That System Feeling When You’re An Alter With A Popular Source And You Don’t Tell People And Go By

I love it when people tell me I have great fashion taste and dress well, then I get to respond with:

“Well duh, what do you think I did with all that time in the closet?”

That’s all, have a good day

-the alphabet mafia of the system

ED, weight and food talk below the cut. Proceed with caution.

So in the past couple of months I’ve started being very particular with my food. Like I could only make myself eat my safe foods unless I was really forcing myself. And then slowly it turned into only being able to eat my safe foods at all. And then two weeks ago it developed into not even being able to eat my safe foods.

In the past three months I’ve lost 25 pounds unintentionally. In the past ten days I’ve eaten a total of four meals. And it’s not like I don’t want to eat, it’s not like I’m having a ED relapse and I’m keeping myself from eating because I don’t want to gain weight it’s just that every time I get something ready, heat it up and put it in front of me, I cannot get myself to actually eat it.

It’s to the point when I’m freezing, shivering, in my bedroom, the same place I used to always think was way too hot. (And don’t blame the season, I’m in Florida and the highs are still in the 80s every day). I’ve started fitting into my mom’s clothes. My mom who is underweight for her height and three inches shorter than me. My own clothes don’t fit anymore. And even seeing all of this, wanting to eat, I just CANT.

I don’t know why.

And I don’t know what to do about it.

I’ve tried eating distracted, giving myself something to give my focus to, all that does is give me an excuse to not look at the food at all and not touch it. I’ve tried eating things I’m in the mood for and that worked until about three-four weeks ago when I was no longer in the mood for anything.

Not eating combined with ten hour work shifts I’m actually scared I’m going to pass out while working. Cause it’s all manual labor and walking around. Todays the first day of my four day work week, with any luck today won’t be terrible but the 500 calories I had yesterday and the 5 hours of sleep that I’m running on are not promising numbers.

Ok, I’m done ranting for now. Hope you guys have a good day.

I hate it when the host wears a skirt and then I switch in and have to deal with it. Like come on, I don’t want to see my legs, what do you take me as?

-Hunter

Glad I could help 😊-Apollo

One of the most validating things you can do as a system is try to act like one of your alters, you will very quickly realize you can’t, because it’s just not you. So whenever you need a validation boost, turn on a camera so you can look back on it, and then pick one of your alters and pretend to be them for a few minutes. It’ll look stiff and awkward and not quite right. Because it’s not them.

This tip has been from Apollo. Goodnight people’s

That system feeling when your MALE alter comes out and finds your STRAIGHT boyfriend cute and then proceeds to flirt with him and makes him question everything. 😂

-Apollo

[Box 1: Text: This system doesn't like being referred to as parts.

Box 2 Text: This system is asking you to stop calling us parts please.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

Fictive culture is the host never actually sitting through your entire source, so you have very little idea of who you’re supposed to be.

It’s also seeing a lot of fan art of you shipped with someone from source that you know nothing about and being both curious to learn more but wary of finding something you don’t want to know anything about.

-Varian

I played the game again today and as of this point I still remember it, let’s see if I do tomorrow, lol

-Apollo

Okay, so on amnesia, there’s this game that I’ve apparently played with my bf FOUR times now. And I don’t remember any of them. Until he told me today I didn’t even realize that I had played a fourth time. And I only knew about the first three because he had told me about them some point after we played.

It is absolutely insane to me how fully I can forget something like that. How totally absolute my brain is when blocking it out. I don’t remember us planning to play, getting ready to play, playing, wrapping up, or whatever we did after that. It’s absolutely insane. And apparently I’ve beat my boyfriend at it several times now.

It’s not an obviously triggering game either, it’s a basic fantasy monster slayer type board game using cats and other furry animal characters. I assume, I don’t remember ever playing it.

The weirdest part to me is that I don’t even remember missing anything. I have no clue when we played, or what we were doing before or after. It legitimately feels like it never even happened and all I have to go off of is my boyfriend’s word, which I do trust, it’s just so bizarre. It’s almost hard to believe any of it happened because of my complete and total lack or recollection of it.

Anyways, I’ve decided next time he brings it out we’ll have to record at least part of the game so I can look back on it.

Touches you with my traumagenic median fingers

I’m gonna be honest I have no idea when this showed up in my asks I continually forget to check that thing.

Anyways

Boops you back

As previously stated, I have no quarrels with those who believe something different than me as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. A lot of the endogenic community is great at hurting people so as a default I ask them to steer clear of my page to keep my followers feeling safe. But if you can chill, believe whatever the hell you want. That has nothing to do with me.

So, the host’s boyfriend came and talked to us, made sure we were okay, that was cool. I ended up talking it out and feeling much better afterwards.

So that’s nice.

-renfield

I’m out and masking so hard, even though we’re among friends who are aware I’m just not super comfortable.

And let me tell you, masking a British accent in an American environment is so not the best.

Especially when everyone keeps asking you if you’re okay cause a second ago the host was out having a panic attack.

This is my life at the moment.

-renfield