Me And My One Irl System Friend Are Tuned Into The Same Microwave Frequency, Trying To Push The Buttons

I’ve been having a lot of doubts recently. A lot of wondering if I’m just making it up because I wanted to. I don’t know right now. Maybe I just wanted to be broken so that my pain was finally valid.

I don’t know.

Moral of the story. If I delete my blog or go quiet for a while, it’s cause I’m rethinking everything.

-Apollo

YALL! I JUST FOUND THE ‘GOTH RAVE’ COLOR PALLET SETTING!! WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THIS WAS A THING??!

Tw: suicide attempt-hospitalization-mental health

Continue at your own expense

So, we’ve been gone for a bit. Our depressive episode came to a head, and we downed a months worth of our antidepressants and ended up on a ventilator in the ICU. We were in the hospital for 6 days before getting transferred to a psych unit where we spent another 8 days.

Everything before the OD is incredibly blurry. All of our memories feel farther away than they are and we keep getting confused on what happened when, not too far from the norm but much worse than usual. That mixed with the chronic back pain from lying in bed for six days means we are far from recovered.

That being said, I want to thank those who have supported me thus far. Even though most of them will never see this, I want everyone to know that none of them have given up on me, and they have all gone above and beyond to help me in anyway they can. I am so beyond appreciative for those who have stood by me despite my stupid decision making.

One of the reasons I’m posting this is to have a timeline of when things happened to look back on, but also so I don’t forget how many people have helped me.

-Apollo

That system feeling when you have a headache and don’t know if it’s cause you’re splitting, switching, or you forgot to take your meds.

-Apollo

Isn’t it great when you have chest pain and whatnot? And because you have all sorts of undiagnosed physical issues AND you’re afab you just kinda have to deal with it and not let your anxiety eat you alive? Great right?

That system feeling when you’re an alter with a popular source and you don’t tell people and go by a name that isn’t actually yours so that no one can judge you for existing or the host for splitting you.

-Angelo

Nothing came or the first couple appointments besides a week wearing a heart monitor. It’s all very annoying and I cant continue to pay the $90+ that my insurance doesn’t cover each appointment. So instead I’m going to ask a different primary care (one I can see via video instead of in person) about getting a referral to a tilt table test. Let’s see how this fricken goes. Will update in like three hours after my appointment.

Ha ha, doctor’s appointment in the morning to see if I have a chronic disease. Let’s see how this goes.

-Apollo

Well apparently they aren’t primary care like it said on their website. Apparently they’re just like a virtual urgent care and can’t write me a referral for a tilt table test. This is so frustrating. I’m literally in tears.

Ha ha, doctor’s appointment in the morning to see if I have a chronic disease. Let’s see how this goes.

-Apollo

I love it when people tell me I have great fashion taste and dress well, then I get to respond with:

“Well duh, what do you think I did with all that time in the closet?”

That’s all, have a good day

-the alphabet mafia of the system

I hate this. Like, I just split a few days ago and I feel so trapped. I am all of the sudden in the body of a barley adult girl living with her parents? I can’t do shit!

I can’t get out my sexual frustration cause the host’s boyfriend wouldn’t like it, the body is too young to buy alcohol or cigarettes. It is so hard to be self destructive and I really don’t appreciate it.

-Angelo