Jason Would Def Do This Just To Be Petty

Jason would def do this just to be petty

jason comes back to gotham as red hood and the batfam have no idea who he is or that he has anything to do with the league of assasins until during a wayne gala theres a hostage situation and before bruce or anyone can figure out a way to go suit up a crime lord appears and saves everybody only to have a publically friendly catch up session with.... damian wayne.

damian covers to the press afterwards that its because of red hoods 'i dont hurt kids' rule and that he'd met the guy a few times in crime alley before he was dumped on bruce's doorstep. gotham's citizens are slightly concerned but honestly? the scary stabby child that's been glaring at them from the corners of parties since he got here with absolutely no backstory or history in gotham turning out to have a past with crime alleys most infamous protector/crime boss? it's a little comforting.

it's less comforting to the bats.

damian, getting out the car after the gala: I don't know what hood was thinking, making me his public ally. he's lucky the simpletons of this city bought that, don't you agree father?

damian: *turns to see the rest of the family staring at him with hard eyes*

damian:

damian: ...what did i do?

everybody's less than pleased that damian withheld the info that red hood is trained and from the LOA, but damian simply maintains that they never asked. when further questioned about why his relationship with hood was so familial and about what his identity is... they get

damian: hood was perhaps my favourite tutor back home, the only one i didn't kill. he taught me many things, from how to poison somebody to famous quotes and sayings from classic literature.

bruce: what. is. his. name.

damian: you know what one of those sayings was? 'snitches get stitches'

dick: *slams his face into the wall*

tim: well you did want him to be more childlike.

they eventually have to move past it because damian won't budge, unfortunately jason is finding this whole scenario fucking hysterical because holy shit he'd thought about coming back and pissing off his family through their secret personas but he hadn't even considered the beauty of coming back and pissing them off through their public personas.

and from then on the entire batfamily has to deal with pretending to be nervous or wary every time the red hood comes and crashes their very real wayne public events. it's fucking incredible. jason can't believe that he was gonna try and beat the shit out of tim to freak out bruce when all he had to do was grab a glass of champagne, walk up to the dude, and ask politely how stocks at WE are doing. 'brucie wayne' has no fucking clue what to do, and jason just poured the champagne against his helmet and let it all fall to the ground and everybody's too scared to say anything.

nobody else bats an eye when red hood becomes an occasional presence at these fancy events, apart from the people who know for a fact they could be on his shitlist. mostly because this is gotham, but also because they know he's a crime lord so like... riches and business running wise he kinda fits the bill for these things anyway? and if the stoic kid of brucie wayne eases up around him then the whole 'i dont hurt kids' thing must ring true so it's not like he'll cause too much trouble. also the guards are too scared to tell him he's not allowed in, so there's that.

the bats hate everything about this. they don't even know what red hoods game is, they have no idea why they're being tortured and they're getting paranoid about it. damian's absolutely no help because he's just happy to 1. get to see his brother on a regular basis again, and 2. get to see his brother find a less self-destructive outlet for the pit rage he's watched jason struggle with for years.

it's also just really fun to watch tim accidentally fall asleep against a wall mid-gala, wake up to red hood's helmet 2 inches from his face, and then almost break his own hand trying to punch it because he forgot that he wasn't in-mask and had to hold back last second.

dick is mostly just indignant because every time red hood shows up and hangs around near damian, damian immediately becomes a picture perfect public persona, interacting with the elites of gotham with the same expertise of tim or bruce. he's so mad that a crime lord can wrangle HIS little brother in public but he can't, that he completely disregards the whole crime lord thing and starts bugging red hood both in and out of mask about how to be a better older brother to damian. at one point he corners red hood on a rooftop mid patrol.

nightwing: ok, seriously, when I asked damian not to be rude to the new investors he told a woman her coat looked like it would hold up in a fight against two-face, but when YOU ask he becomes a model citizen, what is UP with that?

red hood, being an asshole: *gasp* y-you're.... YOU'RE RICHARD GRAYSON?

nightwing:

nightwing: ....oh my god you didn't know?

red hood: no i fucking knew you're just an idiot. and damian listens to me because I'm the only tutor he could never kill and he knows i'll beat his ass with my magic swords.

nightwing:

red hood: and also im the only one at the league who played Just Dance with him so i get special privileges, like telling him what to do.

dick asks damian to play Just Dance with him that night and damian just looks at him all forlorn, like 'it wouldn't be the same without the exhilarating thrill of knowing if anybody catches us hood will be stabbed and thrown in the lazarus pit again as punishment for corrupting me... it was really an unfair punishment considering he replaced grandfather's bed with a plastic pool covered by a sheet once, and the only punishment he got for that was being banned from the family dinners for two weeks'

dick stares at him. damian just adds 'he used to sit outside the window like a dog. watching and occasionally yelling about the injustice. mother gave him a plate of roast potatoes through the window once. grandfather disapproved.'

nobody knows quite what to do about red hood becoming a gotham elite, but they are becoming more concerned about damian's family's dynamic every goddamn day.

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Super yappers 💫

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Bruce once said, half-jokingly, that anyone who wanted to marry any of his kids had to beat hik in single combat first. Unfortunately, joking on the Bat looks dead serious to everyone not in his circle, so now Wally is busy learning Muay Thai, Roy is brushing up on Krav Maga, and Conner has resigned himself to living in sin. Steph just figures she'd ask Cass to fight her battles for her.

Conner: I’m sorry. I love you, but we can never marry.

Tim, thinking about who he might need to politely go ask Jason to take care of:

Conner, entirely serious: I’m never going to be able to beat your dad.

Tim, hearing “beat UP” because he was thinking about Jason punching Luthor:

Tim: I feel like further explanation might be necessary here.

Wally: Okay. I think I’m ready to fight Batman.

Dick, only half paying attention: *nods* I understand completely. I have the same urge all the time.

Jason: What do you MEAN you can’t marry me because Batman will beat you?

Roy: But Bruce said-

Jason: I don’t care what Bruce said. Actually, no. I do care. How DARE he-

*cut to Jason fighting Batman*

Roy: So does this count, or…

Bruce, at six am in a bathrobe and slippers: Steph, what are you doing here?

Steph: Outsourcing.

Cass: *comes flying at Batman from two stories above*

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dragonboygobrrrrr

4 months ago

Did we all collectively agree that Tim chooses to have a public feud with Red Robin as a way to cover his identity?

___

Reporter, pushing a microphone on RR: What are your thoughts on Tim Wayne's recent kidnapping?

Red Robin, deadpan: He's an asshole cosplaying a feral racoon and whiny bitch.

-Later that day-

Tim, watching the news: Well fuck you too *flips off the TV*

Batfam: *concerned*

___

Bernard, who's publicly in a relationship with Timothy Drake-Wayne, was caught kissing RR on a rooftop. Kon-El, who the world thinks definitely has a thing with RR, was seen carrying Tim back to a penthouse at night.

This leads Gotham city to believe that Tim and RR stole eachother's boyfriend. Thus fuelling another war between RR and Tim on twitter.

It didn't help when a picture of Bernard and Superboy having a date was posted online.

___

Tim: *requested and funded a Red Robin joint to be built in Gotham city *

A video of RR staring at the building offended and distained from across the street went viral.

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dragonboygobrrrrr

3 months ago

Dick, to the Titans: OK this is my little brother, everyone has to be so nice to him!

Jason, 6'4, built like a double fridge and holding a gun: Hey.

The Titans:

Years later.

Dick, to the Titans again: OK this is my even littler brother, everyone be super super nice to him!

Duke, 6'2, built like a linebacker and lit up like a glo stick: Yo.

The Titans:

Years after that.

Dick, again, to the Titans: OK this is my littlest baby brother, everyone has to be so sweet to him! He's a baby!

Damian, 18 and 6'0, made of pure muscle and holding a sword: Greetings.

The Titans: ...where are you finding these brothers.

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4 months ago

No Guys Wait U Dont Understand She Really Doesnt Care About Him At All She Swears

no guys wait u dont understand she really doesnt care about him at all she swears

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dragonboygobrrrrr

1 month ago

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

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dragonboygobrrrrr

4 months ago

Dick in Gotham handling a hostage situation at a local university. Some villain crashed a party in the student apartments and has the whole building locked down. Dick is in there with Damian, and they finally make it to the floor where the bad guy is and they’re having this big tense stand off before the final fight…

and then one of the college students who this guy had huddled in the corner grabs a chair and just fucking clocks this guy. He hits him over the head so hard that the chair breaks and the guy COLLAPSES. Dick is like . Oh??

And then the student turns around (with a truly unhinged glint in his eye) and Dick recognizes him and realizes OH . Oh this is Tim’s boyfriend. That’s the crazy guy who recruited us to go beat up cultists with him. Yeah we didn’t even need to come he had that handled actually

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dragonboygobrrrrr

4 months ago

allow me to hit Tim with the Slavic beam for a second. and torture Jason Todd in the same breath

so in the magical land of Czech Republic we have a dessert. it is a hard slab of egg and vanilla, typically served with whipped cream, sometimes fruit and coco powder. its name? coffins.

so imagine for me Jason pisses Tim off somehow for the twelve hundredth time or whatever and Tim is like Hm. I could be passive aggressive or physically attack him or start a prank war like a normal person bat. But I have been spending unheterosexual amounts of time with my friend Conner "Midwestern farm boy" Kent and it has moved some ancient brick of my DNA into place.

he shows up at Jason's door with a plate of these and then happily skips away.

cue Jason being strangely pleased when the tox screen turns up clean and it actually doesn't taste bad. until he looks up the name

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dragonboygobrrrrr

4 months ago

@thefcguy I'm call bringing the pizza, I had no idea who else to tag so eh

Moot Sleepover Starting Now

@a-fucking-tornado

@silentlydying

@fairyb0ii

@tori-spring12

@survivingmyownlife

@spir4nts-lun4r

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dragonboygobrrrrr

5 months ago

Nyssa: The sister that makes Talia seem sane

Nyssa (an hour into her ranting): Cats and dogs will live together, babies will cry, towers will fall!

Talia: Nyssa.

Nyssa: The humans will consume each other, and the world bleeds—

Talia (sighing, annoyed): Nyssa.

Nyssa: Yes, it bleeds off the edge of this flat earth—

Talia: NYSSA!

Nyssa (irritated): Whaaat?

Talia: I’m not letting you babysit Damian, and not a damn thing you say will cause the apocalypse if I don’t!

Bruce (defending Talia): And the world isn’t flat. I can’t believe I’m on Talia’s side right now.

Talia: I’m surprised, too. Nyssa, stop talking about nonsense theories and leave!

Nyssa: Fools! Only fools believe the world is round. It’s flat! Hidden by a dome force field!

Talia (pointing to the door): Get out.

Nyssa (continuing): The snow giants keep it guarded!

Talia: Get your ass out before you poison my child's mind!

Talia grabbed her ranting sister by the hair and dragged her out of the room.

Nyssa (whining): Hemar, you never let me talk!

As the bickering sisters left, Bruce turned to Ra's, who silently sipped tea while observing the entire exchange. Damian sat nearby, busy coloring a picture he had just drawn, paying his crazy aunt no mind.

Bruce: Huh, Talia is—

Ra's: The saner of the two, yes. I cannot fathom where Nyssa got that level of insanity from.

Ra's suddenly broke into a wheezing fit that lasted ten seconds, a lingering side effect of the Lazarus Pit. Bruce instinctively pulled his son closer, ensuring he was protected.

Bruce (sarcastically): It’s a mystery, I’ll tell you that much.

*hemar is arabic for donkey*

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