Im Doing It And I Will Have This. - Blog Posts

Winning at betrayal.

I still feel her ghost inside me. numbing sting,I thought would subside by now. I wore my self out. you burned me down. and I was happy. down that road we always drove.I loved it then, but wish to forget it now. those songs we sang never meant more. all that I was somehow turned to ruin, and into nothing... and no more. swept and trampled under the rug. my morals walking out the door behind me. back turned. I didnt care.I dont know how. but all I have to blame is love. no no. it was you my dear. that wasnt love. but I still swallow that knot of rage. that gulp of pain. willingly for you. theres no more I can do. No not for you. no not for you. even if I wanted to. but Im confused. like cattle. I was herded. left undone and deserted. I was more than scared. and Im still scared. a golden tongue a raised right hand, blasphemy. I never even knew. why, just explain to me. just one time. time to put my writhing mind at peace. its ok. ill be ok. its ok. now I keep you as memory, like a melody I cant shake from my history. a tale better told as fantasy end tragedy. or maybe played out on the big screen. but not to me. no not to me. I hope one day... just so you know.. it was the end of that life. and as weak as I am I didnt do it. Always stronger than I think and more than youd credit me. With no one to guide me I flew into the sun. I am not your savior. a knight with no armor. but a castle around my heart. but theres still ways in. though Ive heard it haunted. The sun will shine again and burn away the shadows. leaving only scars. no pain. just reminders of the hardest battles never won. to remind you how you lived through everything you thought would have you come undone. and with that you realize. Ive already ...