Sirius Being Sirius - Blog Posts

Sirius and James when they wanted to take Dumbledore to the winter ball-

Sirius *holding a cauliflower in his hand*: Dear Dumblydore, Today, I am here to make a confession. So, when I first saw you, I felt like the gates of heaven have opened for me. Your beautiful eyes, your wrinkly skin, your white beard, everything is so Perfect. With all my love, I would like to ask you if you will accept my flower and go to the ball with me? *Gets down on one knee dramatically*

James *has his hand on his chest and a look of betrayal on his face*: HOW COULD YOU SIRIUS? YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL! HOW DARE YOU ASK THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TO THE BALL? I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST FRIENDS!

Sirius *turns to face James*: I was the first one to fall for Dumblydore. So get lost! He is MINE.

James & Sirius: *start fighting*

Dumbledore: *Is laughing hard*

James: Wait, let us ask Dumbly-Pie who he wants to go with. I bet it's me.

Sirius: Ha! Let's see.

James & Sirius *turn to face Dumbledore*: My dear Dumblydore/Dumbly-Pie, who would you like to go with to the ball?

Dumbledore: *finally catching his breath* I am sorry but I can't go with you both. Remus asked me first and so I am going with him.

they each have a ‘trauma sharing’ bingo on their cell wall, where they have boxes such as ‘getting hexed’, ‘made to be sleeping outside’, etc

when one of them shares a traumatic childhood story, the other cross boxes and they alternate out until one of them hits bingo

barty and sirius were actually next to each other in azkaban and they bonded over having daddy issues and being gay for their best friend

barty and sirius were actually next to each other in azkaban and they bonded over having daddy issues and being gay for their best friend

Sirius: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?

Severus: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

Sirius: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.

Regulus: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

Sirius with a wand to Severus's head: What happens if I Avada you? Heaven?

Severus: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

I want a Severus X marauders (excluding Peter) where it's like those jeverus fics where baby harry goes back in time and then shocks everyone by being the child of James and sev.

Like this⬇

Dumbledore finds baby harry and baby harry tells who his parents are and for his own amusement during lunch in the great Hall he makes the announcement that a baby has traveled back in time and that his future parents have to take care of him till they can figure out how to send him back

Everyone is silent waiting for home to announce the parents "Harry's Father's-" whispers "fathers? " "what-? " "was it an affair or? " "I wonder who-" "SILENCE" ".... " "as I was saying Harry's fathers.. Yes more than one harry has three fathers and one mother. It was not an affair it seems that the three fathers had fallen for the same person and that person loved them all and didn't wish to choose. So they all formed a relationship. " "..wow" "I will now call each father to come up here to meet little harry" (shush he wants drama that's why he's making the come to everyone's view" ".. James Potter" ! James walks up to Dumbledore and instantly loves harry "Sirius Black" Sirius looks surprised but goes up next to James and looks at his future son "he looks a lot like you James" "I know! " *ahem* "and the last father...Remus Lupin" Remus freezes before hesitantly going up and looks at harry "wow... I didn't think I'd have a kid"-R " I didn't think we'd all have a and kid and relationship with the same person! "-J " well we always share"-S "and now for Harry's mother.. " everyone is quite then Severus, who wasn't interested, starts to leave and harry See's.

Harry perks up and runs from his fathers toward Snape and screams "MOMMY!" Sev feels a tiny body ramming into his leg, he looks down at harry shocked he goes to tell him that's absurd but his heart melts as he looks at harry clinging to him and instead picks him up and smiles at harry and softly talks to him, without realizing it he instantly went into mommy mode, while everyone is silently flipping their shit, Remus being the first to calm down goes up to sev and harry

And you can make up the rest. I just wanna find a fic like that 😢🥺

ScatterPatter incorrect quotes generator

Sirius: What time is it?

Remus: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Remus: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Severus: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Remus: It’s 2 am

*******************************

Remus: Severus, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!

Severus: Well of course I have.

Severus: Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Severus: It's boring.

******************************

Remus: What is your biggest weakness?

Severus: I can be uncooperative.

Remus: Okay, can you give me an example?

Severus: No.

*****************************

Severus, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

James: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

****************************

Remus: WHY. why did you give Sirius a KNIFE?!

Severus: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Remus: Now I feel unsafe!

Severus: I’m sorry.

Severus: ... would you like a knife?

***************************

Sirius: Hey, Remus? Can I get some dating advice?

Remus: Just because I’m with Severus doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

**************************

Severus: sirius and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Remus: *Sighing* What did Sirius do?

Severus: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Sirius: Who wants a steering wheel?

*************************

Severus, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Remus, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Sirius: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Severus: playing systemic oppression

************************

Severus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.

Remus: You were flirting with Sirius.

Severus: So what? He's my boyfriend.

Remus: You asked him if he was single.

Severus:

Remus: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.

***********************

*Severus is cooking*

Remus: Any chance that’s for me?

Severus: It’s for James. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.

Sirius: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

**********************

James: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Remus: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Sirius?

Sirius: Probably “road work ahead”.

Severus: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

*********************

Severus: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Remus: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Sirius: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

James: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

********************

Severus: Why is Remus so sad?

Sirius: he took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Severus: And...?

Sirius: he got James.

*******************

Severus: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Severus: *punches wall*

Severus:

Severus: Take me to the hospital.

******************

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Severus*

Severus: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

*****************

Severus, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

****************

Severus: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

***************

Severus, about Remus: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Sirius: Are we stealing them?

James: New or used?

Severus: Wonderful responses, both of you.

**************

Severus: *Screams*

Remus: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Sirius: Should we do something?

James: No, I want to see who wins.

*************

Severus, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Remus, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Sirius, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

James, trembling: What are we playing

************

Severus: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Remus: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Sirius: I got distracted about halfway through.

James: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

***********

Severus: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Remus: Is it me, Severus?

Severus: No, it’s not you.

Sirius: Is it me, Severus?

Severus: It’s not you either.

James: Is it me, Severus?

Severus:

Severus, mockingly: Is IT mE Severus?

**********

Sirius: Why are Severus and Remus sitting with their backs to each other?

James: They had a fight.

Sirius: Then why are they holding hands?

James: They get sad when they fight.

*********

Severus: Dammit, Remus!

Remus: What?! It wasn’t me!

Severus: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Sirius!

Sirius: Not me either.

Severus: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

James: *whistles*

********

James, banging on the door: Severus! Open up!

Severus: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Sirius: No, he meant-

Remus: Let him finish.

*******

James: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Remus: I don’t know how to do that.

Sirius: I don’t wear a watch.

Severus: Time is a construct.

******

Severus: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Remus: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Severus: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SIRIUS WITH ME

James, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

*****

Severus: Remus, I'm sad.

Remus: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Sirius: James, I'm sad.

James, nodding: mood.

****

Severus: Listen, I can explain...

Remus: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?

Sirius: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!

James: You guys are getting paid?

***

Severus: I just ended a four year relationship.

Remus: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Severus: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Sirius and James fighting from across the room*

**

Sirius: Truth or dare?

Remus: Dare

Sirius: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Remus: Hey James

James, blushing: Yeah?

Remus: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Severus

*

Sirius: Yo is James sleeping or dead?

Severus: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.

Remus: Yeah, so did I.

James: Okay first of all, fuck you-

This happened

headcannon:

remus and regulus would recreate scenes from the song of achilles in front of james and sirius to make them jealous. it would go a little like this:

remus: name one hero who was happy

remus: you can’t.

regulus: i can’t.

remus: i know. they never let you be famous and happy.

remus: i’ll tell you a secret

regulus: tell me

remus: i’m going to be the first.

remus: swear it.

regulus: why me?

remus: because you’re the reason. swear it.

regulus: i swear it.

*then remus would give regulus a gentle kiss on his forehead*

sirius, furious: james. get your prick of a boyfriend away from mine!

james, jealous: why don’t you get your moony away from my reggie.

remus&regulus: why don’t we just run off together and get married.

james&sirius: NO!