Having To Choose Between Being Awake And Feeling Like Crap Or Being Tired At But Not Dizzy And Lightheaded

So, the host of our system has written a novel. Fantasy fiction type that can be really dark at times. She’s been working on it for like ever and is really proud of it. She’s in the final editing stages. Good for her.

But… as with any media we hyperfixate on, we now have a fictive of probably the most traumatized character in the whole thing. And they really miss their friends that they fought so hard to protect. Recently they came out and was talking with the hosts boyfriend, something they had refrained from doing with anyone. And he asked if the fictive wanted to talk about his friends in source.

This was a game changer, up to this point we had refrained from thinking of any of our sourcemates as real people. We didn’t want to cling to them. But then someone suggested that we were valid for missing them, and that they were more than a figment of our imagination. Which was revolutionary to our system and thought process.

So for the first time one of our fictives started reminiscing on their friends from source. It was incredibly therapeutic for them. And as much as we’re aware that clinging to source can make moving on harder, there is a certain level of acceptance and respect you have to give it first. Letting go of your source does not mean forgetting. It just means accepting that you can’t go back.

Anyways, in case you didn’t guess the traumatized fictive from the host’s book is me. I’m the traumatized fictive.

Yay for me.

So if you’re a fictive struggling with missing source, maybe try this out and see if it helps.

I hate it when people are aware that I’m not the host, then proceed to treat me like I am then.

-Hunter

Traumagenic-only community blogs : a masterlist

For anyone who feels uncomfortable having to share community spaces with endogenic systems, a masterlist might useful.

If you know of other blogs, let us know and we'll had them to the list !

Last updated on: 07.03.2024

Culture

@pluralcultureis @polyfragcultureis @narccultureis

Community

@sys-polls @anti-endo-safe-space @system-hottakes @tales-from-systok @tales-from-sysblr @tales-from-syscord

Vent

@sys-confessions @antiendovents @system-vent

Positivity

@cdd-joy @positivitycombopack

Templates, userboxes and flags

@crows-templets @zero-templates @electricalstemplates @systemuserboxes @systemtermz @flagsandtags @hydra-creates

Resources

@atlas-duo

A very special thanks to @the-hydra-sys who helped us so much in making this masterlist.

I love that my freind is so accepting of our system that he almost likes one of my alters more than me. It’s increasingly funny how much Hunter and him vibe.

Now to introduce him to the overwhelmingly gay presence that is Angelo.

-Apollo

That system feeling when,

“We don’t actually have a lot of physical trauma so-“

Huge flashback and muscle spasm because of it.

“Never mind.”

I hate this body that I am chained to. This life I live and name I must react to. I hate the way our jaw clicks when we chew, I hate that I have the wrong genitalia, I hate that I am now three inches too short I hate that our feet hurt after standing for all of a minute, I hate these eyes that stare at me with no sense of recognition, I hate that my hair is so much darker than it should be, I hate how unpointed my ears are, I hate how uncrooked my nose is, I hate my lack of scars that I used to carry with pride, where is my reminder to keep fighting?

I hate the reflection that looks nothing like me any more. I wish I could just go back

-Hunter.

Ha ha, doctor’s appointment in the morning to see if I have a chronic disease. Let’s see how this goes.

-Apollo

Had a huge fight with our parents yesterday and havnt really seen them since we switched out in the middle of it and had to tell them that we aren’t their child but one of their alters, only to be met with ablism and apathy.

Like, we’ve brought up to them that we have alters before, we’ve tried to explain it to them, then we just let them believe we got over it so they’d leave us alone. And this is why, because they don’t understand and believe they know better about their child then their literal child and their therapist. It’s fricking annoying as hell.

We’ve been in really depressed all morning and need to eat lunch but don’t have the courage to leave our room.

-the color spectrum

Systober I guess?

Apparently there’s a systober thing going on??? I’m gonna use it as a prompt for text posts each day (might draw some stuff, who knows) and we’ll see how far we can get into it and how many days we just forget. I’ll post the photo of the prompt list below. Credit to @persmo for the list.