Tw Depressing Stuff - Blog Posts

I feel my time is running out

I am the most unlovable unlikable person in the world and don't say that's not true cause everyone who say that leaves me

An suddenly my heart has been ripped out of my chest and sat neatly infront of me

Vent since I'm pissed

Tw sh

My one friend is pissing me off so bad she told me something and I said ok and then said "don't go telling anyone I know you like to do that" and all I think is how she told me a week ago that are whole friendship was built off her using me for homework and I'm the backstaber. Like I feel like she's a bad friend cause she made me so upset I relapsed and I can't even say anything cause she will make it about herself and I know she will cause when I told her I self harm the next day she came to school waving her arm in my face showing me her cuts like were twins now and it makes me feel like I'm the asshole for self harming in the first place.

If anyone actually read this thank you for listening and if you have any advice please share if you want I honestly don't no what to do

Let it all out.

MY HERO ACADEMIA - Kirishima x GN!Reader

Summary: After being rescued by the heroes during the Hassakai raid, the reader still felt uneasy and felt this tight grip on them. Everyone tried helping them but it didn’t seem to work until a boy changed that.

★☽A/N: I feel like people are struggling a lot so I thought “Why not make a one shot with Kirishima for anyone who’s comfort character is him!!” So I did. Just know that you are never alone and that you should seek help, let it all out to a friend or write it all out, just know that you’re never alone, there will always be that someone! :DD 

Contents: A bit of angst - Trauma - Fluff - ED (Eating Disorder) - SH (Self harm)

Disclaimer: Quirk allows the reader to enhance their abilities, like strength, speed, agility, to an unhuman extent.

★────★────★

!. You were a subject to Overhaul by the time you got your quirk (4yrs), you were experimented on and he would take your blood cells just to create a powerful drug to enhance one’s abilities, like strength, speed, and agility to an unhuman extent. But you were the one getting sacrificed and you hate it, you just want to get out of there.

!. Overhaul started to spread the drug with your blood cells around the country by the time you were 10. But a few months later, a new roommate comes, Eri.

!. You were disgusted by how Overhaul treats her, he may fancy her with toys her age would love, but it doesn’t change the fact that he used her quirk, “Rewind” to create a drug.

!. You loved the girl as a sister, she saw you as a sibling that would always help her at her time of need and of course, that’s true because you try and try to stop him from hurting her more but he would never listen! You saw Eri die over, over, and over again and he would just bring her back to life, that must’ve been traumatizing for a child.

★──★

★. There was a group of heroes planning for a rescue that's going to happen in the Hassaikai Headquarters. They have discovered that the bullet that had hit Tamaki was a quirk removing drug that they have called, "Quirk Killer bullet." With the help of Kirishima, they have managed to have the bullet that still had its contents inside, with the right people, they have discovered that it had human blood cells inside.

That made them feel disgusted.

★. Just when they thought it was just one girl.. Oh.. They were unfortunately wrong.

★. With the help of the police, they have also managed to get the enhancing drug from the thug that has attacked Kirishima. With a bunch of time spent, they have discovered that it also had human blood cells.

How sick can Overhaul be?!

★. Midoriya was more than determined to save not only the girl, but the other child as well.

★──★

★. A long time skip goes by and now you and Eri are safe.

★. Mr. Aizawa has been visiting to check on you and to ask questions about Overhaul. He was shocked that you have been there since you were four. He was glad that you knew how to use your quirk but to some extent.

★. A boy named Kirishima has been visiting every single day, always asking you how you been and always love talking about his day which was somehow nice and comforting to you.

★. Midoriya paid a little visit to you, saying that since you both were closer to age, you both could get along. You hesitated but learned to be comfortable around him as his visits turned into weeks.

★. From what Midoriya gathered, both you and Eri were unable to smile. It was as if Overhaul still had his tight and powerful grip on the both of you. He was even more determined to save the both of you again.

★──★

The boy and his classmates planned a concert and it was spectacular!! They were lights and many, many real effects that awed everyone, and Eri finally smiled!! She was freed from that grip, but not you.

It was after the concert, Eri was giddy with joy as she told all of her wonderful experiences during the concert, it brought Midoriya tears when he saw her smile.

“How about you, Y/N?” Midoriya asked the kid beside Mirio, but they didn’t answer, they just kept on their straight face with their face down. ‘He’s still not saved..’ Midoriya was sad, they were still not smiling at all. “It was.. Very colorful..” They commented in a soft, hesitant tone.

The boy was about to say something but Mineta had called out and called him lazy for just standing around. The boy apologized and excused himself and got back to doing his work along with his classmates

"C'mon! Let's leave them with their work, alright?" Mirio called out and Eri and Y/N walked with him out of the gym and back to the main building. Y/N was deep in thought as they walked through U.A. "Hey,Y/N, are you okay?" Mirio asked with a worried tone, Y/N flinched by their name getting called, "Huh? Oh.. Yeah- I– I'm fine." Y/N stuttered which made Mirio worry more.

The thing is, Y/N wasn't fine. They were inflicted by Overhaul's actions and was thinking about the horrid man everyday. It was as if they still felt attached to him because he was the closest and only thing the 14 year old had for a father, a terrible father. They felt like they had betrayed their father figure.

They don’t even have any memories of their parents, only fragments of them and they weren’t nice fragments. Their parents were always neglectful until they just abandoned the child to a cruel man, it was because of them that they had to suffer experiments over, and over, and over again.

★────────

[READER’S POV]

I hate this.. I want this to stop..

It was the same nightmare over and over again. Getting disassembled and experimented by Overhaul was too much for my brain, I just want it to stop!! It hurts so much.

I try so hard to keep it in so many times but when I’m alone, I just break out in sobs and hiccups. I don’t want anyone to worry about me, I’m just fine and I don’t need anyone to help me, I’m used to being alone with no help and this is no different.

I woke up with sweaty palms, I had trouble breathing normally so I tried my best to slow down my rapid breathing. I eventually calmed down and grabbed a drink from my minifridge and drank all of it up at once, I was still panting after that nightmare, shit.

I just stood up and sat onto my gaming chair in my dorm room and played for hours. It was 3.05 AM but who cares? I can’t go back to that horrible dream so, I may as well just play video games until I sleep in a pool of darkness. The screen shined brightly when I turned it on, I opened [GAME NAME] and started playing. By the time it was broad daylight, it was already 7AM. It was a Sunday and there was no practice and training for my quirk for me today so I just focused on the game as the time went by.

There was a lot of commotion that was heard, they were being so loud. A sudden knock was sounded on my door, I turned to look but didn;t respond. “It’s already lunch time right now, so I wanted to bring you your lunch. You like [F/F], right?” Midoriya spoked with his usual positive voice. I could tell he’s gone as the footsteps faded away. I got off my chair and slowly walked towards my door and opened it, seeing my plate of food, I just closed back my door.

I didn’t eat it, I just let it out and it became cold and disgusting. I was too used to eating from one time a day to nothing, I could easily go an entire day with no food, I would feel sick whenever I eat more than once.

★──★

By the time Deku went back to grab Y/N’s plate, it was still there and was now cold. Deku felt worried as he stared at Y/N’s door. He went down stairs to put back the plate and to put the lunch into a takeout plastic as leftovers. “Hey, Midoriya! You okay, man?” Kirishima asked as he walked up to Midoriya. “Not really, Y/N haven’t eaten anything.” Deku said, Kirishima looked at the lunch that was now cold and felt worried as well for the H/C friend. “Do you think they have an eating disorder? I only saw them eat once.. Or never even!!” Kirishima was now kinda panicking a bit for the person.

The boy started having a crush on the H/C kid since he was always visiting and hanging out with Y/N after the raid. Even if Kirishima didn’t know whether the individual even likes guys/girls, or anyone!

“I’m going to go check on him.” Kirishima said to Midoriya who nodded in response. The boy went up in the elevator and walked to Y/N’s door, he knocked. “Hey, Y/N? You haven’t eaten anything, are you alright?” Kirishima asked with his caring voice, Y/N didn’t respond, “Y/N?” He called out again but to no response. “Hey, look, if you ever need to- express your feelings, you can come to my room, alright? It’s just a floor up. I want to try to help you but if you don’t need that then it’s completely fine! I’m just offering some support.” Kirishima said before walking away. Just as he opened the elevator, a hand grabbed his arm, he turned around to see Y/N in a mess, they had a maroon colored hoodie with black shorts underneath, their hair was a complete mess and you could see their eyes were red from crying.

★──★

“So, what’s up?” Kirishima asked.

The two were in his room and on his bed. Y/N was seated at the end of it, while Kirishima was at the front. Y/N just kept quiet, worried if Kirishima wasn’t gonna take what they had to say. “Look, take your time.” Kirishima assured, which made Y/N more comfortable with the situation.

After a few minutes, they started to talk.

“I feel like throwing up every time I eat more than once or even anything. I stopped eating, I excessively worked out, I took laxatives, and I started to throw up food that I have eaten. Hell.. I even started to throw up after every meal. I stopped eating with you guys since you guys would be worried if I didn’t eat my food. I just lock myself in my room and play video games endlessly. I think the only things I consumed were water, protein shakes, and plain brewed coffee. My ribs have become more visible, I look like a skeleton. I don’t want to eat, I’m too used to never eating. I feel like I would be punished for eating, my stomach won’t agree with me and I feel like my mind has been going insane. I've been having these nightmares back when I was with Overhaul and I feel like I betrayed him, he was like– My father figure, despite his poor treatment towards me.” Y/N finished venting, it felt better after they let it out, like a small weight had been lifted from their shoulders.

Y/N felt total awkwardness when Kirishima wasn’t saying anything. Did they say too much? Just before Y/N was gonna apologize, a huge hug embraced them. Kirishima was hugging them tightly, like they were gonna vanish. “I’m so sorry that you feel like this!!” Kirishima said but Y/N didn’t hear that, they just felt the ringing in his ears.

A panic attack?

“I’m- I’m sorry but- Can you stop hugging me?” Y/N managed to stutter out, “Ah! Omg, I’m so sorry, I didn’t ask.” Kirishima apologized again before letting go, then he realized Y/N’s heavy breathing. He was gonna say something to help them but decided to take a different route. “Hey, hey, look at me, Y/N.” Kirishima said, which Y/N obliged. 

“Breathe slowly, or you won't calm down” Kirishima said but Y/N was still panicking a lot. “Is it alright if I can hold your hands?” Kirishima asked softly, extending his hands out for Y/N to grab and they grabbed hard while looking at Kirishima with panicked eyes.

“Repeat after me, N/N.” Kirishima told Y/N as he demonstrated calm breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, they repeated Kirishima’s breathing until they managed to calm their breathing and no longer stressed and panicked.

“How do you feel?” Kirishima asked, trying to let go but Y/N held his hands tighter. “Be-Better.” They responded, slowly caressing Kirishima’s hands as a way to soothe themself.

The silence was actually comforting. They just sat in silence with Y/N holding Kirishima’s hands, stroking them gently which soothed them.

“Erm- I’m sorry.” Y/N’s apology stopped the silence, “Hm?” “I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you.” They apologized, “Oh! No, no, no! You shouldn’t apologize, you just needed someone to tell these things to.” He said.

Y/N choked a sob, tearing up. Y/N let go of his hands and hugged him.

“Thank you, Ejirou.”

★────★────★

fr, yall will never understand how disappointed i am of myself rn, bcz i was actually getting kinda better n now im thinking abt the fastest n easiest ways to commit again

The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful

literally my healing era rn:

(im switching from being completely healed n from being on the verge of su1c1de <33)

Constantly switching between healing and complete self destruction

my intro !!!

charlie!!

they/them [non-binary, afab]

pan aroace [demiromantic+aceflux]

in a relationship!! my amazing dear darling wife: @vodozemacc350

teen [not comfortable w sharing my age, but my age range is 13-16]

4nor3xia, depression, anxiety, sh add1ct (cvtter) + other undiagnosed mental health illnesses (undiagnosed autism n borderline personality disorder)

im chronically ill, but i dont like talking abt it a lot

i talk a lot abt my sh n 4nor3xia, so if u feel uncomf w seeing that, block me, dont report

scene + indie

please use tonetags 4 me ToT

my dms r open, talk to me please TvT

u can ask if u want any of my other social

DNI LIST:

p3dos, z00s, any other ___phile (this is a kinda-dni, im ok w interacting w u as long as u dont say/do anything bad bcz i have trauma from multiple p4rapl1les i met in the past)

h0mophobes, r4cists, tr4nsphobes, m1sogynist, ect.

ESPECIALLY trump supporters

fandoms:

arcane

mouthwashing

pjo

hp

icp

fear street [both books n movies]

mlp

sally face

scream

+ many more that i dont remember rn-

my 4n4 info!!

hw/sw: 45 kg

cw: 44.6 kg

gw1: 42 kg

gw2: 40 kg

ugw: 38kg

thatz it <3 bye ^^

Once again, the failed prototype takes a backseat to its creator's magnum opus. That's how it always happens.

A frame, gifted to me for my birthday sat empty because I had no friends and no fun memories with which to fill it.

They were put there instead.

"This is temporary."

It wasn't.

I used to shine so brightly, the brightest star in the sky, blocking out so many others. I was the pride of the galaxy. Now that I'm older, I've burned out and essentially been replaced. I lay here, wasting away with little to show for the time I've spent living.

I was gifted a frame once again. This time, it had something in it. A photo of the stars, the way they were in the sky over the place I was born, on the very night I was born.

Their photo sits on top of mine. In my frame.

How fitting. How poetic.

"Don't act like they're the favorite. Or like they have special privileges."

They clearly are, and they do.

I felt almost numb about it at first. I didn't want to be bothered by it, but I was. The tears fell immediately. I can barely complain about it. It always ends in my words being brushed off or a full blown argument. Never an apology or even an admission of wrongdoing.

How dare you. How dare you do this. It's such a small act, but the hate and disrespect feel earth shattering. I know I'm being dramatic, and it hurts that much more because of it. I know I sound crazy for crying and complaining about it. After all, it's a picture frame. It's not the end of the world. It feels like it, though. I'm literally nauseous.

"You have to toughen up. You can't be a soggy little sad sack."

I don't want to toughen up. People who have to steel themselves often lose their compassion, empathy, and patience. That's one of the many things I hate and fear. Those emotions don't disappear. They only fester and ferment until they bubble over. You could've had juice, and then maybe wine, but no. Now you have vinegar, and you can't just keep trying to hold it in. It will escape whether you like it or not. You can't keep pouring more juice into a full glass and expect it to not spill.

I shouldn't have to toughen up about this. Something so stupid shouldn't be happening in the first place. They knew the pictures were coming. They could've bought a new frame. They aren't expensive.

"His picture is from an achievement. Yours isn't. What do you need the frame for? You have no achievements and you haven't since you were younger."

I wanted to break the frame as soon as I saw the picture. Life has been kicking my ass, and I managed to keep my cool until I came home that terrible night and saw that photo.

Why do I have to be the broken, failed prototype? Why do I have to be defective? It isn't fair.

Tw: suicide (dont worry, I'm not attempting. And please don't report me.)

Quick question for anyone who might have an answer.

How common is it for people to think of attempting suicide to avoid going to work? Like... Nobody ever seems to WANT to go to work, and some jobs feel like hell. It seems like it would be really common... But then again, I'm kind of fragile (emotionally), and can't imagine NOT being fragile. I'm not going to attempt. It's just something I thought about, because the thought of doing that popped into my head. If I succeeded, there'd be no more work, no ridicule or gossip, no worries about what might happen if I start hrt while working or worries about my future, being alone, or in pain, or being a failure. If I failed, I could probably get a psychiatrist, like I needed to years ago. It would be expensive, and I'd probably get sent to a psych ward, but still. I don't want to go to work. I would probably be content sitting in a decent psych ward for a few years. Idk. I hate being an adult.

Nobody Told Me This shit would suck so much

first job. walmart. sucks. I think i was mildly depressed before and maybe didn’t really notice; now i REALLY feel it. Ive been crying freaking rivers the past few days. especially before and after work. and its so hard to keep it mostly hidden. i felt guilty and useless before for not doing much with my time, but it hasnt really changed. im so tired and fucking upset. its so hard, but they tell me to be happy that im making so much for a place like walmart, i hate it. i never wanted to grow up and suffer, i just wanna feel okay. i wanna run away from all of this, maybe even disappear. this world is so painful. maybe im not cut out for all of this, i just wanna sleep