Hello Mutual Of Mine! I Saw Ya In M Notes And Wanted To Say Hello! How Are You?

As a male alter, I am much too comfortable in an afab body…

- Angelo

Me: goes through trauma

My alters: split just to hide it from me

Me: finds it again

Me and my alters:

Oh how I wish I would just split a Loki fictive already

-Apollo

YALL! I JUST FOUND THE ‘GOTH RAVE’ COLOR PALLET SETTING!! WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THIS WAS A THING??!

Anyone else have a host that loves their source and consumes startling amounts of media of it until they’re pulled to the front?

No one?

Cool.

-Varian

Here’s a video of me from this morning when I went nonverbal, I’m using ASL (American sign language) to the best of my ability to talk about why you should learn sign. It’s a great tool for nonverbal, neurodivergent, HOH, deaf, and other individuals to communicate. If you can decipher what I’m saying congrats, I know it’s not super neat or grammatically correct, I’m still learning.

(NV stands for nonverbal)

Well of course you don’t remember it, to you it was just another time you had to deal with your kid being annoying. To you it was just a short second when you couldn't be bothered to control your anger. To you it was just another inconvenience after an already long day.

But to me, the kid that you yelled at to stop crying because you had a headache, to me it was the first of many moments that taught me I was only an inconvenience. To me it was the shocking reality that I am only worth your affection if I'm easy to deal with.

I don't expect you to remember what to you was only another tired day. But you can trust that I won't forget the first thing you ever taught me.

That system feeling when,

“We don’t actually have a lot of physical trauma so-“

Huge flashback and muscle spasm because of it.

“Never mind.”

This was a reply on a response to an ask. In the post I mentioned why I don’t want endogenic systems on my page. I’ve said it a few times but here’s it again for those who missed it or were asleep in the back of the classroom.

My experience with the Endo community hasn’t been totally terrible, but I have seen their bad side. A lot of other traumagenic systems have been targeted by the endo community because of their difference in opinions. This can come in many forms including attacking trauma only discord servers, targeting those with opposing view points, cyber bullying, and spreading hate and discourse.

People tend to feel attacked when their viewpoint is challenged, whether they’re being attacked or not. And people who are insecure in their identity or view point (as I believe many endos are) tend to lash out when they feel that way. I don’t want to say anyone is a bad person, I’m just pointing out patterns I have seen and heard of over and over. A lot of endos have resorted to hate and cyber bullying when they find those who don’t believe them.

Now this isn’t to say that the traumagenic community hasn’t also been hurtful. I’ve seen plenty of people attacking every endo or supporter they see based on their past experiences with a different endo or supporter.

Now here comes the really messy part. Even if endos aren’t purposely hurting those who aren’t in their community, they are actively spreading misinformation that can seriously damage the public view of systems. By making claims like “you can choose to be like this” or that it’s all fun and games warps the reality of the pain and trauma that is associated with dissociative disorders. And by spreading a false narrative it makes it harder for those struggling to be taken seriously.

Just to be clear I do not condone any kind of attacks or targeting of endos or their community. I am perfectly happy to coexist as long as they stay in their own lane.

Have a good day -Apollo/Elizabeth

Traumagenic-only community blogs : a masterlist

For anyone who feels uncomfortable having to share community spaces with endogenic systems, a masterlist might useful.

If you know of other blogs, let us know and we'll had them to the list !

Last updated on: 07.03.2024

Culture

@pluralcultureis @polyfragcultureis @narccultureis

Community

@sys-polls @anti-endo-safe-space @system-hottakes @tales-from-systok @tales-from-sysblr @tales-from-syscord

Vent

@sys-confessions @antiendovents @system-vent

Positivity

@cdd-joy @positivitycombopack

Templates, userboxes and flags

@crows-templets @zero-templates @electricalstemplates @systemuserboxes @systemtermz @flagsandtags @hydra-creates

Resources

@atlas-duo

A very special thanks to @the-hydra-sys who helped us so much in making this masterlist.

To the hosts out there reading, this post is for you!

You're doing god's work (for your sys) and i applaud you for that as this role takes a lot of responsibility and out-time longer than any other parts in the system. I do admit it's hard to be one, and i do understand your inner struggles.. which is why i'm going to talk about this topic: deeply rooted sense of denial.

Yes, there's a lot of validating posts out there which is why i decided to join in and give my own pov in purpose of covering more stuffs than other people had done. Those things won’t be repeated here, fyi.

Q: Why do hosts tend to have more denial than others?

A: Actually, its not the type of role that guarantees you into having more denial compared to different parts, everyone can have it, in varying degrees. This is more about HOW hosts can have higher amounts of denial.

Q: But what's making them having denial, what's your "how"?

A: They're the one being outside most of the time and usually busy functioning in real life which leaves little to no room for attention to notice other parts roaming around or see the innerworld. They may subconsciously feel they are more "real" than other parts as the rest don't get the same chance to be out like hosts.

It can also stem from self doubt or imposter syndrome,, but generally from the discovery of being a system after a long time of living without knowing it, sometimes accepting a change or realization is already hard by itself. Lack of proof to validate the condition also works, because hosts usually got hidden away from traumatic memories which creates an assumption of not being “too bad” to have one.

Q: If someone feels the denial/doubt, what should be done?

A: Only being told “that’s denial” won’t actually solve the problem, other than proofs of not being aware of time gaps and ‘less bad’ memories it still feels a pretty weak answer. So, some questions that will work better are:

“Why do you think you can’t be a system?”

”Are you aware of any hazy or blurry memories of your life? What is the reason for it to happen?”

”In denial, have you ever thought of trying to find some clues and take account and think of it rather dismissing it right away?”

”how do you currently feel when you’re questioning the existence of other parts?” (This is for self awareness and managing panic before it spirals)

“Is there any other way to describe your situation?”

“Do you think the experiences you’ve seen in yourself is equivalent what a system looks like? (using other’s experiences can work)”

I have made a dedicated post on handling this so if you’d like to educate yourselves or see the solutions, click here. Another thing that i want to say is to be transparent with each other and communicate in a 2-way,, nothing will get solved if things are always kept away from each other.

One last thing i’d want to tell to all the hosts out there is that they deserve a break, a time out from the world. Nothing will go wrong,, no, your other parts are capable and responsible enough to cover for you when you’re resting. I really advice to anyone reading this that being burnt out and pushing against it is never good,, what do you get out of it? Just extra debt of depleted energy and even more problems be it cognitively or emotionally, only you know.

so please take care of yourselves, you’re the most important role when it comes to creating a functional life outside for your system, so you should take proper breaks keep your best condition to work too <3

- j