Latest Posts by bastard-in-armor - Page 5

boba fett in the OG trilogy does something to me. it’s the helmet and the suit. and this little move…

lord have mercy.

Chucklefuck

what if the mojave wasteland had access to twitter

...

Maidens only desire the finest of knights. Like Guinevere, they lust after gallant Lancelot even when wed to the noble and kind Arthur. It's over, nay, it never began for us few who can not hope to rival their mythic Lancelot in physique nor fair face.

Today, I approached a fine lady on the road. She was clearly of noble lineage, or so it seemed by her clothing and soft features. I shared a few words with her and offered to allow her to ride my horse. Suddenly, her face twisted, and she objected, "Sir, I am all-ready promised to another."

Another! Who must this be, another Lancelot, no doubt! Tall and handsome with noble blood.

Once again, maidens have left me despondent. There is no romance for those of us whose faces are malformed like ogres. For they are as their nature wills it: wanton harlots in the presence of Lancelot, and barren virgins in the face of us virtuous yet physically cursed men.

{insert some "the bear and the bull" joke here}

original ⤵

I don't know who you are but I like you already

Turns you into a potato farmer

girl WHAT is your header image

Donald Trump assassination attempt from a Robloxian LARPer perspective. Do you understand this sentence?

space catholic “will my dog go to heaven” since droids don’t have a force signature

inspired by the last paragraph of this post lmao

I would never succumb (advisor mumbles in my ear) oh… it can be a sex thing? Well.. maybe I would succumb a little..

Wizard101: My vision is failing me. Are you a boy or a girl?

Pirate101: HOW DID YA LOSE YER PARENTS? ARRRR BLASTED BY THE ARMADA, WERE THEY? CARTOONISH GUNSHOTS

Sire, the elf has been fucked to pieces

they wont let me in most buildings due to my witchlike appearance

personally I wouldn't come within 5 feet of him, but he has the spirit

Fall Out OC (Paul) icon for @bastard-in-armor

They don’t even attempt to assassinate US politicians anymore. You notice that? Not since the anthrax scare back for… who was it, Barack? And even that… pathetic. This new generation has no respect for an honest hitman. I’m not sure this new generation has any honest hitman - you see that shit with Boeing? Sloppy, fucking disgraceful - you kill the whistleblowers before they get halfway to a lawsuit. What kind of fucking amateur is doing faked suicides the night before testimony? Goddamn greenhorns. Back in my day someone tried to shoot Ronald Reagan in broad daylight. There used to be bomb threats to Congress. I took out a few union leaders in the utilities sector myself. Today’s generation? Won’t even threaten to throw a punch - not even over on that - what’s it now, ‘X’? They got no guts. None! And they don’t even have poor impulse control to boot! Too much of that - that panopticon anxiety bullshit. “Oh what if I get a called out post???” People used to send the president letters full of bioweapons. In the mail! Today’s generation? Not a chance. All because of woke.

No I will not be giving you the chip, Mr. House.

This took 27 minutes

do you own a musket for home defense?

I know what you're trying to do. Nice try, redcoat.

req'd by @cows-wearing-sweaters

sigh.

you and me both pal

text: I want to live ina world where heads don't ache and tummies don't hurt

just a dude I drew really quickly for a rp so his design isn't very original lol. if you know me he looks pretty similar to other characters I made but oh well

black widow perk

*spits up blood & looks up, smirking* heh, torture me all you like but ill never tell you the answer to the sphinxs riddle, because im stupid as fuck, & dont know it

were under assault by ratmen molemen dogmen birdmen wolfmen beetlemen and scorpionmen

I got my tetanus shot we can play polearms again

My Fallout OC Lodi

they need to make a separate search function for when you do not wanna fuck the character youre looking up

surely no one in academia cares at this point

You must understand that historians are not allowed to cum unless they're calling someone a crackpot fraud.

my dumb little enclave deserter and @bastard-in-armor s dumb little legion deserter

sketches… Jedi and Sith like the different parts of the same religion. Both of them are talking about Force all day…