Enstars - Blog Posts

@alien071

For you

YOOO BBG😫😫😫😫😫 i wanna combust

I love Adonis sm he needs more love ❤️ (๑>◡<๑)

also the mv is PERFECTLY-IMPERFECT and he’s in Kaoru’s spot (￣▽￣)

More doodles~

Drawing quick things like this may help me get back at drawing

Another very small Leo doodle! I didnt think when drawing this so the lines are very messed up

Extremely doodly doodles i did on my phone with my fingers.... Juuust to try drawing something

requests from tgc!!

AMAZING!!

and it's evil art style challenge with wataru hibiki :D i only watched anime, but wataru is a wonderful character o⁠(⁠(⁠*⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠)⁠o

wataru wip

aa super inactive rn but i will be back 2 posting as soon as i can … expect bungo stray dogs, ensemble stars, fortnite, and other content mid to late may mwuah

⟟ Ensemblesongs' Tag Directory, to ease navigation!

『TRIP』 album masterlist & list of current units tags, as well as characters by unit. Temporary. Shuffles | Solos | Cover songs | Fusion units | Duets Past Units. Former Valkyrie | Former fine or fine-o | The five eccentrics or Altered | DEADMANZ MISC. Engirls, instrumentals, BGM (Original Soundtrack. Includes Story & Event BGM for both eras.) New Year's Covers.

Requests are allowed whenever you want, as big as you want them. Frequent fixes are made to past uploads, whether as quality control or volume fixing. I will not hate you for spamming. This resource is for you. ♡ This post will be updated...🖋

If you want the drive files for each song, please ask me! I won't be able to guess.

Previously answered asks. How to download? Post Header ©.

Build! Freedom packed with ideals! - FREEDOM - Prologue

<Spring of the second year since ES was established, “Trickstudio”>

Makoto: I’m back～♪ Sorry for making you wait.

Makoto: I noticed that I was hungry, so I got us all a hamburger menu. The one with the limited edition side dish—

Makoto: Huh? What’s that red beam of light on the wall?

Subaru: Don’t move, Ukki～!

Subaru: If you touch the light beam, you’ll be turned into a cute plushie! Just like this!

Makoto: That plushie, is it supposed to be Isara-kun? It’s so cute～♪

Makoto: But I don’t think it’s possible for people to turn into plushies. We’re not in a sci-fi movie, after all.

Makoto: …Ooh, were you trying to set up a bit with that!? Let me think for a moment, I’ll play along!

Makoto: This plushie looks just like Isara-kun! And here I thought you were just kidding.

Makoto: Have I ended up in a different reality while I was out shopping? Or could this be a dream?

Subaru: No. Sadly, this is reality. Apparently, this is the result of extra security measures in the building.

Makoto: Hng, Isara-kun… Even if you’ve turned into a plushie, nothing can destroy our friendship. I’ll always be your friend, Isara-kun!

Hokuto: …Yuuki. Why are you standing in the doorway? Are you having trouble getting in?

Makoto: Oh, Hidaka-kun.

Hokuto: Hm? What’s with this red beam…?

Makoto: No, Hidaka-kun, don’t do it! If you touch that beam, you too will get turned into a plushie—

Hokuto: Turned into a plushie? What are you talking about?

Subaru: Jeez, Hokke～. You never play along with our bits. You killjoy, you～

Hokuto: Don’t prod me with your elbow. What on earth are you two doing?

Subaru: We got a new lamp, so we were pretending to be in a sci-fi movie☆

Subaru: That light beam is just from a lamp. If you press this button, it’ll project Trickstar’s logo onto the floor, like this.

Mao: It’s quite fun, and it was on sale, so we ended up buying it. Though, it’ll probably lose its novelty pretty soon.

Makoto: Oh, Isara-kun. So you were on the second floor.

Makoto: What’s with this plushie? It’s an adorable little caricature of you. Did you buy this somewhere as well?

Mao: It’s a sample of a plushie that will be sold as merch soon. Anzu just came by to drop it off.

Hokuto: Is Anzu here too?

Subaru: No, she left again right away. Apparently she was needed somewhere else.

Mao: Exactly. There wasn’t even any time to make her some tea～

Makoto: Oh. I wonder if Anzu is just as busy as ever this year.

Makoto: She graduated from Yumenosaki, so I figured we would have more time with her than last year, but I guess not.

Subaru: Despite the fact that the four of us are hanging out in the Trickstudio almost daily～

Subaru: Speaking of. We’ve managed to spruce this place up quite a lot. We’ve added lots of decorations, and it’s starting to look like a true hideout…☆

Mao: That’s because you keep showing up with more sparkly things, Subaru～. Anyway, I hope Anzu finds this place cozy too.

Mao: Because the Trickstudio is meant for her as well♪

Hokuto: …Speak of the devil. I just got a message from Anzu.

Hokuto: Apparently she wants us to come to the StarPro office. It seems that Tenshouin-senpai has business with us.

Subaru: What kind of business?

Hokuto: No clue. Apparently Anzu doesn’t know the details either.

Hokuto: We know who we’re dealing with. I can’t say I have a very good feeling about this, but it’s not like overthinking it is going to help us.

Makoto: Yeah. Nothing in particular comes to mind.

Makoto: In two hours, huh? Then I guess we’ll have time to eat lunch first.

Mao: Sounds good. The smell of junk food in here is making my stomach growl～

Mao: Let’s eat up before it gets cold. Itadakima～su♪

<Two hours later. StarPro’s office>

Subaru: Oh, there’s Eichi-senpai. And Anzu is here too! Yaho, yaho～♪

Eichi: Yaa. I’ve been waiting for you, Trickstar.

Eichi: It’s already April, so this might be belated, but… Congratulations on your graduation.

Hokuto: Thank you. Did you make us come all the way here just to tell us that?

Eichi: Of course not. I don’t have that much free time.

Eichi: While you may no longer be students, a new year has started. As the president of StarPro, I would like to ask you what your plans for the future are.

Subaru: Wow, this feels like one of those student-teacher meetings at school. The future, huh? Hmm…?

Subaru: How about one that’s “bright, fun and lively”?

Eichi: What is that? It’s such a vague idea that it sounds like a slogan.

Subaru: How about “great financial growth”? Or “immaculate health”?

Eichi: Both are important, but neither are the kind of answer I’m looking for.

Eichi: You’re no longer a bunch of fresh new idols who are still wet behind the ears. You should at least set a clear goal for yourselves.

Mao: Ahaha, I’m so sorry… But we can’t just think of something like that on the spot. We’re always just flying by the seat of our pants, after all.

Hokuto: That’s right. Even if we draw up a detailed plan, we always end up in one predicament or another anyway.

Hokuto: Dealing with stumbling blocks on our path and overcoming obstacles that stand in our way is simply our way of doing things.

Subaru: Ooh, Hokke～ you’re so cool～♪ Woo～ woo～☆

Eichi: Come, now. Don’t try to glorify not having any plans.

Eichi: I was already worried that you guys would have this mindset. You should look at yourselves a little more objectively.

Eichi: There are children all over the world who want to become idols because Trickstar are their role models. Now is the time for you to set a good example.

Eichi: I’m not saying you have to become perfectly orderly and exemplary. I’ve experienced firsthand how difficult it is to rein you in, after all.

Eichi: But still. You need to at least put in considerable effort in order to avoid disappointing those who look up to you.

Eichi: Because you are shining idols¹ that are physical representations of their hopes and dreams.

TL note:

Eichi used the word 偶像 here, which literally means “idol” (a statuette to worship). But there was the reading “アイドル” (aidoru) behind it in parentheses, so it carries a double meaning, similar to how the English word “idol” carries a double meaning.

Translated by me, proofread by Altea (@icaruswasthesun on Twitter)

Next chapter

hi enstars tumblr. due to recent events i have started archiving every official enstars mv posted on their youtube account! it’s still a work in progress, but if you want a way to watch mvs without directly supporting happy elements or downloading them all yourself, you can find them here

current progress: fine, switch, esupuri, cover songs, fusion unit songs, shuffle unit songs

as a disclaimer: this is for archival purposes. the inclusion of specific mvs don’t reflect my own views on them and this google drive merely serves as a place to archive official contents

had to roughly draw them somehow ! happy 10th anniversary trickstar !!!

Can you guys tell who my brush

All you should follow my bsky https://bsky.app/profile/valkp.bsky.social

Bluesky Social

Spear!! (@valkp.bsky.social)

ValkP, MayoiP, AkatsukiP --- He/Him --- Enstars, BSD --- classic lit fan

Phantom of the opera shumika...please phantom of the opera shumika... Be a new enstars event... Daae mika and phantom shu

¡! ❝ REDAMANCY .. ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [19] the real slim shady ❞ | m. list | prev. | next

natsume sakasaki x reader smau

warning(s) : cussing; “die”, “i hope u die”, “kys” & “whore” used once (1 time); murder implications twice (2 times)

╰┈➤ synopsis ❝after yumenosaki academy resident magician and eccentric sakasaki natsume asks you to “go out with him”, you immediately shut him down. so why is he dedicating a song to you at a switch concert? and why are people whispering about you being the cutest couple?❞

ੈ✩₊˚TAGLIST : @miihai@shionszz@ikasaeki @zephestia@1072v @drihihihi @homonatsume@lialibrary @hugs4shizu @mikctp @emikoisdead @ara-arashi @disa-ster @tjjjrsj @solemn-soliloquy @bxkugzo@buns-inhiding @calxrein@gxwesn @eichiburger@valeriele3 @444neapolitain@theloverofscaramouchie @thelocal-idiot@lunalightlyy@promisedswords @gabirii @booklover-valkyriep // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you’re in bold i can’t tag you)

drew a horribly inaccurate ritsu on the whiteboard but wasn't able to finish it bc the teacher was coming😓

I LOVE THIS HELLO???????

Capa para a fanfic “Entre saias e poções” escrito por AcidMermaid postado pelo projeto Game Otome Project para a seção de fanfics do Ensemble Stars! Fanfic com foco no ship Kaoru x Anzu.

Se inspire! Não copie! Créditos aos fanartistas ~

Link da fanfic: https://www.spiritfanfiction.com/historia/entre-saias-e-pocoes-18520713

sharing paragraphs from (published) fics i wrote last year that i really enjoyed writing!!!! putting these side-by-side i'm starting to think that there's this evident recurring theme...

[image 1], [image 2], [image 3]

i have TONS of wips stored in my gdrive so hopefully. i get to free them from the box.. my goal for this year is to write lots of words. and being consistent with my writing. AND to stop underestimating my writing capabilities :D i have a superrrr long way to go + still not confident in my english skills when it comes to writing;;;;

If you want to get into Enstars lore...

With the upcoming prsk collab, I'm sure it's attracting people genuinely interested in learning Enstars lore. (Or if you're someone who's been playing Enstars but hasn't been engaging in the lore) In that case, do NOT start with the Reminiscence series, but instead, I highly recommend to read the Main Story first before anything else. You can read it through the English server, BUT if you want to know the very start of Enstars lore, read Basic/! era Main Story. (However, the unfortunate side is that Enstars doesn't really allow fan translations...)

You'd see people recommending stories from the Reminiscence series (Checkmate, Crossroad, Element, Marionette, Meteor Impact, Obligatto, etc.), but I highly advise to NOT read them if it's your first time learning Enstars lore — this was my mistake when I was a new fan lol. But if you do already know tidbits about Trickstar and Jin & Akiomi, then I do recommend reading their Reminiscence stories, which are Rocket Start and Guilty of Perjury respectively since it mainly tells their formation and initial dynamic with each other. The other Reminiscence stories I mentioned deal with heavy topics and require knowledge from ! era Main Story, so I really advise reading those first. It would give you a wrong impression of the characters (which is why I didn't like Shu and Eichi when I was new because my introduction to them was through Marionette💔 I'm a big ValkyrieP now though and i also love fine!)

If you want story recommendations for specific units (particularly Valkyrie, Knights, Switch, Akatsuki, 2wink, Trickstar), just send me a DM! I'm super willing to help anyone who wants to learn more about these lovely units

My thoughts on Starry Symphony -the midnight sun- Day 1

Day 1 Setlist

long post ahead!

Today, June 29th 2024, marked the start of Ensemble Stars' Starry Symphony -the midnight sun- concert. The first day of the concert kicked off with Eden's performance of Deep Eclipse, and each member was doning in dark glittering cloaks as they sing their hearts out the entirety of the first song. The last time Junichi Suwabe (Nagisa Ran), Natsuki Hanae (Hiyori Tomoe), Ryota Osaka (Ibara Saegusa), and Yuuma Uchida (Jun Sazanami) gathered all together as Eden for an Enstars event was way back in 2021 for the Starry Stage 4th concert. At that same concert, Junichi Suwabe had appeared wearing a wig of Nagisa Ran's white hair in a ponytail, which he also did for this year's concert.

The next song was Feathers of Ark performed by the voice actors of fine, consisting of Hikaru Midorikawa (Eichi Tenshouin), Takuya Eguchi (Wataru Hibiki), Ayumu Murase (Tori Himemiya), and Koutarou Hashimoto (Yuzuru Fushimi). The actors were dressed in white cloaks of fine quality, similar to the actual uniforms of the fine characters in-game. Like with Eden, it was also their first time in three years to perform together as fine for an Enstars event.

Immediately after, Kousuke Toriumi (Madara Mikejima) appeared to perform HELLO, NEW YEAR! while accompanied with dancers throughout the song. For Kousuke Toriumi, it was his first time to participate in an Enstars live concert since he voiced the role of Madara in 2017. The excited shouting after the end of Kousuke Toriumi's performance merely passed on to the next performers as soon as the first beat of the next song dropped. Knights' performance of Or The Beautiful Golden Drop shocked everyone in the audience and the viewers through the Stagecrowd livestream as Knights—in a cart—were descending from the ceiling. The voice actors of Knights are rather active in Enstars events: Reiou Tsuchida (Tsukasa Suou) often hosts Tsukisuta—the monthly Enstars livestream where they announce new information related to the series—while Ryo Kitamura (Arashi Narukami) also appears in the stage play adaptations of the series, as well as the new baking show called 'Sweets Room+5,' wherein Daiki Yamashita (Ritsu Sakuma) appeared as the first guest. However, as a group, it has also been three years since they last gathered together. I am certain it shocked the audience once they saw Ryo Kitamura's fully blonde hair, Reiou Tsuchida's reddish colored hair, Masami Ito's (Izumi Sena) platinum gray hair, and Shintaro Asanuma's (Leo Tsukinaga) orange highlights at the ends of his hair, which was tied in a ponytail. Only Daiki Yamashita retained his black hair, but he had styled his hair similar to Ritsu's, like what he always does during an Enstars concert; it just perfectly shows how much love the voice actors of Knights have for the characters they bring to life.

Unlike the previous units whose last Enstars live concert performance was back in 2021, Ra*bits appeared as performers again after their last appearance in Starry Symphony -the first light- on September 30, 2023 to October 1, 2023. Shunya Hiruma (Tomoya Mashiro), Yuki Yonai (Nazuna Nito), and Tomoya Kosaka (Hajime Shino) reappear again months after the October performance, however, Daiki Kobayashi (Mitsuru Tenma) appears for the first time ever at an Enstars live concert—or even at an Enstars event in general—as the new voice actor for Mitsuru. Ra*bits immediately spread warmth towards the audience as they sing and dance to Love it Love it, jumping up and down like rabbits while they perform.

Speaking as an Enstars fan since 2021 and as seiyuu fan since 2018, this entire live has been a magical rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. It has been a while since I saw voice actors like Takuya Eguchi (Wataru Hibiki) or Natsuki Hanae (Hiyori Tomoe) in an Enstars event, and it was also a delightful experience to see Daiki Kobayashi (Mitsuru Tenma) enter the picture; I've only ever knew him through that one YouTube clip of him singing Ojamajo Carnival months before it was decided that he will take on the role of Mitsuru, but ever since he started voicing him and now that I've watched him match Mitsuru's energy on stage, I feel glad knowing that he has become part of Ensemble Stars at present and hopefully in the future as well.

The live then continued as follows: Blooming World by MaM, Joyful×Box* and Parallel Maze by Ra*bits, THE GENESIS and Absolute Perfection by Eden, then Voice of Sword and Luminous Crown by Knights.

(PSA: As a KnightsP, this is going to start to become heavily Knights-centric.)

If there was a performance that completely blew me away throughout this entire live, then it has GOT to be Knights' Luminous Crown performance. I already had a feeling in my gut that they would perform it right after Voice of Sword, but nothing could have ever prepared me for the performance by the end of the Luminous Crown's bridge. During the end of the bridge, a crown placed on a cushion descended from the ceiling. Shintaro Asanuma (Leo Tsukinaga) took the crown, then immediately, Reiou Tsuchida (Tsukasa Suou) knelt on one knee, head bowed down, as Asanuma placed the crown on top of Tsuchida's head—referencing the change of Knights' leader from Leo to Tsukasa in the Enstars lore. Now if this won't kill a KnightsP, then I don't know what else will.

After that rather heartwrenching performance, fine once again emerged from the backstage to perform a song medley of their own songs: Koi wa Primavera!, Tryst of Stars, Ghostic Treat House, and Holy Angel's Carol. I do not consider myself a fineP, but in my humble opinion, they do create one of the best songs in Enstars; or maybe it is because the genre of their songs are just my style, who knows. Their performance just struck a chord in me, especially with Tryst of Stars being one of my favorite fine songs.

After fine's song medley performance, all artists gathered on stage to perform LIMIT BREAK DREAMERS. Promptly after the performance came in the ment hosted by Reiou Tsuchida (Tsukasa Suou), where each member was given the opportunity to introduce themselves and their unit.

If you are new to Enstars or just to Enstars live concerts, a special guest or two will always appear at any Enstars live concert. For the first Starry Symphony concert, Kei Hosogai (Kaoru Hakaze) surprised the fans with his special appearance for a Date Plan A to Z performance while Tetsuya Kakihara (Subaru Akehoshi) and Showtaro Morikubo (Makoto Yuuki) genuinely bewildered literally everyone with their appearances during the second Starry Symphony concert as the two of them performed ONLY YOUR STARS!. However, for this Starry Symphony concert, Wataru Hatano (Adonis Otogari) appears through a video recording wearing Ensemble Training clothes, I am sure you can tell where this is heading. Wataru Hatano led the audience in an exercise/stretching routine while all the other voice actors just stared at the audience, who continued stretching.

After the abrupt stretching, the live continued on starting with Eden's EXCEED performance, followed by Melty Kitchen by Ra*bits (both of which I was unable to watch without interruptions because of third world country poor internet connection). Knights came out again to perform Coruscate Breeze, where they ended up throwing paper airplanes by the start of the final chorus, just like in the music video. Kousuke Toriumi (Madara Mikejima) goes around the stage, waving to everyone in the audience and to the dancers as he performs Yuukai Tsuukai, That's alright!. Afterwards, fine ends the last song lineup with a performance of Never-ending Stage!!!! (which is undoubtedly one of their best songs). Following this, all artists emerged again from behind the scenes to perform Surprising Thanks!!, which signaled the near-end of the concert's first day.

I watched the entire live concert through the Stagecrowd livestream, so immediately after the Surprising Thanks!! performance, everything went black—save for the colorful penlights from the audience. The audience chanted for an encore for at least five minutes, and then, here appears Shintaro Asanuma (Leo Tsukinaga), Masami Ito (Izumi Sena), Daiki Yamashita (Ritsu Sakuma), and Ryo Kitamura (Arashi Narukami)—who was wearing glasses—all doning in clothing similar to the outfits worn by War era Knights in the We'll be "Knights" music video. As mentioned, the four of them stood on stage to perform We'll be "Knights", even holding swords and swinging them around. What surprised me the most was when Reiou Tsuchida (Tsukasa Suou) came out from the center of the main stage then started walking towards the extended stage to join the rest of Knights; Tsuchida was also holding a sword and sang along with them for the final chorus. I think this was the final blow for all KnightsPs that were watching.

Knights returned backstage while the rest of the cast reappeared wearing white shirts and black pants for the final ment of the show. During this time, Ayumu Murase (Tori Himemiya) referenced his tweet posted earlier this morning that had a caption related to Pretty 5; he explicitly stated: "You thought you'd see Pretty 5? IT WAS ENSEMBLE TRAINING!" in reference to fans speculating that Pretty 5 would be the guest performers for today's concert. Knights came back again wearing the same outfits as everyone else, saying: "Sorry, we were swinging our swords around~ That was scary," as they stepped back on the stage. By the time it was Eden's turn to talk, Natsuki Hanae (Hiyori Tomoe) yelled his signature "II HIYORI!" and even did the echo by himself.

The second thing that could have never prepared me was when Hikaru Midorikawa (Eichi Tenshouin) started tearing up and crying during his turn to talk. Through his tears, he explained that he felt a lot of pressure as he was the oldest in the cast, and that he had also spent a lot of time working on Ensemble Stars, so he truly and genuinely did everything he can, which made him feel so satisfied. Throughout his talk, the rest of fine surrounded Hikaru Midorikawa and were patting his back in comfort and support. I felt just as emotional as Hikaru Midorikawa while he talked about the hard work he poured for Enstars, and it made me understand how much love he has for this franchise; he loves Enstars as much as we, fans, do, and it's such a heartwarming sight knowing that fact. Enstars has grown so much more than just a game to most fans, and especially towards the people involved in the making of the game; it has aged to become a story weaved by memories of the past, adventures of the present, and a catalog for the future.

With so many people loving this franchise internally and externally, I am sure that Enstars will still live for at least another five years. But for now, I think it would be nice to relish in the present Ensemble Stars as we await the future.

See you tomorrow for Day 2!

on that path carved from grief

Sometimes Kaoru feels that he cannot remember his own mother's voice. But wasn't that weird? He knew his mother the longest out of everyone. Why can't he remember? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Word Count: 1666

Characters: Hakaze Kaoru & Hakaze Kaoru's Mother (Mentions of Kaoru's father and older siblings)

Tags: Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Minor Character Death, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Pre-Canon, No Dialogue, Angst

※ i've decided to publicly posted this on ao3! the one i posted on ao3 is similar to this post, but i just edited some stuff and properly proofread it (because i originally wrote this while i was for real wallowing in my grief. shoutout to hakaze kaoru for being the character i always use to project my grief)

vent writing where i project my own experiences with grief to hakaze kaoru not because i am a kinnie because it's 3am and my anxiety started acting up. most of these experiences about kaoru and his mom were made up pls don't treat as canon hdjfkdhf they only canon kaoru thing here is he's good with housework and cooking!!!!!! vent post under the cut

WORD COUNT: 1660

Sometimes Kaoru feels that he cannot remember his own mother's voice.

He worries about forgetting the smile she used to have on her face when he would tell her about the shells he found on the beach.

He worries that his mother's melodious laugh after his brother makes a joke would escape his mind at any moment.

He worries he would fail to remember combing her soft, silky blonde locks with his hands as he and his sister carelessly style their mother's hair into braids.

He worries when the feeling of having a mother to defend his actions while his father scolds him for acting too lax and foolish is starting to fade away.

Kaoru worries that, one day, he suddenly forgets.

He knows, however, there were moments after her passing that he will never forget:

Was it weird that he did not shed a tear the moment he knew his mother passed away?

Perhaps it was because, hours prior he found out about his mother's passing, he finally had the courage to engage in a conversation with his classmates. Perhaps the brief feeling of happiness that bursted within him throughout the school hours was too overwhelming that he couldn't bring himself to feel sad.

But wasn't that weird? He knew his mother longer than his classmates. Why didn't he cry? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Was it wrong that he didn't understand what “being dead” means?

He was a middle school student when his mother passed — not a kid anymore. Shouldn't he have understood what death means? Couldn't he see his mother's lifeless body kept inside the open casket during her wake? Didn't he realize the hushed murmurs from the guests, ranging from: “poor kids, their mother left them too soon,” to “what will happen to their family now?” while his sister sobs through the microphone, in a poor attempt to talk about their mother? Didn't he? Didn't he? Didn't he? Didn't he?

Kaoru worries that, one day, these too are something he suddenly forgets.

Loud wailing and sobbing echoed around the graveyard as his mother’s casket was being lowered down. Kaoru, however, has barely shed a tear.

But isn't that weird? There was no doubt that he was his mother's favorite. So why hasn't he cried since her death up until her burial?

As soil covered up his mother's casket, it was only then when Kaoru had felt something — yet that unfamiliar feeling, he knew, was not pain.

Kaoru knew that pain was supposed to make you wake up in the middle of the night to cry, it was supposed to make your heart tighten while you see something that reminds you of your late loved one, it was supposed to make you scream and destroy objects knowing that you can't do anything about what had happened in the past that made you feel so much in pain.

In that moment, however, Kaoru merely felt nothing. It was as if an empty void was suddenly attached within him. Memories of his mother didn't leave immediately, they were still a part of him even as her casket was completely covered in soil. But the moment his father uttered the words: “goodbye,” it was then when he understood what death truly meant. The emptiness within him started to feel heavy as he stared at the soil where his mother is kept underneath. He suddenly became aware of the loud cries from his brother as he clutched his chest, yelling for their mother in the empty sky, and his sister's uncontrollable sobbing as she softly called for their mother. Kaoru should have understood this earlier. He should have. He should have. He should have. He should have.

The Hakaze house is silent when they return. His sister hurries to the kitchen, still in tears, to cook food for dinner because who will make pancakes now that mother is gone? His brother pats his head, tells him to not worry about the household chores and focus on his school work first because who will clean his room now that mother is gone? His father heads to store mother’s collection of seashells and marine life books in a spare room because who will use them now that mother is gone?

His family are on the first step of moving on from their mother's death, but how can Kaoru move on along with them when it was only at this moment that everything started to sink in. “Goodbye,” continues to loop inside of his head like a broken music player as he stands still in the middle of their house. Goodbye, mother. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

A year after his mother's death, Kaoru cries — sobs alone in his room. Tears flow out from his eyes as he sobs in his pillow, what a shame, he had just changed the pillow cover the other night because of the same reason. Kaoru sobs alone in the house; his father is still out working, his brother has moved out from their house and lives somewhere in the city, and his sister is busy with her last week at university.

An hour later, Kaoru leaves his room to make pancakes because he noticed he hasn't had his first meal for the day, but the pancakes he made don't taste the same like how his mother used to make them.

Two hours later, Kaoru starts washing the leftover dishes from last night, then sweeps the floor of the common area because dust started accumulating on the floor again.

Five hours later, Kaoru spends the entire evening rereading the collection of his mother's old marine life books. He spends the next hour reciting to himself about the specific type of each seashell from his mother's dusty seashell collection because his mother wasn't by his side anymore to tell him about the lives of the seashells.

Kaoru worries that these, too, are something he suddenly forgets.

The first year he enters Yumenosaki Academy, he refuses to form any sort of close relationship between his classmates or any student in general. He thinks, perhaps, that it is for the best; he doesn't want the empty void within him to grow even bigger because of a sudden mishap with his hypothetical relationships.

The second year he studies in Yumenosaki Academy, he starts to question himself why he decided to even enroll in this school. He dislikes forming close relationships yet he placed himself in a situation wherein relationships are important for survival. Well, it wasn't like he was serious about becoming an idol, anyway. But, at least for this year, he talked to different kinds of people—though he could barely even call them acquaintances.

The third and last year he studies in Yumenosaki Academy, it becomes the first time he has allowed people to enter his life since his mother's death. It was the first time he cried in front of someone other than his sister — even multiple times. It was the first time he formed a bond that he is confident enough to call friendship. Kaoru still struggles with accepting people in his deeper side of life, yet the empty void within him still stays the same. However, a newer and warmer feeling starts growing inside of him.

The first year in Ensemble Square, Kaoru realizes he is starting to forget what kind of smile her mother always had on her face.

He realizes he is starting to forget in what situations his mother would laugh at.

He realizes he is starting to forget whether his mother preferred her hair in three-strand braids or French braids.

He realizes he is starting to forget what kind of stuff he used to do for his mother to wholeheartedly defend him against his father.

Kaoru comforts himself in the fact that, despite his memory slowly fading away, he will never forget the experience and memories he has with his mother.

He remembers him and his mother stepping barefoot on sand at the beach for the first time. He remembers when his mother first taught him how to ride a wave. He remembers the warm feeling in his chest knowing that his mother is home, ready to serve pancakes to him the moment he returns. He remembers the shame he felt when he realizes that his mother cleaned his messy room while he went out to play with his brother at the playground. He remembers listening to his mother talk about seashells and sharks in between coughs while lying down the hospital bed. He remembers staring at her cold, lifeless body inside the casket, seconds before they finally closed it.

Kaoru remembers it all.

And it's the little things like these constantly remind him that, although the empty void within him might never disappear, his mother took part in building the warmth inside of him. And that warmth will continue to exist within him through his memories of him and his mother.

His mother exists in the necklace she gave to him when he first entered school. She exists in the cold, sea breeze that brushes against his cheeks when he visits the seashore at night. She exists in his first solo song that he wrote with her in mind. She exists in the stories he tells about her to his friends, his juniors, and his fans. She exists in his father, his brother, his sisters — and within himself.

Sometimes Kaoru worries that he might forget everything one day.

But worrying about forgetting in itself is already a reminder that it would be difficult to forget something of such importance.

And even if he does end up forgetting, Kaoru is certain that nothing will replace the feelings, emotions, and memories that he experienced throughout the entire years of remembering his mother.

Oftentimes, Kaoru now relaxes knowing that he was able to experience a life with his mother and also become a part of his mother's life. And his mother will still continue to exist through his own memories.

vent writing where i project my own experiences with grief to hakaze kaoru not because i am a kinnie because it's 3am and my anxiety started acting up. most of these experiences about kaoru and his mom were made up pls don't treat as canon hdjfkdhf they only canon kaoru thing here is he's good with housework and cooking!!!!!! vent post under the cut

WORD COUNT: 1660

Sometimes Kaoru feels that he cannot remember his own mother's voice.

He worries about forgetting the smile she used to have on her face when he would tell her about the shells he found on the beach.

He worries that his mother's melodious laugh after his brother makes a joke would escape his mind at any moment.

He worries he would fail to remember combing her soft, silky blonde locks with his hands as he and his sister carelessly style their mother's hair into braids.

He worries when the feeling of having a mother to defend his actions while his father scolds him for acting too lax and foolish is starting to fade away.

Kaoru worries that, one day, he suddenly forgets.

He knows, however, there were moments after her passing that he will never forget:

Was it weird that he did not shed a tear the moment he knew his mother passed away?

Perhaps it was because, hours prior he found out about his mother's passing, he finally had the courage to engage in a conversation with his classmates. Perhaps the brief feeling of happiness that bursted within him throughout the school hours was too overwhelming that he couldn't bring himself to feel sad.

But wasn't that weird? He knew his mother longer than his classmates. Why didn't he cry? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Was it wrong that he didn't understand what “being dead” means?

He was a middle school student when his mother passed — not a kid anymore. Shouldn't he have understood what death means? Couldn't he see his mother's lifeless body kept inside the open casket during her wake? Didn't he realize the hushed murmurs from the guests, ranging from: “poor kids, their mother left them too soon,” to “what will happen to their family now?” while his sister sobs through the microphone, in a poor attempt to talk about their mother? Didn't he? Didn't he? Didn't he? Didn't he?

Kaoru worries that, one day, these too are something he suddenly forgets.

Loud wailing and sobbing echoed around the graveyard as his mother’s casket was being lowered down. Kaoru, however, has barely shed a tear.

But isn't that weird? There was no doubt that he was his mother's favorite. So why hasn't he cried since her death up until her burial?

As soil covered up his mother's casket, it was only then when Kaoru had felt something — yet that unfamiliar feeling, he knew, was not pain.

Kaoru knew that pain was supposed to make you wake up in the middle of the night to cry, it was supposed to make your heart tighten while you see something that reminds you of your late loved one, it was supposed to make you scream and destroy objects knowing that you can't do anything about what had happened in the past that made you feel so much in pain.

In that moment, however, Kaoru merely felt nothing. It was as if an empty void was suddenly attached within him. Memories of his mother didn't leave immediately, they were still a part of him even as her casket was completely covered in soil. But the moment his father uttered the words: “goodbye,” it was then when he understood what death truly meant. The emptiness within him started to feel heavy as he stared at the soil where his mother is kept underneath. He suddenly became aware of the loud cries from his brother as he clutched his chest, yelling for their mother in the empty sky, and his sister's uncontrollable sobbing as she softly called for their mother. Kaoru should have understood this earlier. He should have. He should have. He should have. He should have.

The Hakaze house is silent when they return. His sister hurries to the kitchen, still in tears, to cook food for dinner because who will make pancakes now that mother is gone? His brother pats his head, tells him to not worry about the household chores and focus on his school work first because who will clean his room now that mother is gone? His father heads to store mother’s collection of seashells and marine life books in a spare room because who will use them now that mother is gone?

His family are on the first step of moving on from their mother's death, but how can Kaoru move on along with them when it was only at this moment that everything started to sink in. “Goodbye,” continues to loop inside of his head like a broken music player as he stands still in the middle of their house. Goodbye, mother. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

A year after his mother's death, Kaoru cries — sobs alone in his room. Tears flow out from his eyes as he sobs in his pillow, what a shame, he had just changed the pillow cover the other night because of the same reason. Kaoru sobs alone in the house; his father is still out working, his brother has moved out from their house and lives somewhere in the city, and his sister is busy with her last week at university.

An hour later, Kaoru leaves his room to make pancakes because he noticed he hasn't had his first meal for the day, but the pancakes he made don't taste the same like how his mother used to make them.

Two hours later, Kaoru starts washing the leftover dishes from last night, then sweeps the floor of the common area because dust started accumulating on the floor again.

Five hours later, Kaoru spends the entire evening rereading the collection of his mother's old marine life books. He spends the next hour reciting to himself about the specific type of each seashell from his mother's dusty seashell collection because his mother wasn't by his side anymore to tell him about the lives of the seashells.

Kaoru worries that these, too, are something he suddenly forgets.

The first year he enters Yumenosaki Academy, he refuses to form any sort of close relationship between his classmates or any student in general. He thinks, perhaps, that it is for the best; he doesn't want the empty void within him to grow even bigger because of a sudden mishap with his hypothetical relationships.

The second year he studies in Yumenosaki Academy, he starts to question himself why he decided to even enroll in this school. He dislikes forming close relationships yet he placed himself in a situation wherein relationships are important for survival. Well, it wasn't like he was serious about becoming an idol, anyway. But, at least for this year, he talked to different kinds of people—though he could barely even call them acquaintances.

The third and last year he studies in Yumenosaki Academy, it becomes the first time he has allowed people to enter his life since his mother's death. It was the first time he cried in front of someone other than his sister — even multiple times. It was the first time he formed a bond that he is confident enough to call friendship. Kaoru still struggles with accepting people in his deeper side of life, yet the empty void within him still stays the same. However, a newer and warmer feeling starts growing inside of him.

The first year in Ensemble Square, Kaoru realizes he is starting to forget what kind of smile her mother always had on her face.

He realizes he is starting to forget in what situations his mother would laugh at.

He realizes he is starting to forget whether his mother preferred her hair in three-strand braids or French braids.

He realizes he is starting to forget what kind of stuff he used to do for his mother to wholeheartedly defend him against his father.

Kaoru comforts himself in the fact that, despite his memory slowly fading away, he will never forget the experience and memories he has with his mother.

He remembers him and his mother stepping barefoot on sand at the beach for the first time. He remembers when his mother first taught him how to ride a wave. He remembers the warm feeling in his chest knowing that his mother is home, ready to serve pancakes to him the moment he returns. He remembers the shame he felt when he realizes that his mother cleaned his messy room while he went out to play with his brother at the playground. He remembers listening to his mother talk about seashells and sharks in between coughs while lying down the hospital bed. He remembers staring at her cold, lifeless body inside the casket, seconds before they finally closed it.

Kaoru remembers it all.

And it's the little things like these constantly remind him that, although the empty void within him might never disappear, his mother took part in building the warmth inside of him. And that warmth will continue to exist within him through his memories of him and his mother.

His mother exists in the necklace she gave to him when he first entered school. She exists in the cold, sea breeze that brushes against his cheeks when he visits the seashore at night. She exists in his first solo song that he wrote with her in mind. She exists in the stories he tells about her to his friends, his juniors, and his fans. She exists in his father, his brother, his sisters — and within himself.

Sometimes Kaoru worries that he might forget everything one day.

But worrying about forgetting in itself is already a reminder that it would be difficult to forget something of such importance.

And even if he does end up forgetting, Kaoru is certain that nothing will replace the feelings, emotions, and memories that he experienced throughout the entire years of remembering his mother.

Oftentimes, Kaoru now relaxes knowing that he was able to experience a life with his mother and also become a part of his mother's life. And his mother will still continue to exist through his own memories.

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here it is btw! if you're ever planning to sign, make sure to give a real sounding name so it is believable:P thank u!

before anyone gets surprised, yes, I am an enstars fan. I haven't played in months but the brainrot still won't forsake me

also akatsuki is 3, I'll get the petition link in a min wait

before anyone gets surprised, yes, I am an enstars fan. I haven't played in months but the brainrot still won't forsake me

also akatsuki is 3, I'll get the petition link in a min wait

ATTEMPED THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME..... it should not have taken as long as it did but . It's fine .

(and sorry there's so many tags!!! I had no idea what to put)