazai rubbed aggressively at his eyes for a few seconds and when he looked back down the hallucination was gone. Gone was the bowl filled to the brim with human parts and back was the bowl of delicious looking ramen.
Dazai swallowed down the lump in his throat and picked up the chopsticks. If he wanted to be able to eat anything he had to now before the hallucination came back to deceive his eyes.
-----------------------
Chuuya watched as Dazai rubbed aggressively at his eyes before looking down at the ramen and digging in. It was rare to see him eat so quickly. Chuuya could feel something was off but whatever it was gone now. Chuuya let it slide as long as Dazai was eating. Chuuya looked down at his own bowl of ramen and began eating, with a little less rigor as Dazai, of course.
End Note: Check Masterlist to see if Requests are OPEN or CLOSED
Chuuya and Dazai girl dad headcanons
Chuuya Nakahara
He would spoil his baby girl rotten!!
When is daughter is first born and given to him, he cries softly as he stares at her beautiful face she looks just like you.
He promises her he'll always be there for her no matter what.
He gets up with her in the middle of the night to take care of her, even if he has to get up super early in the morning to leave for work, he just wants you to get your beauty sleep.
The first time his daughter ever walked is when Chuuya got home from the mafia she waddled over to him, yes he cried.
dosent tell her anything about the mafia, keeps her away from it and dosent tell anyone about her for her own safety.
Blows on her cheeks and belly to make her laugh, he loves to hear her belly laugh, it’s his favorite.
Plays dress up with her, he loves getting all his fashion clothes on and walking out of the closet all dressed up with his daughter by his side dressed up in a pink dress while you pick who won this round.
He gets her her first puppy at 5 for her birthday so she can have a friend that she can grow up with.
Since Chuuya has longer hair he knows how to do hair. He will sit in the bathroom with her and do cute little braids while you watch them joke about anything and everything.
As she grows he tries to be there for her school plays and daddy dances but with him being in the mafia unfortunately he misses out on some things he wishes he didn’t have to.
Chuuya askes her how her day went every night at the dinner table. He always wants to know how his babygirls day went.
As she gets a bit older and gets a boyfriend he’s pretty chill about it, however he has to meet the guy and approve of him but if he finds out the guy hurt his daughter let’s just say it’s not to good on the guys part.
Makes her turn on her location everywhere she goes just to make sure she’s safe and ok.
If she’s having a stressful day he will hold her in his arms and kiss her head telling her it’s going to be ok.
lets her come to him about anything, he'll always have time for her to rant to him about anything.
He’ll take you and your daughter out for the weekend so that you all can get away from everything for a few days. He loves to spend time with you both.
lets just say Chuu would be an amazing dad and would do anything to keep you and his babygirl safe.
Dazai Osamu
When the doctors first hand him his babygirl he stares at her beautiful face. He wiggles his finger around her face as she grips onto it he then starts to cry softly.
Takes naps with her on his chest. You’ll come home to see them laying together, he has her resting on his chest while she hugs him tightly.
Makes silly faces at her to make her stop crying. (it works)
Helps her take baths after dinner and will boop bubbles on her nose.
Let’s her stand on his feet while they dance in the kitchen while waiting for breakfast.
Helps her dress up in her princess dresses and puts a tiara on her head.
Runs to the door every time her daddy comes home, Dazai leans down on his knee and cradles her in his arms kissing all over her face.
After playing outside they will come back in covered in dirt as they hand you flowers from the garden that they picked for you.
Tries to bake with her but it ends up being a whole mess. Flower is all over the kitchen floor, they tried to made a cake but it doesn’t taste good but at least they had fun but now you have to clean the floors.
Let’s his daughter do his hair and makeup. He doesn’t care what he looks like afterwards with pink hair ties in his hair and pink glitter on his eyelids he thinks it’s fun and cute.
On Valentine’s Day he gets you something of course but he always has something for your daughter too.
When she gets a bit older they gossip like crazy about anything and everything. Dazai gets the snacks and they go sit on the couch and gossip.
They have pillow fights all the time. One of them throws a pillow at the other and then it becomes a war.
Dazai is a very supportive father and will always support her in anything she wants or does. He’ll always be rooting for her no matter what.
When she gets a boyfriend like Chuuya he wants to meet him see how he is if he’s good for his daughter, if so welcome to the family! But he is overprotective like Chuuya too.
He likes you take you and your daughter to the beach often. It’s a family trip y’all do every month just to spend time together.
He’s a lovely and silly dad and like Chuuya he would do anything for you and his babygirl.
Damn. Is that a new soukoku dump? Might be.
Together Forever
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Chuuya x Dazai (Soukoku)
TW: Major Character Death, Angst, Major Angst, No happy ending, I love making characters go through hell, except Chuuya, which is why this isn’t in his pov, I felt evil today
Since the first time Dazai had witnessed the storm that was Arahabaki, Chuuya, he was enthralled.
Chuuya was human. So painfully human. So beautifully human.
After all, there was nothing more human than chaos and discord. The human need to find the most perfect, the most orderly form of chaos.
Chuuya was chaotic and he was perfect. The perfect form of chaos.
Human.
Chuuya was human.
Human.
_______
For the first time since Dazai witnessed the storm that was Arahabaki, Chuuya, he wasn’t enthralled.
Chuuya was human. So painfully human. So horrendously human.
After all, there was nothing more human than life and death. The conclusion to a human life, the inevitable cessation.
Chuuya was deadly and he was corrupt.
Human.
Chuuya was human.
Blood.
So much blood.
There was a burning in his chest from having run here.
He fell to his knees with no regard for the rubble beneath him. He pulled Chuuya into his arms.
Red. So much red.
Yet the body he was clinging to like a child to a stuffed animal was cold.
He could feel the lingering warmth leaving the body and seeping into his own in a cruel twist of fate.
He could feel as the warmth entered his own freezing body.
There was an annoying chattering sound somewhere in the rubble.
It was cold. It was cold and the body in his arms was becoming freezing to the touch but he couldn’t let go even as he shivered.
Chuuya was covered in red, further staining his abdomen in sticky red.
Cold.
It was so cold.
He curled himself over Chuuya as if to shield him from the cold, cruel world.
He was tired and cold.
He shivered, closing his eyes, pretending Chuuya wasn’t so freezing in his arms.
…
So cold…
________
It had been raining nearly all day. He couldn’t help but think it was painfully fitting.
The gravestone was large and elegant. It was surrounded by droves of people clad in black. Only those closest were allowed to be up near the grave.
When he finally made it up to the grave with the others, his melancholy grew.
In the middle of the gravestone, in large, fancy font was the word Soukoku. Below that on the left was Chuuya Nakahara and on the right was Osamu Dazai.
Apparently, when they were found together, it first looked as if only Dazai was clinging to Chuuya, but Chuuya had his hand clenched around Dazai’s coat as well. Out of respect, they weren’t separated.
He was startled out of his thoughts when he felt someone grab his arm. He looked up only to realize most people had left after the rain had gotten worse. He looked to his side before relaxing at the sight of Kyouka.
“Thank you.”
A/N: Requests are OPEN, read the rules, please
And if you can forgive, love will truly live -PART 2
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Dazai x Reader
Prompt: “'Sorry for showing up like this.’ You sighed, your shoulders relaxing in silent defeat. ‘Come in.’”
!Gender of reader is not specified!
A/N: I don't believe there are any major triggers in this part, correct me if I'm wrong though. Also, I feel like Dazai was very ooc which is partially why this took so long, of course, the main problem was writer's block
Word count is about 2.7k
Part 1 of And if you can forgive, love will truly live
Tag: @foulwaterss
Warmth.
You pulled the person in your arms further into your chest.
...
Person?
You opened your eyes, blinking rapidly as the morning sun pierced your eyes through the open curtain.
As your vision adjusted you could make out a head of soft, fluffy brown curls tucked against your chest.
The memories of the previous day, or rather night, seeing as you slept through most of the day, came flooding through your brain.
Right.
Dazai knocked on your door last night.
Soaked to the bone from having likely walked to your place with no umbrella despite the fact it had been raining the entire day.
And then... you let him in.
A dangerous decision both for him with his new job and for you with the Mafia.
But he listened to you, took a shower, ate most of his food, and he even let himself be vulnerable with you, choosing to forgo his bandages because he trusts you.
You looked down at him as you brought your hand up to card your fingers through his hair, a smile pulling at your lips as he nuzzled into your chest.
He reminded you of a cat.
Cute.
More like a black cat with all the bad things people thought of him.
Either way, he was cute.
Your smile turned bitter as the thought crossed your mind.
Even after four years, you still had feelings for him.
You sighed softly, letting your face relax, enjoying the soft moment before Dazai awakes and you have to talk about everything.
You had almost soothed yourself back to sleep with the methodic movement of your fingers through Dazai's hair when Dazai finally began to stir awake.
You watched as Dazai's eyes fluttered open slightly before he whined as the light hit his eyes, shoving his face half into your chest and half into the sheets.
"Evil... leaving the curtains open just to blind me..." His voice was pitched with a whine yet rough from having just woken up.
You chuckled softly.
"Eh, the sun blinded me too when I woke up." You spoke up, your voice soft in the morning. "I would've gotten up but someone was busy nuzzling into me." You teased softly as you began running your finger through his hair once more.
"What time is it?" He spoke softly into your chest.
"I don't know..." You yawned softly. "I was about to fall asleep again before you woke up."
Even without seeing his face, you could tell a smirk pulled at his lips. Seems like you still knew him pretty well.
"Were you watching me sleep? How perverted~." He teased softly.
"Oh shut it. I wasn't thinking anything like that. Of course, you know that though."
Dazai hummed softly pretending to be unaware.
"Oh~? Then what were you thinking, hm?"
You stopped carding your fingers through his hair to reach down and lift his chin up, forcing him to look at you in the eyes.
"Thinking about how much like a cat you were and how that made you cute." You spoke honestly and directly, not breaking eye contact.
You watched in amusement as his still-not-fully-awake brain processed your words. A soft blush bloomed on his cheeks that steadily grew darker in color before he shoved his face back into your chest, whining softly.
"Evil. Your evil."
You laughed softly as you let him hide his face.
"Like I said, cute."
"Shut up."
The conversation lulled after that, as the both of you took in the comfort of waking up in another person's arms, warm.
"Do you want some coffee?"
He hummed softly as he processed the unspoken words.
'We need to talk about it.'
"Sure" He spoke yet didn't move from the warmth of your body.
You sighed as you ran your hand down his back before forcing yourself out of the warmth of your bed.
"I'll call to you when the pot is done." You remarked as you walked out of your room toward the kitchen.
You hummed softly as you waited for the pot to brew, your mind drifting.
You knew roughly the reason behind Dazai's leaving but you still wanted to hear him explain his thought process.
And, more than anything, you wanted to hear a damn apology. Not just for leaving you, but for leaving Chuuya, and for blowing up his car, because that was a low blow. Yet you also still understood his reason behind that action as well. A silent message to not follow, to not look for him.
It would be nice if you could get Dazai to apologize directly to Chuuya, but you knew that it would be like trying to pull teeth.
You were jolted from your thoughts as the coffee pot beeped at you.
You methodically pulled out a mug and began filling it, leaving enough space for creamer.
You blinked.
Right.
You reached for another cup, placing it on the island counter as you called out for Dazai through the silence.
You began to fill his cup when you heard a thump from your room followed by what sounded like cloth against the floor.
You looked up as you were about to start pouring creamer into Dazai's mug, you paused at the sight of Dazai being practically swallowed by the fitted blankets he had pulled from your bed.
You chuckled softly.
"It's cold. Stop laughing." He pouted, his lips pulled down in a way that only made you chuckle more.
Cute.
"How are you planning to drink your coffee with all the blankets on?"
He didn’t respond as he walked, or rather waddled, over to a stool at the island counter. You finished pouring the creamer into his coffee as he maneuvered himself onto the stool with the blankets still practically swallowing him. You push the mug towards him as you take your own mug in hand.
You watch as he brings up his hands, wrapped up under the edges of the blankets, to wrap around the mug. The blankets keep him from moving his arms much, so he has to hunch forward to take a sip of his coffee.
“You know it’d be easier if you just took the blankets off?”
“It’s cold.” A pout pulled at his lips again and a petulant whine left him.
“I have jackets that should fit you.”
“The blankets were right there though.”
“More like you're just lazy…” You mumbled under your breath, sipping at your coffee.
You cleared your throat.
“So…”
He didn’t speak up, but he glanced up at you from where he was hunched over his mug.
“I… already know mostly everything with Oda…, but could you tell me what solidified your decision?” You asked, tone hesitant and unsure.
You watched as he stared into his mug, worried he would try and avoid talking. He never did like talking about his problems. Not that you could talk, you were the same, preferring to simply enjoy each other’s company without ever talking about your problems. Of course, that was before he left, now you spent your time having a glass of fine wine with Chuuya. On those nights, typically, only Chuuya would talk, with you speaking up mostly to keep the conversation going.
“There were… many reasons… behind my decision.” He paused; the silence awkward but he clearly was going to say more. “Odasaku’s… um…” He didn’t look up at you, but you could hear as he tried to hide the cracking of his voice.
“Take your time, there’s no rush.” You hummed softly as he struggled to find his words.
“Right.”
You sipped from your mug as you waited for him to continue.
“Odasaku’s last words to me… he asked me to…”
“I understand.” You didn’t want to force him to answer when you could put the pieces together yourself. “And the… other reasons?”
He idly sipped at his coffee.
“Well… before I continue, can I ask a question?”
You looked up from your mug.
“Um… sure, what is it?”
He let out a sigh, it sounded tired. It seemed like he was forcing himself to ask you his question.
Almost like he was scared of what your answer would be.
He huffed out. “What is your opinion of me?”
He didn’t look at you, gaze fixated on his own reflection from where he stared down at his coffee.
You hesitated, not having expected his question.
“My opinion of you?”
You asked more to fill the silence, to allow yourself time to think about it.
You knew that he could be cruel.
You knew that he could be kind.
You knew you felt an amalgamation of feelings towards him.
You felt sadness, that he didn’t tell you anything.
You also felt angry that he left, that he didn’t tell you cause you would’ve-
You would’ve…
You would’ve joined him.
You would’ve left with him.
Because you loved him.
More than anything, you loved him.
Despite everything, you still loved him.
You let out a soft breath.
Looking down at the half-empty mug in your hands.
“Well… I know that you can be cruel, but I also know that you're capable of being kind, of caring for others. And I feel sad and betrayed that you didn’t tell me or leave anything for me to know what you were doing. Angry that you left me because…” You could feel a lump in your throat as you tried to force the words out. “Because despite that… if you had come to me that night… I would’ve joined you.”
You looked up to find him staring at you with a shocked expression, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you found it cute.
“After everything we’ve been through… I’ve seen your highs and lows, I’ve seen you mercilessly kill and torture, but I’ve also seen you with Oda and Ango, with Chuuya. And I… have never hated you. I’ve never thought you to be inhuman.”
You paused. A gentle smile pulled at your lips.
“I still don’t, Dazai.”
“I-…” He looked almost on the verge of tears, and you felt compelled to rush to his side on the other side of the kitchen island and comfort him.
“Well… the main reason I didn’t tell you, or Chuuya was because I was absorbed by my own view of myself… that I didn’t think anyone could possibly see me differently. Especially you… we were similar and so I figured your opinion of me was no different than mine. I believed that with how similar we thought that you must have hated me because-… because I hated myself.”
He looked down at his mug, unable to meet your gaze.
Your heart ached at his words.
“Dazai…” You spoke hesitantly. “Dazai… what is your opinion of me?”
He looked up at you. “My opinion of you?” He repeated your words back at you.
His gaze shifted to the side as a soft pink tinted his cheeks.
“I always thought of you as something of an angel. You were smart but quiet, stern as a mafioso should be, but you were also kind. You formed a connection with me similar to the one I have with Chuuya but different. You understand me in a different way. Like a guardian angel, you’ve stopped me from many of my suicide attempts, maybe even more than Chuuya has. When I watched you fight it was like I was watching an angel of death, bloody, but still pure in a way only you could ever achieve.”
He stopped himself, looking up at you.
You could feel your cheeks burning as he spoke, looking into your eyes.
“I have always loved you. As undeserving as I am, I have always loved my guardian angel.”
“I- you… love me?” You found yourself short of words as your brain tried to process that Dazai, who you have loved for longer than you would like to admit, loves you as well.
As your brain finally caught up, the vibrant blush on your cheeks softened, and the smile that pulled at your lips was just as soft.
Placing your mug down, you reached your hands across the island counter to grab his hands, pulling them from where the blankets were still wrapped around them.
“I love you too, Dazai.”
You watched as the blush on his cheeks grew a few shades darker.
Cute.
You dropped his hands as you walked around the island to stand next to him. He turns towards you, cheeks still vibrantly flushed.
You reach out, your hand hovering over his lower cheek, prompting him to tilt his head up at you.
“May I?”
You could see as he swallowed, calming himself.
“Only if we remain exclusive.”
“And this remains secret.” You added, smiling at him.
You let your hand rest on his cheek, bringing the other one up to rest on the back of his neck, still bare of bandages. You leaned down the rest of the way, connecting your lips with his.
His lips were soft against yours, and the kiss was sweet.
A soft sound akin to a whine left him as you pulled away slowly. You chuckled as he flushed, embarrassed by his own neediness. He pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your waist as the blankets fell off his shoulders hanging off his waist.
“Shut up.” His voice was slightly muffled from where he pressed his face against your chest.
You laughed. “But I didn’t say anything~.”
“I said shut up.”
“You're even cuter when you're flustered, you know?”
He whined into your chest, refusing to let you see his face.
You stopped teasing him, letting the soft moment consume you in warmth.
“I’m glad you're safe. He’d be proud of how far you’ve come.”
The arms around you tightened and you could barely make out a sharp intake of air. You brought a hand up to his hair, running your fingers through it comfortingly.
“I know he would.”
“I-… thank you.”
A comfortable silence settled on the two of you for a few minutes as you held each other until Dazai spoke up, mumbling softly.
“I’m sorry for hurting you and Chuuya…”
“I forgave you a while ago, and while Chuuya would never say it out loud, he has as well, even if he’s still angry about it.”
“I missed sitting on the dock with you.”
“Those moments of serenity in between the chaos were nice.”
“You have the day off, right?”
“I don’t have work until tomorrow morning. Though, speaking of work, shouldn’t you be at work right now?”
“Unimportant. Anyways we should cuddle and watch something.”
You laughed joyously, your arms tightening around him. “Even after four years, you're still you, huh? I’m glad you’re more open though. Honest. I like being vulnerable with you.” You smiled down at him, moving the hair from in front of his face to behind his ear. “The light suits you, Dazai.”
Dazai hid his face against your chest again, though you could tell he was flushed with how red his ears were.
“I thought I told you to shut up. I demand you carry me to the couch now.”
You scoff playfully. “What are you, a princess?”
“Yes, and you must serve me.” He replied matter-of-factly.
“Right.” You reached down with one hand to grab the blankets that had fallen around his waist, pulling them up around his shoulders and then wrapping them tightly around him. You pick him up effortlessly, chuckling as he lets out an involuntary squeak.
You carried him over to the couch, laying him across your lap as you reached to grab the remote off the coffee table.
“What shall we watch, Your Highness?”
You watch as he thinks over your question before you notice a drop in his mood.
“Is something wrong?”
“I don’t like how good you’ve gotten at reading me.”
You chuckle as he pouts. “I’ve always been good at reading you, I’m just choosing to mention what I see now. So, what’s up?”
“Do you still have that watchlist we made when we were 17?”
You smiled at his question.
“Yeah, I never deleted it. And I don’t think I’ve watched anything from it.” You hummed thoughtfully. “Not that I’ve really had the time to anyway.”
“Good. Pick something off of that then.”
“No specific genre?”
“Not really.”
With a soft smile, you click into the playlist of unwatched shows and movies. You pick a random one and start it, more focused on the unguarded and genuine smile on Dazai’s face.
It was nice.
He was alive and doing better than before.
Everything would be fine.
And hopefully, you get him to actually apologize to Chuuya.
I finished it @r3stingangel
Oneshot -Perhaps in another life. In another time
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Dazai x Reader
TW: mental health problems, suicide, struggling reader, struggling dazai, character death, reader death, angst, no comfort
A/N: I saw this post and felt compelled to write because mood, I honestly feel the same, so uh, this is for you, @r3stingangel
You had met Dazai at a quant cafe below where he worked. You had found your gaze drawn to him. Something about him stood out.
Familiar.
He had caught you staring at him, but he didn't seem mad. He put on a flirtatious mask and walked over to you confronting you about staring. When he drew closer and looked into your eyes, something changed, his mask cracking.
Like he had realized the same thing you had.
Familiarity.
You began visiting that quant cafe more often, letting yourself relax in the presence of someone who understood you.
You came to learn more about each other with each visit, compelling you to continue going. It let you escape from reality for a little while.
The familiarity turned out to be a shared feeling of hopelessness. A shared feeling of purposelessness. Of inadequacy.
Nihilism.
It didn't take a genius to figure out what was under the bandages covering his neck and arms, perhaps even other parts of his body as well. And while you weren't covered in any bandages, you figured he knew you had your own personal scars as well.
Perhaps the biggest difference between you two was his flawless ability to hide behind well-crafted masks. It was something you faintly recall being capable of doing as a child, but now you were simply too exhausted to bother hiding your apathetic nature.
Dazai didn't seem to mind.
After some time of getting to know each other, he invited you to join him at a bar. A place he said held many memories of a time long gone. A time in which he was happy, even if fleeting.
He told you of his two friends, one turned traitor, the other dead.
You remember that night.
Odasaku was the man's name. He took you to his grave that night.
Though no tears were shed you could feel the melancholy surrounding him like an intoxicating aura. Coiling around the two of you like the fog did, seeping into your skin, your bones.
Currently, you were returning his gesture, bringing him to a place that held your happiest memories.
Fleeting as they were.
Before everything in your already difficult life went to absolute shit.
Bills were scattered on your kitchen table, and copies of a resume were among them.
And yet you were currently leading Dazai to a bridge. A beautiful river surrounded on both sides by flowers of all kinds.
It had been your happy place away from your home life where you hung out with your only friend.
You couldn't remember his name. Faint memories of hair so blonde the sun created a halo on his hair. A smile, innocent and youthful. An angel running through flowers in the middle of spring.
Red. Everywhere.
The platinum blonde hair was stained with a garish color.
A warm breeze, telling of the nearing summer shook you from your thoughts as you and Dazai made it to the bridge.
Even at night was it beautiful.
You looked at the man next to you.
He was no angel, far from it.
But perhaps that was why you got along, for you were no angel yourself.
Your hands would forever be stained in the red that seeped through platinum locks of hair.
"It's beautiful." He spoke softly as if to not disturb the calmness of their surroundings.
You smiled looking from Dazai down to the water, to the moon reflecting across in streaks of white. "It is, isn't it?"
Words were meaningless.
Speaking for the sake of speaking.
"My dear belladonna." His sentence left unfinished.
Belladonna's were a beautiful flower.
Poisonous.
"Would you be willing to end our suffering with me, love?" He finished. Words unneeded.
Lovers.
Something you were not.
Perhaps in another life. In another time.
You took his hand.
Moving to sit on the railing of the bridge with him, you looked up at the moon as it stared down, always watching.
You looked at where your hand was intertwined with his then up at his face.
Soft brown curls framed his face in an almost endearing way. Eyes a beautiful brownish burgundy color.
You smiled, genuinely.
He looked at you.
His lips pulled into a genuine smile. He looked tired.
Perhaps you looked the same.
You both closed what little space was left between you.
The kiss was soft. It would've been sweet if not laced with your shared melancholy.
Without breaking the kiss you both slipped off the railing.
Oneshot -Perhaps in another life. In another time
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Dazai x Reader
TW: mental health problems, suicide, struggling reader, struggling dazai, character death, reader death, angst, no comfort
A/N: I saw this post and felt compelled to write because mood, I honestly feel the same, so uh, this is for you, @r3stingangel
You had met Dazai at a quant cafe below where he worked. You had found your gaze drawn to him. Something about him stood out.
Familiar.
He had caught you staring at him, but he didn't seem mad. He put on a flirtatious mask and walked over to you confronting you about staring. When he drew closer and looked into your eyes, something changed, his mask cracking.
Like he had realized the same thing you had.
Familiarity.
You began visiting that quant cafe more often, letting yourself relax in the presence of someone who understood you.
You came to learn more about each other with each visit, compelling you to continue going. It let you escape from reality for a little while.
The familiarity turned out to be a shared feeling of hopelessness. A shared feeling of purposelessness. Of inadequacy.
Nihilism.
It didn't take a genius to figure out what was under the bandages covering his neck and arms, perhaps even other parts of his body as well. And while you weren't covered in any bandages, you figured he knew you had your own personal scars as well.
Perhaps the biggest difference between you two was his flawless ability to hide behind well-crafted masks. It was something you faintly recall being capable of doing as a child, but now you were simply too exhausted to bother hiding your apathetic nature.
Dazai didn't seem to mind.
After some time of getting to know each other, he invited you to join him at a bar. A place he said held many memories of a time long gone. A time in which he was happy, even if fleeting.
He told you of his two friends, one turned traitor, the other dead.
You remember that night.
Odasaku was the man's name. He took you to his grave that night.
Though no tears were shed you could feel the melancholy surrounding him like an intoxicating aura. Coiling around the two of you like the fog did, seeping into your skin, your bones.
Currently, you were returning his gesture, bringing him to a place that held your happiest memories.
Fleeting as they were.
Before everything in your already difficult life went to absolute shit.
Bills were scattered on your kitchen table, and copies of a resume were among them.
And yet you were currently leading Dazai to a bridge. A beautiful river surrounded on both sides by flowers of all kinds.
It had been your happy place away from your home life where you hung out with your only friend.
You couldn't remember his name. Faint memories of hair so blonde the sun created a halo on his hair. A smile, innocent and youthful. An angel running through flowers in the middle of spring.
Red. Everywhere.
The platinum blonde hair was stained with a garish color.
A warm breeze, telling of the nearing summer shook you from your thoughts as you and Dazai made it to the bridge.
Even at night was it beautiful.
You looked at the man next to you.
He was no angel, far from it.
But perhaps that was why you got along, for you were no angel yourself.
Your hands would forever be stained in the red that seeped through platinum locks of hair.
"It's beautiful." He spoke softly as if to not disturb the calmness of their surroundings.
You smiled looking from Dazai down to the water, to the moon reflecting across in streaks of white. "It is, isn't it?"
Words were meaningless.
Speaking for the sake of speaking.
"My dear belladonna." His sentence left unfinished.
Belladonna's were a beautiful flower.
Poisonous.
"Would you be willing to end our suffering with me, love?" He finished. Words unneeded.
Lovers.
Something you were not.
Perhaps in another life. In another time.
You took his hand.
Moving to sit on the railing of the bridge with him, you looked up at the moon as it stared down, always watching.
You looked at where your hand was intertwined with his then up at his face.
Soft brown curls framed his face in an almost endearing way. Eyes a beautiful brownish burgundy color.
You smiled, genuinely.
He looked at you.
His lips pulled into a genuine smile. He looked tired.
Perhaps you looked the same.
You both closed what little space was left between you.
The kiss was soft. It would've been sweet if not laced with your shared melancholy.
Without breaking the kiss you both slipped off the railing.
I've got like 1k words written for part two of And if you can forgive, love will truly live and I'm not even half way done
Save me ( ；∀；)
Ramble
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
I've created another bsd au from my problem of procrastinating school work
Doesn't help that I have a substitute right now
It's fine, I'll do it as homework
Anyways, the Au came into my head from someone's fanart of Dazai with apples and then my brain spiraled
This was the fanart piece
It's literally so pretty
Respectfully, I want to eat the art
And if you can forgive, love will truly live
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Dazai x Reader
Prompt: “'Sorry for showing up like this.’ You sighed, your shoulders relaxing in silent defeat. ‘Come in.’”
TW: mentions of death (Oda), mentioned bad home life though not explicit
!Gender of reader is not specified!
A/N: I do plan on making a 2nd part where the reader and Dazai talk things out and get in a relationship, not sure when I'll finish it though
The word count for chapter 1 is roughly 2k
Also, this will be posted on my ao3, link on my master list
You had known Dazai for a long time, perhaps not as long as Chuuya has, but that’s beside the point.
While you had grown up around shady people and been dealing with said shady people’s shady shit pretty much your whole life, courtesy of your shitty, shady parents, you hadn’t actually joined the Port Mafia until you were 17. Two years older than Dazai and Chuuya, but joined the Mafia around roughly the same time Chuuya had.
With your ability, it didn’t take long for you to begin to climb the ranks. It wasn’t like you were trying to specifically reach the rank of executive, but gradually, you crept closer.
About a year and a half after you had joined you had made a name for yourself, and that was also about the time you had met Dazai and Chuuya for the first time during a bigger mission.
You had somehow managed to become something like friends with them on that mission and had become a somewhat regularity to be paired with them on large missions. You were tough enough to handle both their eccentric personalities as well as teasing enough to get along with Dazai and passionate enough to friend Chuuya.
It was a weird trio you had formed, often being the one to defuse them when they began to bicker. And of course, apologizing when they disturbed the everyday citizens with their fighting when the three of you had time off to just be kids.
Over time, you had begun to grow closer and fonder of Dazai, being able to relate to him more often than one probably should, but whatever. Sometimes, the two of you would find each other silently sitting at the docks staring off into nothingness, neither of you would talk, just simply get lost in your endless thoughts while enjoying the presence of someone who was similar enough to understand you.
On one such occasion Dazai had broken the endless silence of the waves below your feet; inviting you to join him to meet with his bar friends. That was when you met Ango and Oda. They were pleasant company and you had found yourself growing attached to them just like you knew Dazai was, though he would’ve probably denied it at the time.
So, when Dazai disappeared one night with no traces, followed by learning of Oda’s death. You knew.
That didn’t make it hurt any less of course. Especially with how his sudden departure shed light on your feelings for him.
While Chuuya presented himself to be finally rid of his presence, you both knew that Dazai leaving had hurt both of you. You had chosen to tell Chuuya Dazai’s reasons for leaving, not wanting the anger of Dazai’s leaving to grow into hatred, besides, Chuuya would’ve pieced it together eventually.
And like that. Everything continued. The Port Mafia didn’t mourn over its losses. Executive duties called.
So, when after 4 years of no contact, to say you were surprised at his being in the ADA would be an understatement.
You hadn’t had the chance to see him yet like Chuuya had but you were there to witness Chuuya’s drunken midnight rant after having invited you over.
“Oh, trust me, he’s as shitty a mackerel as he always has been. He hasn’t changed a bit.” Chuuya slurred off, grumbling under his breath as he laid his head down on the counter.
You were both sitting at the kitchen island, a bottle of some expensive wine brand, open and mostly empty now, was on the counter between you.
You sat with your body facing Chuuya, your head resting in your palm, elbow against the counter.
“Mhm. He hasn’t changed a bit huh?” You spoke more for the simple sake of speaking, entertaining the drunk man before you. You didn’t need clarification of something you already knew.
Dazai had always been capable of doing good. He just didn’t care between doing good or bad, it made no difference to him. He’s only working for the light because it’s what Oda wanted. Dazai not changing wasn’t a surprise. So Chuuya’s following words were a little less than expected.
“Actually…” He paused, slurring off again before clarifying his words, his head remained poised on the counter. “He looked… brighter?” He seemed to question his own words before continuing. “Brighter and healthier. He seemed…” Chuuya trailed off again but not due to his drunken state. He stopped himself from finishing his train of thought.
“Happier?” You finished for him.
He didn’t respond.
After that, you had practically forgotten about Dazai now being in the ADA, too busy with missions and the seemingly never-ending, growing stack of paperwork.
That was until tonight.
It had been a grueling past few days, rainy weather, long meetings, missions to assign, missions to report and file, and of course your endless stack of shitty paperwork that had somehow found itself in your home office, taking up even more of your own time which was already short considering your importance to the Mafia.
After you got home, sometime around the dead-ass crack of dawn, you had only grabbed a cup of coffee, one of the larger mugs you owned, before heading to your office for more work.
Sometime, while in the middle of reviewing some report, you had fallen asleep, lulled by the endless pitter-patter of rain hitting the window in your office.
You had slept most of the day away and upon waking, it had already grown dark outside, probably around 9 or 10 at night now, and you were thankful to whatever divine being had granted you a day off today because you would have been so fucking late. You chose to willfully ignore that Mori-san was technically the one who made your schedule. He was a good boss, competent in his decisions, but he was no divine being.
Stretching in your chair, you could feel the soreness of your muscles from the previous day of work. There was a tightness in your back, worse than it normally was, courtesy of sleeping in your chair.
A knock sounded on your door, soft when it made its way to your ears but still clear as it cut through the silence of the penthouse you called home.
You dragged your body to your door, still completely dressed head-to-toe in your typical Mafia outfit with the addition of a few wrinkles, your shoes clacking noisily on the floor.
“Coming!” You called out before the person waiting behind your door could think to knock again.
Reaching your door, you work through your security system before opening your door, behind, a man you hadn’t seen for 4 years.
Your tiredness slipped away from your body as you gasped. Your body now on alert as you stared at him.
He was dressed in, presumedly, his ADA outfit, light in color. His bandages still covered his neck, probably the rest of his body, but the ones that used to cover his eye were gone. He had clearly gained weight since you had last seen him, though he still lacked a significant amount of meat on his bones someone his age and height should have.
Chuuya was right, he looked happier. No. That was wrong. He didn’t look happy. He looked… sad? Guilty?
They weren’t emotions you were familiar with seeing on him. Sure, you had seen both emotions on people in the Mafia during interrogations… but on Dazai? No. He hardly ever even faked them.
He did look brighter though. Healthier.
He also looked- no was drenched. His clothes were darkened by the rainwater still pouring outside. Dripping water on the carpeted floor. You could see a few dark spots on the floor down the hall, marking his trail.
He beat you to a response.
“Sorry for showing up like this.”
You sighed, your shoulders relaxing in silent defeat. “Come in.”
You stepped to the side, letting him in.
You closed the door behind him as he observed the expensive and modern decorations. It lacked any personality, at least to an untrained eye. If one looked closer, you could make out a knick-knack here or there that didn’t quite fit the rest of the rather drab decorations.
It lacked vulnerability.
Your bedroom, though, where only you went into, your interests bled out.
“I assume your room has more personality than this, no?” Dazai’s tone was off. A half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.
“Vulnerability isn’t something Mafia Executives have the luxury to indulge in often.”
He didn’t respond.
“You can hang your coat on the rack.” You spoke, staring at his back as he walked into your home. “And take your shoes off.”
You turned down the hall towards your room, leaving Dazai to settle.
As you walked you called out to Dazai, not facing him. “I should have some clothes that fit you.” Then as an afterthought, “I want you to take a shower.”
When you walked back into the living room with some clothes, Dazai had actually listened, his coat was hung up and his shoes were in the genkan, he had also taken off his socks, probably soaked after being out in the rain.
You walked up to him, handing him the clothes. “Go take a shower. There should be some rolls of bandages in there, though I’m not sure how many I have left.”
He took the clothes from you silently, then: “Thank you.”
You looked him in the eyes, trying to discern how much you didn’t know about him anymore. How much you needed to learn about him.
“Have you eaten?” You spoke calmly, trying to ignore the thoughts and feelings swirling inside you without end.
“I-…” He hesitated. “No. I haven’t.”
Without another word, you left him to go take a shower. It was probably a good idea to make something to eat anyway, considering you were currently running off of a single cup of coffee.
You decided to not bother to cook and instead pulled out two packets of ramen in part because you were still tired as fuck, and you didn’t know if Dazai’s eating habits had changed or not.
It was better to settle for something simple that he might eat if you were lucky.
It didn’t take long for the ramen to finish heating up and for you to place it in two bowls so you placed them on the table. You were about to go check on Dazai when he turned the corner into the living room.
Something was off, he had changed into the clothes you got for him, and his hair was still wet, dripping water off of his soft curls. He seemed… hesitant -nervous? More so than he had been before taking a shower.
“I made ramen.” You spoke, realizing you had been looking for a bit too long. You gestured to the table with the two bowls full of still steaming ramen.
“Thank you…” His voice was quiet, low. He clearly wasn’t bothering to hide his hesitancy, or perhaps he was just failing miserably in trying.
You sat down at one end of the table and busied yourself with eating. You watched him shift over to the seat adjacent to you.
Your eyes widened in upon noticing. “You’re not wearing your bandages?”
He shifted in his seat, avoiding your gaze.
“The hoodie and shorts are soft…”
The ‘and I trust you’ went unsaid but understood.
Your face softened around the edges.
“Eat.”
He responded with a nod before picking up his chopsticks.
Soon enough you had finished your food, and though Dazai only ate half, it was more than you were expecting him to eat. You placed your dishes in the sink to deal with another time before returning to the table, though you remained standing. Dazai had yet to get up.
“Do you want to watch something? I have a day off so…” You trailed off awkwardly.
He looked up but he didn’t quite meet your eyes.
“Sure.”
The only light currently on was the blue light emitted from the television that was playing some show you were hardly paying any more attention to. After a few episodes, you had shifted from sitting awkwardly on opposite sides of the couch to where Dazai was now practically lying on top of you. He was lying his head on your chest with his face turned towards the screen, invested in whatever show it was that was playing. You had let him pick. You were far more interested in watching as he relaxed into you as you ran your fingers through his now, mostly dry, curls.
“Tired?” Your voice no more than a whisper.
“No…” He responded; a hint of a tired whine interlaced in it. A tone his voice always had when he was tired just didn’t want to sleep in lieu of whatever he was currently doing, which at the moment was watching a show while cuddling with someone he hadn’t seen in 4 years.
“Sure~.” You teased as your nails gently scratched at his scalp.
He grumbled something softly into your chest.
You knew how bad, how dangerous your next thought was. It could end badly for both of you, but you couldn’t help when the words slipped from your tongue.
“Why don’t we go to bed hm?”
He responded with an unintelligible whine, pressing his face further into your chest, as he wrapped his lanky arms around your back.
You sighed softly but even if he had clearly put on more weight, he still wouldn’t be able to put up much of a fight against you physically speaking. You gathered what remaining strength you had in you as you wrapped your hands around his waist before shifting to a sitting position. Then you secured your arms under him to lift him up in your arms.
“Come on, you lanky beanpole. Time for bed.”
The talk could wait for tomorrow, after all, he couldn’t leave with his clothes still in the washer.
PT 2
Oneshot -Pushing and Pulling. Home.
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Soukoku - Dazai x Chuuya
A/N: This is the fanfic version of the comic with quite a bit more detail in it than the comic did. It has Dazai's direct thoughts leading up to his attempt from the beginning of the comic, as well as a look at Chuuya's own thoughts.
TW: blood, self-harm, suicide attempt, language
A/N: Also posted on Ao3
Comic version HERE
Nothing…
Numbingly empty…
A mirage of thoughts ran rampant throughout his mind with no end in sight. They pushed and pulled him down with arms of inky black darkness into the sheets below.
The tug had been growing worse, harder to ignore over time. It came on gradually, leaving him little chance to fend them off before he realized it was too late. It had taken him too long to notice the grip of the demons in his mind.
He didn’t want to admit that even after defecting from the Port Mafia, after surviving for two years underground, after doing everything for Odasaku, he hadn’t changed.
Even after all of Fyodor’s bullshit, and he and Chuuya had finally become partners again -though now it meant more to them.
He hadn’t changed.
It had been a while since he had genuinely attempted anything, what with Chuuya’s watchful eyes. That and when he was around Chuuya, the darkness of his thoughts often receded, soothed by the ethereal man he had the undeserved privilege to call his lover.
Sadly, with their differing jobs, it was simply impossible to be with Chuuya every minute of every day.
In fact, Chuuya was currently away on an abroad mission. He was set to be back sometime tomorrow after having been gone for an entire month.
Without Chuuya around to soothe the demons in his head, he fell.
He fell victim to the grabbing hands.
Pushing and pulling.
Inky blackness.
His face contorted in a frown as a restlessness overtook him.
‘He’ll be back tomorrow.’ He tried telling himself through the cacophony of countless thoughts. Fruitless, really, but he didn’t want to hurt Chuuya. Not again.
Pushing.
Pulling.
Blackness.
Darkness.
It filled his lungs like thick black blood.
Sweet like honey with the seducing promise of relief.
A quiet mind.
With no thumping beat of a heart.
Pushing.
Pulling.
His feet hit the ground before his mind could stop him.
Pushing.
Pulling.
His hand reached for the door to the bathroom.
Pushing.
Pulling.
Chuuya had stopped messaging daily sometime after the first week. Too busy with his mission.
Chuuya hadn’t messaged him since last week.
Pushing.
Pulling.
What if he was hurt?
What if he didn’t come back.
Pushing.
Pulling.
What if he didn’t want to come back?
Pushing.
Pulling.
His clothes hit the floor by the door, the bandages on his arms and legs following.
Pushing. Pulling.
The blade cut, stinging.
Through his skin.
Through the bandages still covering his chest.
Red.
Pushing. Pulling.
Inky red blood flowed out. Seeped into his skin.
Into the pristine white covering him.
White never did suit him.
Pushing, pulling.
The water from the faucet meshed horrendously with his rampant thoughts.
His vision was flooded with a bloody red color as his arm reached out in front of him to stop the running water.
Waves of steam rolled off and over the tub.
Pushing, Pulling.
The water bled red as he stepped into the tub.
Burning.
A pleasant burning from where the blade had cut through him and from the water as it came into contact with his skin.
The burning water seeped through his bandages, further burning.
Burning to combat the endless, bone-deep, freezing cold.
The inky red blood polluted the water.
Pushing.
Pulling.
Pushing and pulling him into a soothing embrace of darkness.
Quiet.
_____________________
The door clicked behind him softly.
He could feel the exhaustion deep in the marrow of his bones as he hung up his coat and haphazardly kicked off his shoes into the genkan.
He called out into the quiet house.
“Dazai! I’m home!”
He was greeted with silence.
He was supposed to arrive home the next day, so perhaps Dazai was asleep?
It was well past 2 in the morning.
But Chuuya knew Dazai always struggled to fall asleep. And since Dazai began to live with him, he relied on him to sleep.
‘I need my Chibi heater to stave off the cold! If you leave, then I’ll be left freezing and awake!’
The memory flashes through his head as he places his hat on the dining room table.
“Dazai?”
Silence.
He made his way towards their shared room when he noticed the bathroom light on.
He knocked softly on the door as he called out to him.
“Dazai?”
There was no response.
A seed of fear sprouted into a hideous flower in his gut.
Dazai wouldn’t… He had been clean for so long now.
He called out again, hopeful to get a response this time.
“Dazai? Are you in there?”
Silence.
He reached to open the door, unlocked.
His mind went blank as he looked at the bloody scene in front of him.
He stood there for a second that felt more like an hour, a day, a month.
He could see the steam from the likely scalding temperature of the water.
The blood was a vibrant red. Fresh.
The scent of iron filled his nostrils.
Then the panic set in.
He suddenly felt like a victim to the gravity he normally had flawless control over.
He rushed forward to check Dazai’s pulse, with little care for the blood staining his clothes.
Through his own rapid breathing, he was able to subtly feel Dazai’s slow pulse.
There was so much blood.
He let his mind wander to what could have happened while he was gone while he fell back to old habits. Picking up Dazai’s limp body, unplugging the drain, pulling off what remains of his bandages. Rinsing the blood still on him, redressing his wounds with two layers of bandages to avoid any more bleeding.
When he got to the ‘clothing Dazai’ step in his habitual process, Dazai began to stir into consciousness as he pulled up boxers over his legs.
He hardly noticed as his mind continued to drift. His hands moved to pull one of Dazai’s heavenly soft sweaters over him.
He left Dazai sitting on the stool in the bathroom as he finished cleaning the mess, mumbling to himself as his mind returned from drifting.
“…got Dazai cleaned, bandaged, and dressed…”
He pulled off his blood-soaked gloves, tossing them into the trash.
“Dinner can wait I guess… and I’ve got to change…”
He looked over himself, clothes stained red in blood.
“Dammit! And I’ve still got that report…”
A soft sniffle from behind him pulled him from his thoughts.
Behind him was Dazai, still sitting just like how Chuuya had left him to clean up.
He crouched down in front of him, reaching out to wipe some of his tears. Hesitant on whether Dazai was up for touch.
When Dazai didn’t shift away he brought his hands down to gently run along Dazai’s thickly bandaged knees.
He was at a loss for words, not having quite come to terms with the fact that if he had returned tomorrow, as was planned, Dazai would have been dead when he found him.
“…Do you wanna talk about it?”
His voice hardly sounded like his own, tentative, shaky, unsure.
Finally, a response reached his ears.
“Not really…”
Dazai’s eyes were blank, devoid of any feeling, as he looked into them.
He closed his eyes, sighing, both at finally being able to hear his voice and at the emotionless stare.
Then, Dazai spoke again.
“Can we… talk tomorrow?”
He didn’t realize he had been frowning until he felt his lips pull at a small smile.
Before they had gotten together, Dazai would never have asked to talk about something. If he didn’t bring up something then Dazai would never do it. And even when he did try to bring something up, Dazai would attempt to deflect and distract him from the conversation.
“Yeah… tomorrow. For now… I’ll change, we can order food and watch a movie. How’s that sound?”
“Cuddle?”
A soft chuckle left his lips at the hesitant tone Dazai spoke in.
“Yeah.”
Chuuya was hardly paying attention to the show, thinking of everything they would have to talk about tomorrow.
He felt Dazai nuzzle into him, pulling him from his thoughts. He looked down at the soft brown curls against his chest. Dazai’s head was turned toward the TV but from what he could see, Dazai’s eyes were closed, asleep.
He smiled, letting his eyes close.
He could feel sleep begin to overtake him now that he was finally home.
Home being the man in his arms.
Comic -Pushing and Pulling. Home.
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Soukoku - Dazai x Chuuya
TW: blood, self-harm, suicide attempt, language
Fanfic version: Pushing and Pulling. Home.
It's also posted on my ao3 which is now linked on my master list
Working on a mini soukoku comic that I'll hopefully actually finish
Got the idea during science and it won't leave me alone so I must draw
I might make it digital... eventually
...hopefully
Anyways, it's pretty dark considering the first picture I drew was of Dazai attempting...
Oh and with that second au I mentioned, I'm currently changing some of the bigger things so it will be a bit
A second attempt at drawing Dazai Dark Era digitally
I think it turned out far better this time
So my sister loves the King Arthur stories and a while ago she showed me a song called Mordred's Lullaby:
And my brain spiraled thinking about bsd while listening to it so now I have a small Au idea
If anyone wants a deeper dive into this mini-Au, I'm more than happy to expand on it
I also have another, more complex and thorough bsd Au that I might post about soon
BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Dazai:
-Relationship Headcanons
-Come here. Sit with me. - x Chuuya -Why are you awake? - x Chuuya -Pushing and Pulling. Home. - x Chuuya / Comic version -A Trick of the Eyes - x Chuuya / +Art -Together Forever - x Chuuya
-And if you can forgive, love will truly live , PART 2 - x Reader -Perhaps in another life. In another time - x Reader
Chuuya:
-Relationship Headcanons
-Come here. Sit with me. - x Dazai -Why are you awake? - x Dazai -Pushing and Pulling. Home. - x Dazai / Comic version -A Trick of the Eyes - x Dazai / +Art -Together Forever - x Dazai
Fyodor:
-Relationship Headcanons
Requests:
Rambles:
-I'm procrastinating
Alternate Universe:
-Mordred's Lullaby
Why are you awake?
Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs
Ship: Soukoku - Dazai x Chuuya
Prompt:“Why are you awake?” “I could ask you the same thing.”
TW: mentions of self-harm, suicidal thoughts/idealization, vague mentions of an eating disorder but not specified, self-deprecating thoughts
A/N: Also posted on my ao3, you can find the link on my master list
After being together for a few months and going on cheesy expensive dates, at the expense of Chuuya’s wallet, Dazai moved in with Chuuya. And slowly, with Chuuya’s help, Dazai was getting better. He still slacked off at the office, primarily just to annoy Kunikida, but he was getting more sleep and Chuuya did his best to get Dazai to eat at least three times a day even if it was small; something was better than nothing, as Chuuya had put it.
That doesn’t mean it always worked out, of course. There were still days when Dazai struggled to eat anything at all. And there were nights like tonight where, even within the comforting warmth of Chuuya’s arms, Dazai couldn’t seem to fall asleep.
His thoughts were a little too loud tonight, it seemed. Normally, there would have been signs the previous days; signs of Dazai slipping back towards the darkness. However, this time, it seemed to come onto him suddenly, and worst of all, after Chuuya had already slipped into unconsciousness. And though Chuuya hadn’t said anything of work being tiring, Dazai could tell it had been tough. Nothing Chuuya couldn’t handle... but it certainly left him more exhausted than usual.
Dazai would… feel bad, if he woke him up now. Chuuya did so much for him. He cooked for him, he made sure Dazai was showering, and even if Dazai couldn’t get himself to shower, Chuuya would take a bath with him to compromise. When Dazai felt disgusted by his own body, Chuuya was there to kiss every single inch of his body with affirmations pressed into his skin.
And Dazai did what? What did he ever do for Chuuya? Nothing. All he ever did was burden Chuuya with all his emotional crap.
So, no. No, he wasn’t going to wake up Chuuya for something he should be able to handle by himself. He had handled it for the four years he was gone, he could do it again. Although, handle was probably the wrong word. He handled it by ignoring it. He handled it with his… self destructive habits…
He wouldn’t. He couldn’t ruin all of Chuuya’s hard work. Chuuya had kept him from harming himself since they got together almost a year ago now.
Chuuya would surely be mad if he ruined it now.
Dazai slipped himself out of Chuuya’s grasp and out of the covers of their bed. With silent steps, he made his way over to the balcony, swiftly opening the sliding door before closing it behind himself.
He hissed as his bare feet hit the freezing ground of the balcony deck. It was the middle of the night, probably sometime around 2 or 3 in the morning by now, if Dazai had to guess. The autumn air was crisp and beginning to grow colder as the end of the year creeped up on them.
Dazai breathed out softly, watching it fog up in the temperature difference.
He leaned against the railing, watching the city lights of Yokohama at night below him. Every so often, a car would pass below and his eyes would subconsciously follow it into the distance.
This did nothing to stop his racing mind, but made him far colder than he was before. He was tempted to retreat back into the comfort of Chuuya’s arms, but something kept him from doing so.
He looked down.
It was far.
No human could possibly survive a fall that far.
Chuuya could.
Dazai couldn’t.
His fingers twitched where they were on the railing. His hand closed around the railing.
No.
His hand shook, clasped around the freezing metal.
His mind drowned out the sound of the city around him.
His thoughts were screaming in his mind.
It was loud, a cacophony of sounds. Thoughts.
“Why are you awake?”
Dazai’s eyes widen. His hand gripping even tighter around the metal. His body betrayed no other signs of his shock. He didn’t turn around.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“The bed grew cold without a certain clingy mackerel occupying the other side.”
A soft sigh sounded behind him before warm hands found their way around his waist.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
“Yeah.”
“If you’re not up to talk right now, that’s fine, but lets go back inside.” Chuuya spoke, his words pressed into Dazai’s back as a kiss accompanied them. “You’re shivering.”
Was he? He hadn’t even noticed.
He unclasped his hand from the freezing metal.
Chuuya let his hands fall to his side and already Dazai missed their warmth.
Dazai silently followed Chuuya inside. He slipped back under the covers, letting Chuuya close the door before joining him.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
Dazai shifted closer to Chuuya, letting his head rest against Chuuya’s chest. He listened to Chuuya’s heartbeat for a moment as Chuuya’s arms wrapped around his waist.
Dazai’s voice was quiet as he spoke into Chuuya’s chest. “Tomorrow?”
He could feel the soft sigh that left Chuuya. “Tomorrow.”
A hand left Dazai’s waist from under the covers to run though his hair. Dazai let out a soft, content, sigh at the fingers in his hair.
“Try and get some sleep for me, ‘kay princess?”
Dazai felt his cheeks heat up at the pet name, burying his face further into Chuuya’s chest in response.
“I love you.”
“Love you too, princess.”
Dazai is a princess who loves to be spoiled rotten and no one can change my mind, and of course, who better than Chuuya to fulfill his need to be taken care of?
I'm going to ignore the fact that me writing Dazai being taken care of is just me coping 🙃
Can't go wrong with burgerzai. Old art upload, I still cherish this one everyday
Dazai is born in Aomori, and if you take out the “Ao”, it says Mori. That mfs has been following him since day one.
I headcanon that Dazai knows how to draw but like horror version.
Like this for example
Ps : I do NOT know who the artist is, I saw this on Pinterest and searched for the artist but couldn't find it. The account where I found it is Anastasia Bankova, but I dunno if that's the artist.
Mori : I need you to do that.
Dazai : Odasaku said I shouldn't.
Mori : If he told you to jump off a cliff, would?
Dazai : Bold of you to assume I need someone to tell me to kill myself
“Hey, so Dazai is actually a very well written character that was abused and only knew that for a very long time, but he's genuinely trying to get better, no matter how hard you deny it, he's truly trying to be a better person! He's an abuser but was an an abused, and not acknowledging his trauma isn't cool!”
Dazai's hater : NAUUUURRR ‼️‼️ H-H-H-H-H-H-E ABUSED MY BABY AKUTAGAWA ‼️‼️‼️‼️
That is actually very disgusting, tbh. Not acknowledging Dazai's trauma just to paint him as the bad guy and painting Aku as the good guy, ignoring he also abused Kyoka.
Dazai is not the greatest guy, it's true. And his actions are obvi bad. And I'm not justifying his actions. I'm saying as it was : HE WAS A GODDAMN CHILD. He was also trapped in an abuse web. He's not the only abuser. Mori is, then comes Dazai, and finally Akutagawa. Only counting Dazai as the bad guy is down right disgusting. He's TRYING his best. You can dislike him. You can hate him. But denying his trauma is not something that should be done. It's disgusting. It's inhuman.
I have a very sad hc but HEAR ME OUT
Okay so I saw a post that spoke about how Dazai didn't show any emotions when Mori killed the former boss right in front of him. Dazai was a child. Seeing a murder for the first time and… Nothing. No expression. Just acceptance. As if his body is here but not his mind. He's dissociating.
Look at that look. He's not focused. He's just looking at whatever is happening.
So what if it happens each time he commits a crime? What if each time he kills someone, he's not fully realising his actions and only realizes it later, but it doesn't hit him so hard because it happened slowly.
Well, I headcanon that one time, Dazai killed a bunch of innocent civilians for X or Y reasons. Mori told him to. So he did it. But he usually didn't kill innocent people. Usually it's the mafia's ennemis. So the realisation hit him right as everyone's already dead. He's there, surrounded by corpses. He's the reason they're dead. His hands is covered in blood. The realisation hit him so hard he thought he was gonna vomit (he didn't).
Very joyful 🫶🏻‼️‼️
THAT'S SAUR PRETTY 😻‼️
I wanna frame this.
Small headcanon that one day, Dazai got in a big depressed episode, He started screaming, throwing glasses, cups, plates and furniture on the floor. He then had a mental breakdown
(He drank a lot of alcohol)
Bonus : He went to Kunikida's house and they had a sleepover and they made cookies <3
⚠️ SPOILER BSD CHAPTER 117⚠️
I need, and when I say I need it's true, for Dazai to be in pure rage when he finds what happened to Kunikida. Like genuinely. Even worse than Junichiro's reaction. He is no longer the Dazai we know, but a mad man on the verge of despair. He is angry that he treats him like this. Him and his ideals? You don't treat him well? Very well, Dazai will take care of you.
Oh boy that'll be crazy
*Just watched inside out.*
Dazai : What emotion controls me the most?
Kunikida : Depression.
Dazai : It's not even—
Kunikida : Depression.