Latest Posts by pearletta - Page 4

Seeing multiple men on tiktok (because of course) praising Cassian for being “such a good guy” and saying “Nesta doesn’t deserve him” is scary. But unfortunately not surprising in the the least bit.

How can you read about Cassian

locking Nesta in a house house she can’t escape without his help

laughing at Nesta physically harming herself

telling Nesta everybody hates her

Throwing a temper tantrum and yelling at Nesta in public when Nesta doesn’t want to accept the mating bond

Taking advantage of Nesta and using her for sex when he knows she is in a bad mental state and using sex as a coping mechanism

Not to mention Cassian locking her in a house making him her only option for sex which he knows that’s her only coping mechanism now that he’s taken alcohol away from her.

And not come to the conclusion that he is an abusive piece of shit. Like I said it’s scary men see Cassian as “good person”

look i dislike the corporate artyle book cover trend as much as the next person but we cant pretend every book looking the same is something new. if you stepped into a bookstore in 2013 there would be approximately 57 books whose cover art consisted of a girl in a ballgown with her back half-turned to the camera photoshopped into a vaguely fantasy-like landscape. i was 11 years old fighting for my life to find the right maximalistic girl and her single-adjective book title we cannot forget the horrors i went through please be respectful of my experiences

Some more blonde-haired Tem edits! I can't tell y'all how badly I want to see him as live-action Clone Wars Rex 😭

Also, sorry if they're kind of pixelated. Didn't anticipate sharing them, was originally just going to merge them to create more Rex!

happy lesbian week!!

just a girl in her room trying to forgive herself

“And I don’t think anybody should feel bad if they get diagnosed with a mental illness, ’cause it’s just information about you that helps you to know how to take better care of yourself.

“Being bipolar, there’s nothing wrong with it. Being bipolar is like not knowing how to swim. It might be embarrassing to tell people, and it might be hard to take you certain places. But they have arm floaties. And if you just take your arm floaties, you can go wherever the hell you want.

“And I know some of you are like, ‘But Taylor, what if people judge me for taking arm floaties?’ Well, those people don’t care if you live or die, so maybe who cares? Maybe fuck those people a little. I don’t know.”

Taylor Tomlinson, Look At You (2022)

ERIS! ERIS! ERIS!!! AHHHH PLEASE there aren’t enough Eris fics out there 🥺🥺😭😭

okay, okay this was totally enough to convince me to do it! the vibe is (not quite) enemies to lovers, hades/persephone, predator-prey type-a-deal.

stick with me on this one guys!

Like I see it starting when Eris is our New High Lord of Autumn and he's still jaded from his childhood and the things his dad made him do. he's got a complicated relationship with his brothers but he's trying so hard to be good. he's broody and angsty and doesn't really open up to anyone cause they all still think he's this unfeeling killer when really its not the case at all.

like sure yeah he's angry and dealing with a lot of trauma and he's not a good communicator but we can fix him right? Because deep down he's sweet and he loves fiercely and just wants to build a better world for his people and to build a family and run round in fields with his dogs. we get protective eris and he gets to be vulnerable around reader once he starts to fall for her and then when the mating bond snaps into place??? he's feral sexy and dark but soft for her!!!

made a quick moodboard to show the vibes but any title suggestions would be much appreciated.

Inspired by @ae-neon, the Queen of Collages, this is how I see the Spring Court.

From L to R, Top to Bottom:

Cucculelli Shaheen Collection 15-'Les Radiants'

Rahul Mishra Spring 2023

Elie Saab Spring 2022

Dior Fall 2021

Rodarte 2023

Rodarte Fall 2016

Georges Chakra Spring 2017

Elie Saab Spring 2006

Elie Saab Spring 2023

Seriously though, why make Lucien Elain's Mate at all if she's going to reject it?

One argument I've seen is that he needed a reason to go to the NC so he would be in position to hear of Elain's vision and go after Vassa.

Again, that warning look from Tamlin. But Lucien ignored him.

His body was taut, near-trembling. “What happened between you?” “It’s not worth repeating.”. / “No,” he said hoarsely. “No. When Calanmai came along, he refused. He flat-out refused to participate. I replaced him in the Rite, but …” “You took Ianthe into that cave on Calanmai?” He wouldn’t meet my gaze. “She insisted. Tamlin was … Things were bad, Feyre. I went in his stead, and I did my duty to the court. I went of my own free will. And we completed the Rite.” He might have completed the Great Rite with Ianthe of his own free will, but he certainly hadn’t enjoyed it. Some line had been blurred—badly.

Tamlin and Lucien, it seemed, had spoken before the meal, but the latter made a point to keep a healthy distance from me. To not look at or speak to me, as if still needing to convince Tamlin of our innocence.

Tamlin merely fixed Lucien with a look, any trace of that guilt gone. His claws slid free, embedding in the scar-flecked wood of his chair’s arm.

“They are our allies,” he growled at me, at Lucien, both of us seated in armchairs flanking the mantel. He threw a glare in Lucien’s direction. “I expected better from you.”

Tamlin stopped short. And snarled at Lucien, “Get out. I’ll deal with you later.”

Tamlin didn’t take his eyes off me as he said to Lucien, “Get. Out.” There was enough violence in the words that neither Lucien nor I objected this time as he slipped from the room and shut the double doors behind him.

I heard Lucien first. “Back off.” A low female laugh. “I was obligated to perform the Rite,” Lucien snapped. “That night wasn’t the product of desire, believe me.”

“Do not touch me,” he growled.

Where Lucien stood, back against a tree—twin bands of blue stone shackled around his wrists. She slid a hand over the broad panes of his chest, his stomach. And Lucien’s eyes shot to me as I stepped between the trees, fear and humiliation reddening his golden skin. Lucien’s shirt was askew, the top button on his pants already undone.

I was running out of borrowed time. I could winnow, but then I’d abandon Lucien to them if he somehow couldn’t manage to himself with the faebane in his system from the food at the camp— Leave him. I should and could leave him. But to a fate perhaps worse than death—

“You’re going back. To the Night Court.”I shouldered my heavy pack and finally looked at him. “Yes.” His tan face had paled. But he surveyed Ianthe, the two dead royals. “I’m going with you.” “No,” was all I said, heading for the trees. “You won’t make it without magic,” he warned me.

Look at the above and tell me that's not plenty to support Lucien leaving Spring? I left out anything to do with Elain yet we still have abuse from Tamlin, SA from Ianthe, the desire to go with Feyre who he feels won't make it through the Courts without her magic.

He had PLENTY of reasons to leave and join her in the NC. Which would have placed him in proximity of Elain to hear her vision and at that point, volunteer to go after Vassa.

So again, why would SJM make Elain and Lucien Mates if she's going to reject the bond? It serves no purpose to the story and only hurts two main characters (because having a bond with someone and losing a bond with someone evoke major feelings, not to mention the loss for the Male can be extreme).

Lucien who lost nearly all support from his family.

Lucien who's best friend abused him.

Lucien who was a victim of Ianthe’s.

Lucien who was forced to watch a female he truly loved, murdered.

Lucien who was chased out of his home.

Lucien who was disabled by Amarantha.

Lucien who was beaten because of Amarantha.

Azriel’s 11 years of suffering at the hands of his father and brothers was awful but I honestly I don't think any character has suffered as much loss and is still experiencing loss to the extent Lucien has / is. What exactly makes Azriel deserving of Lucien's Mate at the expense of Lucien's happiness?

Why would SJM take away Lucien's one chance at a a sacred bond, forcing him to forever feel the echos of that loss? She could have made anyone else, anyone at all, Elain's Mate if she wanted her to reject it.

I love Elain but she is not better or more deserving of happiness than Lucien, being the one to essentially break his heart when he has shown nothing but respect towards the gift they were granted.

his own status as a mated male made him uninterested in any sort of female company these days.

“I’m a mated male now.”

Lucien breathed, “Where is he keeping her?”. I shook my head. “I don’t know. Rhysand has a hundred places where they could be, but I doubt he’d use any of them to hide Elain, knowing that I’m aware of them.” “Tell me anyway. List all of them.” “You’ll die the moment you set foot in his territory.” “I survived well enough when I found you.” “You couldn’t see that he had me in thrall. You let him take me back.” “I need to find her.”

“I’m getting my mate back.”

She was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen.

Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing.

I'm not saying either Lucien or Elain have been ready to truly get to know one another but I find it nearly impossible to believe they won't be someday soon and when they do, I find it impossible to believe that Lucien will be left heartbroken or forced to live a life without his Mate.

Nesta's untapped mean, sarcastic and bisexual older sibling vibe was what drew so many of us to her character and then Acosf had to wipe it all away until she became another Feyre and no, i will never stop grieving

I love this, I love you, I'm going to die mad about Nesta's entire plot being about apologizing for who she was and fucking babies.

Like yes- you are SO RIGHT. Nesta's appeal is outside those pastel lines. She's angry. She's smart. She's self aware and miserable and relatable- and yes, incandescently bisexual, thank you, yes this is in everything I write even though I consistently pair her with men.

BUT ALSO

Can we speak for a second about the fact that Nesta is literally. Supposed. to be Feyre's foil?

Two sides of a coin! Sister's who look alike, who manage to live the same experience in totally different ways, who would never make THE SAME CHOICES. The whole fucking point of their conflict is a fundamental breakdown of understanding- they start in the same place- love, because the sister's love the fuck out of each other even at their worst- and then move in opposite directions.

Their terrible, neglectful, shitty parents? Feyre enshrines them. Nesta hates them as much as she loves them. Elain? Feyre writes her off. I refuse to believe Nesta, who is her best friend?, does the same. Stupid, aggressive faery flirting? Feyre learns to play the game. Nesta's game ends in murder, given the opportunity.

The idea that there is only one happy ending: mate, marriage, babies. Is just....wild? insane? reductive?

It never surprised me that Feyre defined herself by Rhysand because Feyre...is, frankly, too young to know what to define herself by. She sticks to the same exact pattern of falling into the shadow of a shitty relationship. She doesn't have chance- he's her mate. he's her husband. he's her overlord. she works for him. she works with him. He dresses her. He plans for her. He makes her a place by his side. A promise binds her to stay- Feyre's journey is, essentially, a circle.

Nesta survived abuse exactly the same, from childhood, from a man- but the entire point of her fury, of her stubborn to the point of self-destructive attitude, is that she learned from it- she's grieving, she's angry, she's never going to allow herself to be hurt again in anyway except for pain she chooses.

That women folding in on herself?

Apologizing for herself, that it's her at all? Altering her literal body? Falling in line? Giving up what small piece of human life she had left? Bowing and begging and crying and taking any shred of affection, even laced as it is in LITERAL physical punishment??

That's not a happy ending, that's a breakdown.

“Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.”

— Vincent Van Gogh

I'm the type of person to destroy myself with knowledge.. needing to know exactly how something happened, even if its gruesome. So when nesta looked into the dead eyes of the king I felt that

Rachel Weisz in Constantine (2005) dir. Francis Lawrence

I dunno I mean I knew a lot of Americans were against it but I assumed they were all elitist right wing weirdos.

What's the mainstream left wing position then if it's not socialism?

female rage in literature is very personal to me

“can’t you just enjoy things?” i enjoy critically engaging with media I love… it’s not the same as being hater. but I also enjoy being a hater so fuck you

toxic dysfunctional complex sibling relationships will always always be IT it'll always sweep it'll always top romance you can't undo a blood bond it'll always exist you can't unmake it it lives it lives you both breathe it and it lives even long after one or both parties are dead

this is why stories with compelling sibling arcs will always fuck you up irreversibly and in very specific way. it's like, you are my mirror you are my opposite you are my foil you are my blood i see myself through you i recognize myself because you exist and no one can ever destroy me quite the way you can.

Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)

Throne of Glass Rant - chapter 34 is actually so vile

This might be early since I haven't finished the book yet but

SJM is a misogynistic mastermind, like to the point that her work should be studied to understand it

This last chapter so perfectly encapsulated the hierarchy of misogyny and white supremacy

500 black freedom fighters are murdered by the oppressive colonial regime

The black Princess of that kingdom comes to her white friend, the FMC, crying and seeking comfort

This is summed up in two paragraphs, saying the Princess cried then went back to being a Strong Black Woman™ "tears dried and shoulders squared once more."

The narrative then shifts completely to the white FMC but instead of sitting with what has happened and resolving to kill the head of the regime.

The focus is on the fact that she's having her period and it's particularly painful. Already her personal pain eclipses the horror of the systemic oppression of black people and the grief of her friend.

The Male Lead #2 comes along and tries to talk about his own disillusionment with his country after the horrific event but FMC vomits to shift the audience's attention once again. It's played off a little humourous, what a dopey guy - he realises she's on her period, blushes and leaves.

Enter Male Lead #1 : first, he must flirt correctly by ignoring her discomfort and downplaying her pain, staying when she asks him to leave.

Then when she has snapped and become the bad guy for reacting to him, her guilt eases the way for her to ignore her pain to accommodate him.

She is on the back foot but he saves her by reaching out a hand to put them on a more equal and intimate ground - "don't call me by my title, call me by my name"

(The narrative will ignore that he is in her bedroom while she's on her period and therefore it has been quite the intimate setting all along because that's not sexy, it's just an invasion of personal space)

Now that they've slipped into this intimacy he reaches for the go to "you probably hate me🥺" knowing damn well she has every right to not like him. In this case his father invaded and conquered her country only 10 years ago, she was enslaved in a mine only 3 months ago and now she's forced to fight to earn her own freedom

Still though, the guilt of her earlier outburst and his sudden vulnerability will soften her

He carries on about how he's ashamed of his father and afraid to act out against him.

"I have no choice 😔" says the prince to the prisoner

And she eats it up - look how soft and lonely he is in this palace, thinks the girl with whip scars on her back, guards outside her door and no family left living. She forgets her cramps and suddenly it's her heart not her vagina that's bleeding

a white man's emotional pain >

a white woman's physical pain >

the murder and grief of black people >

The perfect hierarchy of misogyny + racism

FUCK THIS FUCKING CHAPTER AND FUCK SJM FOR REAL

the weather is getting hot here so fair warning that i’m entering my insufferable hater season ✌️ peace and love tho

Unfortunately, the truth is that you’ll probably always feel less loved or seen than you actually are. There are many people out there who decide against admitting their love for you or even uttering a compliment out loud, you only know about a fraction of the adoration that exists for you: there’s what you’ve been told about and there’s what you feel. But there’s also what you don’t even notice. Try to remember that however you’re feeling (lonely or invisible or unwanted) is valid and real, but it isn’t all. The world would be incredibly tiny if what you’re feeling was truly all there was.

twitter changing their logo to doge really solidified how much of a garbage fire of a website it has become.

why am i just learning that today is national asexuality day !!!! happy day to all my aspec mutuals!!!!

The legacies people leave behind in you.

My handwriting is the same style as the teacher’s who I had when I was nine. I’m now twenty one and he’s been dead eight years but my i’s still curve the same way as his.

I watched the last season of a TV show recently but I started it with my friend in high school. We haven’t spoken in four years.

I make lentil soup through the recipe my gran gave me.

I curl my hair the way my best friend showed me.

I learned to love books because my father loved them first.

How terrifying, how excruciatingly painful to acknowledge this. That I am a jigsaw puzzle of everyone I have briefly known and loved. I carry them on with me even if I don’t know it. How beautiful.

~Edit~

Yikes guys I didn’t expect this post to blow up.

I’m grateful it did though. Looking at all the comments and tags really takes a stab at my heart because it just shows how wired we are for connection. If life has any meaning, then it’s that.

This concept really sunk its teeth into me as it reassures the notion that no one is ever truly gone. Parts of them just change into you.

That teacher I talked about inspired me to become a teacher myself. This was my first year teaching. Here’s to a new generation of curved i’s.

Here's the thing I keep trying to articulate and possibly failing: I don't actually mind characters who are terrible people. I have enjoyed many. What I mind is characters who are terrible people while the narrative keeps trying to say that they are wonderful, often contradicting what the narrative shows us, with no self awareness

Unhinged Kaz Brekker is my religion!

God I'm a sucker for characters who are so utterly loyal to someone that they're completely unhinged. Characters who have no moral compass except their overwhelming devotion to whoever they've chosen to listen to. That's the good shit