58 posts
Latest Posts by thisstuffthisstuff - Page 2
Words hold no truth, bear no meaning.
A flick of the tongue and a feeling. Combined with a gust of air. A string of linear conscious thought and an inquisitive stare. A thought now gave flesh by word. though its new definition pales when compared.
learn from your mistakes.
Im getting old. The more you pay attention to time the more it matters to you. Hindsight is 20/20. maybe it wouldnt have been hind if Id have had my head on right. Though the past it cant be helped like our hearts had surely hoped. the future is a mystery fumbling in the dark with eyes closed. Grasping for the handles on the doors left wide open. Not in hurried disarray but with excitement and discovery. may fear be what I leave behind. Nothing in my pockets and nothing in my way.
error 404
Theres a part of us thats no longer here,
and one that never was.
but when you feel it,
it makes you ache.
for better or for worse.
Fades each day,
yet never goes away.
The ability to forget...
has been forgotten.
Vulturesby offermoord
broken windows of missed opportunity timelessly hung in a frame of regret.
I cant stand seeing the old, young, weak, loved, sad, strong, ill, infected, handicapped, unwanted, un noticed, lonely, crushed, disfigured, the religious, meaningless, free, the willing or unwilling captive. the too thin, too thick, too rich too poor, too pretty, too ugly, the just right, the in between, the conscious, the dormant, the used and the users. goldy locks and all the bears. the pigs their wolf, the lines, loops and circles. and then I look in the mirror. I wonder where the hell do I belong? between the lines, out of the details, behind the scenes. the dark side of the moon. somewhere in limbo. just waiting for a green light. waiting for my time. but somethings wrong. I must not have heard the whistle. Was I ready? I was set. and there it goes. Turned around to find lights out, curtain drawn and doors closed.
the eeg shell.
Ill grit my teeth and bare your pain.
but you wont remember me.
all I was, this life, my tragedy.
a delicate balance, definition of fragility.
though planted feet I loose stability.
its hard to breath drowned in humility.
all the words I took for granted.
Even while trying I cant imagine.
I just want to say Im sorry.
weak but still standing.
all the words that flow through me, never ending verbal sea. none of which amount to anything... not near what I think they mean. All these thoughts Above me circling. pondering if, and what if there was... some meaning? What could it be. What will this bring? wounds in mending. shaping me. Tear it down, now build it up. break my heart but you cant break me. no matter how close you think I seem.
enough heart ache for two.
I feel like this life is so fleeting.
and I worry I wont find a meaning.
before it ends.
The time just keeps slipping by.
Im aging... before my eyes.
I sit and talk with those whom I call friends.
but it never ends, they dont know me.
I dont have one.
but Im waiting.
my friend.
for the day you love me again...
I know it wont come but Ill hold my breath.
Ive been practicing. Ive gotten good at it.
its all just a game that they're playing.
I just wait my turn. keep on waiting.
untill it ends. and its over.
no... second player.
waiting till it ends.
and then maybe...
Ill see you again.
reality loop error
connecting all the dots now.
a circle has no end.
i make this lone circuit.
do you understand?
i look back with sorrow.
the things that should have been..
i walk forth so blindly.
my eyes are wide open.
the past will always be here..
i will never change.
the future holds yet nothing.
nothing stays the same.
memory now failing.
the time has come you see.
everything a reflection.
never skipping beat.
no way to start over.
mistakes ill soon repeat.
reality is fading.
become dark fantasy.
im the virus in this program.
Error in the registry.
who is in control here?
monkey or machine?
a clean escape.
The water is drawn and Im all alone.
I look at myself as I take off my clothes.
I look pretty decent.
Its the real me that nobody knows.
I know the secrets that nobody can.
nearly flawless canvas on a broken man.
Im thinking of you as Im lowering in.
Warm relaxing water just under my chin.
the last time you made me smile.
The last time you made me laugh.
This is the last time Ill take a bath.
The sleep is coming. Im going to drown.
Im dreaming of you on the way down.
Hopeless devotion.
you were so good.
never better.
every word.
every letter.
meticulous.
flawless.
right down to... the way you dress.
Everything... in its place.
that soft look... on your face.
those promises... that we made.
you said they meant... everything.
all your hopes... and all your dreams.
never suspected... anything.
you were so warm.
I melt for you.
Ill do anything.
Just ask me to.
Someplace unfamiliar
with every step.
I move further from this earth.
This being ive become.
clouds once looming over head,
now just a haze someplace below.
That place.
One I never knew and will never know.
Could never know.
With every wish Ive held my breath.
let down.
Im running out, t
urning blue as that very color fades from it.
Those calming words you spoke to me.
That calming voice,
bringing sanity.
as there once was…
again nothing will be.
Prolonging pain.
Inducing change.
a short glimpse at clarity.
The night provides the day.
fire, the beauty of the flame.
And the ashes,
the perfect place,
a clean slate.
END
breathe that breath. Breath it for me. hold it in. let it out. the one I always wanted to take, but never could find it. One that would never come again. leaving a void in my chest. the exhaling sigh of relief. The stillness. The numbness. The crushing inner peace that comes with it. Realization. and with it the knowing that its all over. That it happened. And that itll never happen again. the meaning of what it was all worth. The feeling of all the worlds weight baring down on your chest. That moment of inner peace, now to only be remembered. and to be remembered as fleeting. to long for. To make you wish the chaos had never ended and your desire for that breath never realized. The reminder that life is short. For some suffrage is life. to suffer is to be holy. The only way one can feel the true joy of having, and the loss of losing. and in the end. Its all I have and have ever had. The end was written before the beginning. Realized too late. As I live breathing. There will be no salvation. Just a yearning for what was lost, or never was at all.
My Hands, Your Lips, Our Eyes.
My hands, you use to say they were perfect.
That I had perfect hands.
I wonder if you even noticed them before you left.
I see my hands everyday, but I never really look at them.
At least I havnt in years. But… Im looking at them now.
Time is showing, the texture is changing.
Fine lines cover my knuckles.
There seems to be more wrinkles where they bend.
They say you can tell someones age by their hands.
I wonder if it’s a fair representation.
I wonder if what my hands where to you, is what your lips are to me.
Soft, pink, plump, warm, delicate, perfect.
I wonder if Id recognize them. If in fact I were to ever see them again.
If we ever see each other again.
Our eyes looked so similar.
Like the same eyes on a different day.
They knew each other so well.
But I wonder if they would recognize each other now? Or later?
Somehow I don’t think so.
A change in shade, hue, fine lines, and wrinkles.
Lines of happiness and pain. Everything in between.
One just as indistinguishable as the other.
I wonder if itd be they cant, or wont want to recognize.
Or maybe theyd wish they had never forgotten.
highway dreams.
top down, Your long brown hair whipping behind you. v8 roaring down the highway. American muscle. no one around. Just you and the night. living day by day, mile by mile. wind in our hair. only stop moving long enough to fuck on the back seat. maybe the hood. cold nights we cling tight. no obligations. no destinations. no love. just life. just passion. Just freedom just the blood in our veins. Places we've never been. Things we''d never see. vacant of anything that might be construed as "our old lives" a free spirit and a broken heart, a filthy world. the smell of exhaust and leather and sex. we'll make our money as we can here or there. thrills around every corner. your next step might be your last. life and death in constant feud. the wild west, land pirates. drifters. So many names thatll never do justice. what are we runing away from? or are we running forward? Running at all? When things get too heavy we'll quiet eachothers mouths with our tounge. always longing but never for too long. we'll push it down. itll creep back up down the road.to suffer is to be holy. to be free is to be lonely. to understand is to expierience. Im sure we'll part just as we came. no warning no hello, no good bye. Theres no end to this story. There must be something to fill that void. theres only one way to find out. come on... lets go for a ride.
Coming and Going
we’re alone. all by our selves in this unfair world no one cares. what we do or where we go so why should we? anger burning it comes and numbing it goes. its nothing new to us. driving down these one way roads no one told us where to go and i think this map we have is too old. all we can do now is hope. all alone. our faces blend into the crowd I guess no one hears us when we speak aloud. so why should we? love burning it comes and numbing it goes its nothing new to us. driving down these one way roads it doesnt matter where we go and I think this plan we had was old. all we do now is hope
Forever and always AKB
I use to watch you as you slept.
I love your lips. soft… pink… warm…
ever so slightly parted, delicate.
id listen to your breath. every breath.
you were so peacfull.
and the soft contours of your body.
dim morning light through the window.
shades of blue and grey.
chest rising just to fall so smoothly down.
your naked body half coverd by sheets.
sheets that couldnt cover you if they wanted to.
my hands on your throught, you liked that.
That look in your eyes. you knew Id never hurt you.
youd inhale with a gasp a pleasure when I got it right.
Everything was always right. everything… right?
Now I know it will be. I know youll never leave.
a gentle thrust, a warm wet gush.
your life no more than a crimson river.
Down your chest, onto the floor.
everything you ever were is mine.
your lips part. and that look in your eyes.
pure. nothing. hopeless. love and everything.
the same as on the side of the road that drunken night.
cold steel, tender flesh. surrender to nothingness.
Youll always be my first and last.
My one and only. your love was mine.
and my life was yours.
Ill hold you in my arms. love you till your gone.
I never lied.
I can still taste you on my lips.
cold and crimson… our last kiss.